Blurring Reality
by psychotic-cat17
Summary: The lines between fantasy and reality get blurry as Alex tries to ignore her feelings for Olivia while unable to stop dreaming about her. Olivia is determined to get the opportunity to make her fantasies a reality.
1. Reflections

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**Rating/Warning:** This fic is rated MA+ for adult situations (that means sex) involving two women. If you don't like it then don't read it.

**A/N:** This chapter is all smut, but there is an actual plot (I think) to this entire story, so just hang in there if you want substance. I really hope you like it. Enjoy!

**Thank You:** And, of course, I must say thank you to milk3002 giving this a read-through to make it a little more reader friendly before I posted.

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><p><strong>Blurring Reality<strong>

**Chapter 1 – Reflections**

_Alex stood in a darkened room and vaguely wondered how it was she'd come to be there. She had a sense of familiarity about the room, so she wasn't overly concerned by her lack of insight into why she was there; it was almost as if she'd been here before and was excited about being back._

_Normally her mind would be racing to try to figure out what she was doing in this strange place, but right now it was oddly calm. Alex actually felt a flutter of anticipation in the pit of her stomach instead of any sort of fear of the unknown that might be hidden in the surrounding darkness._

_She was standing in a pool of muted light that seemed brighter than it actually was by virtue of being the only illumination in the room, though she couldn't tell where the light source originated from. Her eyesight couldn't pierce the pitch blackness that began at the edge of her safe circle. However, it wasn't any feeling of fear of the darkness that kept her within the ring of light, but the absolute certainty that she was exactly where she was supposed to be and she would soon be found by whoever was meant to find her._

_Alex was very aware of her deep, even breathing as she stood in a relaxed pose with her arms hanging loosely at her sides. She allowed her gaze to travel unhurriedly around the visible space without moving anything but her clear, observant eyes, knowing instinctively that the view behind her differed little from the one in front._

_In the back of her mind, Alex knew it was odd behavior for her to not only be doing nothing, but also for her mind to be surprisingly quiet and peaceful. The least active she ever was was when she sat in court and had to show respect to the judge, jury, and institution that she had sworn to uphold as a prosecutor. But even when she was there, her mind was always grinding away at finding the weakness in her opponent's case. Alex was certain that even while sleeping her mind worked through more issues than many people's did while they were awake._

_Hearing a soft noise behind her, Alex cocked her head to the side and her eyes shot over to look at her periphery, but she still didn't turn her body or tense up. When she could discern nothing different through the curtain of black beyond her circle of light, Alex faced front once again._

_As she brought her vision back around, she saw that a full length mirror was now positioned in front of her. Although the appearance of the reflective surface was sudden, Alex felt no alarm that she hadn't actually seen it appear. At the moment it was situated so that she couldn't see anything behind her; she could only see her own form reflected back from its depths._

_There was another soft scuff across the smooth wooden floor behind her that distracted Alex from gazing into the mirror. Again she saw nothing when she turned her head to look, but she did feel another pang of excitement twist eagerly in her gut. If she were inclined to think about it, Alex would know without a doubt what was causing those feelings, as very few had ever effected her that way and only one in recent memory._

"_Face front," said the soft yet commanding voice from the darkness. The voice, and to be perfectly honest the command itself, sent pleasant shivers down Alex's spine that then radiated throughout the rest of her body. Not for a split second did Alex think about disobeying, nor did she even _want_ to disobey the direction. The control that Alex held so close and dear to her during her everyday life was quickly and willingly given over to the figure still cloaked by the surrounding darkness._

_Alex swiveled her head back around and was finally surprised, as she could now see her nude body reflected back at her. She almost questioned whether she'd been wearing clothes when she's first found herself in this room, but knew that couldn't have been the case; she would have noticed earlier had she been naked. Alex couldn't help but let out a soft gasp at the sudden exposure but was aware enough of the possible consequences not to try to look for the culprit in the shadows behind her._

_There was little Alex could do but look at herself in the mirror. She dispassionately studied her bare body. She knew that others found her form to be pleasing to look at, but wasn't particularly impressed with it herself. The only times she ever cared how she looked was when she was in court where she prided herself on her professional dress and demeanor, or when she knew she would be seeing a certain detective whom she couldn't seem help but want to impress._

_Alex had grown up in a relatively conservative environment and had been trained from that upbringing to want to avert her gaze from her naked body. She would have done so if she wasn't aware that such an action would cause disappointment in her lover and end whatever fantasy she had envisioned for tonight. The one thing Alex couldn't handle right now was for her lover not to touch her; she yearned for physical contact, ached for it._

_She continued to focus on the image in the mirror, her formerly relaxed posture becoming tenser and more uncomfortable the longer she stood there with no other sound to indicate her lover was close to touching her. It was again anticipation that made her body taut and perhaps the slight fear that her lover had exited the room and left her to wait, maybe forever, in sweet agony. There was no way she could turn to find out because her love would certainly leave her unsatisfied if she tried to rush this slow seduction._

_All the thoughts swirling through Alex's mind weren't helping her patience any and she knew her body was trembling with the effort to suppress her desire. She could only focus on the scattered images of what her lover might have planned for her tonight and it was the myriad of possibilities, the not knowing which exquisite pleasure would be visited upon her tonight, that kept her on the razor edge of insanity._

_The stillness around her was just about to break Alex when she heard the now unmistakable, and incredibly arousing, sound of supple leather sliding against cloth; it was a sound Alex had been conditioned to find exciting because of what it often preceded. Alex heard the heavy sound of the leather jacket hit the floor a second before she saw an arm reach out of the darkness behind her to snake around her waist. _

_She let out a gasp of pleasure at both the sensation and the visual of that powerful, olive-toned forearm crossing her own pale skin. Alex took such pleasure in just watching her lover and she wanted desperately to run her own hand along the strong tendons that flexed as their fingers teased her exposed skin. They made a striking contrast and Alex loved the picture they made when standing next to each other._

_Alex focused on that arm as its hand made lazy circles across her abdomen, concentrating on the skin around her navel, but every once in a while dipping lower to tease the top of the curls shielding Alex's sex. She felt warm breath on the back of her neck but knew that her lover would keep herself hidden behind her own image, so Alex continued to watch the hand playing across her stomach. Alex knew that her lover wanted her to focus only on her own body and not on trying to see who was pleasuring her in the mirror._

_Soon, the other tanned hand made an appearance and gently cupped the aroused attorney's left breast. Alex moaned softly, finally feeling as though everything was right in her world, and rested her head back on the strong shoulder behind her. The move had the added benefit of pushing her breast more firmly into the knowing hand teasing it. She was putty in her lover's hands and it was the only place she would ever feel comfortable enough to cede any amount of control._

_The woman behind Alex pressed closer to the blonde, taking much of Alex's weight against her strong, lithe body. Alex could feel the softness of her lover's cotton T-shirt across her back, relishing the press of full breasts, even through a thin layer of clothing, against her sensitized skin. The jeans that her lover wore were coarse against the soft skin at the backs of her thighs, but Alex was only more acutely aware and aroused by the reminder that she was completely exposed while her lover remained fully clothed._

_Alex's lover burrowed through her hair to nuzzle softly against her neck, causing Alex to sigh contentedly. Her wonderfully gifted girlfriend was the perfect combination of reverent tenderness and exciting aggressiveness, either or she could let dominate their love-play, depending on their collective mood._

"_Look, Alex. Watch me love you," she husked softly against the shell of Alex's ear and the attorney could distinctly hear the barely controlled desire in her voice._

_It felt so good to lean back against the solid body behind her and just feel what she was doing to her, but Alex wanted to share her pleasure, wanted to bring to fruition her lover's carefully constructed scene of seduction. She accepted another light kiss against the pulse point on her neck before picking her head back up to look once again at her reflection._

_Alex was immediately rewarded by a firm pinch to her nipple that jolted her spine rigid with the perfect mix of pain being overlaid and soothed by exquisite pleasure. No one else knew how much the juxtaposition of those two seemingly opposing sensations excited Alex, and no one else ever would._

"_Good girl," she said as she moved her right hand up from playing low on Alex's abdomen to cup the other pale, firm breast._

_Alex whimpered in displeasure when she felt the hand move further away from her aching center. She wanted attention in the worst way and even though she usually liked to be teased, Alex could already feel the wetness coating her upper thighs from the mental images that had assaulted her mind while she'd waited impatiently earlier. It was all she could do not to capture a strong tanned hand in her own more fine-boned one and drag it down to the heat between her legs._

_Her girlfriend's gently soothing shushing was not what kept Alex's hands firmly at her sides, nor was it the fact that she knew she would be rewarded later for her patience. Tonight was as much about her lover's pleasure as it was about her own and Alex wouldn't strive for her own if it meant denying her love's. Alex did not give access to her body to anyone she didn't love and it was that love which always prevented her from seeking pleasure without reciprocating it._

"_Please," Alex implored. "I can't wait."_

_She kept her hands at her sides, but pressed herself more firmly back against her lover. The press of a cold belt buckle against her burning skin made Alex gasp. It wasn't just the sharp temperature difference that startled Alex, but the mental images that flashed instantly to mind of unbuckling that belt and slowly pulling it from around a trim waist._

_Alex's mind completed the fantasy with her on her knees placing delicate, teasing kisses along a finely quivering abdomen while her fingers nimbly but slowly unbuttoned and unzipped the fly of her lover's jeans. And as she parted the folds of the jeans, she would get that first heady scent of her lover's need, the one that made her need to taste and always caused a possessive jolt to run through her as she silently vowed to be the last person to ever have the honor of satisfying her lover's desire._

_Pushing that particular fantasy aside for now, Alex once again focused on the here and now. She loved undressing her girlfriend, although Alex doubted that was in the cards tonight. But while she had been content thus far to let her lover have her way, Alex was hit with the sudden need to return the physical touch._

_For the first time this night, Alex couldn't stop her hands from reaching behind her and touching the woman who was driving her crazy. She just needed the contact and wasn't specifically aiming for any particular part of her love's body, but they both groaned in ecstasy when her hands clasped a toned denim-clad ass and rocked her hips back for a more intimate connection._

_In the mirror a few inches above her left shoulder, Alex could finally see a pair of blazing brown eyes lock with her own eager blue gaze through the reflection. The heat in them, and knowing that it came from arousal instead of anger, caused another flood of moisture between her thighs. They were as hungry for her as she had ever seen them, but Alex was melted by the love shining in those infinite depths that was never overshadowed by the desire._

"_No touching, Lex," she said with arousal roughening her voice as she moved Alex's hands back to her sides, running gentle fingers along the soft skin on the underside of her forearms before once again bringing those hands up to the attorney's breasts. "Tonight is about you."_

_Alex wanted to protest, but the imploring look in those beautiful brown eyes silenced her before she could even begin to formulate the words. She could see the smile that was undoubtedly stretched across her lover's lips make its way up to her eyes when Alex conceded to trying her best to just enjoy what was being done to her without touching back. Her body was clamoring for release and she could never have denied her lover anything she wanted anyways._

_A firm squeeze to her breasts brought Alex's gaze immediately back down to watch the reflection of hands playing across her chest. It was just the result her lover was looking for as the olive-skinned woman released a purr of pleasure and let her right hand begin to trail down Alex's torso._

_In the mirror, Alex saw her abdominal muscles clench as her lover's fingers made their torturously slow journey down her body. Alex whimpered as she boldly widened her stance, making it easier to access her needy flesh and hoping that she wouldn't have to wait too long before it got the attention it so desperately wept for._

_A soft chuckle came from behind her and Alex once again felt warm breath against her ear. "Impatient, love?" she teased the attorney as she let her fingers sift through the trimmed curls at the base of Alex's stomach._

_Alex cried out in frustration when the hand stalled instead of slipping lower, but the cry turned into a groan when a single finger finally dipped into the moisture between her legs. At last getting what she wanted, Alex couldn't stop her head from falling back on the shoulder behind her; the tension of waiting eased for a couple of too short seconds before her body grew taut with building pleasure._

"_No, Alex. Watch," her lover commanded gently as she took away the soothing until Alex heeded her words._

_Immediately, Alex lifted her head and locked her eyes on the juncture between her legs. Almost as quickly, her love's skillful hand went back to lightly cup her there. A gently probing finger tested her wetness and came out slick with moisture._

"_God, Alex, you're so wet," she said on a pained moan as she buried her face in Alex's sweat-slicked neck for a moment. It seemed that the visual and tactile experiences were too much for her to handle at once in that instant._

"_Only for you," Alex gasped as she felt a single finger glide easily over her hard clit. Teasing always got her blood flowing, and if she was honest, just being around her lover was enough to keep her on the sharp edge of near-constant arousal._

"_God, only for you," she said again as she curled her fingers into the denim-clad thighs behind her. She would just have to be forgiven for this transgression because it was either clutch her lover close or dig her nails into her own exposed flesh. Alex needed something to hold on to if she was expected to keep watching as she was pushed so expertly to the brink of insanity._

_Carefully avoiding any further contact with Alex's sensitive bundle of nerves, her lover slid a finger inside her tight sheath; Alex was always so tight and needed to be eased into any kind of penetration. It was as much the desire-filled groans that rumbled in the chest at her back as it was the intimate act she was watching that ratcheted Alex's arousal to an even higher level. She had always thought herself lucky that her lover enjoyed pleasing her as much as she loved receiving attention, although they both liked to give just as much as they liked to receive, so they were both lucky._

_When Alex started canting her hips, her lover slipped another finger inside of her. "Please, baby, please," Alex begged, wanting desperately to come but needing something more before that would happen._

"_Go ahead, baby. Touch yourself. I know you need to," her lover whispered in her ear._

_Alex's eyes shot up to meet darkened brown ones, surprised at the request even while being undeniably turned on by it. Alex considered such an act to be extremely private and had never entertained the possibility of allowing someone else to watch. In this case she wouldn't be the only one touching her body, but there was still something incredibly intimate about having another person watch while you touched yourself._

_It was the trust and love that shone through those open, expressive dark eyes that convinced Alex. It was the knowledge that she could refuse and it wouldn't change anything about their relationship, that her refusal wouldn't be held against her, which bolstered the already incredibly strong bond of trust they shared with each other._

_Alex kept her eyes locked on her love's as she slid her hand over her hip and down to the apex of her thighs. She would have thought it impossible for those brown eyes to darken any more had she not witnessed it herself. And it was the rapt attention focused on her hand that had Alex's own eyes drawn back to the movement between her thighs._

_The two fingers that had stopped their rhythmic thrusting started up once again as Alex skimmed her fingers over her hardened clit, causing her hips to jerk at that first exquisite contact. Letting Alex set the pace, her lover moved her fingers in sync with the light circles on her most sensitive flesh. It wasn't long before Alex relaxed into the comforting body behind her when she no longer had the ability to hold herself up on her own._

_As the circles on her clitoris became faster and jerkier, her lover gave her that final push over the edge by curling her fingers to scrape against the ultra-sensitive flesh inside. Alex couldn't distinguish her own harsh breathing from that of the woman inside her, but at the moment they were one in the same so it didn't matter._

_Needing to be looking into her lover's beautiful eyes when she climaxed, Alex dragged her eyes away from the erotic display reflected in the mirror and looked up into her lover's soul. That final connection was all she needed to push her over the edge. . ._

"Olivia!" Alex cried the name of her dream lover into the dark as she jerked violently awake in her bedroom. . . alone again.


	2. Quarreling

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**A/N:** I think I may have forgotten to mention that this fic is supposed to take place somewhere around the third season. Timeline isn't that important, just that Alex hasn't been the SVU's ADA for that long.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 – Quarreling<strong>

Alex awoke on the verge of imminent orgasm and was clasping her hand over her sex before a single conscious thought entered her mind. She curled into a tight ball and willed her body to relax, willed the lingering remnants of her dream to disappear, and tried desperately not to think about how many times she'd woken up in this same state of dismantlement in the past year. It was difficult enough to control her thoughts when she was awake, but these dreams were going to end up destroying her.

Seemingly endless minutes later, Alex could finally remove her hand, taking little comfort in once again successfully staving off an unconscious orgasm. When the dreams had first started, Alex had taken them in stride as the awakening of her long dormant libido, figuring she'd just have to give in a few times and they would eventually play themselves out. Unfortunately, they had only gotten more frequent, and frustratingly more intense, and Alex no longer felt a sense of fulfillment afterwards.

If she'd cared to really analyze it, Alex would know that even at the beginning, her self-induced orgasms had only created a short-term physical release while leaving an emotional void that could only be filled by an actual partner – perhaps a specific partner. Now though, an orgasm brought about by her own hands didn't even satisfy her physically, so she suffered through the discomfort of arousal until it was a frustrating but manageable ache.

Alex felt a tear escape through her closed eyelid to roll down her cheek, and roughly wiped it away. She blamed it on exhaustion since she hadn't had more than a couple hours of sleep a night for months now. Lately, she'd tried to work until she was too tired to keep her eyes open and they burned with exhaustion, but even then she only got a couple hours of restless sleep before the primitive recesses of her brain started playing the images she consciously had to suppress throughout her day. No one was worth this loss of self, not even Olivia Benson. And Alex hated herself for not truly believing that.

Disgusted with her show of weakness, even if she was the only one around to see it, Alex forced her body to stop trembling and straightened out from the fetal position she'd curled into. Her anger couldn't completely squash her unfulfilled desires, but it went a long way towards making Alex feel better about her predicament. Alex almost laughed cynically at the discrepancy between the hard, cold exterior she presented to everyone and the fragmented emotions she carefully tended in her soul. Everyone thought that she just didn't care, but the truth was that she just wouldn't let it show.

Knowing that there was no chance of her getting back to sleep, Alex swung her legs off the bed and glanced at her alarm clock. "Three in the morning, great," Alex mumbled to herself as she pushed to her feet. If she couldn't fuck her frustration out then she'd just have to find another way to do it, and her tried-and-true method had always been to run until her body shut down to anything but involuntary functions, like breathing.

She'd gone to bed less than two hours ago with the hopes of at least sleeping until six when she would grab a light breakfast before heading out for a run in Central Park. These winter months were killing her with how late the sun rose and how few hours of light there were until it fell again. Alex would have no problem navigating her well-worn running path in the dark, but since working with the special victims unit, she had taken even more precautions against living a high-risk lifestyle. By nature Alex practiced a low-risk life, but she could get stubborn and stupid when she was frustrated, so she sometimes had to talk herself into staying in a safe locale.

Alex considered a shower to wash the undeserved sex-sweat from her skin, but she would just have to take another in a few hours anyway, so she decided to forego it. She went right for the drawer that held her exercise clothes and pulled on a grey sports bra and bright red running shorts. Tying her hair back in a sloppy ponytail, Alex slipped a snug white T-shirt over her head – she hated having excess material flapping around when she was running – and made her way to her miniscule kitchen to fill her water bottle.

Screwing the cap back on and taking a few swigs, Alex headed to her living room, which was just big enough that she could set up her treadmill if she pushed the coffee table flush against her comfortably lived-in couch. For about five seconds she'd debated just grabbing a cab to her gym, but she didn't think she could wait that long to work out some of her frustration.

Alex got everything situated and probably went through her warm-up stretches a little faster than she should have, but she had more urgent needs to work out of her system. She grabbed her MP3 player off the displaced coffee table before starting out at an easy jog, warming her muscles up slowly – much slower than she wanted to, but she wanted to be able to walk later without her body rebelling against her.

Fifteen minutes later she was at her usual moderately fast pace and trying to concentrate on her modulated breathing instead of the images left lingering in her mind from her dream. And when the first burning tendrils of heat began to tingle in the muscles of her thighs and calves, Alex embraced the sensation that she knew wasn't tiredness, but just an acknowledgement that the healthy muscles were being pleasantly worked. She could usually get lost in the steady rhythm of her feet pounding the pavement or, in this case, the belt of the treadmill.

Even when the sweat started dripping off of her and the lactic acid build-up in her muscles started burning painfully, Alex still couldn't think of anything but her dreams. So, not breaking stride, and thankfully not falling off the fast-moving belt, Alex stripped her shirt off and mopped the sweat from her face before tossing it to the floor and pushing herself to run faster. She pushed herself harder, hoping the increased pain would at least bring peace to her mind even as it punished her body.

Instead, as her lungs begged for oxygen and her legs begged for the self-prescribed punishment to end, Alex thought back on months of dreams and waking fantasies. She had as many dreams about fucking Olivia as she did about Olivia fucking her, and that bothered her on a very deep level because she felt as though she should've been able to control her own mind.

Who knew that it would take a frustrating, bordering on arrogant, self-confident woman like Olivia to awaken Alex's previously non-existent libido? Alex had never been a particularly sexual person and until she'd started this job and met Olivia Benson, she had never felt the madness of sexual frustration. Her world had been simple and emotionally empty before she'd had to contend with uncontrollable desire. She had coped with her life before, but this was driving her crazy.

It wasn't the fact that she had the dreams or fantasies that bothered her; it was the ridiculously high frequency and the in-depth detail that her mind created that made it unbearable. For God's sake, she had an entire committed relationship with Olivia in her little fantasy world, and that scared Alex more than she was willing to admit. She's even tried to focus her fantasies on some other vague, unattainable dream lover, but apparently her mind considered it cheating to dream of another like that so she was never successful at diverting her fantasies. Alex hated not being able to control her brain, the essential core of who she'd molded herself to be.

Alex had been trying to work up the courage to ask Olivia out for months, although she'd suspected from the beginning that she was just kidding herself. The things that she knew how to do, that she knew she was good at, like being a prosecutor, she was confident in. When it came to private matters, anything to do with emotions really, Alex had learned not to trust herself, so she tended to avoid personal relationships.

But Olivia was so hard to resist, pushing every lustful button Alex had, from her confident, self-assured attitude, to her intriguing dark eyes that constantly burned with the passion she had for her job, to the way she challenged Alex at every opportunity. Added to all of that honorable, uncompromising character were the detective's un-ignorable good looks. In her weak moments, Alex wondered if she would ever get the opportunity to see if Olivia's body was nearly as perfect as she imagined it to be.

An unrestrained groan escaped Alex when she thought back on last week when Olivia had shown up in her office to fight with her about something or other, and her hair had been newly cropped short. Normally, she'd be able to remember what Olivia had been yelling about, but she'd been too concerned with trying not to drool to focus on anything else. Needless to say, Alex had a major weakness for short hair on the right women, and she had never seen anyone wear the disheveled look quite so appealingly as the detective, although she suspected her opinion was slightly skewed by how attractive she found the rest of Olivia to be.

It was rather disconcerting how her higher brain functions tended to shut down, or at least slow down, when Olivia was around. Alex was not used to having such visceral, primitive reactions to anyone, and the thing that scared her the most was that she really liked it. She wanted to be able to stop thinking and just feel because she'd rarely allowed it of herself in the past.

Alex was finally pulled out of her reverie by her trembling muscles and screaming lungs – her ragged breathing being affected by both her exercise and her thoughts. She pulled back on her pace and glanced at the sports watch on her wrist that she only wore while she ran, seeing that she'd been at it for longer than usual and at a faster tempo than normal. Alex liked to stretch her muscles, but she knew she'd be sore after this ill-advised self-torture. She gradually worked down from her punishing pace, careful to go through a complete cool down period to lessen the strain on her muscles, a kind of apology for pushing them so hard today.

As she stepped off the now motionless treadmill, Alex grabbed her discarded shirt to soak up more of her sweat. She drained the rest of the liquid in her water bottle and thoroughly stretched her muscles out once again, this time not taking any shortcuts. The jumping in her muscles didn't completely subside and Alex hoped that her shower would calm them down enough that the involuntary spasms didn't irritate her for long; she needed all of her focus to get her tired brain through the day.

Alex stopped in her kitchen for another glass of water and took the time to force a banana down, even though she wasn't particularly hungry. Her body could use the fuel and her stomach would be thanking her in a few hours when she'd be skipping an official breakfast once again. Alex rarely had more than a piece of fruit or two before noon, her stomach usually rebelling against the idea of anything heavier in the morning.

Walking through to her bedroom, Alex stripped off her sports bra and hung it on the edge of her hamper, letting the air dry it before tossing it in with the rest of her dirty clothes. She went through the same process with her other clothes before grabbing a fresh towel and heading for her shower, eager to wash away the sweat, and hopefully some of her troubling thoughts.

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><p>Alex was at her desk later that morning, trying to keep her mind focused and her eyes open, when Olivia came crashing into her office without warning. "Thanks for knocking, detective. Please, come in," Alex said sarcastically under her breath as Olivia approached her darkly. She had a feeling she knew what the catalyst of this visit was and she just braced herself for the inevitable tirade, too damn tired to try to circumvent the dressing down. Alex would say her piece after Olivia had wound down a little, but for now she would sit back and take in the beautiful fury that was an angry Olivia Benson.<p>

While they were on the same side, Alex and Olivia rarely saw eye to eye on anything except that they both wanted justice for the victims they helped. Sometimes Alex felt like she was the one-six's babysitter, and Elliot and Olivia were the ones most in need of reminding that there were rules since they were the ones bending or breaking them most of the time. Alex preferred to deal with Olivia though because at least she could occasionally articulate her reasoning without yelling or throwing punches at the nearest inanimate object.

She figured that Olivia usually got sent to confront/argue with her because Elliot's macho posturing didn't intimidate her, and in fact tended to piss her off, which made her uncooperative. Elliot could be a bit of a bully at times and Alex had no patience for undeserved arrogance. He was good at his job and would only be better if he could learn to control his temper more often.

Alex's mind came back to the here and now when she heard her door close none-too-gently. She was able to focus on Olivia's angry eyes as the detective started in on her. "Jesus, Alex, Davis already made bail. You need to get these assholes remanded instead of setting their bail so low any lowlife could find someone to post for him," Olivia growled angrily as she stalked towards Alex. She was sick and tired of how much the system tied their hands when the victims needed more help.

If Olivia hadn't looked so pissed, Alex wouldn't have been able to control the joyless smirk she felt tugging at the corners of her mouth. Olivia knew as well as she did how difficult it was to get even suspected murders remanded, so there was no chance she would've gotten a wife and child abuser held without bail, even with a sympathetic judge. Most of the time she just wished that she could throw all the perps in jail and keep them there until trial, but that wasn't how their justice system worked. It was frustrating when those bastards were released to do more damaged before their court date, but Alex was at the mercy of whatever judge she drew.

"Now that bastard's free to go home and beat on Laura and Tommy some more," Olivia raged. "We promised we'd protect them and twenty-four hours later Tommy Sr. is back out on the streets, probably already going after Laura for taking her son to the hospital after his father broke his arm. It's always someone else's fault with these assholes and you know he won't stop until Laura and Tommy are dead or we put him away where he can't touch them. Fuck, Alex, what's the use of us putting them behind bars when you can't even keep them there for more than a few hours."

Alex knew that Olivia just needed to rant, but that didn't stop the detective's last comment from stinging. She closed her eyes, not wanting Olivia to see the sudden pain that she knew she couldn't shutter quickly enough, and schooled her features to remain emotionless. As much as Alex knew that she'd done everything she could – that she always did her job to the best of her ability and she was damn good at it – she cared what Olivia thought of her professionally. Her excellent record spoke for itself, but she needed the trust of the SVU detectives if they were going to work together. And with Olivia it was a little bit personal.

Olivia regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth, and Alex would have seen that in the detective's eyes had she maintained eye contact with her. She was just angry and frustrated with her impotence right now and she'd taken it out on Alex. Just as there was nothing she could do, there was nothing Alex could do that she hadn't already tried. And truthfully, sometimes she was just irked by how cool Alex was, always taking everything with her impersonal façade firmly in place, but that didn't mean Alex was actually as unfeeling as she seemed. Olivia wanted to apologize, "Alex –"

"Are you finished, detective?" Alex cut Olivia off, not particularly interested in hearing any more scathing remarks about her skills as a prosecutor. "I did what I could and Laura and Tommy are as protected as they can get until she decides to press charges. I called a friend at the women's shelter and had her talk with Laura. We convinced her to at least leave the apartment and spend some time at the shelter. She's made the first step, and hopefully with the counseling the shelter provides, she'll decide that this is the best choice for her and Tommy. And don't worry, I sent a police escort with them to the apartment just in case Thomas posted bail quicker than anticipated. They'll be escorted to the shelter as soon as they pick up what they need."

Olivia was officially deflated by Alex's response and regretted even more all the crap she'd just bitched at the attorney about. But under all that self-recrimination, Olivia felt a current of jealousy run through her. She hadn't missed the way Alex had hesitated over the word 'friend' when describing her contact at the women's shelter and couldn't help but wonder if the woman was more to Alex than that. Then Olivia berated herself for even thinking that Alex was gay; she was sure it was just wishful hoping on her part. Olivia had never felt so possessive towards someone that she wasn't even dating; and then she corrected herself that she'd just plain never felt so possessive towards anyone, period.

Not really wanting to leave, even though Alex was probably silently wishing she would just fuck off, Olivia sank into a chair situated in front of Alex's desk. "I'm sorry, Alex," she said, looking into the ADA's hard blue eyes and hoping that Alex could see how sincere she was. Olivia knew that Alex worked just as hard as they did at the precinct, sometimes harder when they bent the rules a little to get results and she still had to find a way to get the evidence admitted in court.

As Olivia finally took the time to think back over their conversation – or argument would be more accurate – she realized that Alex had just taken her verbal abuse without retaliation until the very end. That was unusual, as she and Alex often went toe-to-toe. Their fights, though they usually took place in private, were damn near legendary around the courthouse because they couldn't help but get heated. As cool a façade as Alex presented to everyone, when she fought with Olivia, the detective could see all of the pent-up passion in her eyes and it was an amazing sight. Olivia loved to bring that out in Alex.

But now she realized that this argument had not gone to formula, and she wondered why. Olivia searched Alex's face and it was only in the slightly faded vibrancy of her incredible blue eyes that the detective saw how tired Alex looked. It spoke volumes that Alex hadn't fought back and, even now, Olivia could see that her verbal tirade had taken even more out of the blonde. Olivia wished that she had the right to go to Alex, draw her up into her arms, and replace Alex's waning strength with her own.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked softly, not really sure how Alex would react to the question. The ADA presented an impenetrable front to the world and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Alex despised any show of weakness in herself. If Olivia was just given the opportunity, she would try to fix whatever was bothering the attorney. She wanted so much to offer, but thought Alex would scoff at her after she'd just gone off on the ADA for not doing her job.

Alex's eyes, which had softened slightly at Olivia's apology, once again became glacial. "I'm fine, detective," she said in her most uncompromising voice, damn near daring Olivia to disagree with her. The only problem she had was Olivia, but there was no way she was sharing the thoughts that kept her up at night with the detective. Alex was not in the habit of exposing herself so thoroughly to anyone, and she certainly wouldn't make a fool of herself by telling Olivia that she lusted after her. It would all go away with time, and Alex just hoped that her thoughts would give her some peace before she had to be hospitalized for exhaustion.

Olivia knew a dismissal when she heard it and wasn't about to press Alex when part of her edgy mood was likely due to their little quarrel. She stood up slowly, Alex watching her every move like a hawk, as though she expected the detective to attack once again. "Goodbye, Alex," Olivia said before heading for the door. She didn't look back, not wanting to see the cold, impenetrable mask firmly back in place over Alex's visage.


	3. The Final Nail

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 – The Final Nail<strong>

Although Alex had been able to stay out of the precinct for the rest of the week, it wasn't quite that easy to avoid Olivia. She'd had court appearances almost every day, but since Olivia had been the lead detective on the case she was currently prosecuting, the brunette was always sitting in the gallery. The detective didn't really have any particular reason to be there all the time and in her more cynical moments Alex imagined that Olivia only showed up to irritate her. That was unfair to Olivia since she couldn't possibly know how much just her presence there threw Alex off, but the blonde's sleep-deprived brain wasn't really able to think rationally when it came to the detective just yet.

When she'd first started working with the special victims unit, Alex had enjoyed it when any of the detectives had come to watch her, certain that her prowess in court would instill them with trust in her legal expertise. But as time wore on and Alex's immediate attraction to Olivia didn't dissipate, and in fact only seemed to have grown stronger the more she learned about the handsome detective, she'd wished they would only show up in court when absolutely necessary. Alex had never had an attention span problem until she'd met Olivia and now her thoughts unerringly gravitated towards the detective at every opportunity.

It was nearly seven that Friday night, and Alex was just about ready to pack up her stuff and head home for the weekend, when her phone rang. She looked at the display and saw that it was Captain Cragen, which usually meant that they had a suspect in custody and he wanted her there to watch the interrogation. Alex hesitated for a moment because she had been able to avoid seeing Olivia all day and she was kind of hoping to keep that streak alive, but her dedication to her job prevented her from letting the call go to voicemail. She would never shirk her responsibilities and was mentally berating herself for even considering it as she answered the phone.

In the short amount of time that it took Alex to get to the squad room, the suspect had already asked for his lawyer and they were just going through the predictable dance of 'I didn't do anything, but if I did I'd want a deal before spilling my guts'. There was little Alex could do but tell the detectives they needed something solid to get them a search warrant for his home, something they already knew and yet were always somehow pissed at her when she mentioned it.

Elliot stomped out of the room, mumbling about how useless Alex was, which only caused the ADA to roll her eyes at the annoyingly predictable display. She was so lost in her thoughts about how routine these interactions were that Alex didn't register when Cragen left the room as well, leaving the attorney alone with Olivia. If Alex had been paying attention she would have followed the captain out the door, knowing that being caught alone with Olivia was just an all around bad idea for her misbehaving body.

Olivia braced herself with her hands and back against the table. She could tell that Alex was distracted and took the opportunity to study the gorgeous blonde without the possibility of getting caught by her colleagues. Alex was as put together as ever, her tailored black pants and suit jacket fitting her body perfectly, giving her an exceptionally professional air that just couldn't cover up her inherent sexiness. Somehow, Olivia knew that Alex would take offense to being called beautiful because the attorney prided herself on her intelligence above all else, but that didn't make the observation any less true.

Still feeling bad about their last confrontation, and needing to redirect her thoughts before giving in to her body's demand to draw the blonde into her arms without warning, Olivia apologized again, hoping that Alex would believe her this time. "I really am sorry for taking my frustration out on you on Tuesday, Alex." She prevented herself from making excuses for her behavior, knowing that they were really just to make herself feel better and that she needed to learn how to channel her anger a little better.

Olivia knew that she'd broken into Alex's reverie when startled blue eyes shot over to her. She was glad to see that the overwhelming exhaustion she'd seen there earlier in the week had lessened and those beautiful orbs were clear once again. That wasn't to say that the shadows had all been banished, but at least Alex looked like she'd caught a few hours of sleep the night before. Alex's naturally pale skin had lost the sickly, nearly translucent appearance it had taken on earlier that week and now held a healthy flush. And the stress lines across her forehead and around her eyes had relaxed into their usual smooth complexion.

The slightly panicked gaze that Alex swept around the room puzzled Olivia, but she didn't have time to analyze it before the attorney locked eyes with her and she was drawn into those fathomless blue depths. Alex's studious black-framed glasses only attracted Olivia more and she wondered briefly if Alex had any idea how sexy they looked on her. Olivia suspected that the ADA actually wore them as something she could hide behind, just another piece of carefully constructed armor that made her harder to approach, but it had the exact opposite effect on Olivia, although she would love to have the opportunity to take them off as she explored Alex's body.

"It's already in the past, Olivia," Alex said, not unkindly. She knew that Olivia was just trying to bridge the gap between them, but it was difficult to do when the detective thought the rift was the result of their tiff the other day when it was really Alex's personal issues that were in the way. Yes, she wished that all the detectives would stop blaming her every time a perp got out on bail, but her real problem was the tumultuous emotions she felt every time she thought about Olivia, to say nothing of the confusion she felt when actually near the detective. And now she couldn't believe she'd been stupid enough to get caught alone with Olivia when she'd been having so many recent control problems.

"It may be, but I acted badly and you deserve an apology," Olivia retorted as she pushed off the table and stepped towards Alex, running a hand through her already tousled hair. Even though she knew that Alex was being sincere when she implied that it was already forgiven, Olivia wished that the attorney wouldn't let her off the hook so easily. It made her feel worse because she deserved Alex's anger after shooting her mouth off like that.

Alex couldn't help but watch Olivia roughly drag her fingers through her hair and wish that she could take their place. She curled her fingers into her hand, the nails cutting into her palms, to prevent herself from reaching out and swiping a roguish lock that fell across Olivia's forehead to the side. God, she was pathetic, nothing but a quivering mass of hormones whenever she was near the devastatingly sexy detective. Alex held herself rigidly as Olivia took a step closer, feeling the warmth of the detective's body even though she was still yards away.

The attorney finally registered what Olivia had said and heard the frustration in her voice. "It's fine, Liv. I wish I could keep them all behind bars, but it just isn't possible. And I understand your frustration over that fact because I feel it too. Although I do wish you could all learn that I'm not the bad guy here. My hands are tied by the law and there are certain things that I just can't do."

"I know, and I'm sorry. You're an excellent prosecutor, Alex, and sometimes it makes us expect too much of you. We've never had such a high conviction rating, and it just makes us want to do even better."

"It's a team effort, detective, and I need you to trust that I do everything I can to help you put these guys away," Alex said. She was pleased to hear her hard work acknowledged, but knew that the fluttering in her stomach was because the compliment had come from Olivia instead of another detective. The SVU team was dedicated and she loved working with them, but sometimes they expected miracles that she just couldn't deliver.

"We do," Olivia said in a strong voice, knowing they were all really bad at showing how much they appreciated Alex's hard work.

"I do," she said more softly, almost to herself, as she looked into Alex's cool blue eyes. And with those words, Olivia promised herself that she would try to show Alex that she trusted her instead of jumping down her throat at every opportunity.

The intensity coupled with the sincerity shining through Olivia's deep brown eyes made Alex want to fidget and get out of the room as soon as possible. She rarely got to see that passion unless they were fighting, or when she watched Olivia interrogate a suspect. But it was different this time, more intimate, and Alex knew that she had to leave before her long-suppressed desires fought for, and won, dominance. If that happened, then she feared she wouldn't be able to control her actions and the only possible outcome would be complete humiliation.

"I have to go," Alex said, picking up her briefcase and heading towards the door leading to the squad room and the safety of other people. "I'll see you next week, Liv," she said as she stopped at the threshold and looked back at Olivia, not wanting to destroy the odd sort of peace they'd just established between them. Then she was gone before her body could betray her any more.

Olivia watched Alex walk away, wondering if it was her imagination or if Alex really was running away from her. She feared that Alex had read too much in her expression, that Alex could see the attraction that she was having a more and more difficult time hiding whenever she was around the emotionally closed-off blonde. There was no faster way to destroy a friendship with a straight girl then to let her know you wanted her in a visceral way, and Olivia didn't want to have to completely sever her connection with Alex.

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><p>Alex arrived home around eight-thirty that night and immediately stripped off her clothes on her way to the shower. She planned to clean up, change into a pair of comfortably baggy sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, and sit down with a late dinner and some more work. Alex had no social life to speak of, which was just fine with her most of the time. The only functions she attended were those that the DA's office held and a select few political soirees. Sometimes she thought it was easier to be unattached because then she didn't have to explain her lifestyle to anyone, and Alex would never ask her girlfriend to hide away for the betterment of her career; Alex was a private person but she wouldn't deny who she was.<p>

By the time she finished her shower, Alex had two text messages and one voicemail on her cell phone. The first text was from Meg, inviting her out to Sapphire that night, or more like demanding that she come out and have some fun. The second text was from Sapphire, the woman that the small club was named after and Meg's lover, stating that if Alex knew what was good for her, she'd show up tonight. With the text messages out of the way, Alex could already guess what the voicemail would entail.

There was no containing the smile that spread across Alex's face when the first thing she heard was Meg's mellow timbre telling Sapphire to calm down, and she could just picture Sapph trying to take the phone while Meg held it out of reach. Although to look at them one would assume the blonde, spiky-haired, tattooed Meg to be the more short-tempered of the two, she was actually the more level-headed one. Sapphire was just used to getting anything she wanted whenever she wanted it, but Meg was good at tempering that daddy's little rich girl attitude. And it didn't hurt that they were crazy about each other, so they really worked at resolving any problems they had.

With laughter coloring her voice, Meg finally turned her attention to the message she was supposed to be leaving. "I'm guessing that you've probably gotten our texts by now, but just in case you didn't get the veiled threat in Sapph's, I suggest you come out tonight. Sapph says she'll come beat down your door if you aren't here by ten. That gives you an hour to get yourself together, Lexie, and I suggest you use it wisely or face out little dynamo's wrath." There was a squeak of indignation and another little skirmish followed by a chuckle from Meg before she spoke again. "Please come out tonight, Lexie. We miss you, which means that you've been working too hard lately."

Alex shut down her phone with a big smile on her face and feeling better then she had in weeks. Her first week in New York, she had found Sapphire, a small gay club that catered primarily to lesbians, although Meg and Sapph weren't averse to letting others in as long as they respected their primary client base. Alex had sat at the bar, pointedly ignoring any passes aimed in her direction, when she'd struck up a conversation with the handsome, androgynous bartender. Meg had been completely up front about the fact that she was taken, which had only made her friendship all the more appealing to Alex, who was not looking for a potential girlfriend after the last disaster.

After meeting Sapphire, the four foot eleven inch black-haired bundle of barely controlled energy that could bend the leanly-muscled five-eight Meg to her will with just a look, Alex had struck up an irreplaceable friendship with the both of them. Truthfully, Alex just loved to watch them together, the merciless but adorable teasing sides that they usually showed while working at the club, but especially the little touches and caresses that they shared in more private moments; it was a relationship that Alex aspired to have. Alex loved them both dearly, for how they helped draw her out of herself as well as the respect they showed for her closely guarded privacy.

Realizing that she really did miss them as well, Alex changed into a pair of comfortable jeans that she'd had for so long and had washed so many times that they were supple to the touch instead of rigid. She pulled on a black, v-neck T-shirt that came nowhere close to revealing her cleavage. Alex was going out to meet up with her friends, not pick up a date or a one-night stand, and she dressed accordingly. Sometimes it was nice to be appreciated, but Alex would rather not spend her night brushing off horny club-goers, as hilarious as she was sure Sapph would find that.

It was a few minutes before ten when Alex walked into the club, stuffing a twenty back into her pocket and grumbling about never having to pay the cover charge. Every time she showed up, the too handsome bouncer, Ryan, refused to let her pay and just waved her in with a blinding white smile that showed off his perfectly straight teeth. And even though Alex was very firm in her sexuality, she was kind of glad that Ryan was gay and therefore doubly off limits, not that it stopped him from being a ridiculous flirt with nearly every woman who walked through the doors.

Alex pushed her way through the crowd at the edge of the dance floor as she made the trek to the bar, where she knew Meg and Sapph would be waiting for her. She thought she spotted the outspoken little pixie and knew it was Sapphire when someone tried to claim the seat beside her and the patron got an earful. Alex laughed softly as she watched Sapphire's exaggerated gesticulation and the would-be seat-stealer sulk away back into the crowd.

Crossing the final distance between them, Alex wrapped her arms around her dark-haired friend to surprise her with a hug from behind. Alex could feel Sapphire struggle and knew that she hated being engulfed by people, unless it was Meg doing the embracing, in which case she happily snuggled into it. "Hey, Sapph," Alex said with a smile in her bright blue eyes, the prospect of a night with her friends lifting her spirits like nothing else could. "I am here at your command, your highness," she said with a small mock-bow before settling into the saved seat.

The scowl disappeared from Sapphire's face and happiness brightened her already stunning blue eyes as she leaned over and threw her arms around Alex's shoulders to initiate her own hug. "I'm so glad you came, Lexie," she said before releasing Alex and pushing her back playfully. "And don't you start with that 'princess' thing, too. I get enough of that at home from Leather Vest over there," Sapphire said as she hooked her thumb towards Meg, who was behind the bar. There was an undercurrent of love in her voice even as she bitched about Meg's clothing choice.

Alex looked over at Meg and completely understood why Sapph always harped on the bartender's attire, because not even Alex was immune to the zing of appreciation that flew unbidden through her at the sight. Meg's blonde hair was only grown out a few inches and she'd styled it into a faux-hawk tonight; she was another woman who looked really sexy with short hair, although Alex still thought that Olivia's was sexier. She wore a leather vest with nothing underneath, leaving her arms and good portion of her abdomen bare and on display, which was probably the point since Meg loved showing off the tattoos inked low on her hips.

Meg made both the girls and boys drool with her lean, androgynous frame. Her finely muscled abdomen and the grooves where pelvis met leg on prominent display in her work attire. The tight black jeans that she wore didn't really need the belt cinched around her waist to hold them up, but the strip of black leather was as much a part of her uniform as everything else. Meg always looked good enough to eat and Sapphire was so unbelievably lucky that her lover was a one woman kind of woman, because there wasn't a single person in the club that wouldn't go home with the bartender if she asked.

"Stop cruising my woman, Cabot," Sapphire said playfully as she bumped her shoulders into the distracted blonde. Had it been anyone else staring so blatantly at her lover, Sapphire might have picked a fight, but Alex got a pass on almost everything. Both she and Meg knew how Alex felt about cheaters, and that the attorney would never ever poach. If there was anything about Alex that was absolutely unshakable, it was her strictly adhered to personal rules.

Alex felt herself blush and averted her eyes, but not before seeing the laughter dancing in Meg's green orbs that said she'd heard the admonishment. Meg stopped in front of them and lifted herself up onto the top of the bar just enough so that she could lean over it to give Alex a quick peck on the lips. The unusual greeting caused Alex to flush an even deeper color, which had been the point, and Sapphire to break into barely contained fits of laughter. "Nice to see you, Lexie," Meg said teasingly before being drawn away by another customer.

"That was not funny," Alex said when Sapphire had finally caught her breath, although she still had a couple of little hiccups just remembering Alex's stunned expression.

"It was fucking hilarious and you know it," Sapphire replied. As gorgeous as Alex was and obviously able to get a date should she ever want one, she was kind of a prude and it was really fun to tease her about it.

"Aren't you at least going to be mad at her for kissing someone else?" Alex asked indignantly, although she did see the humor behind the action. She wasn't really mad, just surprised that it had happened.

"Oh please, Alex. She gives better kisses to my mother. Besides, I could probably find the two of you naked together and still not believe you were doing anything wrong. You're too honorable to wreck our relationship and Meg is too loyal. Well, she's not 'too' loyal, there's no such thing, but I _know_ she would never hurt me like that. She loves me."

Alex felt an odd mix of happiness and a deep sadness at the absolute certainty in Sapphire's tone. She loved that her friends were so in love with one another that they trusted each other so completely. But at the same time, Alex desired so deeply to have that in her life. She wanted someone she could share everything with, someone who would be there forever, who wanted to be with her forever, someone who she could trust with every piece of her heart, her soul.

An orangey drink was plopped down in front of her before she could say anything else and Alex looked up at Meg with a quizzically arched eyebrow. Meg was well aware that Alex rarely drank when she went out, and when she did her drink of choice certainly wasn't whatever this frou-frou concoction was.

"Sex on the beach," Meg said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes at the obvious suggestiveness of the drink name. "The two butches at the other end of the bar sent it," she said as she stepped to the side so Alex could get a look at the two who were trying not to look too eager. "I told them that if you didn't send it back then they could drink free for the rest of the night. And that if you let one of them take you home then they could drink free for life."

Beside her Sapphire snickered and Alex shot her a mild glare. Being the owners of the club and Alex's friends, both Meg and Sapphire knew that Alex had not once left with a potential partner since she'd first stepped through the door nearly three years ago. They had both even stopped trying to encourage her after about a year when she'd made it perfectly clear that she came to the club for their friendship and not to look for potential bed partners.

Alex was seriously considering accepting the drink just to throw her friends off, but before she could decide she heard someone behind her say her name. Her body immediately tensed, as though it was readying to take flight, even before she turned around to see who it was.

"Olivia," she breathed, not nearly loud enough for the detective to hear in the loud atmosphere, but from Sapph's quickly indrawn breath, Alex knew her friend had heard her. Alex couldn't stop her eyes from hungrily taking Olivia in, from her sexy spiked hair that was styled so differently than how she wore it at work, to her tight white tank top that showed off her beautifully toned arms and amazing breasts perfectly, to the worn leather jacket that draped heavily over her folded arms, and the denim that encased her strong legs so lovingly. Even Meg's enticingly displayed body hadn't caused the heat Alex now felt washing through her body or the slick wetness gathering between her legs.

Just as Olivia took a step forward to get closer to Alex, one hand snaked around the brunette's waist while another dropped down over her shoulder. Another brunette popped her head over Olivia's shoulder, her hair a couple shades lighter that the detective's. She spoke intimately into Olivia's ear and waited until Olivia acknowledged her before running her tongue along the detective's neck and kissing the length of it, only walking away once she had asserted her claim.

Alex could feel herself shutting down emotionally, something she deliberately tried not to do when she was with Meg and Sapphire. And when Olivia looked back at her, Alex's eyes were their usual glacial blue and her impenetrable mask was back in place. There was no trace of the teasing, care-free woman she had been just minutes before and it was a loss felt by them all.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said as she inclined her head in apology before turning to follow in the wake of her date. If she'd been asked she couldn't say what she was really apologizing for, but she'd felt the loss of warmth in Alex as acutely as the others, perhaps even more.

When Alex turned back around to face the bar, a double shot of whiskey sat in the place where the mixed drink had previously been. She shot Meg a grateful look as she curled her fingers around the glass tumbler. Whiskey was her drink of choice when she was trying to get drunk, probably because she didn't really like it straight and she just drank it to exacerbate her pain.

"So, that was Olivia," Sapph said, not need to ask when Alex's body language had made it abundantly clear.

"Yeah, that was Olivia," Alex said just loud enough for her friend to hear. "And the final nail in the coffin of my non-existent love life," she mumbled darkly into her drink; because one of the unmovable facts about Alexandra Cabot, one of the few things she would never compromise on, was that she did not chase after taken women, she did not break up relationships.

And with a harsh, self-pitying growl of laughter, Alex knocked back the contents of her glass and welcomed the burn that traveled down her throat to her stomach. Tears prickled at the backs of her eyes as she fought the urge to cough at the liquid's potency. Alex slammed the glass down on top of the bar, equating the loud bang to the closing of another disappointing door in her life. At least this one had closed before she'd even crossed the threshold.


	4. Fire and Ice

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**A/N:** I know it's been a while since I posted for this story and I'm very sorry. I will try my best not to leave it a month between chapters from now on.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – Fire and Ice<strong>

When Meg offered another shot of whiskey, Alex declined. She'd needed the first drink to fortify herself, but Alex wasn't interested in getting drunk; that was something best left for when she was just having fun instead of trying to forget her problems. Alex's preferred coping method was exercise, not drinking, since she would rather punish her body while leaving her mind clear to think properly. Her mind was the one thing that would always be hers and she wanted nothing to deteriorate its functioning.

It was with much effort that Alex kept from turning around to search the crowd for Olivia and her date. And although she resisted that physical temptation, Alex couldn't keep herself from imagining what they were doing – or what she suspected they would be doing later tonight. Those images were distinctly unpleasant for Alex and she wished she could divert her thoughts to something less nauseating. The woman had as good as staked her territory as far as Alex was concerned, and Olivia had done nothing to dispute the claim even if she had looked mildly irritated at the woman's interruption.

_Of course she has a girlfriend_, Alex thought. Olivia was gorgeous, caring, and wonderfully intense. She deserved to have someone to go home to, even though Alex was actually surprised that she did with all the time she spent working. Alex knew that even if she had been looking for a relationship, she didn't really have the time for an involved commitment and she wondered how Olivia was able to fit a girlfriend into her already busy life.

Alex couldn't decide if she was happy with herself for avoiding more heartache or angry with herself for not asking Olivia out when she'd first developed feelings for the detective. Maybe Olivia had been otherwise involved all along and Alex just would have embarrassed herself by asking the detective out, or maybe she'd missed her opportunity by waiting. Although if she were honest with herself, Alex knew that it was a moot point because she never took chances when it came to her personal life, and getting involved with one of the detectives she worked with would definitely have been taking a chance.

Finally tuning back into the conversation she was supposed to be a part of, Alex realized that Sapphire and Meg were well aware that she had been completely ignoring them and was lost inside her own head. They were used to the way she internalized everything, and even though they'd been steadily working on opening her up, it was still something that Alex fell back on when confronted with things that disturbed her.

Knowing that she wasn't very good company right now and feeling the subtle tightening in her muscles that indicated they felt her anxiety and knew it would only be a matter of time before they were put to work, Alex excused herself. Sapph protested weakly, caught between knowing Alex wanted to be alone with her thoughts and the desire to hear more about the mysterious detective that Alex had been infatuated with for nearly as long as she and Meg had known her. She knew that it was beyond difficult to get Alex to talk about her issues and there was no chance of her friend doing so tonight with her protective walls firmly erected.

Meg didn't even put up a fight when Alex said she was going to leave because she refused to guilt Alex into staying somewhere she so obviously didn't want to be. These were the only moments when they ever saw the cracks in Alex's seemingly impenetrable armor, and Meg would have comforted Alex if she thought for even a second that it would be welcomed; Alex still hadn't learned that she didn't have to face everything alone anymore, not when her friends were around. Meg could feel the ache in her own heart whenever she saw the emotional toll it took on Alex to always present that stoic façade, but Alex would be even more devastated if she knew her friends could see the pain she thought she hid so well.

As Alex stood up to leave, Sapphire wrapped her in a hug, throwing the entirety of her slight frame against her now emotionally distant friend. Alex couldn't help but release a sharp, mirthless laugh at the enthusiastic picture that Sapph made with her arms wrapped tightly around Alex's waist and her head pressing against the tall blonde's chest. "I'll call you later, Sapph. I promise."

"You'd better believe we're going to have a serious girl talk about your detective," Sapphire said as she stepped back and hoisted herself back up into her seat. "You know we could always find you someone nice to help you get over her," she said almost hopefully. She and Meg – really just her but she and Meg always got lumped together since they were a couple – had been trying to get Alex to double date with them for forever, mostly because Sapph wanted to set Alex up with some of their friends. Alex never dated and she was just too good a catch to stay on the market for any undeserving player to take advantage of – at least that's what Sapphire was always saying to try to convince Alex to agree to a blind date.

"Fine, later," Alex said before walking away. There was only so long that she could put Sapph off and she knew it. The persistent little dynamo would nag at her until she finally gave in, and Alex would have hated her for it if she didn't know that her friend really did have the best intentions. And the need to see her friends happy was such an integral part of Sapphire's personality that Alex couldn't imagine her any other way, wouldn't want Sapph to be any other way.

With a final half apologetic wave goodbye, Alex turned and pushed her way through the wall of hormone saturated people towards blessed freedom. As much as Alex loved coming out to see her friends – and Meg and Sapph had created an amazing club – she was always a little uncomfortable with the blatantly sexual acts she witnessed, while at the same time she couldn't help but live vicariously through the escapades of others since she was so straight-edged herself.

Alex just desperately needed to get away right now and hopefully get a quick-fix of her drug of choice that would at least wear her out since nothing could seem to distract her from her Olivia-ridden thoughts. She just hoped that the farther away from the detective and her lover she was, the higher the likelihood that she wouldn't be tormented by thoughts of them together. Alex hadn't expected what should have been a distracting night out with friends to turn into just another Friday night being haunted by thoughts of Olivia Benson.

When she finally made her way through the crowd and out into the cold, damp winter night, Alex could almost feel the welcome jolt to her hazy brainwaves. She weighed the risk of walking versus the hassle of hailing a cab on such a busy night in the city. Alex wanted to walk through the crisp, refreshing air, hoping that it would somehow purify her thoughts even as it assaulted her lungs. The desire to walk won out pretty quickly; she was on well-lit streets with quite a few people still milling around, and Alex was well-versed in self-defense techniques, even if she'd never had to use them outside of the classroom, as of yet.

One of the few things that Alex splurged on was a gym membership to Fielding's, an expensive private gym that was open twenty-four hours a day and had a friendly staff that respected the exorbitant fee the members paid and didn't intrude when it wasn't necessary; Alex preferred to be left alone to follow her own self-created regimen. The gym kept its membership low, so Alex rarely had to wait for a machine to be open, which was another reason she'd chosen to pay the excessive dues. Alex also tended to use the establishment during off hours, such as the middle of the night when it was rare that she ran into more than a one or two other members. She used the gym when she really needed a good workout, but couldn't do something outdoors, either because it was too dark or she just didn't have enough time.

The fitness center had key card access, but also a man, or sometimes the irritatingly perky redhead Amber, at the desk in case of emergencies. Alex was grateful that she always kept her access card with the small pack of essentials that she never left home without. Too many times in the past, she'd had the overwhelming urge to work out her frustrations and been caught without the card, so she'd quickly adjusted to constantly carry it with her.

Alex walked quickly and with purpose, making it to Fielding's in nearly fifteen minutes and swiping herself in. She greeted Markus, a very nice, very shy, college student who was studying exercise science at NYU. He was so sweet and polite that Alex couldn't help but like him and talk to him, even though she preferred to be anonymous. "Hey, Markus. Any other social lepers here tonight?" she asked with a smile, wanting to see the adorable dimple that popped out on Markus's right cheek when he was genuinely happy, but also wanting to know if she had the place to herself, which was the way she liked it.

"Just you and me, Alex," he said as he smiled, happy to see his favorite and most regular customer since he'd started to work the night shift a year ago. Markus was lucky that he had a girlfriend who was a pre-med student because she didn't often complain about him picking up a lot of weekend shifts that prevented them from going out on standard date nights. They both seemed to prefer staying in together whenever they had the opportunity, and it was a system that worked for them.

Alex had actually met his girlfriend once, when she'd been leaving after a quick workout one night and Samantha, Markus's girlfriend, had stopped by to bring him food. Samantha had been very nice, and not at all what Alex had pictured Markus's girlfriend to look like, as she'd expected a fitness enthusiast such as Markus to have an athletic girlfriend, but the fact that he seemed to like his woman with a little extra meat on her bones made Alex like the guy even more. They were an adorable couple and Alex had found herself enjoying the obvious affection between them.

"Excellent," Alex said, always happy when she had her pick of whatever equipment she wanted without waiting and damn near ecstatic when she knew she wouldn't have to deflect any annoying pick-up lines from the male clientele, who tended to be wealthy and unused to women turning them down. She didn't mind when guys asked her out, as long as they were respectful about it and didn't get belligerent when she inevitably said no. But in her experience, rich men acted worse than any others and tended to get mean when she turned them down, as if it was a direct insult towards them when she wasn't honored by their attention or willing to spread her legs just seconds after meeting them.

"I'll see you in a few hours," she said with a wave as she walked towards the women's locker room. Alex always kept clean workout clothes in her locker, again a lesson she had learned because she showed up at odd times and often directly from work after late night brainstorming sessions. She quickly spun open the combination lock and dressed in a pair of navy blue shorts and a black tank top, which she never took off while at the gym. Alex was distinctly uncomfortable with people ogling her when she exercised in just her sports bra, so she always wore a shirt unless she was in the privacy of her own home.

Knowing precisely what she was in the mood for, Alex walked through the brightly lit, but deserted open space towards a back room that was covered in mats with four heavy punching bags suspended above the floor. She left her shoes by the door and stretched out, warming her muscles up thoroughly, before meticulously wrapping her ankles with tape; it gave extra stability to the vulnerable joint, but also made any impact with the bag easier to absorb, or at least that's what her brain thought so it telegraphed less pain at the contact. Alex could land a punch when she needed to, but she always worked her legs more, knowing that they generated more power and had a longer reach.

She jumped to her feet and took a few dancing steps around the hanging bag, testing out the tape job to determine her mobility. Alex had done it enough times that she usually got the wrapping right the first time now, tight enough to stabilize the joint without cutting off the circulation. Then she grabbed the two wraps she'd brought for her wrists and fastened them around her hands. It was too difficult to tape her hands herself, so she'd invested in reusable wraps that fastened with Velcro.

It wasn't often that Alex spent very long running through these exercises, usually committing just enough time to them that she never forgot what to do, that defending herself became second nature so she wouldn't hesitate if she ever needed to use them in a real world situation. Alex would have loved to dedicate more time to really learning at least one form of martial arts, but she didn't think she could actually faithfully commit the time it would take, and Alexandra Cabot didn't do things halfway.

As she threw a couple of warm-up punches at the hard bag, Alex enjoyed the play of muscles under her skin. She loosened herself up, getting lost in the flex and release of strong sinew as she let her body take over and followed her well-honed instincts. The moves were so familiar to her that it didn't take long before her mind began to wander back to the club and her unrelenting problem of always having Detective Olivia Benson on her mind.

Alex wasn't surprised that Olivia was gay. In fact, she'd been nearly certain that the handsome detective enjoyed the company of other women, although she had originally thought that it was just wishful hoping on her part. It really would have been a shame if such a wonderfully butch woman had been wasted on men, but again, Alex might have been biased in that opinion.

What did surprise Alex was that Olivia had a girlfriend. It wasn't just that Olivia spent so much time at work that it must be hard to find time for a relationship, but that Alex hadn't figured Olivia to be the type to be in a steady relationship outside of the ones she formed with her fellow detectives. Truthfully, that impression had been one of the things that had kept Alex from pursuing anything with the detective, because Alex just wasn't built for casual sexual relationships.

Olivia certainly deserved to have someone in her personal life who she could share the trials of their work with, someone who could make her forget the horrors that she had to deal with every day. It just hurt Alex more than she would ever admit, even to herself, that it would never be her waiting at home to soothe Olivia's pain. Alex had no right to feel that way, but where Olivia was concerned, she still hadn't been able to successfully control her emotions.

Connection was the one thing Alex wanted more than anything else, and the one thing she worked the hardest at not forming with anyone. She'd learned a long time ago that one couldn't be disappointed if one had no expectations – a hard lesson to learn but one that sinks in after years of being proven. It was easier on the heart to rely totally on oneself instead of believing that someone else would protect you.

Alex hit the heavy bag in front of her with more force, putting all of her effort into the mindless motions that tired her body but could no longer quiet her mind. As much as Alex sometimes wished that Olivia's ghost would leave her thoughts in peace, the detective's constant presence was also some kind of sick comfort. It was her uncontrollable feelings for Olivia that reaffirmed Alex's humanity and let her know that she wasn't completely devoid of emotions, at least not yet. All it took was one thought of those deep brown eyes, or that firm olive-toned body, to melt the otherwise cold ADA.

The most frustrating thing to Alex was how she couldn't make up her damn mind about those feelings. Most of the time, she was angry with herself for letting those emotions fuck with her equilibrium and get in the way of the rational functioning of her brain. At the same time, she welcomed the fact that Olivia could make her feel something that wasn't negative in nature, could make her feel happy for no other reason than she was just there.

Alex couldn't help but flash back onto the memory of that woman staking her claim on Olivia, and a fire burned through Alex's gut. She sent the punching bag rocking wildly on its chain suspension as she kicked it with the entire force of her fury. It was not in Alex's nature to get riled up when angry, she usually just got colder – more emotionally distant from whatever disturbed her – but Olivia had a knack for making her do uncharacteristic things.

Her next powerful strike almost ended with Alex on her ass on the mats as the unpleasant memory was replaced with an image of her own mouth running possessively down Olivia's beautiful neck. The fire in her belly changed from one of anger to passion, and Alex couldn't help the sharp intake of breath as she felt unexpected arousal pool in her depths. Alex had no idea why she hadn't yet gotten used to this reaction to her thoughts about Olivia, because this always eventually happened; it was as inevitable as death.

Alex had often heard it described that people became as horny as teenagers again when they found a desirable sexual partner. She'd always been a little confused by the description because she'd handled her hormones as a teenager with her usual iron control, but that control was severely lacking , and sometimes altogether absent, with Olivia. And even though she now knew that Olivia was even more off limits than before, as Alex would never consider dating someone who was already in a relationship, Alex still wanted her – desperately. Alex was beginning to doubt that fact would ever change.

So caught up in her ever-consuming thought was Alex, that she didn't see the figure standing in the doorway, watching her with dark, intense eyes.


	5. Primal

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Primal<strong>

Olivia made her way slowly back towards the table Kate and her friends had claimed when they'd first arrived. She was caught between just wanting to leave and feeling obligated to rejoin Kate along with her gaggle of mostly straight girlfriends who just enjoyed the novelty of a lesbian club. Olivia was well aware that a few of them were looking for a little fun and experimentation, just another item they could check off their list of sexual exploits. It wasn't an attitude that tended to bother Olivia unless one of them set their sights on an inexperienced newbie, because a straight girl fling was not what a lesbian who'd just stepped out of the closet needed.

When Kate had called her at work earlier today and asked if she wanted to go out tonight, Olivia had figured that a distraction would be good for her. She and Kate had a workable casual relationship where they occasionally went out with the knowledge that they would end up in bed together by the end of the night. Well, they usually ended up in Kate's bed, but sometimes she couldn't wait and Olivia had to take the edge off for her before they got back to Kate's place.

And while Olivia was usually content with their relationship since Kate didn't make demands on her time except to get laid every other week or so, she'd known as soon as she'd agreed today that something was off and she should have declined the invitation. Olivia had been feeling mildly discontent for the past few months, but instead of the feeling fading away, it had only gotten stronger. It wasn't until tonight that she finally accepted what it was that was making her want something different, something more, and she seriously doubted it would just resolve itself if she kept ignoring it.

Alex had officially wheedled her way into a part of Olivia's brain that the detective couldn't purge her from. The distant and mysterious ADA who'd only been working with them for a short time was a beautiful and frustrating puzzle that Olivia couldn't help but want to solve. Elliot just thought she was a cold, unfeeling bitch, but one that got results in the courtroom so he didn't much care about her high-handed attitude unless it was directed at him. And as much as Olivia wished she could just write Alex off like Elliot did, there were moments when she glimpsed something in the ADA that called to her, and she couldn't stop thinking about Alex.

It wasn't just that Olivia found Alex to be distractingly attractive, because Alex undeniably was and Olivia had spent many an hour lost in thoughts about the gorgeous blonde. Olivia had never seen the harm in a little fantasy since it usually helped to channel her passion into a more manageable form, and her attraction to Alex was surprisingly powerful. But until tonight, Olivia had always considered the ADA off limits for the simple fact that she thought Alex was straight, which might not have been the case.

Nearly twenty minutes after she'd arrived at the club, Olivia had felt a tremor of awareness slowly make its way through her body and hadn't understood what could have caused it. Just a couple minutes after the feeling had first washed over her, Olivia was looking around the crowded club while sipping from her bottle of beer and ignoring the inane conversation of Kate and her friends, when her eyes fell on the back of a tall blonde making her way to the bar. Even with her view mostly obscured as the woman weaved her way through the packed bodies, Olivia felt her heartbeat pick up and her breath catch in her throat.

When she'd regained some command of her body again, Olivia carefully swallowed the mouthful of now tasteless alcohol, trying not to choke on it, and lowered the bottle, gripping it tightly with both hands between her thighs to control their trembling. She may not have seen the blonde's face yet, but Olivia knew without a single doubt that it was Alex. The acute awareness she could feel flowing through her very bloodstream was distinctly Alex; no one else ever made her feel as though she could combust just by being in the same room as them.

Olivia couldn't look away as Alex took a seat next to one of the owners of the club, her friendship with the woman obvious even from across the room. She was a little stunned when the bartender, the other owner, leaned over the bar to welcome Alex with a kiss, and an odd possessive urge shot like fire through Olivia. The uncharacteristic sensation was enough to confuse the detective because Olivia was the queen of casual; she had never cared enough about a lover to demand exclusive right, and certainly had never felt this searing flash of anger at a harmless peck on the lips with a friend.

Although Olivia had no claim on Alex, she growled low and dangerous at the image of Alex joining the two owners, who she knew were a couple, in their bedroom. Olivia really didn't peg Alex as the type of person to get involved in something like that, but that didn't stop her thoughts or change her visceral reaction. She was just glad that the music was too loud for Kate to hear her uncontrollable growl and that she was so involved with her friends that she didn't notice Olivia's sudden mood change or the tightening of the detective's body.

Olivia had seen more serious kisses between preschoolers, but her instinct to claim Alex was so strong that it didn't allow for rational thought. Not giving any thought to what she was about to do, Olivia forcefully set her beer bottle on the table and stood up, striding purposefully across the room towards the ADA. At the moment, she couldn't even remember that she'd come out tonight with another woman who expected to be in bed with her by the end of the night.

Making her way through the throng of people on the dance floor, probably being a little more forceful than she would have been had she not been so singularly focused on getting to Alex, Olivia had the overwhelming need to find something to occupy her flexing hands. She shrugged out of her leather jacket and held it in her hands, acutely aware of her temperature rising higher with every step she took nearer to Alex. Olivia's gaze never deviated from Alex's form, the detective hungrily taking in the supple jeans that hugged Alex's hips and the black shirt that contrasted wonderfully with her blonde hair and pale skin.

When she was nearly within touching distance of the woman who dominated her thoughts, Olivia stopped and spoke Alex's name. She may have been running on her primal instincts at the moment, but even they knew not to let Olivia get too close to Alex for fear that she would drag the blonde into her arms. These feelings were not particularly becoming, and Olivia would probably kick her own ass later for the unearned possessiveness she was having a hard time controlling; caveman antics went out of style a while ago and Olivia just hoped she wasn't acting nearly as bad as she felt she was acting.

Just as Olivia was about to ignore her final attempt at keeping her hands to herself and take that last step towards Alex, a familiar hand touched her shoulder, the only warning she had before Kate plastered herself to Olivia's back. That blatant reminder of who her date was broke Olivia's unrelenting focus on Alex. Kate was her lover while Alex was just an attractive colleague that she had no business lusting after; Alex was just a dream. Olivia wished it was easier to control herself around Alex; it was only because Kate was hanging off of her that Olivia hadn't asked Alex to dance, which would have been a dangerous proposition.

"Where are you going, lover?" Kate's sultry whisper tickled her ear. It was hard to believe that voice had ever tied her stomach in knots or made her eager to be alone with the attractive brunette. The only effect it had on Olivia now was to make her wish Kate wasn't there, at least not when Alex was so close they could almost touch. "Why don't you come back to the table? You don't want to be rude to our friends now, do you, baby?" Kate continued with an undercurrent of syrupy sweetness to her words that Olivia hated because it meant that Kate was subtly trying to manipulate her.

Olivia felt Kate's hand glide across her stomach just beneath the hem of her shirt in a move that usually excited the detective. It didn't work this time, but Olivia was reminded that she wasn't free to pursue Alex right now. If she ever did decide to go after Alex, Olivia would make sure there were no other lovers in either of their lives to distract them from each other. So Olivia nodded her consent that she would go back to their table and expected Kate to leave her at her word.

She was not expecting Kate to deliberately run her tongue along her neck in a show of possession, and really didn't welcome it with Alex sitting so close and undoubtedly watching them. Olivia's body tightened reflexively at the caress that she would have welcomed just hours before, but now left her cold. Anger flared within her momentarily that Kate had to do this in front of Alex of all people. Unfortunately, Olivia wouldn't shrug Kate off until they'd had the talk that now seemed to have been inevitable since Alex walked into the detective's life; Kate at least deserved that after all the time they'd been seeing each other.

When Kate finally headed back to her friends, Olivia turned her gaze back to Alex. Where moments before Olivia was almost certain she'd seen a heat answering her own in Alex's beautiful blue eyes, a heat that had hope flaring to life inside the detective, they had now reverted back to their usual glacial glare. Olivia felt the loss of Alex's happiness reverberate through her, and she desperately wanted to reach out and comfort the attorney, reassure her, but couldn't do that while she still had another lover. It was so clear to Olivia now that if she ever got a chance to be with Alex that would be it for her, and she wouldn't taint what could be by starting something when she wasn't completely free to do so.

"I'm sorry," she said, not knowing if the words were loud enough to reach Alex through the noise surrounding them, but never having felt the sincerity of those words so deeply. Olivia was sorry that she'd intruded on Alex's night out with friends, that she couldn't chase the shadows from Alex's eyes, that at the moment she wasn't able to give of herself all that she desired to. She was sorry for all of it and vowed to fix it, as soon as she could.

Olivia turned and made her way back over to their table. She laid her jacket over the back of her chair before flopping down into it and grabbing her beer, taking a large swig. As hard as she tried not to act like a dejected child, Olivia knew that was probably the picture she made, as she was slouched down in her chair with her legs stretched out defiantly in the cramped space. She purposely angled her chair so that she would have to twist her neck if she wanted to look at Alex, knowing that she'd be staring at the blonde all night if she didn't take steps to prevent it. And as interested as Olivia was in Alex, she really didn't need to torment herself by watching women hit on her all night, or know if the beautiful blonde took one of those women up on their offer to go home with them.

The detective stuck it out as long as she could, but when Kate's friends started to break off by themselves to make their own conquests for the night, Kate focused her attention on Olivia. Things were manageable for Olivia when she was just sulking in her own little world, not really intent on what was happening around her, but she couldn't handle it when Kate scooted closer to her and began the familiar, practiced steps of seduction. Olivia trapped Kate's hand against her knee before it could trail up her thigh and quickly drained the last swallow of her second beer, putting the bottle down on the table.

"Come with me for a second," Olivia said in Kate's ear over the music as she took the hand off her leg. She stood up and pulled her leather jacket on before taking Kate's hand and leading her towards the exit. If she wasn't worried about losing Kate in the crowd, Olivia wouldn't have encouraged physical contact, but she needed to get them somewhere quiet so they could talk. Olivia needed to resolve this tonight. Their casual relationship was over, had to be over, because Olivia would not sleep with one woman while thinking about another. And Olivia's body was making it quite clear that Alex was the only person it wanted to sleep with right now.

Olivia made a quick sweep of the bar as they walked out, a sinking feeling settling in her gut when she realized that Alex was no longer there. Her free hand clenched into a fist at her side, even as she told herself that Alex hadn't necessarily gone home with anyone. It wasn't any of her business if Alex had company for the night, although that didn't stop her stomach from churning in displeasure at the thought.

Turning her attention back to the task at hand, Olivia led the way outside to a quiet spot against the side of the building, making sure that they had privacy while still being in a well-lit area within sight of other city-dwellers. "Are you fucking her?" Kate asked without preamble as soon as Olivia stopped and pivoted to face her. Even a blind woman could have seen the blistering hot attraction between Olivia and that blonde at the bar, and Kate certainly wasn't blind. She'd never seen Olivia act like that, as though she was being pulled towards the blonde through some overpowering, magnetic force.

"No," Olivia stated firmly, not offended by Kate's blunt question. It had been one of the most appealing features of Kate, her directness and dislike of games when it came to sex. They had both been able to satisfy their needs without the empty promises of commitment or love. Olivia was a little sad to end their acquaintanceship, but this kind of relationship no longer had a place in her life, and Kate was not the kind of woman who kept former lovers as friends.

"But you want to," Kate said, her tone indicating that it was a fact and not a question. Even though they'd only ever had a convenient sexual relationship, Kate genuinely liked Olivia and had known for months now that this day was coming. And although Kate would miss Olivia's company, both in and out of bed, she knew that the detective would not stay with her while attempting a relationship with the blonde; Olivia was a full disclosure lover and wouldn't keep multiple partners unless all of them knew and agreed to the arrangement.

"Yes," Olivia stated just as firmly, seeing no reason to deny what had to be obvious after her earlier uncharacteristic behavior. She already knew that Alex touched a part of her that she usually kept locked away and it wouldn't just be fucking between them, but Kate didn't need her to elaborate on that. Olivia wasn't even sure that she could accurately describe what she felt for Alex.

Kate could already tell by Olivia's demeanor that this was not one of the women that Olivia would date while still seeing her as well. "And you don't think she'll be okay with an open relationship?" she asked just to let Olivia know she was still willing to go with that option. The sadness settling over her at the thought of completely losing Olivia surprised her, but she would respect her lover's decision.

"I don't think I could bear to share her, so I won't ask her to do it for me," Olivia said. The words were novel to her, but she knew them to be absolutely true.

Kate gave a small, sad smile and reached her hand out to cup Olivia's face. It was the last touch she would allow herself before trying to get Olivia Benson out of her heart. She may not have loved the detective, but she felt a depth of affection for her that she'd never had with another lover before and it was going to be hard to let her go. "You know where to find me if it doesn't work out," Kate whispered against Olivia's unresponsive lips, giving her a goodbye kiss and knowing that Olivia would not seek her out again.

Olivia couldn't respond. Even if she couldn't convince Alex to take their relationship out of just the professional realm it was currently in, Olivia didn't want to go back to relationships that were only based on sex with no thought of a deeper emotional attachment. Ending her comfortable and uncomplicated understanding with Kate brought some sadness, but Olivia believed wholeheartedly that it was necessary. And she would forever regret it if she didn't at least try to form a deeper bond with Alex.

Kate left Olivia standing alone and walked back into the club. Olivia didn't doubt that the charismatic brunette would find a willing woman to bring home with her tonight, and that fact didn't bother the detective in the least. But Olivia was still feeling kind of aggressive from her run in with Alex and decided that she would try to work it out before going home.

Her gym wasn't too far away and Olivia was grateful that she belonged to one that was open twenty-four hours a day. She usually hit the gym early in the morning before heading in to work, unless she was called in early to handle a case. The detective wasn't catching this weekend, so she could spend as much time as she needed to get back in control of herself, or at least exercise until she felt more like her usual self.

Olivia changed out of her jeans in the locker room, not surprised that she hadn't come across anyone except the guy at the desk when she'd come in. She considered stretching her legs on a treadmill, but she'd walked to the gym and felt like doing something a bit more physical, something that would channel her aggression better. So she headed to the back room that contained the punching bags, ready to lose herself in a consuming workout.

It wasn't until she was almost to the open door that Olivia heard the sounds of someone else already working a bag over. She'd been looking forward to having the place to herself, but there was more than one station in the room, so she could still get her planned workout in. And she would have, had she not been struck dumb at the sight that greeted her. Olivia felt as though she were stuck in the doorway, unable to move or speak, and was just happy that her body seemed to remember how to breathe on its own.

Alex was in the middle of the room, the heavy bag she was working swinging from her powerful blows. The first thing Olivia felt was an overwhelming happiness that Alex was here and obviously hadn't gone home with anyone from the club. However, she was soon distracted by the way Alex's tank top hugged her torso, a patch of the material at the small of her back darkened with perspiration, and revealed her appealingly toned arms. Olivia's gaze traveled slowly down Alex's lithe body to the shorts that hung to mid-thigh, exposing much of the attorney's strong legs to Olivia's hungry eyes. _Damn, Alex is beautiful_, Olivia couldn't help but think when her synapses began to fire again.

It didn't take long for Olivia to admire Alex's body as a weapon as well as an object of desire. Alex's balance was perfect and her strikes beautiful in their precision, especially her impressively controlled kicks. Olivia had always thought that Alex was a runner, but she hadn't figured the attorney for a martial artist; and Alex definitely practiced some pretty advanced moves. It seemed that every new thing she learned about the notoriously private ADA only caused Olivia to be more intrigued with Alex.

Olivia wasn't sure how long she just stood there staring at Alex, but it was long enough that Alex's strength noticeably began to wane. When Alex stopped, she ran a hand over her hair, the strands that had come loose of her hair tie stuck messily to her sweaty skin, and Olivia found the look surprisingly appealing. She imagined that Alex's pale skin would be similarly flushed in passion and had to stifle the groan those images provoked.

As Alex started to unwrap her hands, Olivia made a quick retreat. She had already caused the ADA enough discomfort for one evening and she certainly didn't want to ambush Alex in a place that she'd come to seek refuge. Olivia barely took the time to throw her jeans on again before heading back out the door, hoping that Alex was still cooling down in the back room.

Running away didn't really sit well with Olivia, but she just wasn't ready to confront Alex with her desire for a different, deeper relationship. She wanted to do this right, maybe court Alex, and for that to happen she needed a little time and space to decide how to go about it; this was new territory for her. Olivia knew how to talk a woman into her bed, but was a little unsure how to make one fall in love with her.

Olivia took a cab back to her apartment. When she got there, she walked directly to the shower, hoping that the hot water would successfully take the place of the aborted workout she'd had planned. Olivia only stepped out from under the spray when her fingers started to prune and the water turned unbearably cold. Very little of her tension was resolved, but she figured she was tired enough that it probably wouldn't prevent her from sleeping. She quickly dried off and slipped naked between her sheets. At least she had the whole rest of the weekend to map out how to approach Alex; Olivia needed all the time she could get to make sure she didn't fuck this up.


	6. Truth in Dreams

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**Warning:** This chapter contains sexual content. And if you haven't already figured it out, it's sex between lesbians. Don't like then don't read.

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 – Truth in Dreams<strong>

_Olivia kept an eye on Alex throughout the night, although she doubted that she needed to keep a visual of her at all times since no matter what, she unerringly always seemed to know where the blonde was. Alex kept at it even as it got late and the other gym rats finished their workouts and went home. There was something about how engrossed Alex became in the exercise that drew Olivia's scrutiny; it wasn't just that the attorney was incredibly beautiful, a fact which even sweat-drenched clothes and messy hair couldn't detract from. The thought at the edge of Olivia's consciousness that she couldn't quite get a grip on was that it looked as though Alex punished herself with exercise, and the detective wanted to know why._

_There were few people left in the gym when Alex finally finished and made her way to the locker room. Olivia was a little worried that as the crowd thinned out, Alex would spot her and demand to know why she was following her, because her eyes never left the attorney all night, even though she wasn't physically stalking her. But Alex's eyes had never clashed with hers and she'd seen nothing to indicate that the attorney even knew she was there._

_Olivia waited a few minutes before following the same path Alex had taken back to the women's locker room. She felt like a predator and it didn't sit right with her, but at the same time made her feel undeniably powerful, and as if she were even more attuned to Alex's movements. Olivia placated the side of her that was opposed to this behavior by telling it that she just wanted to make sure that Alex was okay. Something was off with the way that Alex worked out until she was almost too beat to move – too drained to do much of anything except succumb to her exhaustion._

_When Olivia entered the locker room, she knew that they were the only two women there. Almost immediately, Olivia picked up the sound of a shower running and she had to swallow past the lump in her throat as the mental image of water sluicing over Alex's naked body assaulted her mind. She'd planned to just stop at her locker to change out of her workout clothes and maybe stick around until Alex was out of the shower and back into the protective barrier that clothes provided; Olivia just couldn't shake her protectiveness towards the blonde, even though she doubted Alex would be flattered._

_However, just because she planned to leave Alex to her own devices didn't mean that her body would obey her command. Olivia strode right past her locker without even a second's pause, and followed her ears to the only shower stall in use. Her breathing got quicker and heavier the closer she came to the object of her affection, and she couldn't force her feet to turn back the way she'd come – to leave Alex alone._

_The showers in the gym were private, with a small annex that could be closed off from the shower and the rest of the room so that the member could dress in privacy. Through that small dressing area was the actual shower, which was curtained off whenever one showered so that water didn't splash onto the member's dry clothes._

_Olivia made her way through the dressing room towards the final curtain that separated her from Alex. It was as though someone else were commanding her body because she couldn't seem to make herself stop. Even as she raised her hand to draw back the privacy curtain, Olivia knew it was wrong but felt powerless to control her own actions. _

_The detective slipped her hand between the curtain and the side of the shower stall, her fingers tightening on the flimsy barrier that kept her from Alex. A litany of self-recrimination about how wrong this was ran through Olivia's head, and the only thing that stopped her from brushing aside the curtain was the conviction that she would not be like the monsters that she chased down every day – would not be like the bastard who had fathered her. She would never force anything on Alex, and that included confronting the beautiful blonde while she was physically vulnerable in a state of undress._

_The loss of connection that Olivia felt with Alex when she slowly unclenched her death grip on the curtain wrenched painfully through the detective. There was no denying how much she wanted the ADA – had wanted her from the first time they'd met – but that didn't mean her feelings were reciprocated. They were barely even friends and Olivia had no claim on Alex, no reason to feel as connected to Alex as she undeniably did._

_Before Olivia could backtrack through the small changing area, she heard the curtain behind her being whipped open and her first instinct was to turn towards the noise. She stopped in mid-pivot, struck by the sight of Alex's nude form framed in the portal between shower and changing annex, with the shower still running behind her. Olivia couldn't help but stare at the beautiful body exposed before her, from the smooth, toned legs, past the apex of her thighs, to the tight, subtly muscled abdomen, and over Alex's hard-tipped breasts._

_By the time she pulled her gaze up to Alex's eyes, Olivia had to drag in a gasping, shuddering breath, her autonomic response to breathe having been retarded for the past minute while she'd ogled Alex's body. Those gorgeous blue eyes were now locked onto hers and where Olivia thought she would find embarrassment – or certainly anger – there was only a burning heat that was tinged with a slight edge of smugness when Alex saw Olivia's obvious appreciation._

"_See something you like, detective?" Alex teased with a quirk to her mouth, as though her lips were tempted to tilt upwards into a smile. Alex was too classy to strike a deliberately seductive pose, but she wasn't about to shrink back behind the shower curtain when the heat radiating off of Olivia's body was in danger of making her combust. "It took you long enough to get here, and now you're leaving without even saying hello," Alex admonished playfully._

"_Um… sorry?" Olivia said after swallowing through the dryness in her throat. She was surprised by how quickly Alex could just completely turn her inside out. One minute she was chastising herself for stalking Alex like a creepy perp, and the next Alex was admonishing her for not following through on her primitive instincts. It was too hard to think with Alex standing so close, so naked, and then her behavior was even more befuddling, so Olivia had no prayer of sounding like anything other than a simpleton._

_A full blown smile spread across Alex's mouth at the detective's questioning apology and Olivia's mouth quirked up in an answering sexy half-smile. Even though Olivia seemed to be more comfortable and wasn't trying to escape anymore, she also didn't look as though she would take that final step towards Alex. So the blonde decided to take matters into her own hands and slid her left hand into the hair at the back of Olivia's head, insistently pulling the detective forward as she melded their bodies together._

_Olivia had no choice but to fall into the kiss, the demands of her body and those of Alex leaving her unable to resist any longer. She stumbled forward until she was flush against the naked blonde, her arm automatically wrapping around Alex's waist to steady herself while Alex took control of her mouth. Olivia was usually the one who liked to control the action in her relationships, but she would happily give it up if Alex would always be this hungry for her._

_When Olivia had steadied herself sufficiently, she couldn't bring herself to remove her hand. Alex's skin felt so good under her fingertips, warm and wet from the shower, and naturally silky. Olivia couldn't help but stroke up and down the length of Alex's back, reveling in the play of toned muscles under her fingers that quivered at her caress. Alex was a beautifully formed creature and Olivia couldn't have been happier that she was allowed to touch that perfection._

_The kiss was broken by Alex, the attorney separating their lips by a couple of inches so they could both breathe again. She continued to run her fingers slowly through the fine hairs at the back of Olivia's neck, and Olivia damn near purred at the attention. While Olivia had cut her hair short for the purpose of easy maintenance, and she thought it looked good on her, she would keep it this short just for Alex if the blonde would pet her like this every once in a while._

"_Take off your clothes and join me," Alex said with a final quick kiss before gently pushing Olivia back and walking under the spray of the shower once again. She left the privacy curtain open and watched as Olivia took off her sneakers and workout gear. And while the efficient way that Olivia disrobed could never be called teasing or sexy, as the detective seemed to be in a hurry to get out of her clothes, the end result still had Alex's blue eyes flashing with unmistakable heat._

_When she was as naked as Alex, Olivia stood and let Alex look at her, those blazing blue eyes devouring every inch of her and making the detective impossibly more aroused. Alex's gaze lingered on her breasts, causing Olivia's nipples to tighten even more, almost painfully, and making a knowing smile spread across Alex's face. Olivia walked into the shower stall and closed the curtain before ducking under the water. She wasn't under the misconception that it would douse the fire inside her, but it would wash away some of the sweat from her time in the gym._

_Alex enjoyed watching the water run down Olivia's tight body. She had a beautifully sculpted back that Alex couldn't help but imagine scratching her nails across as the detective fucked her, and a firm ass that Alex wanted to grip while Olivia took her with a strap-on. With Olivia just feet away, Alex's fantasies were raging out of control, wanting to become reality. There were so many things she wanted to do with Olivia, and from the heat that had smoldered in those dark brown eyes from the moment the detective had looked at her, Alex was certain that those ideas were well reciprocated._

_As wonderful a portrait as Olivia's backside provided, Alex wanted to enjoy the frontal view again. She reached out with the intention of turning Olivia around, but as soon as her fingers brushed against the detective's arm, Olivia whirled towards her and pushed her up against the wall. Alex only got a short glimpse of the almost feral look in Olivia's eyes before the detective's mouth came down on hers in an intense, demanding kiss._

_Olivia wanted Alex, it was as simple as that, and now that the attorney had invited her advances, Olivia didn't want to hold back anymore. She wanted Alex writhing beneath her as she made the gorgeous blonde come harder than anyone before her. She wanted to hear Alex scream her name as she drove her to peak after peak of pleasure. She wanted to be burned indelibly into Alex's memory so that she would never be forgotten – wanted to ruin Alex for anyone else who might come after her._

_When Alex ripped her mouth away to draw much needed air into her lungs, Olivia took it as a sign to proceed with her seduction. She kissed a path down Alex's neck, licking the drops of water beaded on her skin and nipping at the sensitive flesh when she realized that Alex liked the little love bites. Olivia wanted so much to just fuck Alex, and by the gyration of her lover's hips, Olivia thought Alex was probably ready for it, but she also wanted to take her time and make their first time together memorable instead of just a quick fuck._

_The detective trailed her hands up Alex's sides as she continued to focus on the blonde's neck, intent of leaving her mark on the pale column. She gently cupped Alex's breasts in her hands and a shudder of desire ran through her at Alex's soft moan. Olivia brushed the hard tips of Alex's nipples with her thumbs, causing the blonde to arc into her touch as she demanded more contact. She flicked a nipple with her thumbnail before tugging it, excited by the sharp cry of pleasure she wrung from Alex._

_Olivia nipped at Alex's collar bone as her mouth descended towards perfect, creamy breasts. Alex brought her hands up to cradle Olivia's head when the detective's mouth closed around her breast, trying to push herself further into the wet warmth. Olivia took direction well when it was what she wanted to do anyway, so she complied with Alex's demand. She gently applied pressure to Alex's nipple with her teeth, not wanting to cause pain but hoping that Alex would like it, which she very much did._

_Alex's hips jerked at the pleasure tinged with just the perfect hint of pain. It was as though her nipple had a direct line to her clitoris and now she really ached for attention. "Please, Liv," she begged as she tried to push her hips towards Olivia to get some much needed relief. Alex wasn't used to begging for anything, but she would do as much pleading as Olivia wanted if the detective would only take the edge off her need._

_Olivia's hands went to Alex's hips to steady her and keep her from making contact with the detective's lower body, allowing Olivia to hold on to some measure of her sanity. She released Alex's nipple with a soft pop and went to her knees, driven by the unrelenting need to taste Alex. The journey down Alex's abdomen was pleasurable for the both of them; Alex's muscles twitched in anticipation and Olivia drowning in the scent of Alex's arousal as she got closer and closer to her lover's core._

_When Olivia got to the top of Alex's sex she stopped her descent, playing in the soft blonde curls that shielded Alex but not travelling any lower. Alex tried desperately to get Olivia where she wanted her, spreading her legs farther apart and moving her hips towards the teasing detective. Olivia allowed Alex to widen her stance, but pulled her mouth away whenever Alex canted her hips in the hopes of urging the detective downwards._

"_Please, Liv. I want your mouth on me," Alex nearly sobbed when she couldn't take the teasing anymore. She wanted to come so badly and wouldn't be able to unless Olivia gave her some stimulation. Alex didn't particularly care how Olivia touched her, whether it be with her fingers or her tongue, as long as she did something soon. She wouldn't deny that the thought of Olivia's mouth on her held an incredible amount of appeal, and the intimacy of the act already had Alex wetter than she'd ever been, but she'd take whatever Olivia was offering._

_Olivia growled at the intimate words, turned on beyond belief that Alex had explicitly asked for it. She couldn't deny the need in Alex's voice and she wouldn't deny the primal urges clawing through her that demanded she take what she needed. Finally giving them both what they craved, Olivia spread Alex open and traced her tongue along swollen lips, giving herself a muted taste of Alex's essence. Alex gasped at the first contact and Olivia groaned her pleasure at the sweetness that she savored on her tongue._

_Needing something to hold on to, Alex's hands went immediately to Olivia's hair, her fingers clenching in the short strands even as she tried to remember not to pull too hard. Olivia let Alex do as she pleased as long as the attorney didn't direct her actions, and Alex seemed quite content with how things were progressing if her trembling was any indication. Even when Alex tugged painfully on her hair, Olivia relished the discomfort because she knew Alex couldn't help it, that Alex wasn't aware of how rough she was being._

_Olivia's tongue dipped through wet, silky folds as she finally allowed herself a full-flavored taste of Alex. She'd always enjoyed going down on her partners in the past, but she loved doing it to Alex, especially when the blonde was so vocal about how much she liked it. Olivia would gladly spend a lifetime learning all of Alex's secrets, figuring out what she already knew she liked and exploring with her to find out what else she might enjoy._

_Alex's cries of pleasure and her grasping fingers were Olivia's guide to what the blonde really liked. And while Olivia would have been happy to delve into Alex's delicious heat all day, Alex preferred attention to her clitoris. So when Olivia had decided that Alex had been patient long enough, she drew the hard bud into her mouth and stroked it with her tongue. Alex's grip in her hair tightened and she pulled Olivia even closer to her, unable to settle the need raging within her._

_Olivia focused single-mindedly on her task, wanting to hear what Alex sounded like when she came. The attorney's body went rigid under her hands and Alex's clit turned stone-hard right before she screamed Olivia's name and was consumed in a blinding orgasm. Olivia rode out the orgasm with Alex, making sure the blonde didn't fall to the floor even as she drew out every last wrenching convulsion. Even though it hadn't been Olivia's climax, she could feel how incredible it was as Alex's aftershocks seemed to roll through both of their bodies._

_It was only when Alex's hands started tugging Olivia away from her sensitive flesh that the detective finally relented. She took her mouth away from Alex but couldn't bring herself to leave entirely, instead resting her head against Alex's abdomen as the blonde came down from her high and she tried to control her body's unrelenting desire for completion. It took her a few minutes to calm down, to suppress the need roiling in her stomach, and she realized that part of what calmed her was Alex running her fingers soothing through her hair now and gently rubbing the back of her neck._

_Olivia looked up to see satiated blue eyes looking down at her and she felt a wave of pleasure wash over her. Seeing Alex look so satisfied brought a sense of calm to Alex's heart, and although she wanted relief from her own arousal, Olivia was also content to stay as they were for the moment. She only stood when Alex began pulling her upwards, and was happy to share a kiss with her lover when they were again on equal footing._

_Alex gently parted Olivia's lips, keeping the kiss slow and undemanding, which at the same time seemed to increase the intimacy after what they'd just shared. She reversed their positions so subtly that Olivia didn't even realize it until her back was to the wall with Alex pressing into her. "Your turn, Liv," Alex whispered huskily between feathering kisses down Olivia's jaw. And those three simple words were all it took for Olivia's arousal to come roaring back and pound painfully between her legs…_

The alarm clock sounded shrilly and Olivia quickly smashed her hand down on the defenseless machine, pissed that it had interrupted what had been a spectacular dream before she'd gotten hers. But as she rolled away from the now silent alarm clock, Olivia could feel the warm stickiness between her legs and realized that she had indeed finished. She was used to waking up feeling aroused after dreams about Alex, but she couldn't recall ever actually having an orgasm while she was still asleep.

Now she really needed a shower, and that thought brought a demanding ache to life in her sex. Olivia knew that it would be months, at least, before she could take a shower without imagining what her subconscious had so graphically portrayed in last night's dream. If she had come just from what she'd imagined she'd done to Alex, Olivia was actually kind of curious about what would have happened if her dream had been allowed to finish – and maybe a little scared of the possible outcome.

Olivia rolled out of bed and stalked towards her bathroom. She refused to go to work smelling like sex, so she'd just have to suffer through a shower. As she stepped under the lukewarm spray, Olivia was struck by the thought that if Alex could get her this worked up in her dreams, she might actually die if they ever really got together. Although in Olivia's experience, dreams were usually just as good if not better than reality, she was absolutely certain that with Alex, reality would be a thousand times better.


	7. The Day from Hell

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**A/N: **So my goal to have Sunday be my posting day for this story from now on. Hopefully I can stick to it and get a chapter out to you guys every week. Also a slight warning to die-hard fans of the show, I take liberties with Alex's family from this chapter forward. And as always I hope you all enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 – The Day from Hell<strong>

Alex didn't usually hold any particular dislike for Mondays; in fact she often couldn't wait for the beginning of the work week. She liked the distraction that work provided from any possibility of a personal life. Alex knew she was a good lawyer – she was confident in her skills and felt comfortable in the courtroom – but that confidence didn't translate to the rest of her life. As such, weekends were the days that she dreaded because there was little probability of her services being asked for, and the only thing that saved her from herself was the fact that there was always more research to do for her cases; there was no such thing as being over-prepared.

Unfortunately, this Monday was turning from a bad day into the worst day she'd had in a while. It had started as a bad day when she'd arrived at her office to find a young, cocky lawyer setting up shop. He'd flashed her what he'd undoubtedly thought was a winning smile, nearly blinding her with the artificial whiteness of his perfectly straight teeth, and introduced himself as Jeremy Bradford. Apparently, Mr. Bradford was a new ADA and until another office became available, he would be sharing with Alex.

The only thing that kept Alex from smacking that fake smile right off his face and demanding that he get the hell out of her office was the knowledge that she was mostly still stressed from her run-in with Olivia on Friday night, and she really didn't want to get fired for assaulting a fellow employee; then she'd definitely have too much time on her hands. She did, however, immediately seek out Elizabeth Donnelly to protest the new office arrangements. Donnelly informed her that Bradford would be staying with her since she was the low man on the totem pole, so to speak, being that she was fairly new herself, although Liz did seem to be entertained by her spirited argument to get her office back.

Alex was very particular about how she liked her office set up, and she really hated clutter, which would now be unavoidable with another attorney sharing the small space she'd previously had to herself. She already used every available space for her case files and notes, and had no idea how two of them could possibly coexist without territorial scuffles. But Alex had enough experience dealing with less than ideal situations that she would just ride this one out until Jeremy Bradford was moved into his own office.

It was late that Monday morning, and Bradford was already grating on Alex's nerves, when Captain Cragen called to ask Alex down to the precinct to observe an interrogation. She was more than happy to get out of the office, especially since the new ADA seemed unable to shut up whenever someone was within hearing distance of him. Alex didn't care to know the details about Bradford's life, and she immediately shut him down when she'd realized he was working his way up to asking her out. She would have put the brakes on any offer, but Bradford didn't even fit her most basic criteria since his dick was permanently attached.

Alex had nearly made it to the precinct when another call popped up on her phone. With all the different people who ended up obtaining her cell number, Alex didn't screen her calls when unknown numbers came up, but she really wished she'd had the good fortune to ignore this one. It was what turned her day from bad to awful, but that was to be expected whenever her half-brother found a way to get into contact with her.

The gist of the short, unpleasant conversation was that Michael was being held in booking at the police station and he needed her to come down and clear up whatever misunderstanding he'd had with the police. He demanded her presence and Alex hated the entitled way he commanded her to take of it, and despised even more the fact that she would at least go to see what sort of trouble he'd gotten into this time. Even if he never contacted her except for when she could help him out of legal problems, Michael was still her brother.

Besides, it was just a small detour from her true destination and hopefully it wouldn't take too long to sort out. Predictably, it would end with her saying there was nothing she could do and that she wouldn't use her position to get him released. There would be a lot of yelling and name-calling while Alex stood silent, and then Michael would just call their father like he should have done in the first place, which would end with everyone in the family being mad at her – an outcome she was very familiar with.

Resigned to the rest of her day being tinged with the anger and annoyance that always followed any interaction with either her brother or her step-mother, Alex headed towards booking as soon as she arrived at the precinct. She knew that until Michael was forced to actually face the consequences of his actions, he would continue to get into trouble. With a father that continuously bailed him out and a mother who wouldn't believe he'd done anything wrong even if she witnessed him murdering someone, Michael had never had to grow up.

Alex spotted Michael sitting in a hard-backed chair adjacent to one of the desks that was shared by all on-duty personnel, mostly used for when they had to complete paperwork. He had the same blue eyes as her, but where Alex's were cold because they were always shuttered and private, Michael's were cold because he really was unfeeling when it came to his fellow man; he had only ever cared about himself and the material things he possessed.

Michael had medium brown hair that he'd inherited from his mother, not that one could prove it by the way Alex's step-mother religiously dyed her hair blonde. He kept it cut short and neat, learning from an early age that appearances were important.

Michael had a thin frame, one that even a muscle-building workout regimen couldn't bulk up. It did however make him deceptively strong, which Alex thought kind of suited him since it allowed him to strike unexpectedly. There wasn't a sincere bone in his body and the only person she knew who was more two-faced than him was his mother. Alex knew well how malicious he could be, and wasn't looking forward to the coming argument that could turn volatile at any moment.

When Alex drew closer and Michael finally caught sight of her, there was no gratefulness in his eyes, no gratitude that she was taking time out of her day to deal with his problems. All she could detect was irritation, for having to wait for her and for the fact that he was even being detained, and the ever-present undercurrent of hate that Alex knew his mother had planted at a very early age. There was nothing about this man that made her proud to call him her brother, and that fact made her feel both sad and incredibly guilty.

"God, Alex, it took you long enough," Michael said harshly as he rose to his feet, purposely using his three inches of greater height to try to make Alex feel dominated, which didn't work anymore. "Just tell these assholes who you are so they'll let me go," he said with an unbelievable amount of disdain. Alex felt herself bristle at the insult to the men and women that she worked with, and the backhanded insult to her chosen profession. Michael had always thought that serving the people was a lowly job and certainly one much too degrading for a Cabot.

"Sit down, Michael," Alex said firmly, knowing that he wouldn't because he didn't follow commands – he just gave them. "I need to know what you did before I do anything." She was well aware that Michael had only called her instead of their father because he didn't want his arrest to get back to daddy – not when daddy controlled the money and the last time he'd been arrested his allowance had been severely cut for a few months.

"It was a misunderstanding, Alex," Michael said in his most charming voice as he realized that Alex would not respond to his usual bullying tactics. He wore his most innocent expression, the one that always worked on his mother and usually got him out of trouble with any woman he might have wronged. Too bad Alex had always been immune to his charms because he really just wanted her to get him out of this dirty place.

"Fine. My girlfriend and I had a little argument, and her maid called the cops when Lauren started yelling." He said the word maid with such undisguised disgust that anyone would have been able to tell how little respect he held for anyone in the service industry, as though they were lower than human. "The police came and dragged me away, Alex. They grossly mistreated me and wouldn't even let me talk to Lauren so that she could straighten this all out."

Alex heard the snort of disbelief that came from the officer sitting at the desk and charged with keeping an eye on Michael. Obviously, the officer had a different view on how things went down. Knowing her brother as she did, Alex was absolutely certain that he was leaving the more incriminating events out. She figured that she already knew how the blanks were going to be filled in, but needed to ask anyway.

"What is your account, Officer Moore?" Alex asked the young officer. He was rather handsome, with his square jaw and clean-shaven face, which Alex only noticed in-so-much as she aesthetically appreciated it. Officer Moore had his black hair cut in a close-cropped military style, but it was his sparkling green eyes that were his most stunning feature.

"I told you what happened, Alex. Just tell them to release me," Michael demanded. He hated being kept here like some common criminal when he had other things he could be doing. And he really hated that Alex refused to just accept his version of what had landed him in this situation. All she had to do was tell them who she was and they would let her go, and then he could talk Lauren into officially dropping the charges; the bitch was lost without him, so it wouldn't be difficult to change her mind.

Alex shot Michael a look that told him to shut up because verbalizing her command would just have led to another argument. She turned back to the officer who was now sitting back in his chair watching the interaction between brother and sister. "Please, Officer Moore, your account," Alex asked once again.

"We responded to a call about a domestic dispute at Miss Sanderson's apartment, called in by a maid on her cleaning service. When we got there, we found Mr. Cabot trying to beat down the bathroom door to get to Miss Sanderson. My partner pulled him into the living room while I identified myself to her and asked her to open the door. She would only do so after I had Mack take Mr. Cabot out of the apartment. When she opened the door, I could already see a bruise forming on the left side of her jaw and there were marks on both her arms. We arrested Mr. Cabot and he took a swing at Mack, earning him the additional charge of resisting arrest."

Alex could hear the disgust in Officer Moore's voice as he described the injuries to Lauren Sanderson, and knew exactly how he felt. A man who hurt a woman without provocation was a lowly coward, and they saw it way too often in their line of work. And on top of that, Lauren Sanderson was the daughter of a prominent New York politician, which would put everyone's actions under scrutiny if the young woman pressed charges and the case went public.

She was surprised that Michael had stayed quiet through the concise recounting, but Alex could see the way his jaw was tightening painfully and his eyes flashed with fury. Alex knew that he was capable of the assault and didn't doubt that he'd done it. "Did Miss Sanderson press charges?" Alex asked the most pertinent question. She hoped the young woman had the fortitude to do so, but knew that Michael could only be released if Lauren had recanted her original statement.

"Yes," Officer Moore said with a gleam of satisfaction in his green eyes. "My partner is still going over her statement with her. She seems pretty adamant about this being the _last time_ he hurts her." His disgust was back full force and Alex found herself hoping that Moore and his partner hadn't been overzealous when they'd collared Michael because an excessive force accusation would prove troubling if the case went to court.

Alex turned to face Michael fully, wanting to convey the immovable nature of her next words. "I can't help you, Michael. If Lauren is pressing charges then you have to be booked. There's no way around it." She saw the fury burn even brighter in his eyes and should have anticipated his next move, but she didn't. And before she could register anything else, Alex's head snapped to the side and a sharp stinging radiated through the left side of her face.

Officer Moore got to his feet so fast that his chair fell over backwards and he forced Michael over the desk with his hands behind his back, cuffing the man who'd just slapped his own sister in the middle of a police station. Michael grunted from the rough treatment, but was more intent on calling Alex a bitch, and a lot more colorful names, to protest how he was being handled at the moment. All of his anger now focused on Alex, a target he was comfortable directing his ire at.

Alex stood stunned for a moment, transported back in time twelve years to the last time she had allowed someone to touch her in anger; only then it hadn't been Michael who'd smacked her across the face. She'd been seventeen and the next day she'd left the house she'd grown up in, the only place she'd ever lived. Alex had never had the desire to return to that opulent palace devoid of any warmth, and now she avoided it like the plague, fearing that it would suck the last bit of humanity from her soul if she ever went back.

Pulling her consciousness back to the present, Alex tasted copper on her lip and darted her tongue out to flick over the cut. She was angry, more with herself than with Michael because she should have been able to predict his mood. "Smart fucking move, Michael, hit an assistant district attorney," Alex growled at him. "Book him," Alex said to Officer Moore, meeting his concerned eyes and telegraphing that she was okay.

"You want to add new charges?" Moore asked as he pulled Michael up from the desk to stand on his feet.

Alex looked into Michael's hate-filled eyes and was sorely tempted to file additional charges, but couldn't bring herself to do it. "No, just charge him on the assault and resisting arrest," she said to the officer. "Don't do anything even more stupid, or daddy might not bail you out," Alex said to Michael. It was an empty threat and she knew it, but Michael really needed to learn to control his temper.

Unwilling to stay to listen to Michael's continuing tirade against her, Alex walked to the nearest ladies' room to see what she could do about her split lip. There was a beaded drop of blood on the cut but none had fallen from the wound. She rinsed it with water and a rough paper towel, but a new drop welled to the surface as soon as she'd washed one away. There was no way she'd be able to mask it until it stopped bleeding and she doubted she had the time for that.

As soon as she remember the time crunch she was on, Alex's phone went off and she snapped at the caller. "What?" There wasn't anything that could make this day any worse and Alex had officially been pushed into her foulest mood. She didn't want to take it out on undeserving people, but her run-in with Michael had turned her into the bitch that he'd accused her of being.

"Excuse me, Counselor," Captain Cragen said facetiously. "I know what a terribly busy woman you must be, but we are waiting for you. Can we expect you soon, or should we request the presence of a different ADA?" Alex was still new and the captain didn't completely trust her, so his sarcasm was understandable. He had been on the job for a long time and would not take kindly to a hot-shot new ADA demanding to do everything on her own schedule.

"I'm sorry, captain. I'll be there in a few minutes." Now she really didn't have time to try to cover up the cut on her lip. She grabbed her briefcase and headed towards the elevators. During the ride up to the SVU squad room, Alex flexed her jaw, working some of the sting out of her face. It was throbbing now and Alex knew that she'd have a bruise to contend with by tomorrow – just one more thing to cover up.

Alex strode purposefully into the squad room, hoping that Olivia and Stabler were already in the interrogation room and she would only have to explain her injury to the captain. She should have known that wasn't going to be possible with the way her day was going. Of course Olivia had to be sitting at her desk and then she just had to look up as soon as Alex walked through the doors. Alex actually felt her heart jump at the anger she saw cloud Olivia's face when the detective's eyes zeroed in on where Michael had struck her.

Olivia pushed abruptly away from her desk, her sudden movement and complete disengagement from the conversation she'd been having with Elliot startling the other detective. He could only watch curiously as Olivia strode determinedly across the distance between her and Alex before gently taking Alex's chin in her hand. The care that Olivia showed while handling the attorney was impressive, considering the waves of unmasked fury rolling off the detective.

"Who did this?" Olivia demanded to know with a deadly calm growl escaping from between her clenched teeth that sent shivers skittering down Alex's spine. The angry hand print on the side of Alex's face made it clearer than anything else that this was not an accident, and Olivia wanted to kill whoever had dared to hit Alex. She gently ran her thumb along Alex's lower lip, carefully avoiding the rapidly clotting cut there. The only thing that overshadowed her desire to hurt whoever had touched Alex was the need to comfort the blonde; she wanted to be the one to take away Alex's pain.

Seeing the war waging in Olivia's expressive eyes, Alex let her hand come up to touch the strong fingers cupping her chin. Normally, she would have jerked away from the physical contact, but it was almost as if Olivia needed to touch her to reassure herself that Alex was alright. And if Olivia drew comfort from that innocent touch then Alex didn't want to just rip away from it. Besides, Olivia's fingers felt nice against her skin – a thought that Alex only allowed herself to embrace for a moment.

"It doesn't matter, Liv," Alex said softly so that only they could hear her words. She gently pulled Olivia's hand away, glad that she didn't come up against much resistance because she wasn't sure she would have had the conviction to keep pulling away. Even though she let her hand be drawn away, the look in Olivia's eyes said that it damn well did matter who had hurt Alex. "Please, Olivia. I don't want to talk about it and it sure as hell won't ever happen again."

The fire and absolute certainty in Alex's voice as she stated that last part was what convinced Olivia to drop it for now. She nodded her acquiescence to Alex's wishes while at the same time promising herself that she would eventually get Alex to trust her enough to tell her about it. But as Olivia turned away from the attorney, all she could think about was how warm Alex's skin had been under her fingertips and how much she wished she could touch Alex whenever she wanted to. Olivia was more determined than ever to win Alex over.


	8. Desolate

**Disclaimer**: ****Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 8 – Desolate<br>**

Alex breathed a mental sigh of relief when Olivia let her concern and curiosity drop without further protest. She ached to tell Olivia everything, to share a part of her life that no one had ever gotten close to knowing about her, and that scared her more than anything. But at the same time, there was no way that Alex could open herself up to Olivia because the detective was just too damn good at getting people to reveal their deepest secrets. It was a talent that worked to their benefit when they were investigating a case, but Alex wouldn't allow herself to become just another confessor. They may all have been tasked with bringing the truth to light, but that didn't apply to their own painful secrets.

Olivia motioned Elliot towards the interrogation room after she'd let Alex recede back behind her defensive walls. She knew that he had seen the injuries to Alex's face by now, and just as surely knew that Alex wouldn't want to be confronted about them again. And as confusing as the emotion was, Olivia's first instinctive reaction was to protect Alex, even from her own partner if it was necessary. So Olivia made sure that Elliot preceded her into the interrogation room, with their suspect already waiting inside, and tried to get her mind to focus on the task at hand instead of the ADA who was always on her mind – even more so at the moment.

Cragen stood beside Alex, watching his two best detectives question their suspect, another criminal who thought he was too smart to need a lawyer, but was in fact just playing into their hands. The captain was only half paying attention to the interrogation because he trusted Elliot and Liv to get what they needed, and he was more interested in figuring out their aloof ADA. He was trying to decide whether to keep clear of the topic of Alex's injuries – a topic that the attorney was obviously trying to avoid – or follow his gut.

Since Alex was late in arriving for the interrogation, Cragen had been in his office going through the endless amount of paperwork that seemed to be almost all he did since he'd been promoted to captain of the special victims unit. He'd only noticed when Alex had finally showed up because the steady murmur of conversation coming from Elliot and Olivia had abruptly stopped. And when he'd lifted his head to see what was up, the first thing he'd noticed was the rigid set to Olivia's shoulders and the waves of fury that he could feel emanating from Olivia even from across the room as his detective held Alex's chin in her hand.

Cragen had gotten up from his desk, confused that Olivia was ready to fight even though Alex had just gotten there. It wasn't until he was through his office door that he realized Olivia was vibrating with anger about what someone else had done to Alex and wasn't actually mad at the attorney herself. As he caught sight of the swelling on the left side of Alex's face and the crust of blood on her lip, Cragen also felt a ball of anger form in his gut. That must have been why the usually punctual ADA had been late.

While Elliot and Olivia had started towards the occupied interview room, Cragen had watched Alex reapply her armor. It was an impressive thing to witness as all semblance of emotion was driven from Alex's countenance to be replaced with concentration and the ever noticeable gleam of intelligence became prevalent in her eyes. Alex seemed to stand straighter and she walked towards the observation room with the determination that always seemed to define her. There were no outward signs that she was affected by the blow to her face, or that she even noticed the injury was there.

Cragen had joined Alex in the observation room and respected her privacy when she'd only acknowledged his presence with a tight nod, not inviting any conversation. Alex had never appeared particularly social, but she'd always been politely civil, so her complete silence on the matter was enough to let Cragen know that whatever had happened had bothered Alex a great deal. She might not have been one of his detectives, but Alex was an integral part of their team, and he would always lend his support whenever one of his own was in need.

He waited until Benson and Stabler were wrapping up the session before he decided to speak. Alex had been listening intently to the interrogation and Cragen didn't want to distract her from her job. "You know, Alex, we're all family. If you need us, we're here," he said, his eyes still watching his detectives through the two-way mirror and his hands firmly ensconced in the pockets of his trousers. It wasn't his style to intrude into the personal lives of his people, but he always wanted them to be comfortable coming to him if they ever wanted to, or needed to.

Alex glanced over at the SVU captain and waited for him to meet her gaze before nodding her acceptance of his words. She was grateful that Don wouldn't push her about what had happened unless it directly affected her job, and she took a small amount of comfort in knowing that for all their disagreements, the members of this unit cared about her, as she couldn't help but care about them. Alex turned her attention back to Elliot and Olivia as they prepared the perp for a trip down to booking, and heard the captain slip out of the room.

Moments later, Olivia opened the door of the interview room for Elliot as he led the child molester out in handcuffs. Elliot walked their suspect through the squad room, towards the elevators, while Olivia detoured into the observation room. She was surprised but pleased to find Alex alone in the room. And while it took all of her considerable willpower not to ask once again about the bruise on Alex's face that was beginning to swell fiercely, Olivia kept to the topic that she knew Alex would be more comfortable with. "Think we've got enough to put him away for good?" A pretty unnecessary question after the confession they'd just taken, but at least it let Olivia talk to the blonde about a safe topic that would get a response.

Alex turned those stunning blue eyes on Olivia and the detective was lost for a few seconds before the attorney's voice broke through to her seriously distracted brain. "A full confession that his lawyer will undoubtedly try to get thrown out is a nice start. I'll start the paperwork on getting warrants for his home and storage locker so we can back up that confession with physical evidence," Alex said as she started out the door, looking back over her shoulder at Olivia as she talked until the space opened up and the detective was able to walk beside her.

As Olivia came abreast of the attorney, she heard Alex's breath catch in her throat and felt the blonde stumble slightly. Instinctively, Olivia reached out to steady her companion and immediately brought her gaze up to Alex's face, registering a split second of bone-deep pain before those blue eyes became utterly vacant. Olivia felt a chill slither through her as she watched the transformation. For how cold she'd seen Alex act in the past, Olivia had always been able to detect that flame of passion – for justice and equality – burning under the surface. She'd just witnessed even that deep-seated ember being snuffed out, and it disturbed Olivia down to her core.

In the next instant, Alex had taken a step away from Olivia's steadying hand and was standing taller and more rigid than ever, although Olivia got the impression that Alex was also feeling as insignificant as ever. The detective followed Alex's sightline and saw her focused solely on a man standing in the middle of the squad room as though he owned the place. Even if his presence hadn't completely disturbed Alex, Olivia wouldn't have liked him for the sheer fact that he gave off the vibe of a smarmy high-priced lawyer – the kind that didn't care if his clients were monsters as long as they could pay his astronomical fees.

He looked to be a little over six feet tall with a solid, muscular build, even though Olivia would guess he was in his mid-sixties or so. His short dark hair was cut precisely without a single strand out of place, and Olivia could just see a bit of graying at his temples. The designer suit he wore was tailored perfectly to his athletic frame and absolutely screamed power. But it wasn't until the man turned towards her and Alex that Olivia caught sight of his blue eyes, the only feature that he seemed to have passed on to Alex.

Alex pulled up in front of the man that Olivia didn't doubt was her father, and although the detective would usually give someone their space to have a private conversation, she felt the need to stay close to Alex and lend all the support she could. It was odd when Alex nothing, and Olivia ripped her gaze from the patrician countenance of the man in front of her to glance quickly back over at Alex. And when she shot her eyes back to Alex's father, there was a smile on his face and he was holding his hand out to Olivia.

"Michael Alexander Cabot," he said in a smooth, deep voice that Olivia didn't doubt was hypnotizing in the courtroom. She'd had a lot of practice wading through people's bullshit, but even she might have been taken with this guy if she hadn't immediately disliked him on the grounds that his mere presence caused Alex pain. However, she'd shaken hands with assholes before and it didn't usually rub off on her, so she did the only polite thing and accepted his hand – perhaps squeezing it just a little bit harder than was absolutely necessary, but she couldn't help herself.

"Detective Olivia Benson," she replied with an answering smile that probably more closely resembled a grimace or a sneer. Olivia already recognized that she liked Alex, so she had no reason to analyze her instant dislike of this man. Anyone who could make Alex freeze like that made it onto Olivia's bad side. Olivia had seen few people look so desolate, and the fact that it was Alex made Olivia ache with sympathy pains.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked quietly, her gaze focused over her father's left shoulder as though she couldn't make eye contact with him. She hadn't seen him for years, and it wouldn't have been too long if she hadn't seen him for the rest of her life. Her connection to him had been severed long before she'd left home, and she didn't want to go back – couldn't go back.

"I was making arrangements for Michael and couldn't get a hold of you at your office. When I asked around, it was mentioned that you were here, so instead of playing phone tag with you, I decided to take care of this now," he said as though it should have been obvious. There were no outward signs that he felt anything while seeing his daughter after years of no contact whatsoever.

"I can't help Michael," Alex abruptly blurted out almost before her father had finished speaking. As soon as it was out of her mouth, Alex mentally berated herself for the sudden outburst and for showing how obvious it was that seeing her father threw her off. She would say that she hated the man, but that was way too simplistic for the myriad of emotions that swirled around inside of her on the very rare occasions that she saw him. Other than those few run-ins, Alex didn't spare a thought for the man who was nothing more than a stranger to her.

Alex's father studied her slowly, a hint of irritation in his gaze, and Alex didn't think that she imagined the disapproval in his eyes. "I would never have asked you to, Alexandra. You shouldn't have to put your job at risk to assist your brother. And I am more than capable of handling the situation." If there was one thing that the Cabot patriarch understood, it was the dedication that one should give to their profession.

"I don't think it will just go away this time. Lauren Sanderson is the one pressing charges, and she won't be persuaded to back off quite so easily." Alex knew that the family usually bought Michael's way out of his problems, although he'd never been in quite such a serious situation before, but it would be unlikely that they could silence a member of the Sanderson family with money. Her father probably already knew the details, but there was little else Alex could contribute.

Michael Alexander shot a quick look over at Olivia, who was still standing beside Alex in an almost protective, confrontational manner. Alex was usually very conscious of keeping her private life to herself, which especially meant anything to do with the family that she belonged to in name only. But Alex found that she didn't mind Olivia being here, listening to some of her family issues, so she wasn't about to ask Olivia to leave, particularly when she could feel the tension in the detective's body even though they weren't touching.

"I'll take care of it. As long as there's nothing else that Michael forgot to tell me. Something that he might have told you, perhaps," Michael Alexander subtly asked. And there was the reason that the man had sought Alex out. Alex had been wondering why her father had taken the time to see her personally, but it made sense when he thought that Alex might know something more that could help him protect his prized son. To be honest, Alex was glad that she had nothing else to report since it would mean she shouldn't be seeing either of them again.

"All I know is what's in the police report, and I'm sure the officers will make that available to you as soon as you request it," Alex responded. She still couldn't fathom why her father thought that Michael would entrust her with any secrets. Her brother made no secret of the fact that he didn't like her; although Alex couldn't recall ever interacting with her brother when their father was around, so maybe Michael Alexander was just under the misconception that they must share some kind of sibling bond.

Her father nodded his head, although Alex somehow doubted that he completely believed her answer. He picked up his coat and briefcase, transferring both items to the same hand so that he could reach out and barely graze the swollen mark on Alex's cheek. "You really should be more careful, Alexandra. With all of those lowlife criminals you prosecute, this was bound to happen. You know you're welcome to join my firm at any time. My partners and I would be happy to open up a position for you."

Alex had to consciously stop herself from flinching away from her father's light touch. In her weaker moments, Alex still railed at herself for picking the same profession as her bastard of a father, even though she'd decided to use her skills for the protection of society instead of getting rich men out of trouble. But even all the differences between her and her father could not always soothe her conscious, because in her heart of hearts Alex knew that she was still just an ignored little girl desperately trying to obtain her absent father's approval; and she hated herself for that weakness.

As Alex's father finally walked away, Olivia became aware of the throbbing in her jaw that resulted from clenching it for the past unknown number of minutes. During the Cabots' conversation, Olivia had come to the conclusion that Michael was Alex's brother and that he'd gotten himself into some kind of trouble. The other thing that she'd figured out – the thing that positively enraged her – was that it had been Alex's brother who'd struck her. Olivia had already hated whoever had hurt Alex, but the fact that it was likely her own brother made it that much more unpalatable.

The detective wanted to scream at Alex's father that it wasn't some unknown _lowlife_, but his own son who'd hurt Alex. She'd had to grind her jaw shut hard just so she wouldn't do that. It was Alex's choice what to tell her father and Olivia wouldn't interfere where she didn't have the right, particularly when she knew that Alex would hate her for it. The only thing she could do was stand beside Alex and hope that the attorney knew she wasn't alone.

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><p>When Alex got home that night, she deliberately shut her apartment door gently instead of slamming it, not that she had any energy left to heave the damn thing closed. After her father had left the precinct, Alex had escaped the squad room as quickly as possible. She'd immediately taken a long lunch and spent the next hour and half sweating out her frustration at the gym. Alex knew she must have looked fierce since not a single person approached her, and in fact everyone had seemed to take a wide berth around her.<p>

She'd done what she could to cover the bruise on her cheek and cut on her lip before going back to work. The only person stupid enough to ignore her thunderously foul mood and ask her about the discoloration was Jeremy Bradford, and the look that she'd pinned him with after that had sent him running from her office to a meeting that he'd miraculously just remembered. Alex was just thankful that she hadn't been due in court today because she wasn't sure she could have pulled it together enough to be effective.

Seeing her brother was bad enough because the entitled little prick was too self-important for anyone's good. But Alex had gotten used to dealing with Michael's barely concealed hatred towards her – a quality that she knew he'd learned from his mother. Alex wasn't affected by Michael's disdain for her, but she couldn't control the pain that flooded through her whenever she had to deal with her father. And nothing was worse for Alex than that loss of control over her emotions.

Alex had barely been able to fake her way through the rest of the afternoon at the office. Not once did Alex leave her desk, and she'd told all callers that they should call back the next day when she would have more time. Alex was used to being able to find solace in her work, but today she couldn't even do that because she wasn't capable of doing her fucking job after the encounter with her father. Nothing could have more clearly demonstrated to Alex that she seriously needed to deal with the family issues she'd consciously avoided for her entire life.

As soon as she could legitimately leave for the day, Alex had again gone back to the gym. She was already mentally and physically exhausted, but until she was falling-down tired, Alex knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep, which was the only reprieve she would get from this horrible day; perhaps the only thing that could save her from her own self-deprecating inner monologue.

So she found herself stumbling through her front door at nearly eleven o'clock, her body sore and achy from the long hours of punishing exercise it had just been put through. She'd showered at the gym so that her hair would start to dry on the way home and she could just drop into bed. Alex didn't even register the cramping in her stomach that resulted from hunger – that pain fading into the background and just becoming one of many that she didn't have the energy to sort through or heal.

Alex dropped her gym bag by the door, needing to wash her clothes before they took on a life of their own. She shuffled her way into her bedroom; just the way she dragged her feet and used the walls to keep herself upright enough to let her know that she'd never been more depleted in her life. And when she got to her bedroom, Alex couldn't even be bothered to do more than toe off her sneakers before falling face first onto her bed. She detested wearing pants and socks to bed, and usually slept in just a tank top and panties, but right now she could probably have fallen asleep wearing a full suit of battle armor.

Alex barely had enough time to pray that her problems didn't follow her into her dreams before she was out like a light. Tomorrow would be better than today because there was no way it could be any worse. Alex had to believe that it would be better, or she doubted she would be able to crawl out of bed tomorrow. She'd barely made it through the day, and couldn't even fathom surviving another one like it.

* * *

><p><strong>I promise it won't all be angsty. Soon we'll be moving into the more fun parts, I swear.<strong>


	9. Snowed In

**Disclaimer**: ****Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Snowed In<strong>

_Tonight was turning into one of those perfect nights, just a quiet night at home with Olivia sitting next to Alex on the couch. Olivia was relaxing on the end of the couch with her feet stretched out in front of her and propped up on the coffee table, reading. She didn't often have the down time to just sit back and read, but having Alex by her side tended to get her to wind down some. Alex was curled up next to the detective, her feet folded under her body while she looked over a file from work. One hand was keeping the folder firmly situated in her lap while the other was resting naturally on Olivia's thigh, occasionally tracing random patterns across the jeans-clad flesh._

_Olivia had tried to get Alex to put down the file, not wanting tonight to be another one filled with work until all hours, but had given up after a couple of failed attempts to take the folder away. She knew that if she'd really pressed the issue, Alex would have conceded, but the case the attorney was reviewing had something to do with sex in a public place and the few obscure details that Alex had allowed herself to share with Olivia were hilarious. That type of case wasn't going to wear Alex out emotionally, like so many of their cases could, so Olivia didn't mind her working on it._

_Alex had just finished her review, knowing that she was as prepared as ever for the meeting she had scheduled with the culprit and his lawyer tomorrow, and was setting the multitude of papers neatly on one corner of the coffee table, when she noticed Olivia yawning. It was getting late in the evening and they hadn't done much all day except leave their apartment once on a quick trip to the store for some groceries. But there was something about being lazy all day that made one even lazier._

_Taking the book that was now almost dangling from Olivia's fingers as the detective tried to resist nodding off, but was clearly losing that battle, Alex tossed a piece of scrap paper between the pages to hold Olivia's place and set the novel aside. Olivia looked at Alex with sleepy eyes, her expression both apologetic that she was nearly dozing off and grateful that Alex had saved her book before she'd lost her place. She wondered if she'd be able to make it the short distance to their bedroom to take a nap since her muscles already felt like jelly. Luckily she didn't end up having to try to stand._

_Alex sat back down on the opposite end of the sofa before reaching across the space between them and pulling Olivia to her, directing the detective's head into her lap. "Come on, baby, lay down. You have time for a little nap," Alex said as she brushed her fingers across Olivia's forehead, smiling softly when those beautiful brown eyes closed at the soft, soothing touch. She sifted her fingers through Olivia's hair, listening to her lover's hum of pleasure and enjoying the way the short, silky strands felt against her hand._

_The attorney brought her other hand down to caress Olivia's face and neck, loving that she could touch her strong, beautiful detective like this whenever she wanted to. She cradled Olivia's jaw in her hand and lowered her head to brush her lips across her lover's. "I love you," Alex murmured softly when she felt Olivia go limp beneath her, letting her know that her detective had given in to the need for sleep. She kept her fingers slowly moving through Olivia's hair as she leaned her head back onto the couch and closed her eyes._

_Alex awakened with a twinge in her neck, but that discomfort was secondary to the wonderful feeling of soft lips fluttering over her face. She felt a smile lazily tugging at the corners of her mouth before she'd even achieved full consciousness. When those wandering lips finally found their way to Alex's, the attorney parted her lips and sighed when her lover's tongue dipped just inside. The kiss wasn't meant to be anything more than a greeting, but even that was enough to set the heat sparking low in Alex's stomach._

_When Olivia would have moved away, Alex followed her retreating lips and slid a hand to the nape of her detective's neck. It was too perfect to wake up like this and Alex wasn't willing to let that wonderful feeling recede just yet. Alex knew that if she let it go too long, they'd wind up naked, or at least one of them would in their impatience – probably her. And while she loved that they were so crazy about each other, Alex doubted that she had the energy to thoroughly make love with Olivia tonight._

_But when Olivia repositioned them so that Alex was now lying completely on the couch with the detective above her, Alex couldn't bring herself to halt her lover's progress. It wasn't until Olivia slipped her hand down Alex's torso and dipped under the waistband of the attorney's sweatpants that Alex knew it was now or never. She caught Olivia's hand before it could travel any lower and weaken her resolve to stop. "That's far enough, stud," Alex said with a smile in her voice; she loved to tease Olivia about her dominant personality and butch look._

_Olivia groaned against Alex's neck; she had been in the process of marking the elegant column when Alex had put the brakes on. "You're the one who started it," she whined playfully as she gave Alex's neck one last nip for good measure before lifting her head to look into those amazing blue eyes that she loved so much. Accepting Alex's wish to stop didn't mean that she had to go quietly though, and Olivia made sure to lightly scrape her trimmed fingernails across the blonde's lower abdomen as she extracted her hand._

_Alex caught her breath at the sensation and knew it had been Olivia's intention when she spotted the too innocent smile on her lover's face. "I most certainly did not start it. You were the one who kissed me," the attorney exclaimed, pushing at Olivia's strong shoulders even though she didn't really want her to move. She was happy when Olivia resisted and kept her body poised above Alex's supine form, looking every bit the dangerously competent lover Alex knew her to be._

"_You're right, I did, Sleeping Beauty. But it was an innocent kiss until you put your hooks into me and wouldn't let me go," Olivia shot back, an amused smirk spreading across her face at their playful banter. "What did you expect a weak, sex-starved butch like myself to do, but jump at the chance to have a wily temptress like yourself beneath me? You know it's not very nice to tease us mere mortals with promises of your divine favors just to take them away."_

_Alex rolled her eyes at Olivia's over the top description. "Sex-starved? Please! You get laid more than the emperor at a Roman orgy. Besides, you know I'm not a tease, love. I very much plan on following through," she said in a sexy purr. "I just don't have the energy to do it justice right now, and you know I like to do things to the best of my ability." Alex leaned up and nipped at the pulse point on Olivia's neck, feeling her lover shiver at the combination of the promise in her voice and the possessiveness of her bite._

_Olivia quickly pushed herself up off the couch before she couldn't control her actions anymore. She would cut off her own arm before she'd ever force Alex to do anything she didn't want to, but that knowledge didn't make it any easier to restrain her libido when the blonde was involved. "Let's go to bed then," Olivia said, holding out her hand to help Alex stand up. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist from behind once the blonde was standing, pulling Alex back into her body before Alex could start towards their bedroom. "The quicker we get to sleep, the quicker you'll get your energy back," Olivia said as she nuzzled Alex's neck._

_Alex turned within the circle of Olivia's arms and planted a relatively chaste kiss on the detective's lips. "You're right," she said as she stepped out of Olivia's embrace and grabbed her hand before leading her towards their bedroom. It was a special kind of pleasure to go to sleep next to Olivia at night and awaken with her in the morning, and Alex loved that she got to experience it every day – or at least nearly every day._

_Olivia didn't resist being dragged towards their bedroom, but she did have to remind her body that they were just going to sleep. But she pacified her rampant hormones by promising them satisfaction later. For Alex she would pretty much wait forever, and she was so lucky that her love enjoyed sex just as much as she did because that meant Alex never made her wait for long. And as long as she got to hold Alex, she would be able to temper her need._

_They quickly got ready for bed, Olivia letting Alex use the bathroom first because the attorney was meticulous about her oral hygiene. Olivia stretched out on top of the covers with her hands locked behind her head while she waited for Alex to finish. When Alex came out of the bathroom, Olivia took care of her own nightly routine._

_Alex was already under the covers when she got back, wearing her usual sleepwear of a tank top and a pair of boyshorts. Olivia quickly stripped off her clothes, preferring to sleep in the nude, especially with Alex next to her, and slipped under the comforter. She snuggled up behind Alex, resting an arm across her love's abdomen, and breathed in the familiar scent that was uniquely Alex before drifting off to sleep with a sigh of contentment._

Alex stretched languidly in bed, knowing instantly that she was alone. Although she could feel a warm knot in the pit of her stomach, it wasn't the intense, raging hunger that followed the vivid sex dreams she too often had. While the type of dream she'd had last night presented its own problems, Alex would much rather have that kind than the often painful sex dreams that always prominently featured Olivia. At least with last night's dream she hadn't woken up with need cramping her stomach or sweat coating her skin.

It disturbed her that she couldn't get Olivia off her mind, especially when she dreamed, but she did feel happy after waking up from a purely romantic dream featuring Olivia. And after the day that she'd had on Monday, it was wonderful to feel anything that wasn't tinged with pain or some other negative emotion. Alex allowed herself to bask in the lingering warmth of her dream while trying not to think too hard on the persisting images; a task that was impossible, but that hadn't ever stopped Alex from attempting it before.

Alex had always been a detail-oriented person, but when it came to her dreams, she desperately wished that they weren't so vivid or that she wouldn't remember them so clearly. And in particular, from last night's dream, she wished that she didn't remember saying 'I love you' to Olivia. Alex feared that those words were much truer than she would ever admit to herself. She could argue that love was only something that one could feel after really knowing someone, but that didn't change the complex set of emotions that she felt every time she even thought about the dangerously handsome detective.

Releasing a groan into her pillow, Alex forced herself to get up. There were only so many times that she could analyze the same feelings over and over again. She couldn't seem to come up with any new conclusions that made her feel any better, and in fact, the more she thought about it the more she felt her resolve to stay away from Olivia slipping. So she did the only thing that had any prayer of distracting her, and that was focusing on her job. Alex was well aware of the cruel joke that was, because even in that she could never completely distance herself from Olivia since the detective was so much a part of her work.

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><p>It was just past nine o'clock at night and Olivia was the only one left in the SVU squad room. Everyone else was at home taking care of their families or helping with the multitude of calls that snowfall seemed to incur. There were only a couple of inches on the ground when Olivia had last checked about an hour ago, but the weathermen predicted close to another foot or so before the storm passed. Winter had been very mild this year and this early March snowstorm was making people act stupid since it promised to be the biggest of the year.<p>

Olivia had no family she needed to check on and she was behind on her paperwork, so she'd volunteered to hold down the fort while the others took care of what they needed to. To be honest, Olivia enjoyed the quiet in the deserted room. The only other times it was ever this silent was when they'd lost a particularly tough case and it seemed as though everyone was paying their respects to the ruined lives left behind. It was nice that tragedy hadn't caused this silence.

Having made a lot of progress on her paperwork without the noise and inevitable interruptions that a busy squad room would have provided, Olivia was now strolling the floor, relieving the tension in her back from hours of sitting bent over her desk. It was on her second lap around the room that Olivia noticed a light coming from one of their interview rooms, and she went to investigate. They didn't leave lights on in unused rooms, as per the latest decree from the chain of command that the city was trying to go green and use less energy.

When Olivia got to the open door of the interview room, she saw that it was occupied by close to the last person she expected to see – Alex. Not that she was disappointed to see the blonde who always caused a surge of happiness to well up inside of Olivia. Alex was sitting in one of the uncomfortable metal chairs with papers, files, and notepads spread out across the entire surface of the table in front of her. Olivia couldn't help but take the opportunity to study the ADA, her eyes immediately drawn to the black-framed glasses that Olivia had always thought were unnaturally sexy. Glasses were supposed to be functional, not make an already stunning woman look even more amazing.

Not wanting to get caught standing in the doorway ogling Alex, although the attorney did seem pretty engrossed in her work, Olivia decided to announce her presence. "Alex," she said softly, just loud enough for the blonde to hear her, although she knew that any interruption was likely to startle Alex.

Even though Alex recognized the voice as Olivia's, her head still jerked up in alarm at the unexpected noise. "Jesus, Liv," Alex couldn't help but exclaim, the words a gut reaction to the adrenaline spike in her system. Her heart rate sped up, but even when she saw there was no danger, it remained elevated – just one of the many things she couldn't control around Olivia Benson. Truth be told, Alex was close to not caring about her uncontrollable reactions because she wanted Olivia, and that wasn't about to change anytime soon.

"Sorry," Olivia said, looking slightly sheepish even though she hadn't meant to startle Alex. "What are you doing here? Don't you have an office you usually work out of?" the detective asked, her curiosity piqued. She was sure that Alex's office must be more comfortable than their interrogation room, and from the looks of things, the ADA had been here for a while and didn't seem as though she was about to leave in the near future.

"My office has been taken over by a bachelor and it was either move out or commit murder," Alex said, deadly serious. At Olivia's confused look, Alex expounded upon her answer. "We have an influx of new ADAs at the moment, so I got volunteered to sponsor one until another office becomes available. And before you ask, I'm sure he's a bachelor because any girlfriend certainly would have cured him of his more unflattering bad habits, like never throwing away his take-out containers when he's finished eating," she said with a disgusted expression on her face. "Why couldn't I have been forced to share with a gay man? At least he wouldn't look at me like I've got three heads when I tell him to clean his crap up," Alex finished with a hint of sarcasm, although Olivia wasn't sure if she was really kidding or not.

"That sucks," Olivia said. The phrase may have been inelegant, but the words were direct and true. She didn't doubt that Alex had already argued against sharing her personal space, so she wasn't going to suggest that the attorney make a plea to a higher authority. "I hope you get your office back soon."

"You and me both," Alex said, looking back down at all the work spread out around her. There was only so much stuff she could move with her, and her law books were out of the question, so she really wanted her office back. For now, she just made notes if she thought a particular volume would be useful and she'd wait until Jeremy was for sure going to be out of her office before she looked up what she needed to.

Olivia searched for an excuse to get Alex to stay so she could talk to her some more; it wasn't often that they were alone and actually having an amiable conversation. "Have you eaten? I was just going to order something," she threw out there. She'd actually been hoping that her favorite Chinese place would still be open so she could grab something on her way home, but Alex didn't need to know that just seeing the attorney had changed Olivia's plans.

"That actually sounds great," Alex said, glancing at her phone and calculating that it had been nearly ten hours since she'd last ingested anything that wasn't a liquid. At the mere mention of food, Alex's stomach began to rumble in protest of the attorney's unintended fast.

They agreed on which restaurant to call and Alex gave Olivia her order, following the detective's suggestion that she keep working while Olivia took care of the food. While Olivia was gone, Alex had to admit that it would be nice to share dinner with someone. She had been talked – some might have called it bullied – into monthly dinners with Sapphire and Meg, but that wasn't the same. Alex hadn't had dinner with someone she considered potential girlfriend material since college, and that thought was enough to officially take Alex's mind off of work.

As Alex gather her notes and files together, neatly organizing them and slipping them into her close to overflowing briefcase, she thought about Olivia. She liked the detective – a lot – and Olivia had many qualities that undeniably drew Alex. Olivia was kind, hard-working, smart, and she had a seemingly endless capacity for compassion, not to mention she was beautiful, or handsome, depending on what attitude she was channeling. Alex admired her deep-seated need to do what was right, and that quality was very important to the attorney. The major strike against the detective was that she was already in a relationship, and Alex would never be a willing participant to any act of infidelity.

Before Alex knew it, Olivia was back, carrying a bag of take-out and rosy-cheeked from the cold outside. The detective knew that she needed to make Alex aware of the weather, although she would rather just ignore it and keep the blonde here with her tonight. "It's getting pretty bad out there, Alex. If you want to go home tonight, I'd suggest you do it now, before it gets any worse. I can get another bag and pack your order to go," she said, hoping that her reluctance to see Alex leave wasn't revealed in her voice.

"What about you?" Alex asked.

"I'll just stay in the crib tonight. I've done it before. And at least this time Elliot won't be there, keeping me awake with his snoring. I honestly don't know how Kathy puts up with it," Olivia finished with a shot at levity that she didn't really feel. "If you wait much longer, I'm not sure the roads will be passable. It's coming down hard and it doesn't sound like it's going to let up until sometime tomorrow," she continued when Alex just stood at the table, not making a move to leave or saying anything about her plans.

"Well, it sounds as if the roads are already pretty bad," Alex said carefully, not wanting to seem too eager to be caught here overnight with Olivia. She knew it would be a test of her already strained willpower, but she just couldn't resist the opportunity to have Olivia all to herself for even just a few wakeful hours. "It'll probably be safer to stay right here. And you've got beds, so at least we'll be able to get some sleep."

The smile that lit up Olivia's face warmed Alex to the core, and she felt an answering smile spread across her own lips. She wouldn't let herself regret her impulsive decision – allowing one impulsive choice in twenty-nine years of life wasn't exactly something she should feel guilty about. So, as Olivia started taking their meals out of the bag she had finally set on the table, Alex told herself to enjoy tonight, because she certainly didn't have the luck to get snowed in with Olivia more than once in her lifetime.


	10. A Night in the Crib

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**Warning/Rating:** This chapter is getting a pretty hard MA+ rating for sexual content between two women. I guess I'll also throw in a warning for offensive language just to cover my basis. Everyone has their own trigger words that they don't like and I can't foresee what those will be, but I hope you enjoy anyway.

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><p><strong>Chapter 10 – A Night in the Crib<strong>

Alex and Olivia talked primarily about work throughout a long, leisurely dinner – neither of them could go anywhere, not that either of them wanted to. Olivia asked a few general questions about Alex's family, wanting to know everything about the attorney, but quickly learned to avoid the topic when it caused Alex to shut down. The detective wanted tonight to be a nice experience, not one that would bring back bad memories for Alex, so they stuck to work and Olivia entertained Alex with funny anecdotes featuring mishaps on the job, mostly citing incidents that had happened to either Elliot or Munch.

Olivia found herself unable to stop smiling when she made Alex laugh. Alex was always beautiful, but it was usually in a cold, untouchable sort of way. When she laughed, Alex's face lit up and her features softened, becoming even more breathtaking and making her seem so much more approachable. It was nice to see Alex relax a little, and Olivia knew that she could easily get addicted to spending time with the attorney like this.

When Alex stifled yet another yawn, Olivia knew it was time to move things to the crib. Alex looked like she might fall asleep with her head on the table and Olivia didn't want that to happen. The cots in the crib weren't nearly the same caliber as a bed one might have in their home, but they were better than the metal chair Alex was currently sitting on. Their interrogation room certainly wasn't supposed to be comfortable, so Olivia decided to start steering them towards the crib.

Olivia stood and stretched her back out, looking at her watch and realizing that they'd been talking for hours. "I think it's time for bed," she said as she held out her hand to Alex, knowing that the attorney didn't need her help to stand up, but hoping she would take her hand anyway. It had not escaped Olivia's notice over the past couple of years that Alex shied away from physical contact, and after meeting her father and guessing how her brother treated her, Olivia wasn't exactly surprised.

Looking at the proffered hand, Alex couldn't help but admire the long tapered fingers with neatly trimmed nails. Just poised there in midair, they exuded so much strength, from the slightly rough-looking pads to the fine softness down at the base of the wrist. With her brain distracted by taking in every detail about the detective, Alex lifted her hand and rested it in Olivia's, cataloguing the stark contrast of their skin tones. Olivia was so much darker than her own pale complexion, as though the detective had a perpetual tan that would never fade; it was beautiful and Alex hoped that it was a trait that would be passed along to any of Olivia's children.

Alex lightly shook her head, torn between not wanting to think of Olivia having children with anyone else and knowing that the detective would make a wonderful mother. She stood up, not using Olivia's hand for leverage but enjoying the feel of it wrapped loosely around her own. And when Olivia didn't immediately release her upon completion of that task, Alex looked away from their joined hands up into Olivia's eyes. They were a soft liquid brown that Alex had never seen before and she felt her heart dance in her chest at the open expression.

"Thank you," Alex said as Olivia let go of her hand and she let it drop back to her side. "Um, do you have any clothes I can borrow?" she asked, gesturing to the suit she was wearing. Alex liked free range of motion from her clothes when she wore something to bed, and her fitted blouse, while completely appropriate for court, would not be comfortable as sleepwear. And there was no way Alex could get comfortable if she had to wear her skirt to bed. She preferred to sleep in only a T-shirt and underwear, but knew it would be a bad idea to go pants-less with Olivia sleeping just a bunk or two away from her.

"Sure," Olivia said, unable to curb her eyes' quick assessment of Alex's trim body even though she knew the attorney was watching her. She drew her gaze back up to Alex's eyes and gave a half smile. "I'm sure I can find something that'll fit you acceptably for tonight." She led the way out of the interrogation room and to the locker room, which the team used surprisingly often because they were all so devoted to the cases they worked.

As she was spinning the combination into the lock for her little cubby of space, Olivia heard Alex mumble how she would kill for a toothbrush. She smiled at the comment, thinking that Alex probably hadn't meant to say it loud enough to be heard. And when she opened her locker door, pleased that she'd at least be able to give Alex that, Olivia reached up onto the small top shelf and felt around until she found what she was looking for. Olivia pulled out the unopened toothbrush and rummaged around until she'd retrieved her nearly empty tube of toothpaste; she spent quite a few nights here and it was easier to keep the necessities on hand then to get new hygiene products each time she unexpectedly stayed overnight.

"Here," Olivia said, turning around with her offerings in hand. "If you'd like to take a shower, I can probably scare up a towel for you, too." At the shake of Alex's head, Olivia was almost glad because the images from her dream last Friday night came raging back and she wasn't sure she'd be able to resist making them a reality if Alex had said she'd wanted to shower. As it was, she knew that sleeping mere feet away from Alex was going to tax her usually honorable intentions.

"Then why don't you go take care of whatever you need to while I scrounge us up some clothes," Olivia said as she directed Alex towards the sinks and shower area. It wasn't a large locker room, but Alex was looking a little lost, so Olivia offered what help she could.

Using the time that Alex was gone to her advantage, Olivia pulled a long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants out of her locker. She decided to give Alex her clothes since she knew for a fact that they were clean and thought the attorney could probably use the extra warmth the long sleeves would provide. Olivia barely acknowledged to herself that she also wanted to see Alex wearing her clothes, although the thought certainly flitted through her mind momentarily. But her other reason of wanting Alex to have clean clothes was legitimate, so she didn't dwell on her other slightly manipulative reason.

After putting her neatly folded clothes on the bench in front of her locker, Olivia went in search of something that she could wear herself. She could sleep in her slacks and button-down shirt if she had to – she'd done it before – but there were usually some NYPD shirts and sweats stacked somewhere nearby for emergency purposes.

It took her a little longer than she would have liked to locate them, but eventually she found a pair of sweats that fit just a tad too snugly and a T-shirt that she nearly swam in. She would have to ask Cragen to talk to someone who could provide some better clothing sizes for women.

Alex was standing at her locker when Olivia got back. Olivia indicated the clothes sitting on the bench and told Alex she could change while the detective took care of her own nightly routine. Grabbing her own toothbrush, Olivia hurried off with her pile of new clothes in tow. She tried not to think about Alex stripping off her blouse and skirt just to replace them with the sweatpants and plain cotton shirt that had last been pressed against Olivia's own skin. Olivia took a little extra time to get ready for bed, both to make certain that Alex was dressed by the time she got back and because she needed a second to calm herself.

As Alex shucked her suit and pulled on the clothes that Olivia had procured for her, she enjoyed their simple softness. While Alex knew that most people probably thought she lived in expensive suits, she really preferred to wear comfortable clothes. She had to roll the borrowed sweatpants at the waist to bulk it up so they would stick to her slim hips, but they were certainly more comfortable than her skirt was. Then as Alex pulled the shirt over her head, she caught the scent coming from the cloth, and was unable to prevent herself from inhaling deeply, reveling in the smell that she knew much better than she probably should. The knowledge that she was wearing Olivia's clothes warmed her, from low in her belly up through her chest.

Olivia came back and set her stuff back in her locker before leading Alex to the crib. She never would have expected to be sharing the room with Alex, especially when it seemed as though they were the only two in the SVU wing because of the snowstorm. Olivia had already given herself a mental talk focused around not coming on to Alex and she really hoped she could stick to it. She didn't want to embarrass herself or make Alex uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

When they got to the crib, Olivia told Alex to pick whichever bed she fancied while the detective retrieved some blankets. She knew they were clean, but Olivia wished she had something better to offer Alex, something not quite so utilitarian and scratchy. Alex thanked her for the blanket as Olivia settled onto the next cot over from the one Alex had chosen. They both relaxed into their beds, and when Olivia saw Alex yawn once again, she turned off the light and said goodnight. She figured this was as close as she would ever get to sleeping with Alex for a long while – maybe even forever – and decided not to dwell on that disappointing fact.

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><p><em>Olivia had been acting odd all evening – not like she'd had a bad day at work because Alex knew how the detective acted when her day went horribly. It was almost as if Olivia had a secret that she wasn't ready to share just yet, and that made Alex a little suspicious. Olivia was being much quieter than usual; she would answer any questions that Alex posed but didn't offer up any topics of conversation herself.<em>

_Alex got tired of the silent treatment as they were sitting on the couch after dinner, where Olivia had deliberately positioned herself at the opposite end that Alex had chosen. They usually cuddled on the sofa, especially on nights like tonight when neither of them was scheduled to work the next day so it didn't matter if they wound up staying awake all night making love._

_Olivia was even holding a pillow to her side, so that even if Alex had wanted to, she couldn't have snuggled up against her lover. The distance between them was beginning to piss Alex off, so she decided to just do what she wanted instead of waiting for Olivia to make the first move – there was no rule against her initiating things._

_The attorney sidled closer to Olivia, hoping that the detective would move the pillow acting as a buffer between them as Alex got closer. That clearly wasn't going to happen, and in fact, Alex saw her lover's fingers tighten around the pillow where they lay against the soft surface. The move had Alex narrowing her eyes as she tried not to be hurt or angered by the gesture while at the same time trying to figure out why Olivia didn't seem receptive tonight. Olivia hadn't even glanced her way when she'd moved closer, instead continuing to stare straight ahead at the television. Deciding that Olivia just needed a little more blatant distraction, Alex grabbed the pillow, tossed it aside, and quickly straddled Olivia's lap._

_An uncontrollable gasp left Alex's throat as she lowered herself onto Olivia's lap and her hips unconsciously lifted off again. The only thing keeping her from completely disengaging with Olivia was the detective's hands on her hips, not pulling her back down but certainly preventing her from retreating back to the other end of the couch. Alex's eyes snapped up to meet Olivia's, looking into the currently unsure but always loving brown eyes that would forever center her._

_Now that it wasn't so much of a shock – now that she was expecting it – Alex resettled herself lightly in Olivia's lap, testing out the ridge in Olivia's sweatpants that was not a usual part of her lover's anatomy. At least now Alex knew why Olivia had been holding that damn throw pillow for dear life between them – she'd been hiding the addition that she must have put on after dinner when she'd gone to change into more comfortable clothing. It was an unexpected development for tonight but not an unwelcome one._

_Olivia's hands were still resting lightly on Alex's hips, glad that her lover had lowered herself once again. "If you're not ready, or you've changed your mind, we don't have to do this," she said softly as her thumbs gently stroked the exposed skin between the bottom of Alex's tank top and the top of her shorts. They'd discussed introducing this particular type of toy into their relationship and both had seemed pretty excited to try it, but Olivia wanted Alex to be completely comfortable with it._

_Alex felt a slow smile spread across her face, loving how considerate Olivia always was in these situations. She lowered her head and brushed her lips against Olivia's, gently at first but eventually with more passion, as inevitably happened whenever Alex got this close to her girlfriend. And as she kissed Olivia, Alex rocked her hips – tentatively at first – against Olivia's, testing out the unfamiliar sensation of her strapped lover. She hadn't been expecting it when she'd first settled on Olivia's lap, but now that it wasn't such a shock, Alex found the idea, and the feel of it, very arousing._

_When Olivia groaned softly into their kiss and her fingers tightened ever so slightly around Alex's waist, the blonde's arousal skyrocketed. Nothing felt better, or made her feel sexier, than pleasuring Olivia; it was the single thing that brought the most fulfillment to Alex. What made it even better was that Alex knew Olivia felt the exact same way, so they were equally vulnerable to each other. It was one of the things that Alex loved about Olivia; she didn't have to fear for her heart's wellbeing because the detective loved her like no one else could._

"_I want to do this," Alex said breathlessly when they finally ended their kiss. She gave her hips a little extra push against Olivia's as she said it, trying to nail her words home and loving the little gasp that her detective couldn't help but give. Alex quickly pulled her tank top up over her head and tossed it to the far end of the sofa, smiling when Olivia's eyes immediately lowered to her exposed breasts; she usually took her bra off as soon as she knew she'd be in for the night, and tonight had been no exception, so Olivia was treated to an unobstructed view._

_Olivia would never get tired of this view, or take for granted that she was incredibly lucky to have Alex in her life. Alex was incredibly beautiful, her creamy skin soft and smooth, and her small breasts absolutely perfect on her slight frame. Olivia's hands itched to touch that supple flesh, but before she could move them of her own free will, Alex grabbed her hands and placed them over her breasts herself, arcing into the touch. A growl mixed with a groan caught in Olivia's throat – she loved when Alex took what she wanted and it brought out the possessive streak in her._

_Watching Alex tilt her head back and feeling her nipples harden against her palms, Olivia couldn't resist leaning forward to run her mouth along the sleek column of Alex's neck, occasionally nipping with her teeth to leave her mark. When Olivia was finally satisfied with the lovingly made bruise she'd put just above Alex's collarbone, she lowered her moth to take a hard nipple gently between her teeth. She lashed it with her tongue and tugged on it with her teeth as her left hand manipulated Alex's other breast, knowing she was doing something right when Alex's hands burrowed into her hair to pull her head closer._

_Needing to feel more of Alex, Olivia slipped her right hand down Alex's abdomen, loving how the muscles jumped under her caress, and almost losing it when Alex bucked against her. She loved how Alex responded to her, but it wasn't part of her plan to get herself worked up so much quite yet. It was a blessing and a curse that Alex affected her so deeply, but at least they were well-matched in that respect. So to distract herself, Olivia continued with her original plan and slid her hand into Alex's shorts, groaning when she found nothing under the thin material. It took all of her willpower to just cup her lover's sex for a few seconds until Alex whimpered with need and strained against Olivia's hand._

_Olivia slid her fingers along Alex's labia, groaning at the slick liquid that coated her fingertips and knowing that she was the cause. She gently brushed the pad of one finger across Alex's clitoris, joy bursting inside of her when she heard Alex gasp and found the bud growing firmer. Olivia dipped down to Alex's entrance to gather some of that beautiful wetness and pulled back to slick it over Alex's clitoris, relishing the involuntary jump of her lover's hips as she did so. _

"_Baby, you're going to make me come," Alex warned huskily as she pulled Olivia's mouth away from her breast and looked into her eyes. While she loved how Olivia made her feel, Alex was a bit of a one-shot wonder. She rarely ever came more than once and she wanted that one time to be with Olivia buried deep inside of her tonight._

_Seeing Alex's desire, and knowing that the surest way to drive Alex over the edge was to continue to lavish attention to her sensitive bundle of nerves, Olivia relented. She slid her fingers down to Alex's entrance and slowly slipped one inside the warm channel. There was absolutely no negotiating about this part because Olivia knew how tight Alex was and she didn't want to hurt her. Olivia was careful not to press too consistently against Alex's rigid inner wall or brush her palm too frequently over Alex's hard clitoris._

_A second finger was added to the first as Olivia brought Alex's head down for a kiss. Alex moaned into Olivia's mouth, knowing what her detective was doing and loving Olivia even more for the care that she always took with her, even when Alex was too eager and didn't want it. She couldn't contain a gasp when Olivia deftly slipped in a third finger, stretching Alex pleasantly. Alex's hips were jerking against Olivia's hand, and the blonde knew it was just a matter of time before she came – and it wasn't likely to be very long._

_Wrenching her mouth away from Olivia's, Alex wrapped her hand around the detective's pumping wrist to stop that delicious motion. She panted against her lover's neck for a few moments, trying to catch her breath as she squeezed Olivia's wrist so hard that she might leave a bruise. "Stop, Liv," Alex managed to get out between gasping breaths as she willed her trembling body back from the edge of orgasm. She couldn't even pull Olivia's fingers out of her body yet for fear that even that little stimulus would be too much to resist._

_For her part, Olivia remained as still as possible while she waited for Alex's inner muscles to stop fluttering around her. She wasn't able to move much, but Olivia could still place soothing kisses across Alex's shoulders and neck – anywhere she could get to that wasn't likely to set Alex off. It seemed to work as Alex's killer grip on her wrist eased some and the rest of her lover's body relaxed a little, no longer taut enough that it seemed as though it might snap at any moment._

_Alex was finally able to pull Olivia's fingers out of her body without coming apart, but the fact that she still had her shorts on was not conducive to an easy exit and Olivia grazed her clit as she was pulling out of the shorts. The attorney sucked in a sharp breath and lowered her forehead to Olivia's shoulder as she moaned softly and bit her lip to stave off the pleasure. It was amazing how painful this kind of pleasure was, especially when it was all because of self-denial since Alex wanted to wait to come._

_When she'd again outlasted the needy twitching of her body, Alex captured Olivia's mouth in a deep, demanding kiss. She was happy to have the barrier of her shorts once more between her flesh and Olivia's, although the now soaked material wasn't the most comfortable thing at the moment. Alex wouldn't even take the chance of rocking against Olivia right now because she was still just seconds away from losing control, although she did want to tease her detective a little more._

_While it was very enjoyable to ravish Olivia's mouth, Alex wanted to focus on other parts of her detective's delectable body. So she pulled back from the kiss and quickly got off Olivia's lap, smiling shyly when Olivia let out a half whimper, half whine at losing the warmth of Alex's body contact. Alex situated herself on the floor between Olivia's legs, leaning up to playfully nip her lover's chin at the protest, after she'd settled comfortably on her knees._

_She pulled back into an upright position and studied how her girlfriend was laid out for her, an assessment she'd been unable to make while sitting on top of Olivia. While it looked as though Olivia was stretched out in a relaxed semi-reclined position, Alex could sense the tension in her lover's body, and knew it had everything to do with the position that Alex had settled herself into combined with the effects making love to Alex had on Olivia. Now that Alex was poised to focus on Olivia, her detective was vibrating with pent-up energy as she waited to see what Alex would do._

_Alex's eyes couldn't help but be drawn to the sliver of flesh that showed above the top of Olivia's sweatpants. It wasn't long after that her hands were there to push Olivia's T-shirt up, exposing more of the toned abdomen that Alex loved so much. Alex leaned over and kissed a spot a couple of inches south of Olivia's bellybutton, knowing how sensitive her lover was there and hoping that Olivia would get an extra jolt out of it today because Alex was so close to the toy strapped around Olivia's waist, although Alex was careful not to touch it quite yet._

_Olivia's stomach muscles jumped under Alex's mouth and she barely stopped her hips from lifting into the blonde. She dropped her head back onto the couch, needing to block out the amazing visual of Alex's mouth trailing across her abdomen, although it wasn't all that helpful when she had a clear picture of it in her mind. And, of course, her mind added a few more explicit details, such as Alex sinking lower to take her cock in her mouth, which Olivia wished weren't such an arousing image because it made her feel like such a guy for imagining it. She groaned at a combination of the mental image and self-recrimination for her own selfish desire for wanting it._

_Alex pushed Olivia's shirt up farther, but didn't want to take her mouth from the warm, responsive flesh long enough to pull it completely off. "Liv," she said between nibbles and kisses. "Help me. Shirt. Off." Language skills may have been Alex's forte in the courtroom, but get her this close to Olivia Benson and all those hard-earned proficiencies deserted her. She was loathe to even pick her mouth up for those few words, as broken and short as they were._

_Olivia obeyed, not only because she loved giving Alex everything she wanted, but because she felt guilty for her earlier thoughts. She dropped the shirt behind the couch and immediately set to work on her bra, the simple task distracting her mind enough that she didn't feel like she was going to explode with every caress of Alex's lips. But as soon as the task was done, Alex latched onto her nipple, pulling the hard peak into her mouth and lashing it with her tongue._

_The problem was that Alex's new position made it impossible for her not to press against the hard ridge still secured within Olivia's pants. Olivia could feel the heat of Alex's stomach pressing against it and tried to hold onto her sanity as Alex continued the assault on Olivia's breasts. The detective kept her hips firmly on the sofa, even though she wanted to roll them into Alex, but couldn't continue to not touch her lover. She ran her hands along Alex's naked back, letting the warm, smooth skin ground her as Alex continued to lavish attention on her body._

_When Olivia was giving off continuous mewls of pleasure – an uncharacteristic noise that Alex loved to draw out of her detective – Alex stopped sucking on Olivia's breasts and rocked upwards to claim her lover's mouth again. As Alex explored Olivia's mouth, she hoped that her love felt as connected as she did. Their kisses were always filled with love, tinged with hunger, and grounded in trust, and Alex needed to feel that connection before she carried on with her current plan of action._

_Olivia pulled back first, trying to catch her breath, and Alex took the opportunity to descend the detective's body once again. She kissed her way down the valley between Olivia's beautiful, well-loved breasts and continued along that taut, muscled abdomen. When she reached the waistband of Olivia's sweats, Alex lifted the top and slipped her tongue just under it, barely grazing the beginning of Olivia's trimmed pubic mound. Olivia gasped Alex's name, making a smug, satisfied smile momentarily find its way across the blonde's face._

"_Lift," Alex said as she slipped her fingers under the elastic waistband at the sides of Olivia's hips. She hadn't thought much about the toy Olivia was wearing except to know that she wanted it – she wanted to share something this intimate with her lover. Now, though, she was excited to see it, to touch it, and she knew that Olivia was now the one acting slightly hesitant._

_The detective complied with Alex's request only when those sparkling blue eyes lifted to meet hers for a moment and a soft, reassuring smile tilted onto Alex's lips. Alex pulled the sweatpants down and off, happy to find that Olivia was bare underneath expect for the harness. She hungrily took in the picture before her – the straps that held the toy in place and the phallus itself. Alex gently fingered the harness first, surprised at the soft feel of supple leather and hoping that it was bearable, if not comfortable, to wear. However, she couldn't ignore the prominently displayed dildo for very long._

_Alex was amazed that Olivia had found one that very nearly matched her beautiful skin tone, although no one could ever believe that it was actually a part of her; Olivia was all woman. The attorney appreciated that Olivia hadn't gone out and bought the biggest dick she could find, and knew that her lover had chosen for her comfort instead of some misguided desire to prove something. It was what Alex suspected was average and she reached out to touch it – her visual appraisal completed._

_The texture was firm, but not hard, and Alex was surprised that she hadn't noticed it earlier in the evening because there was no way this thing could ever lay down flat. At first, she just fingered the tip, marveling at the anatomical correctness of it, because although Alex had never slept with a man, it was nearly impossible in today's society to not know the basics. She was surprised at how warm it was from being trapped against Olivia's body and then between their two bodies as the night had progressed._

_Alex stroked down the shaft, experimenting with the feel of it, and really enjoying it when Olivia's hips lifted into the touch as she let out a groan. "Can you feel it?" Alex asked excitedly, loving the idea of Olivia getting something out of this, of Olivia feeling it when she was inside of her. She continued to play with it, even though she suspected that her attention was preventing Olivia from answering._

_The temptation to take Olivia into her mouth was too great, so Alex lowered her head to do just that. She'd barely gotten her lips around the head when Olivia pulled Alex back. "You don't have to do that," Olivia spoke brokenly, barely loud enough for Alex to hear and with a slight tremble in her voice. It was the undercurrent of panic that Alex saw in those usually confident brown eyes that made her stop for a moment. Her mind worked through Olivia's uncharacteristic fear; the detective was usually very self-assured when it came to their sex life._

_It finally clicked in Alex's mind that Olivia didn't want to seem as though she was forcing Alex to do anything. "I want to," Alex said, willing Olivia to truly believe her and maintaining eye contact with Olivia until the detective gave a barely discernible nod of assent. It was important that Olivia believe her, that she know this was as much for herself as it was for Olivia. Any pleasure that she gave Olivia always reverberated through her as well; it was one of the many special things about their relationship._

_Alex lowered her head again, and this time wasn't stopped when she sucked Olivia into her mouth. She explored leisurely, learning to predict when Olivia's hips would jump at the sensation and pulling back at those times so she wouldn't choke. Alex could tell that Olivia was trying desperately to control her reactions, but wasn't having nearly as much success as she probably wanted to, which only made Alex happier. And when Olivia's hand came to rest in Alex's hair, not forcing or directing her lover's actions but just feeling how she moved, Alex knew she'd won – knew that Olivia wasn't holding anything back anymore._

_When she could tell that Olivia was getting close, Alex knew she had to stop. It amazed her that just the visual, and the well-placed bumps of the base of the dildo against Olivia's clitoris, were enough to push her lover so far. Perhaps another time she would follow it through to its natural conclusion, but tonight Alex couldn't wait any longer, so she reluctantly released the shaft with a soft pop and stood up._

_Olivia stared at her with dazed eyes as Alex quickly shucked her shorts and once again settled herself in Olivia's lap, moaning at the full body contact with her lover. Alex kissed Olivia again, unhurriedly but still hungrily, as she positioned herself over her detective. She'd always figured they would eventually move to their bed for the finale, but she didn't want to wait and she figured that Olivia was too far gone to put up any sort of chivalrous protest at the moment._

_Alex reached between them and took hold of the dildo, easily fitting it against the entrance of her sheath. She relinquished her hold on Olivia's mouth and waited for those caring brown eyes to open before slowly lowering herself onto Olivia. Alex kept eye contact even as she gasped and moaned, enjoying the tight fit and marveling at the difference between this and taking Olivia's fingers – it wasn't necessarily any better or any worse, just different._

_Olivia placed her hands on Alex's hips, letting her love adjust to the new feeling before beginning a rhythm. "You okay, baby?" she asked, even as she wanted to thrust up into her. Alex had nearly devastated her barely a minute ago and Olivia prayed that she wouldn't disappoint Alex now. She breathed a sigh of relief when Alex nodded her head and began a gentle rocking motion, testing out the feel of the cock inside her._

_They went at Alex's pace, but when the attorney bit into the sinewy muscle between Olivia's neck and shoulder, the detective couldn't stop her hips from jerking up into Alex. "I like that," Alex moaned. "Do it again," she demanded before once again biting her lover, as if Olivia needed more incentive to give Alex whatever she wanted. Alex kept her face buried in Olivia's neck, her cries of pleasure at her lover's welcome increasingly hard thrusts muffled against sweat-slicked flesh._

_Finally, Alex pulled back and stared into Olivia's pleasure-glazed eyes, sure that hers looked the same. "I'm gonna come," Alex whispered brokenly, wondering if Olivia could feel the tell-tale signs of her imminent climax through the toy. She didn't have long to think about it as Olivia moved her hand from grasping Alex's waist to her lower abdomen where she could rub her thumb over Alex's hard clit._

_Alex's hips slammed down onto Olivia's as she cried out, her inner muscles gripping frantically at the toy inside her. She was able to keep her eyes open long enough to know that Olivia had reached her own peak; there was nothing better than knowing that her love had come with her. But after that, Alex collapsed on Olivia, her arms wrapped around her detective's shoulders and her breath ragged against the galloping pulse in Olivia's throat._

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><p><strong>I went kind of crazy going back and forth on what fantasy to put in this chapter, and this is the scene that ended up winning, obviously. I hope you enjoyed.<strong>


	11. Courage

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I to this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 11 – Courage<strong>

Alex jerked upright in bed, a cry torn from her lips before she could stop it. She panted harshly into the silence surround her, trying to control the sporadic sobs that wracked her body even as she jerked and trembled with need. Alex was too dismantled to even register if she had actually climaxed or not, and that disturbing thought wasn't even niggling at her brain. God, she hated that her body didn't even seem to be her own anymore; it was another thing that she couldn't control and made her want some attainable desire, which in this case was Olivia Benson.

It took some time for Alex to get her breathing back under control and to quiet the conflicting emotions rioting inside of her. She wished she could either stop feeling this unrelenting, gnawing need for Olivia, or find the courage inside herself to ask Olivia to assuage it, because this in-between, limbo place that she was in was killing her. Not even Josephine had caused Alex this much pain, and Alex had though her heart had been broken when their relationship had come to an end. Alex was not fond of analyzing her own stunted emotional spectrum, but it was becoming clear that she really needed to or she might lose the tenuous hold she had on her control and ultimately break down.

When Alex finally opened her eyes after centering herself once again – gaining control for another few precious moments – she was mortified to realize she was in the crib with the star of her every erotic dream sleeping just a short distance away. Alex felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. It was bad enough that she had these unwelcome dreams, but to think that Olivia could have actually _heard_ Alex dreaming about her made a sudden acute nausea roil through the attorney's stomach. Alex could own up to any failure and knew how to deal with being the center of attention when it pertained to a case, but she didn't deal with personal embarrassment well, or gracefully. And she couldn't think of a more embarrassing scenario than a colleague knowing that she dreamed about them, especially when those dreams were pretty much always sexually explicit.

Alex felt her heart rate pick back up and the sweat on her skin turn clammy and cold. The T-shirt that she'd borrowed from Olivia was sticking uncomfortably to her torso, and it didn't help that she could still distinctly pick up the detective's unique fragrance, or that the arousing scent now stuck to her own skin. It was odd that the merging of their scents both soothed Alex and made her more anxious; she loved feeling closer to Olivia, but also felt guilty about it because she didn't have the right to feel that connection with the detective.

Sitting deathly still on her cot, Alex tried to calm her heartbeat so it stopped pounding insistently against her ribcage. She needed it to stop resonating in her ears while she quieted her breathing until it blended in with the silence so she could listen for signs that might indicate she'd woken Olivia up with her scream-inducing dreams. Alex didn't know if she talked in her sleep, but she knew that she wasn't particularly quiet when she woke up from an intense dream – and lately she'd been louder than usual

The attorney thought she heard deep, even breathing coming from Olivia's direction and chanced a look over at the detective, hoping to not see those beautiful brown eyes gazing back at her. As it turned out, Alex couldn't see much of anything at all in the dark. But she also didn't see any light glinting off the vitreous surface of Olivia's eyes, and she thought she saw the blanket over Olivia's chest moving rhythmically as the detective inhaled and exhaled at a sleep-paced cadence.

Alex let out a slow breath that she didn't even known she'd been holding, relieved beyond belief that Olivia showed no signs of having been disturbed by her embarrassing plight. She consciously uncurled her fingers, which had twisted so forcefully into her blanket as she clutched it to her chest that they were beginning to cramp. As she consciously made her fingers relax, Alex realized that the rest of her body, which was also strung so tight that it felt as though it might snap at any second, was following suit.

There came a point, however, when no matter how badly she wanted it to, Alex couldn't get her body to completely wind down. It was a combination of arousal and hyperawareness left over from her dreams, and the fact that here in reality, she was so very close to the object of her desire. Alex knew that there was no way she could get back to sleep, and in fact, the idea of it kind of scared her because that would just be inviting another soul-shattering dream like the one she was still trying to come to terms with. So Alex decided that the best course of action would be to get up and put some physical distance between herself and temptation.

As Alex slipped from under the surprisingly warm blanket, the cold air hit her hard. She considered taking the blanket with her, but decided that the crisp coolness was just what she needed to clear her lungs and her mind. Alex was also grateful for the quiet that the deserted precinct offered, relieved that she wouldn't have to offer up some flimsy excuse as to why she was walking around in the middle of the night. So with one last look back at Olivia's sleeping form, a glance that she couldn't have denied herself even if her life depended on it, Alex crept silently from the crib to find someplace where she could examine her thoughts and feelings in much needed solitude.

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><p>Olivia kept up the charade of being asleep for another minute after Alex had left the room, hoping desperately that Alex wouldn't return quickly because Olivia was damn near bursting with pent-up emotions and she wasn't sure she'd be able to hide it for much longer. At least with Alex gone, Olivia didn't have to keep up with the forced deep breathing that her racing heart made difficult to pull off. Olivia wanted to go after Alex, but after what she'd just heard following so closely on the heels of her own dream, Olivia didn't doubt that if she got close to Alex right now she would push the attorney up against the nearest wall and fuck her until they were both screaming. So Olivia took this time by herself as a gift and thought things through, at least until she was confident that her baser instincts wouldn't dominate her.<p>

The detective had awoken from her own intensely sexual dream nearly a half hour ago. She should have known that sharing such close quarters with Alex would only exacerbate her dreams and encourage her imagination to run wild, but it had been too good of an opportunity to pass up. Alex fascinated her in a way that no one else ever had, and the blonde was an intriguing enigma that she just couldn't ignore.

Olivia didn't just want to figure Alex out like a puzzle, she wanted to _know_ her – know everything about her with not one detail left undiscovered. She could never tire of Alex because the attorney was a constantly changing cipher that she wouldn't be able to pin down even if she had an entire lifetime to try, although Olivia wasn't averse to dedicating a lifetime to that task.

As Olivia had lain on the cot, slowly reasserting control over her needy body, she thought she'd heard a whimper come from Alex's direction. But when she'd held her breath and listened really hard, all she had detected was Alex's breathing and her own hopeful heartbeat. She'd pretty much convinced herself that she was just imagining things, or that they were just phantom sounds haunting her after her dream, when she heard it again, a little louder this time.

Olivia strained to hear it again, almost more fearful than hopeful that it might actually be true. And when she heard a soft moan float to her from where Alex lie, Olivia's breath left her in a rush as her heart pounded furiously against her chest. But Olivia didn't let the elation running through her go unchecked for long because the thought occurred to her that Alex might be having a nightmare. Just because Olivia had been dreaming about sex all night didn't mean that Alex was as well.

So Olivia listened even harder, trying to determine if Alex was in distress from a nightmare or if her dreams were of a more pleasant nature. She told herself not to hope, but couldn't help it, wanting Alex to desire her as she desired Alex; it never even crossed her mind that Alex might not be dreaming about her if the attorney was indeed having a wet dream. As she listened, Olivia truly began to appreciate how similar sounds of pleasure and pain could be because she couldn't distinguish which ones Alex was making.

Olivia was about to give up – doomed to forever wonder if Alex was dreaming about her but not really allowing herself to believe it – when she heard Alex murmur her name. Her entire body froze in place even as her insides heated up, and Olivia wouldn't have been surprised if her heart had stopped beating as she waited impatiently for the sound again. When Alex's voice carried to her again, this time louder, Olivia knew she wasn't imagining it. But now she was faced with the new dilemma of what to do about it, if anything.

What Olivia wanted to do was to get up off her cot and join Alex in hers, maybe make whatever Alex was dreaming a reality. Alex's words were mumbled and incoherent, and the only word Olivia could make out with any certainty was her name, and a sexily moaned shortened variant of it. However, Alex's other noises were no longer too soft as to go unheard, nor was there any doubt what kind of sounds they were now; Alex's dream was most definitely turning the attorney on.

Olivia could feel the effect that Alex's whimpers and moans were having on her, and she couldn't stop herself from imagining that this was how Alex would sound when she was buried inside the blonde, whether it be with fingers, tongue, or some other item – Olivia would love to spend forever discovering which Alex liked best. She knew that going to Alex now would be a bad idea though, not only because she'd probably jump the poor attorney before she even woke up, but because she instinctively knew how embarrassed Alex would be that she'd overheard her. But Olivia was moments away from throwing caution to the wind because she was jumping out of her skin and every sound of pleasure that fell from Alex's lips made Olivia's clit twitch painfully. She was only human, after all, and Olivia wasn't equipped to deal with this kind of sweet, inadvertent torture.

Just as Olivia was reaching the end of her rope, her stomach and thigh muscles contracting jerkily with every seemingly thunderous noise that Alex made, the attorney jackknifed up in bed with a hoarse cry. It wasn't a cry of pleasure or completion and Olivia had to force herself to resist her first urge, which was to go over to Alex and comfort her, because she thought that the embarrassment on top of whatever else Alex was dealing with might be too much for the attorney so she stayed put, pretending to still be asleep. The soft sobs that Alex couldn't completely stifle almost undid Olivia, but Alex gained control of them before Olivia could decide on a new course of action.

Olivia watched from under shuttered eyelids as Alex slipped out of bed and quietly exited the room. She doubted that Alex would be back any time soon and took a moment to quiet her own rioting body. For the rest of her life, Olivia would be haunted by Alex's sounds of arousal, and she could only hope that one day she'd get to hear them when she was touching the blonde. Olivia would have felt bad about her thoughts, about always getting swept up in erotic fantasies starring the gorgeous blonde, if she hadn't wanted more than that from Alex. She wanted everything Alex could give, but suspected everything she wanted would take some time and major coaxing.

Believing that her hormones were as under control as they were going to get, Olivia sat up and swung her legs over the side of the cot – intent on going after Alex. She sucked in a quick breath and held her feet an inch off the floor after they came into contact with the freezing surface. Olivia didn't wear socks to bed because she always found them too confining and ended up kicking them off sometime during the night, often times losing just one to the crafty sock monster that lived somewhere near the bottom of her bed, which meant she was constantly buying new socks. Luckily she'd stuffed her socks into her shoes the night before, so she reached down to retrieve them and quickly slipped them on.

Olivia slipped an NYPD sweatshirt over her head, grateful for the warmth that she'd left behind beneath her blanket. She grabbed another one, having noticed as Alex had left the crib that the attorney had wrapped her arms defensively around herself. Alex had a long-sleeved shirt on, but Olivia also thought it was colder now than when they'd first gone to sleep, and she didn't want Alex to freeze.

It didn't take long for Olivia to find Alex; the attorney hadn't gone far. Alex was standing in front of a bank of windows with her arms hugged around her waist as she looked out into the snowy night. With the only light coming from the moon outside, Alex looked absolutely stunning and Olivia couldn't help but admire her while she was still shrouded in the darkness of the empty squad room. It was as though the purest moonlight bounced gently off the freshly fallen snow and was drawn solely to Alex as a soft light radiated from the blonde's pale features.

Swallowing past the lump of desire and appreciation in her throat, Olivia stepped forward, afraid that if she didn't move now then she might be stuck there forever admiring Alex's form. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Olivia said softly as she walked up to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Alex. She was talking about Alex as much as she was the artistry of the softly falling snow. It wasn't driving down in a fury anymore; instead, big, fluffy snowflakes seemed to float unhurriedly on the wind, and there were no trespassers to mare the perfect beauty of the untouched landscape.

Alex turned her head towards Olivia with a soft, genuine smile on her face. "So beautiful. It's the only thing I miss since I started living in the city. Out in the country when it snowed, I could see the unblemished blanket of white stretch for miles. That never happens here. Trucks come to haul it away and foot traffic turns any semblance of white into a slushy, dirty mess. I wish more people would appreciate the purity of it instead of cursing it for getting in the way of an already overscheduled workweek." Alex turned back to look out the window. "I couldn't live anywhere that doesn't get a couple of heavy snowfalls a year. Winter is nothing to look forward to if it doesn't bring snow."

Olivia could hear in Alex's voice how much she loved snow – how much she appreciated the simple beauty of it – and Alex's love of it lifted her own enjoyment of the natural phenomenon. Remembering the sweatshirt she still held draped over her arm, Olivia held it out to Alex. "Here, I found this if you're cold." Olivia was happy when Alex took the proffered sweatshirt with a grateful smile and pulled it on, the dark blue material swallowing Alex up and making the attorney look even slighter than she really was.

They stared out the window for a while, watching the snow dancing on the wind in a companionable silence. The snow would fall lighter and then harder, but it was always comprised of the biggest flakes Olivia had ever seen – although she wondered if maybe it just seemed that way because she'd never really taken the time to simply watch snow fall before. Olivia felt more relaxed than she had in a very long time, and it could have been that fact which loosened her tongue and had her asking a question she'd wanted to ask for a while now, without any thought as to the possible consequences. "Would you let me take you out to dinner sometime?" she asked softly, not because she was afraid to ask, but because it broke the peaceful silence between them.

Alex continued looking out at the snow, and Olivia wondered if perhaps the attorney hadn't heard her. But then Alex ever so slightly cocked her head so she could slant a look at Olivia out of the corner of her eye. Olivia couldn't help but wonder what was going through Alex's mind right now, and the longer Alex took to reply, the more nervous Olivia became. She knew they were attracted to each other, but Alex was the type of woman who wouldn't make a decision based solely on her hormones.

How many times had Alex wished for this very scenario, or wished that she'd had the courage to ask Olivia that very same question? It had been one of her deepest wishes, but that was before Alex knew about the woman already in Olivia's life. Alex cleared her throat before she spoke, not wanting emotion to get in the way of what she had to say. "I don't date women who already have a girlfriend, Olivia," she said softly but very clearly. No matter how much Alex wanted the detective, she could not change the fact that she demanded exclusivity of whomever she dated.

Olivia's forehead wrinkled in confusion for a moment before she realized that Alex was talking about Kate. Her casual relationship with Kate seemed to have ended a lifetime ago to her now, even though it had in fact only been five or six days. "Kate was never my girlfriend," Olivia said. She wondered if and how much she should expound upon that fact. It wasn't as if most people these days didn't have at least one purely sexual relationship, but Olivia didn't want Alex to think she was a cad.

"Well, she certainly thought that she had some claim on you." Alex paused for a second before saying even more quietly, "And you didn't do anything to correct her assertion of that claim." The attorney was now fully facing Olivia, trying to read anything she could in those deep brown eyes. She prayed to God that she could discern the truth from them because Alex would not be made a fool of again – she would not let another seemingly sensitive player into her heart, especially one that she already cared about a great deal.

Olivia decided that complete honesty, with no omissions, would be the only way to do this right. If they were going to begin a personal relationship, then it should start with full disclosure. "Kate and I had a purely physical relationship that suited both of our needs at the time. The only claim she had on me that night was that I escorted her to the club, so she was my date." Olivia didn't think it was necessary to say that Kate had expected Olivia to go home with her as well; Alex could read between the lines. "That relationship is now officially over. We… I ended it that night and will not be seeing Kate again. She knows the score and won't pursue me in the hopes of rekindling out liaison."

"I can't believe she just let you go," Alex said, mostly to herself. She was the first to admit that there was a lot she didn't understand about casual relationships based strictly on sex. Alex respected a person's decision to have that kind of relationship as long as they and all their lovers agreed to an open relationship, but she couldn't see herself in one.

"We were never exclusive, so she had any number of other opportunities open to her," Olivia said, hoping that she wouldn't come off sounding like a sexual deviant. She'd just wanted to make it clear that she hadn't broken Kate's heart.

"I don't share, Olivia," Alex said forcefully, letting the detective know that if she wanted to be with her then her extracurricular activities would have to come to an end, immediately.

"As long as I don't have to either, that's fine with me," Olivia said, pleased that there was barely a hint of the growl she'd felt in her chest when the words came out. A relationship with Alex would be so much more than casual, and while Olivia had never felt particularly possessive of any of her past lovers, she couldn't even imagine Alex with anyone else without rage bursting into flames inside of her. To be perfectly honest, Olivia wasn't even sure she ever wanted to hear about any of Alex's past relationships; it would be a particularly painful brand of torture, and might not be safe for either of them.

Alex looked taken aback at Olivia's retort, and that more than anything let Olivia know that the attorney did not get involved in open relationships. "Of course," she said vehemently. "I would never ask for something that I couldn't give in return." After Alex thought about it for a few seconds, she realized that she was happy Olivia had brought it up. If Olivia actually cared that she was faithful then they might really be able to build a relationship.

"So, how about this Friday?" Olivia asked once a few moments of silence had passed between them. It was only two days away, but Olivia was of the mind that the sooner the better. She didn't want to wait to see Alex outside of work, and a shorter time frame would give Alex much less time to rethink things and find Olivia wanting. It wasn't that Olivia had low self-esteem issues, but she knew how brilliant and totally out of her league Alex really was; the one thing she knew she had going for her was that Alex was attracted to her.

"I already have plans for Friday." Alex said the words automatically, knowing them to be true but also knowing that she could change those plans if she needed to. She wondered if perhaps she was just being a coward and taking the easy way out by putting if off longer. And when she saw Olivia's face fall at the careless brush off, Alex found the strength to offer up her own solution. "But I don't have any plans for Saturday night," she said, giving Olivia the chance to shoot her down, although she knew the detective wasn't that petty.

A huge smile spread across Olivia's face at Alex's counteroffer. "Saturday would be perfect," Olivia said, not caring if she sounded overeager. She didn't want to play it off as though she wasn't excited that Alex had said yes. Alex struck her as the kind of woman who appreciated genuine emotions, not someone who would find a hard-to-get, disinterested façade appealing. The attorney didn't seem the type to enjoy games when it came to dating, or to tolerate her girlfriend withholding any real emotions.

Alex couldn't help but give Olivia an answering grin, immediately affected by the detective's good humor. And instead of being nervous about their upcoming date on Saturday – worrying about all the things that could potentially go wrong – Alex found herself looking forward to it, looking forward to being with Olivia outside of their professional realm.


	12. The Confession

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me, expect for Meg and Sapphire. All other characters most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 12 – The Confession<strong>

It was Friday evening and Alex's thoughts had been racing like a schizophrenic squirrel trying to cross a road all day long. Oddly enough, her conflicting thoughts were not just about her upcoming date with Olivia tomorrow night, although Alex couldn't help but be nervous about it. She was supposed to attend dinner at Meg and Sapphire's apartment, but Alex was a little afraid of the interrogation Sapphire would end up putting her through because her little dynamo of a friend was far too observant not to notice that Alex was close to jumping out of her skin.

Alex's thoughts ping-ponged back and forth between whether or not to cancel tonight, fearing for her sanity if she had to try to explain herself to Sapphire when she wasn't even one hundred percent clear on things herself. While the interrogation would undoubtedly be intrusive and unrelenting, Alex kind of wanted to talk to someone about her upcoming date. Alex wished that Sapphire had some of Meg's more laid back qualities when it came to 'girl talk' as Sapphire was so fond of calling her relentless but well-meaning questions into Alex's life. Meg would just sit back and listen, not interrupting and waiting until the end to give any advice. Sapphire, on the other hand, would demand answers to every question that flitted across her racing mind, not caring how personal they might be.

Ultimately, Alex decided to call and cancel, using work as an excuse and praying that it was Meg who answered her call. Work was the excuse that she usually used, but at least it was always true. Tonight she was even still at the office trying to work through a bunch of ridiculous, time-wasting motions, hoping that if she got them out of the way now, she wouldn't be thinking about them while out with Olivia tomorrow night. Alex didn't date much, but when she was out with a woman, her thoughts too often turned to work instead of staying focused on her date; probably because she usually found work more interesting than the few dates she'd had in past years.

When Alex called her friends' apartment, luck apparently wasn't with her because Sapphire picked up. Meg would have made the usual but sincere comments about how they would miss her tonight and hoped they could reschedule soon, but would eventually let Alex off the hook without much trouble. Sapphire was much more likely to demand to know why she was backing out and then try to talk the attorney out of working all night. Alex was really worried that her friend would detect something in her voice that would raise Sapphire's natural suspicion even higher. But as it turned out, Sapphire only put up a mild fight and ended up letting Alex out of their plans with a minimal amount of guilt.

Alex worked in her office until almost nine thirty, until she couldn't focus on the case files in front of her for more than five minutes at a time without her eyes or mind wandering. It was not time efficient to have to reread the same passage ten times before gleaning even half of what it was stating, especially when she usually comprehended every word on the first read through. So Alex packed up her work and grabbed her coat, deciding it was time to head home and maybe make some dinner before winding down for the night. She just hoped that she didn't think too much about Olivia because every inevitable thought about the detective instantly revved her back up again.

It didn't take Alex long to get home, and by the time she got there she was more interested in a shower than food. So she threw together a quick chicken salad sandwich – chicken salad being a staple in her fridge that she usually ended up making at least two or three times a week as a quick go to meal instead of ordering out all the time. She knew that if she didn't eat now she might just forego the entire meal, which really wouldn't be good for her since Alex seemed to have skipped more meals than she'd actually eaten this week.

After her quick meal, Alex took a leisurely shower, letting the warm water beat some of the tired, achiness of a week of long days out of her muscles. She loved long showers during the winter for their ability to warm her through to her core; just as she took lightening quick showers during the summer because the humidity was sticky against her skin after even a lukewarm rinse.

Alex had just put on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt to ward off the chill that still filled the air even in her apartment, when her buzzer rang. She gave her intercom a quizzical stare as she walked towards it, still chafing her wet hair with her towel, preferring to let it air dry whenever time allowed for it. Alex sure as hell wasn't expecting anyone and she didn't usually have people drop by unexpectedly to see her; she didn't have many close friends and while she held no illusions that her family could find her if they wanted to, they'd never put forth the effort before now.

"Yes?" the attorney questioned, coming to the conclusion that whoever was trying to get in had just pushed the wrong call button. It had happened before and Alex was usually adept at explaining they'd pushed the wrong button, except for that one time when some drunken woman had gotten into an argument with her and accused her of sleeping with her boyfriend. That was a night she wished she could get back because the woman wouldn't take her word for it that she'd just called the wrong apartment, and Alex had been forced to contact the police because the woman wouldn't go away. Alex had even insinuated that she wasn't interested in any man, let alone this woman's boyfriend, but that hadn't convinced the adamant drunk.

"Hello, Sunshine," Sapphire's voice carried to her over the intercom and Alex knew she should have expected something like this. "Since you couldn't come to us, we decided to come to you," she said in an altogether too cheery voice, like she knew Alex had just been avoiding her earlier and she'd only pretended to give in so easily. "So, let us up, Lexie. If you don't, I'll just annoy all of your neighbors until I can convince one of them to let me in, or until one of them starts beating down your door for having such persistent friends."

Alex knew Sapphire would do it too, so her options were severely limited. She knew that most people would probably be out on a Friday night, but Alex also wasn't rude enough to force her friends to stand outside in the cold until Sapphire found some way into the building, because giving up was just not an option for Sapphire. Besides, she'd eventually have to have this conversation with Sapphire, so why not get it out of the way now. Avoiding the dark-haired dynamo indefinitely wasn't an option and Sapph would know as soon as she saw Alex that the attorney was trying to hide something from her. And it sounded as if Meg was with Sapph, so maybe her girlfriend could tone down Sapphire's somewhat aggressive style of extracting whatever information she wanted to know.

Knowing that an actual response wasn't really necessary, Alex just hit the button to unlock the lobby door. Meg and Sapphire had been by her place often enough that they knew which apartment was hers and didn't need directions. So Alex took the last few minutes she'd have to herself tonight to prepare as much as she could for Sapphire's impending interrogation, although if Alex were honest, she was kind of looking forward to talking to her friends about her first date in well over a year.

A knock sounded on the door and Alex opened it after a quick peek through the eyehole for safety, just to make sure it actually was Sapphire and Meg. She unbolted and unlocked the door to let her friends in. Sapphire breezed into the apartment, wrapping Alex in a quick hug that had the attorney bending down to return the show of affection without a second thought. It amazed Alex how disarming Sapph could be when she wanted to and then how rabid she could turn in an instant when she wanted to know something, or when someone said something to offend her, such as something disrespectful towards one of her friends; Sapphire was the protective, confrontation type.

When Sapphire walked by her into the apartment, Alex looked up to see Meg standing relaxed in the doorway with a grin on her lips. "At least we come bearing gifts of alcohol," Meg said as she held up a bottle of wine and a six-pack of beer; the wine was for Sapphire and Alex while Meg hands down preferred the beer. Meg waited until Alex invited her in and then engulfed the attorney in a quick hug made slightly awkward by the bounty that she carried in her hands.

Alex closed and locked the door before leading Meg over to the couch where Sapphire had already made herself at home. While Sapphire was comfortable just walking in like she owned the place, Meg was a bit more conservative in her approach even though she knew Alex wouldn't mind if she found her own way around the place. Alex found the differences in their personalities to be perfectly complimentary and endearing, especially when they were together. Sapphire was so energetic and outgoing, demanding that others follow her lead and have a good time, while Meg was laid back and easy to get along with, able to adjust to just about any situation.

"So why were you trying to avoid me tonight?" Sapphire wasted no time in asking as Alex and Meg joined her. She made room on the couch next to her and motioned for Meg to sit down in the vacant spot, which her girlfriend was more than happy to do.

Alex grabbed the wine and six-pack from where Meg had placed them on the coffee table. "Hold that thought. I'm going to need that wine to get through this," Alex said to Sapphire with a smile in her voice. "And I'll bring you a cold one while these are chilling," she said to Meg, knowing she had some beer left over from the last time they'd gotten together at her apartment. Alex rarely felt in the mood for a beer, so there were undoubtedly still a couple of bottles left, undisturbed in the fridge.

When she returned a couple of minutes later, Alex had two glasses of red wine for her and Sapphire and a bottle of Sam Adams for Meg. She smiled when she saw that Meg had relaxed and put her feet up on the coffee table, her black boots crossed at the ankles as she settled comfortably into the couch. Alex couldn't help but notice once again how good Meg and Sapphire looked together. Meg in her threadbare jeans that weren't so much trendy as they were years old and worn out from wear, and black leather jacket open over a snug-fitting plain white T-shirt. Sapphire in a pair of nicer jeans and a black polo shirt, her jacket folded neatly over the back of Alex's couch.

As Alex walked into the living room, Sapphire was facing Meg and leaning into the lithe bartender, smiling at her lover as she ran a hand absently through the short blonde locks on Meg's head that were free of any styling products tonight. The way that Meg looked back at Sapphire with those completely open green eyes – hiding nothing – as they talked softly almost overwhelmed Alex's heart. They may have been in her apartment, but Meg and Sapph could make their own perfect world wherever they went, and Alex felt as if she was intruding on something sacred. Alex's heart ached for a love like that.

"Don't you even think about going back into that kitchen," Sapphire said after a quick peck to Meg's lips. She repositioned herself so that she was still touching Meg, but not in quite so intimate a fashion; she knew that Alex felt uncomfortable, like she was interrupting something, when Sapphire cuddled up against her lover. Tonight was all about getting Alex to open up, so Sapphire would willingly sacrifice a few hours of being pressed up against Meg like a second skin to make Alex feel more comfortable talking about whatever was on her mind.

Alex set their beverages down on the coffee table before taking a seat in the overstuffed chair that she usually used when reading for long periods of time – pleasure reading that was not work related. She curled her feet up under her and took a sip of the wine, noting that it tasted good. The rest of her family would probably be appalled that she couldn't hold an entire conversation about the subtle differences within any class of wine, but Alex really only cared whether she liked a particular bottle or not; she wasn't a connoisseur. Alex had more important things going on in her life that she needed to dedicate time to.

"That wine can't save you forever, Lexie," Sapphire said as she picked up her own glass and handed Meg her beer before settling so that she was angled towards Alex and leaning comfortably against her lover's side. As much as she didn't want to make Alex feel like a third wheel, especially since they were in the attorney's apartment, Sapphire couldn't bring herself to not physically touch Meg, particularly when they were in such a relaxed and leisurely position. "So either tell me what's got you so distracted, or I can pick a random topic. And I'll tell you right now, it's going to be that sexy detective you always try to avoid telling me about."

Alex's eyes flicked momentarily to Meg's face, wanting to gauge if she was offended by her lover thinking that someone else was sexy even as she was certain that she'd find Meg as placid as ever. All Alex found was a small, reassuring smile on Meg's face, and Alex was awed once again by how secure they were in their relationship – in each other. The arm that Meg had lying along the back of the couch behind Sapphire didn't even move to pull the raven-haired women closer to her in a show of possession.

Focusing back in on their conversation, Alex said, "Well, they're one in the same, so it doesn't really matter." There was no reason to hold anything back now since she might actually ruin her chances with Olivia tomorrow night anyway if she didn't get over her nervousness, so Alex decided to just go with full disclosure. "I was snowed in with Olivia on Wednesday night at the precinct, just the two of us. It went surprisingly well, except for the erotic dream, but then she asked me out and I lectured her about monogamous relationships before saying yes," Alex said in one rushed breath, hitting all the highlights in one sentence and settling back to await the barrage of inevitable questions.

Meg just smirked, amused by Alex's nervousness over being asked out on a date, while Sapphire got a serious expression on her face, mixed with barely contained excitement, as her brain began formulating questions she needed to ask. If Alex was really going on a date with that woman then Sapphire was excited for her. She knew how much Alex liked Olivia, but that fact also made Sapphire more protective because it could potentially lead to Alex being hurt worse if it didn't work out.

"Okay," Sapphire began, the order of her questions falling into place in her mind. "Don't think I'm going to forget about that 'erotic dream' comment. But first, she asked you out on a date and you said yes? When? When are you going? Where are you going?"

Sapphire was thrilled. To be perfectly honest, Sapphire suspected that Alex hadn't been out on a single date since they'd become friends, and that was far too long in Sapphire's estimation. It was a long time to go without getting laid, but that was again just another guess on Sapphire's part since Alex didn't seem the type to have sex with a woman she'd just met.

"Tomorrow night, and I have no idea where. She just said to dress nice. Not too nice, like high society ball, evening gown nice. Just no jeans or T-shirts." While that description probably left a lot still open, Alex had been too nervous to ask for further clarification when she'd talked to Olivia about it. Alex had barely stuck around long enough to get that information and that Olivia would pick her up at 6:30 before she'd made a hasty retreat. Truthfully, Alex was just proud of herself for not backing out of the date yet, and hoped she'd keep that resolve through the next twenty-one hours until she couldn't possibly cancel any more.

"So you said yes," Sapphire said thoughtfully, seeing the uncertainty creep back into Alex's eyes and body language and deciding to focus on Olivia instead of the actual date tomorrow night. "Does that mean she wasn't with Miss Grabby-Hands last Friday night?" She knew it was a question that could potentially bring Alex down, but Sapphire didn't want Alex to get hurt unnecessarily, which would undoubtedly happen if Olivia was still in another relationship. Sapphire knew for a fact that Alex was against being part of an open relationship.

"No, they were together then, but Olivia said she broke it off that night." Alex remembered feeling kind of smug when Olivia had told her that, implying that Alex was the reason she'd ended the relationship. It was a natural response, but Alex still felt bad about being happy for another's misfortune. Now, however, Alex had something else to worry about.

"She said they'd had a purely physical, casual relationship with no exclusivity, and I believe her when she says it's over – that she won't look for sex outside of our relationship because I won't share." Alex had been twisting the stem of her wine glass slowly in her hands, watching the red liquid circle the sides of the glass, but she looked up and met Sapphire's deep blue eyes before continuing, something akin to fear apparent in her voice. "But what if she expects me to sleep with her right away?" she said softly, almost too low to carry to over to Meg and Sapphire.

Alex had given herself multiple pep talks on this very subject over the past two days. Just because Olivia's previous relationship had been based on sex did not mean that she would expect Alex to jump right into bed with her. Even if Olivia asked and Alex declined, it wouldn't automatically end with Olivia ending things because she thought Alex was a prude. The one thing that Alex wasn't worried about was Olivia pressuring her into it because the attorney knew far too well how Olivia would hate herself if she shared any similarities with the bastards they put away.

"If you're not ready to sleep with her, you just say so. It's as simple as that, Lexie. If she's even half the woman you seem to think she is, then she'll respect your decision and give you time to feel more comfortable with her. But from the sound of things, you certainly find her attractive, so I say get on that horse and ride," Sapph attempted to inject some humor into the conversation, which got a half smile out of Alex.

"If you're worried about it having been a while," Meg finally chimed in, suspecting that she might have a clue as to Alex's real worry. She'd made comments to Sapph in the past about Alex's vibe of inexperience, but her lover had always brushed it off because no one with Alex's looks would have any trouble catching some stud's attention. "The mechanics don't really change over time. It's just like riding a bike. Once you get back on it'll all come back to you."

Alex looked very intently back at the wine in her glass. "What if… what if, hypothetically, I never learned that particular skill?" Alex asked haltingly, chancing a glance up at her two best friends. Sapphire looked slightly confused, and Alex could damn near see the wheels turning in her ever-working mind, while good old Meg was still looking at Alex with that same understanding and encouraging smile. _She knew_, was the thought that flashed through Alex's mind when she connected with Meg's reassuring green eyes.

"Wait, wait. Are you saying, like, never ever, or that it's just never been good?" Sapphire asked, still trying to wrap her head around Alex's confession. The attorney's shy, fleeting gaze and continued silence were all the confirmation that Sapphire needed.

"Jesus, Alex, how did that happen?" She realized how harsh she sounded and let out a frustrated rush of breath. "Fuck, that's not how I meant for that to come out. I mean, God, Alex, you're gorgeous. How did you make it through twenty-nine years of life without… you know?"

Alex couldn't help but smile at Sapphire's flustered little speech. Until this moment, when Sapphire had learned just how inexperienced Alex was, her dark-haired friend had always been open about sex. It was actually kind of cute how she couldn't say the word now that she perceived Alex as innocent. Even though it directly related to her right now, Alex was still fascinated by how sexual inexperience was considered a stigma after a certain number of years, and it was just assumed that those people had some serious problem or were perhaps too physically unappealing to attract a partner.

"Well, I was barely even consciously aware that lesbianism existed in high school, and I sure as hell had no desire to sleep with any of the guys I went to school with. In college, there was that disaster with Josephine," Alex said the name of her former girlfriend with venom dripping from the word, and she purposely referred to her by her full name instead of the shortened moniker of Jo that she's always insisted upon. "From there I went to law school, and it was just easier to focus on my career instead of the disappointment of another potentially unfaithful girlfriend."

To be honest, Alex has thought more about sex in the past year and a half since meeting Olivia than she had in probably the entirety of the rest of her life. Her inexperience rarely bothered her, but she was definitely worried that she couldn't compare with Olivia. Because the one thing Alex could not deny was that she wanted Olivia in a very primal way, but would Olivia think that something was wrong with her when Alex told the detective about her lack of experience – or would they even make it far enough in their fledgling relationship that Alex would disclose that information? Alex knew that only time would tell.


	13. The Date

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 13 – The Date<strong>

Olivia had been running around since Thursday morning, making plans so that everything would go smoothly on Saturday night. She really wanted Alex to have a good time so she had a chance at getting Alex to agree to a second date, so that she had a shot at getting Alex to fall in love with her. Olivia had asked Alex out to dinner, so that was the first thing she had to figure out. The detective had considered just cooking dinner for Alex at her apartment, but she wasn't sure if Alex would consider that a blatant come on and end things immediately. So she decided not to spring that on Alex and just take her out to a restaurant. She would wait until Alex was more comfortable with her before she asked Alex over to her apartment.

Then, when Olivia had agreed to the date for Saturday night, it had slipped her mind that she was actually supposed to work; she had just been so excited that Alex was agreeing that she'd jumped at the chance without thinking about her work schedule. So Olivia had spent most of Friday anxiously waiting for Fin and Munch to get back from the canvass they'd been on since before she'd gotten in that morning. Elliot was already working on Saturday, so she couldn't ask him to cover for her, plus she wasn't really sure she wanted to share this with him yet.

Munch would be more likely to demand to know why he should give up his weekend to cover for her, so Olivia decided to ask Fin first and only move on to Munch if she couldn't get their newest member to agree. She hadn't had much interaction with the former undercover narcotics detective, but Fin seemed like an okay guy who wouldn't mind doing her a favor. Olivia only hoped that he didn't already have plans because it would kill her to have to cancel with Alex after pining over the attorney since she'd started working with them. Alex didn't seem like the type of person to give second chances, especially when it opened her up to potentially getting hurt.

Olivia had a hard time focusing on work, but she was able to make it through some of her backlog of paperwork as she waited for Fin to get back or a lead to present itself in the case that she and Elliot were working. At least Alex would be happy that she was productive since some of her paperwork was meant for the DA's office, and more specifically Alex, since the blonde was their unit's liaison. Olivia had actually found herself paying more attention to her reports since Alex became their ADA, which she knew was probably in some misguided attempt to impress the attorney.

When Munch and Fin finally returned to the squad room, Olivia had to stifle the urge to jump right up from her desk and pull Fin off to the side for a private conversation. Elliot had already made a couple of comments about how distracted and jumpy Olivia was, so she didn't want to add any more fuel to the fire of her partner's speculation. Even though Elliot didn't seem to have an issue whenever they handled a case involving gays or lesbians, Olivia got the impression that he would be of a harsher opinion if he knew it was a lifestyle that one of his friends lived, and Olivia did not need to add any more anxiety on top of what she was already feeling.

It was nearly half an hour after Munch and Fin had returned that Olivia finally saw her opportunity as Fin announced that he was going on a coffee run for something that was actually made with coffee beans; their communal coffee in the squad room notoriously tasted like used motor oil, but it had a high enough octane level to keep them awake during long hours and tough cases. Olivia volunteered to go with him, saying that she needed to stretch her legs after sitting all morning, and a good portion of the afternoon, at her desk. She also offered to be an extra set of hands, because once word got out that they were making a coffee run, orders would come pouring in from everywhere until they finally left the building.

Once they were in the coffee shop just across the street from the precinct, Olivia went right into her pitch, not really possessing the patience for finesse right now. "Hey, Fin, I know it's short notice, but could you cover for me tomorrow. I'll give you whatever you want in return. I'll do all your paperwork for the next couple of weeks, or take a month of your weekend shifts. I just really need tomorrow night off," Olivia said, not really caring about the art of negotiation that usually went into these deals whenever she switched with one of the guys; she'd never been this desperate, so she didn't care what it took to convince Fin to agree.

"Got a hot date, Benson," Fin teased jokingly, only realizing that he'd hit the nail on the head when Olivia quickly averted her gaze. He'd never seen her look so unsure of herself, and that more than anything else made up his mind for him, because whatever was planned for Saturday night obviously meant a hell of a lot to Olivia.

"Yeah, I don't mind the extra hours," the newest SVU detective stated. While he was naturally curious as to what was so important about this date to his teammate, Fin respected Olivia's right to a personal life. He didn't read her as the type to just blow off a scheduled shift for a casual night on the town, and time would tell if she came back to ask him to cover for her again, so Fin was inclined to agree. Everyone needed a healthy private life, especially outside of this job, and he wouldn't stand in the way of Olivia living hers.

"Thank you, so much, Fin. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask me, okay? I owe you big time for this," Olivia replied with relief in her voice, too happy to keep the excitement from bleeding through into her tone as well. Now there was nothing standing in the way of her actually making her date with Alex, so all she had to worry about was not screwing up while she was out with the attorney.

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><p>To say that Alex was nervous would be an understatement, but the good news was that she was even more excited. She'd always thought it was an exaggeration in movies when they showed a montage of a woman going through all of her clothes while trying to pick the perfect outfit for her date. Alex had never been prone to such wasteful behavior in the past, but apparently Olivia Benson brought it out in her because she'd rifled through her entire closet. She'd even tried on a couple of outfits twice, needing to be reminded how they looked on her.<p>

Alex ruled out any of her standard work attire, wanting tonight to be distinctly different from any time when they interacted at the precinct or in the courthouse. She also finally decided against wearing a skirt for two reasons. One reason being that it was still winter and cold outside, so practically she wanted to have as warm a body as possible; uncontrollable shivering was not sexy, especially when combined with teeth-chattering. The other reason was a bit more personal, and it was because she wanted as much clothing between herself and the handsome detective as possible. Truthfully, Alex probably trusted Olivia more than she trusted herself right now, especially after the way her dreams had become so vivid and frequent in the past few weeks.

After rejecting everything she owned at least once, Alex told herself to suck it up and just pick something, or she wouldn't be ready on time. And if she wasn't ready on time then she'd have to invite Olivia up, which would be very unsafe with Alex's recently uncontrollable libido. There was only so much temptation a girl could take, even if she wasn't emotionally ready to jump into bed with her new girlfriend.

Girlfriend? Was Olivia actually her girlfriend? They hadn't even gone out on one official date yet. Had Alex been looking for a girlfriend? The answer to that question was a definitive no. Alex may have dreamed about a loving relationship like the one Meg and Sapphire shared, but she had not been actively looking for one. Amazingly, Olivia got to her in ways no one else did, and even though she knew Olivia had been involved in strictly sexual relationships in the past – something that went against Alex's morals – Alex hadn't been able to say no when the detective had asked her out.

Shaking her head with the hope that it would ward off her confusing thoughts, Alex knew she had to focus on one problem at a time here. Time would tell if Olivia could change her ways as the detective had so adamantly proclaimed, but right now Alex needed to pick out clothes to wear tonight. She could ruminate on Olivia's intentions later, like maybe after they actually spent a social evening together and Alex had more data she could analyze. Now that sounded romantic, didn't it; reducing her love life to a scientific experiment.

Alex finally went with what she knew worked, a pair of black dress pants and a blue blouse that Sapphire had made her buy after saying it brought out the color of her eyes; one did not argue with an adamant Sapphire while out on a shopping spree. She chose a pair of heels, mostly because the pants were a little long and the extra height would keep them from dragging unattractively on the ground, and pulled out her long black overcoat to put on just before she met Olivia downstairs. For a couple of seconds, Alex considered putting her contacts in, but she felt more comfortable in her glasses; and they could act as another subtle barrier between them this evening.

Since it took so long to pick out her attire for the date, Alex was just running a last minute brush through her hair when her intercom buzzed. She put the brush down on her dresser, gave herself one last look in the mirror, and took a deep breath. "Here we go," she breathed softly as she exhaled, thinking that she looked presentable, even nice. The attorney could only hope that Olivia would be of the same opinion.

Alex walked across to the intercom, not wanting to seem too eager and needing to make sure her voice would actually work when she tried to use it. A quick conversation confirmed that it was Olivia and Alex told her that she'd be right down. She grabbed her coat and slipped it on, buttoning all the way down the front as she grabbed her purse and headed out the door, making sure to lock her apartment behind her.

When Alex made it down to the lobby, she took another deep breath before walking outside. Her breath immediately caught in her throat as she took Olivia in. The detective was wearing a pair of black slacks, cinched at the waist by a black belt with a simple silver buckle, with a dark green button-down shirt tucked into her pants and a few buttons undone at the top to reveal a little of Olivia's beautiful olive-toned skin. She had a simple black blazer over the shirt, one that Alex suspected she would be seeing in the courtroom in the not too distant future.

While Olivia looked good in the flattering clothes and stylishly messy hair that Alex had the urge to mess up even more, it wasn't Olivia's looks that stopped Alex's heart. It was the heartbreakingly genuine smile stretched across Olivia's face and the casual, but confident way she acted with her hands buried in the pockets of her slacks as she leaned against the building that caused fire to shoot through Alex's gut. There was no denying that Olivia was happy to see her, and it felt so nice to be wanted.

Alex cleared her throat and said softly, "You look very handsome, Olivia." She wasn't feeling particularly adept at small talk right now, and she usually preferred to be straight-forward, but the way Olivia looked standing there just couldn't pass without comment.

If it were possible, Olivia's smile stretched even wider. "Thank you. And you look as beautiful as ever." Alex's overcoat may have been covering most of the attorney's body, but Olivia didn't need to see what she was wearing to know she was stunningly beautiful. Olivia found that all the words that came from her mouth were absolutely genuine where Alex was concerned; she didn't need to formulate any practiced lines with Alex because Olivia meant every word she spoke.

Seeing that Alex was a little uncomfortable with the compliment, Olivia pulled her hands from her pockets and quickly buttoned up her new jacket. "I thought it might be a nice night to walk, but if you're cold we can take a cab," Olivia offered. It was a little chilly, but Olivia actually found the crisp air refreshing, however, she would happily hail a cab if Alex was too cold or didn't feel like walking the ten minutes it would take to get to the restaurant Olivia had chosen, both for its food and its nearness to Alex's apartment.

Alex smiled almost gratefully. "I would love to walk," she said as she finally stepped away from the door and towards Olivia. Alex rather enjoyed walking the city when she had the time, and tonight she wasn't really looking forward to being trapped inside of a cab with Olivia where there was no place for her nervous energy to go.

Olivia took the final step to stand by Alex's side and offered her arm to the attorney. It wasn't so much a gallant gesture as Olivia would be happier if they were touching, and she didn't think Alex was quite ready for her to use a more familiar touch. Olivia knew she needed to earn the right to place her hand possessively at the small of Alex's back like she wanted to – so she would – and for now let Alex initiate any physical contact between the two of them.

The detective did a little victory dance inside when Alex slid her hand through the space between Olivia's side and arm, resting her hand on the brunette's upper forearm, just below the elbow. Olivia gave a bright, reassuring smile and slid her hand into her pocket so she wouldn't be tempted to touch Alex too soon; the last thing she wanted was to scare Alex away with the force of her barely containable desire. She tried not to focus on how close Alex was or how their bodies brushed against each other as they walked, every unintentional caress shooting tendrils of awareness straight to Olivia's core.

They made easy conversation as they walked unhurriedly to the restaurant and Alex hoped it would continue to flow as smoothly once they were inside. She found herself losing focus from time to time as she kept thinking about how good Olivia felt at her side and under her fingertips. Even through the material of Olivia's blazer, Alex imagined she could feel the play of the strong muscles in Olivia's forearm; she could feel them flex and release as Olivia's hand balled into a fist in her pocket and then relaxed once again.

Olivia gave her name to the hostess of the nice Italian restaurant and they were immediately seated at an out of the way table. It wasn't secluded by any means, but it would allow for the intimacy of private conversation. The restaurant was filled with primarily couples having quiet conversations and enjoying a night out. Olivia had only been here once before, and that had been for a business meeting that the other party had planned to take beyond the professional, which Olivia had averted as soon as she'd realized what was going on. But she'd kept the restaurant in mind for when she might have an actual date, and was using it for the first time tonight.

As they reached their table, Olivia helped Alex out of her coat and pulled her chair out for her. It wasn't until Olivia was seated across from Alex and the hostess had left them to peruse their menus that the detective noticed Alex looking at her with an amused expression. "What?" Olivia asked, with an unsure half smile, the left side of her mouth quirking upwards at Alex's teasing smile. Alex didn't seem unhappy about anything, but Olivia also wasn't sure what her date found so amusing.

"And here I thought chivalry was dead," Alex said, unable to keep the teasing from her voice. To be honest, she enjoyed and appreciated the way Olivia was treating her. These were certainly times when a woman could take care of herself, but that didn't mean a little respect would go unappreciated. Even though Alex tried to distance herself from her 'privileged' upbringing, manners would always be universally appealing no matter how they were come by.

"Well, I did ask you out. If you ever ask me, I'll happily let you open doors for me and take my coat. But tonight, let me say that it's my privilege to treat you like the lady you are." While the words were reciprocated in a teasing tone, Olivia meant every word. This was not just a casual date to her, and she wouldn't treat Alex with any less respect than that of who she hoped Alex would become – her love.

The waiter quickly came to take their orders, which Olivia was grateful for because it would mean fewer interruptions as they hopefully learned some things about one another. And while Olivia would normally ask about family – it being a pretty standard first date question – she knew that the topic would immediately cause Alex to emotionally withdraw. So, since they were in a restaurant, Olivia decided to go with a safe and obvious topic – food. "I hope you like Italian. I suppose I should have asked before I made the reservations, but I can't change that now. So, I'm sorry if this isn't to your liking."

"No, I love Italian. I'm not a fan of spaghetti or other thin pastas, and I don't particularly like tomato-based sauces, but they have other delicious dishes. Actually, my favorite food, ever, is probably mushroom ravioli. Whenever I see it on a menu, I have to try it. I've tried making it myself, but it doesn't fall within the bounds of one of my talents. I've tried at least a dozen times over the past few years and failed miserably every time."

"Mushroom ravioli, huh? I've got a friend up in Boston whose mother has a killer ravioli recipe. Maybe I'll ask her to share her secret with me and make it for you someday," Olivia said, filing the information away for later use. Now she knew what she should cook if Alex ever agreed to come to dinner at her place. Although she'd never made ravioli from scratch before, so she'd need to try it out first to make sure it didn't turn into a disaster. She wanted to impress Alex, not give her more reasons to rethink their relationship.

"A friend in Boston? Did you ever live there?" Alex asked curiously.

"No. I've lived in New York my entire life. My friend is a homicide detective and we had to coordinate on a case that crossed state lines once. She's pretty territorial, but exceptionally good at her job."

"She sounds like you," Alex said without thinking. When she saw how Olivia beamed at the compliment, even if the territorial comment wasn't necessarily a desirable trait, Alex couldn't help but want to know more about Olivia and the job she chose to do. Alex knew a little about how Olivia worked, about how dedicated the detective was to her job, but she didn't know why Olivia had chosen this job, and she could tell that Olivia hadn't just fallen into her current position with the SVU. "What made you want to work in the special victims unit?"

The open and amiable nature of Olivia's mood got noticeably cooler and more distant, and Alex wished she could take the question back. She had her own trigger topics that she didn't like to discuss, so she had no desire to push Olivia for an answer that the detective wasn't ready to give. "I'm sorry, Liv. You don't have to answer that," Alex said softly.

"It's okay," Olivia said, taking a deep breath. "I'm the product of a rape. I never knew my father, and that's probably a good thing because I would have killed the bastard. So, I guess, in part, I do this job so that I can get justice for women like my mother. Get justice for them because my mother never got any.

"But it's also because of the children. Some people can't handle this job because the child abuse gets to them, and I totally understand that. While it's horrendous to see what some people can do to such innocent children, I would rather be able to do something about it then just hear about it abstractly in the news. They need someone to fight for them, someone who's not afraid of the monsters that prey on them, someone who knows how to help and won't give up until their abusers are punished for their actions."

Alex reached across the table and gently laid her hand over top of Olivia's, lending her comfort and strength. Olivia was so good at her job because she felt this passion to seek justice for all those who were wronged. And even in the short time that Alex had been assigned to the special victims unit, she knew about Olivia's special connection with children. It was a connection that wouldn't have been possible if Olivia didn't love them.

Everything that Alex had learned so far tonight only reaffirmed her working knowledge of who Olivia was. The detective was kind, caring, and had such a big heart to be able to do what she did every day and still be the wonderful, amazing woman that she was. How could Alex avoid falling in love with a woman like that?


	14. Goodnight

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 14 – Goodnight<strong>

The conversation throughout the rest of dinner wasn't as heavy, as they both were able to avoid asking the other about any more trigger topics. Olivia steered clear of every subject she knew would make Alex uncomfortable, knowing that Alex would immediately turn skittish and maybe take the opportunity to break things off between them before they even got going. The detective couldn't deny that she wanted to know everything about Alex – all the good stuff that Alex would enjoy discussing and all the bad things that were more difficult to talk about but just as important. And while it would be great if Alex opened up to her now, Olivia knew that wasn't how Alex worked, so she would wait as patiently as she could until she'd earned the attorney's trust and Alex felt more comfortable with her.

It wasn't until after dessert was eaten and the bill had been taken care of that Olivia hit upon a subject that Alex was obviously enthusiastic about – her friendship with Meg and Sapphire. They were talking about that night they'd seen each other at _Sapphire_ and Olivia had made the comment that she was surprised Alex had been there because the most popular lesbian club in the city just didn't seem like Alex's kind of scene. Olivia had immediately tried to amend her statement so it didn't sound quite as judgmental, fearing that Alex would interpret her words to mean that Alex seemed too stuck up to slum with regular, working class lesbians.

Alex laughed good-naturedly at Olivia's kind of adorable backpedaling and waved off the detective's bumbling attempts to placate her. "Don't worry about it, Liv," she said as Olivia switched to just straight out apologizing for her comment. "I'm well aware of the rather superior attitude I get when I'm working. I kind of figure that lawyers are a little like surgeons – we all have to be egotistical and think we're the best, or why bother spending so much time without a social life while we work on our careers.

"But to answer your question, I'm friends with Meg and Sapphire, the two women who own the club. The first time I went was because I was new to the city and wanted to see what the local lesbian scene had to offer, and _Sapphire_ had a lot to recommend it. Now, I wouldn't go back nearly as much, except that Meg and Sapph are my best friends. And if I didn't go out to meet them at least once a month, you can be sure that Sapph would show up at my door to drag me out."

As Olivia watched the playful smile tease across Alex's lips and a joyous light dance in Alex's clear blue eyes, she felt an answering warmth stir to life inside of her. Alex obviously loved her best friends dearly and enjoyed talking about them. Olivia could only hope that one day the same would hold true whenever Alex thought or talked about her. She would certainly work her hardest to make Alex feel that comfortable around her – to become her friend as well as, hopefully, her love.

They continued their conversation about Meg and Sapphire as Olivia walked Alex home, their pace even more leisurely than when they'd been on their way to the restaurant earlier this evening. Alex once again slipped her hand through Olivia's proffered arm, but this time she seemed to press closer to the detective as they walked down the street. Olivia attributed the more extensive contact to the subject matter they were discussing because Alex became noticeably more relaxed and comfortable with herself as she talked about her friends. The detective also doubted that Alex even realized that she was pressed so much closer to Olivia's side, which also gave the brunette the hope that Alex was already becoming more comfortable around her, even if it was only an unconscious reaction.

Olivia loved the feel of Alex pressed up against her and had to consciously focus on paying attention to their conversation so she wouldn't get lost in the warm, happy sensations filling her chest. Alex most definitely deserved all of Olivia's undivided attention, and the detective wanted to give it to her. She could bask in her happiness and good fortune later, when Alex wasn't excitedly regaling her with quirky stories of the adventures – and often misadventures – the attorney seemed to have with Meg and Sapphire.

In no time at all, they were back at Alex's apartment building and Olivia tried to hide her disappointment because she didn't want the night to end. They'd even slowed their pace to a near crawl as they both recognized how close they were to the end of their evening, but they inevitably had to make it to their destination. Olivia did take heart in the fact that Alex seemed as reluctant as she was for their date to end, but there was little they could do to draw it out any longer. Alex wasn't ready to invite Olivia in for a nightcap and Olivia respected that as one of Alex's very obvious boundaries.

They stood out in front of the building for a second, Alex rummaging in her purse for her keys and Olivia trying to repress the sadness that was attempting to overshadow how amazing tonight had been. Just because the night was coming to a close, it didn't mean that their fledgling relationship would be pushed into a realm of insignificance as soon as they parted ways. Olivia knew she should be happy that Alex had seemed to have a good time tonight; she loved putting that still shy, but brilliant smile on Alex's face. The detective just had to have faith that Alex would agree to continue their new relationship after tonight ended.

When Alex finally found her keys and looked up at Olivia, the detective couldn't stop the next words from tumbling out of her mouth. "May I escort you to your door?" She knew it would be a significant step for Alex to even let her into the building, but Olivia didn't want to say goodnight out here on the street. And even though Alex was safely to her building, Olivia wanted to make sure that Alex was securely locked away in her apartment, too. She would feel better if she knew Alex was ensconced behind locks and a deadbolt for the night, although Olivia had a feeling that she'd never really stop being concerned for Alex's safety.

Alex looked down at her keys for a long second, as though she might find an answer to Olivia's question there. When she looked up into Olivia's warm brown eyes, she saw nothing that indicated Olivia was making a play at her, just a genuine but innocent enough desire to perhaps prolong the night for a few more minutes. "Yes," Alex finally said with as much conviction as she could muster. There really wasn't much to think about when she also didn't want the night to end yet; she just had to get past her apprehension about the fact that she was letting Olivia into a private part of her life that few rarely saw.

Olivia followed Alex as the blonde unlocked the door and led the way to the elevator. It was a nice building – clean, well-maintained, well-lit, and with all of the standard, medium level security features prominently on display. The main door automatically locked behind all tenants and guests, the intercom system was kept in perfect working order so the tenants always knew who they were letting in, and there were security cameras in all of the public areas, including the lobby, the hallways on every floor, the stairwells, and the elevator. Truthfully, Olivia had expected Alex to live in a more lavish, upscale building, but she found that she liked knowing that Alex lived like a person of normal means – although it was only a guess on Olivia's part that Alex was actually as wealthy as her family name implied; potentially, it could just be her father's money until the man passed away, and Alex might not ever inherit, judging by the fact that they didn't seem to get along.

Alex pushed the button for the fourth floor when they entered the elevator and they stood side by side as it made its way upwards. They both stood facing front, watching the numbers pass by in slow succession and casting sidelong glances at each other. It wasn't that their easy camaraderie had completely disappeared, but that there was a new sense of anticipation in the air. Alex could definitely feel a hint of nervousness make her palms sweat, but she didn't give the negative emotion any air to breathe because she found that she was much more excited about the way Olivia had gallantly asked to escort her all the way to her door.

The ride up to the fourth floor seemed to take forever, and Olivia just prayed for it to be over. It was some kind of sweet torture to be trapped in an inescapable suspended metal box with a woman who drove her crazy – in mostly good ways – but that she couldn't touch. She kept telling herself that she just needed to make it out of the elevator without assaulting Alex, which would only prove her to be the cad that Alex feared she was. It was just so hard to keep her hands by her side when Alex's intoxicating scent was surrounding her and tempting her to reach out and touch, to discover if Alex tasted as good as she smelled.

Olivia managed not to rush out of the elevator as soon as its doors slid open, instead calmly following Alex to her apartment. As she was already holding her keys, Alex turned to face Olivia as they came to a halt in front of her door. Olivia wasn't sure what Alex was expecting, but the fact that the attorney hadn't immediately unlocked her door and bid Olivia 'goodnight' certainly boosted the detective's confidence. She wasn't usually so tongue-tied on dates, but she found herself unable to think of what to say – even a polite 'thank you' couldn't pierce the blank void that was Olivia's mind at the moment.

Until Alex, Olivia had been what one might call silver-tongued, which had led to her getting pretty much whatever she wanted from the women she saw in the past. But things were so very different with Alex – as they should be. All of Olivia's slick moves seemed to have deserted her and she felt like an awkward teenager on her first date with the girl she'd been crushing on for years. Her lack of finesse actually didn't bother her now; she didn't want to use any of her practiced charms to convince Alex to fall into bed with her. Olivia wanted Alex to like her on her own terms, wanted to be able to share every nuance of herself, no matter how vulnerable or unappealing, with Alex.

"Can I kiss you?" Olivia's mouth finally asked without the input of her brain. The question had barely been breathed into the space between them and Olivia wouldn't have been surprised if Alex hadn't heard it, even though the blonde only stood a few feet away. Olivia had never asked if she could kiss a woman before, instead relying upon reading their body language to determine if it would be acceptable or not. But she needed to ask Alex, needed to have permission before she acted on the desire that was clawing away at her insides.

"Yes," Alex replied just as softly after hearing Olivia's question reverberate through her body, and perhaps even touch her soul. She knew that Olivia hadn't been planning to ask that question, that the detective hadn't had any designs on this when she'd first asked to walk Alex to her door. It was all so clearly written in Olivia's beautifully expressive brown eyes, along with a flame of banked desire that made Alex's insides quiver, although she wasn't sure if it was from her own long denied desires or the residual heat from Olivia's – probably a little bit of both.

Olivia stepped reverently closer until their bodies were barely an inch apart, until their individual spaces became a collective 'their' space. She was careful not to actually press up against Alex, in the fear that such contact would finally break the tenuous control she still managed to hold over her body. Inhaling a deep, cleansing breath that was saturated with Alex's heady, arousing scent, Olivia reached her right hand up and ran it along Alex's neck and jaw, her fingers brushing against the fine hairs at the nape of Alex's neck as her thumb stroked gently along Alex's cheek.

Feeling the pulse beat fast and steady in Alex's neck and hearing the blonde's increased breathing only reaffirmed Alex's answer to Olivia. But it was the trust and certainty that Olivia saw in Alex's deep blue eyes that let her know this was the right thing to do and that she wasn't pushing Alex too far or too fast. They both wanted this, and Olivia would go so far as to say that she needed it, so there was no point in denying them both when the result could be nothing but amazing.

Olivia leaned in, taking in every detail as Alex's eyes closed as though in slow motion and the blonde's features clearly relaxed. Her own eyelids fluttered shut as her lips brushed tentatively across Alex's – as though this were Olivia's first exploratory kiss – before settling more confidently over Alex's mouth. She heard a soft sigh, not knowing which of them it came from, and felt Alex's lips part beneath hers. Olivia lost herself in the open-mouthed kiss, but kept her tongue steadfastly in her own mouth, not ready to take their kiss into that territory unless Alex was the one to initiate it. Right now, everything was absolutely perfect the way it was.

Alex felt Olivia's other hand slide onto her hip, but the detective didn't try to pull her any closer. It was both endearing and frustrating, but Alex decided to embrace the endearing quality of it because she knew that full body contact could lead them into very dangerous territory – completely uncharted territory for her. But Alex still needed something to hold on to, so she lightly grasped the forearm that was close to her waist and placed her other hand on Olivia's hip, all the while matching Olivia in the slow dance of learning each other's lips – finally understanding how people could be swept away by just one little, seemingly innocent kiss.

Olivia gently pulled back from their kiss, steadying Alex with the hand on her waist when the attorney lost her precarious balance as she tried to follow Olivia's retreat. The detective looked into Alex's slightly dazed eyes, seeing a small swirling of confusion as she wondered why Olivia had pulled away. Olivia gave Alex a small, reassuring smile, at least as reassuring as she could right now when her insides were trembling uncontrollably, and brushed her thumb along Alex's bottom lip, as though she rued the severing of their connection but knew that she had to. Then she lowered her hand and took a step back.

The detective still lightly held the fingers of Alex's right hand as she said, "Goodnight, Alex." Then Olivia took another step back, letting go of Alex's hand in the process and watching as the attorney's arm made a slow descent to rest by her side. Olivia waited, so close and yet purposely not physically touching Alex, as the blonde realized that Olivia was waiting for her to enter her apartment – always the protector.

Alex raised the key to the lock and slowly turned the bolt, amazed that her hands weren't trembling from all of the pent up emotion roiling within her. Careful not to fumble and give herself away, Alex extracted the key and pushed open the door. She walked over the threshold and stared back at Olivia as she slowly closed the door. Olivia looked back at her, an unreadable expression on her face, and Alex wished that she knew what the detective was thinking. "Goodnight, Olivia," she finally said before shutting the door and leaning against it in a daze that she'd never felt before.

Olivia stood in the hallway, to the side of the door where Alex wouldn't be able to see her if she decided to look out the peephole – not that her positioning was foremost in her mind right now – and waited until she heard the deadbolt slide closed. Then, knowing that Alex was safe for the night, Olivia turned around and make her way almost mechanically from the building. There were so many thoughts whirling through her head that it was almost like she wasn't thinking anything at all, except for the reoccurring thought that she had just kissed the woman of her dreams.

Alex went through her nightly routine in a robotic fashion, lucky that she had excellent muscle memory because if she'd had to think about her actions, she would have been completely screwed. All of her brain power was focused on analyzing tonight's events, although she couldn't go more than a minute or so without reliving that kiss again and again. So, needless to say, she didn't get very far in her analysis. That kiss had just been so very different than anything she'd yet experienced in her life, and she desperately wanted to repeat it.

It was just as Alex was swishing around her mouthwash that she heard her phone ring from the bedroom. She spat the liquid out and bounded into her room, flopping on the bed and reaching out to grab her cell, which was resting on the nightstand on the far side of her bed as it charged. Alex was in such a rush, hoping that it was Olivia even though she knew the odds of that were slim since the detective had just left barely twenty minutes ago, that she didn't even check her caller ID as she struggled to get the power cord out so she could bring the phone to her ear.

Unable to finagle it quickly enough, Alex wriggled across the bedspread and stretched the charging cord to the max so she could at least answer the call before it switched over to voicemail. "Hello, hello," Alex said twice before the caller even had time to acknowledge her. Her breath came in short pants and she tried to hear past the pounding of her heartbeat – a pounding that came not from her mad dash across the apartment, but from her anticipation of who might be on the other end of the line.

"Out of breath, huh, Lexie," Sapphire said, sounding a little impressed even through the phone line. "I hope that means she's still there with you and not that you're taking care of it yourself." She just couldn't help but tease Alex, and even though her friend couldn't see her, Sapphire waggled her dark eyebrows suggestively.

"As if I'd answer the phone if I were otherwise engaged. The only thing you like better than talking is jumping Meg's bones, so I always assume that's what you're doing when you don't answer my calls," Alex retorted, the words spilling from her mouth before she even thought to check them.

"Oh, sassy, I like that. You know, you're pretty much dead on about why I don't answer your calls. But don't be jealous, you've got your own butch to play with now." There was a slight pause as though a new thought had popped into Sapphire's mind. "Unless, of course, the reason you're so sassy tonight is because your date with said butch didn't go so well." When Alex still didn't answer, Sapphire continued, "If she was fresh with you, just let me know and I'll beat her down."

The way Sapphire had said that last part was adorable and so completely sincere that Alex couldn't help but crack a smile. "You know she's a cop, right? It's probably not the best idea to get into fisticuffs with her, or even threaten her. All of her friends have guns, you know," Alex said, warming up to the fact that it was Sapphire on the other end of the line instead of Olivia like she'd been hoping. She was finally able to disconnect the stubborn power cord from her phone and sat with her back against the headboard of her bed.

"And it wasn't a bad date. She was sweet and charming and courtly, and has this incredible knack for always making me feel comfortable. I really had a great time," Alex ended a little breathlessly, rolling her eyes at the way she sounded as though she was no older than a schoolgirl who was infatuated with her first crush. She may have felt that way, but that didn't mean she wanted Sapphire to know that her emotions were inadvertently so involved. Sapphire's natural instinct was always to protect her, and Alex was almost ready to take the chance of getting hurt just to see how this thing with Olivia could develop; she had a deep down gut feeling that Olivia was more than worth the potential heartache.

"If it wasn't bad then why isn't your sexy detective there with you right now?" Sapphire questioned as she took a loud bite out of what sounded to Alex to be an apple. It was obvious that Sapphire found Alex's suddenly resuscitated love life to be her entertainment for the night now that she knew she didn't have to kick Olivia's ass for any reason. Sapphire's nosy behavior would definitely piss Alex off if they weren't such good friends and Alex didn't know that Sapphire was genuinely concerned for her.

"She kissed me. And it was amazing. But she seems to want to take things slow. At least one of us can keep our mind clear, because I don't know that I would have said no had she asked to come inside. God, she was so perfect, so… gentlemanly. You know what I mean… she was just so considerate and always tried to make me feel comfortable. She opened up to me about her past and didn't just immediately expect me to do the same." While Alex would admit that she hadn't had a lot of experience dating, tonight had by far been the best date of her life, and she really couldn't imagine it going much better, except maybe if Olivia had stayed.

"A kiss has never made me feel like that. It felt like nothing existed outside of that moment, outside of her lips on mine, outside of her hand on my cheek," Alex finished in a whisper as she was once again lost to the memory that she couldn't imagine would ever fade.

She was only brought back to the present when she heard Sapphire yelling in her ear, and from the sounds of it, her friend had been trying to get her attention for some time. Alex shivered as she put the images out of her mind for a second and concentrated on Sapphire. She wasn't sure if the shiver was from the residual heat the memory always invoked, or the cold that descended on her now that she'd pulled her mind away from it.

"So why didn't you invite her to stay? Even just for a cup of coffee if you didn't want to take things any further," Sapphire asked when she thought she had Alex's attention once again. It was rather rare for Alex to space out on her like that, and over the phone Sapphire couldn't read if it was a good space out or a bad space out. One of Alex's defining qualities was how focused she was, so it must have been something pretty damn special to cause Alex to lose concentration like that.

"She didn't really give me the chance, not that I necessarily would have invited her in. I was still dazed and trying to recover when she said pulled away and said goodnight. She didn't even try to convince me to let her in," Alex said, wondering when she had started hoping that Olivia would successfully make it into her apartment tonight.

Then it occurred to her that maybe Olivia didn't want her like that. Maybe their one kiss was more than enough for Olivia to determine that they just weren't compatible. Maybe Olivia had sensed how inexperienced Alex really was and decided that she didn't want to go through the trouble of waiting for Alex to be ready. Alex knew that Olivia was used to more experienced women, if her history was anything to go by, and Alex couldn't compete with that.

"God, I don't know, Sapph. I suck at this whole compatibility thing. I think we've already established that I don't have the experience one would normally expect for someone my age." Alex wasn't quite ready to share any of her specific fears with Sapphire. She was a little worried that Sapphire would take them as truths, instead of the speculation that they were, and go off on Olivia for no reason; that was something that Alex desperately wanted to avoid.

"Listen, Sapph, I'm tired. Can we talk about tonight some other time?" Alex asked, trying to keep the pleading out of her tone, although she wasn't sure how successful she actually was. It wasn't that Alex was convinced that a good night's sleep would put her in better spirits, or that she could even manage a good night's sleep, but it was certainly worth the effort.

Alex was grateful when Sapphire let her go without much of a fight, and she really thought that her friend would respect her wishes this time and not come rushing over to confront her. She knew that Sapphire wasn't ready to completely drop the subject, but Alex needed a little more time to process tonight's events by herself before she could logically discuss them with anyone else.

Settling down into bed, Alex let her thoughts sweep her away, knowing there was no easy way to ignore them so she could get to sleep; she'd just have to let them play out. As she stared up at her darkened ceiling, the covers drawn up over her chest, one damning thought kept coming back to haunt her – Olivia hadn't asked her out for another date.


	15. No Words

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**Warning/Rating:** This chapter is rated MA for sexual content that involves two women. Don't like it then don't read it.

**A/N:** So, I'm sorry that I'm uploading this at the end of my day rather than at the start as I usually do. Life has been annoying hectic the past few days and I just didn't have time to type this up and edit it before this evening, so I'm a little late. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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><p><strong>Chapter 15 – No Words<strong>

_Olivia had arrived home from a hard day at work an hour ago and had immediately made her way to the couch. It had been a physically trying day and all Olivia wanted was to take a little, much needed nap, maybe catch up on a few hours of sleep that she never seemed to be able to get at night. She nearly collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion, just managing to stick a pillow beneath her head before it cracked against the arm of the sofa, which wasn't nearly as soft as the cushions. Olivia was asleep almost before she'd fully reclined on the couch, no longer caring about how comfortable her sleeping arrangement was._

_When the detective awoke from her nap, it was to the sound of an odd noise in her apartment. She couldn't quite place it and sat up sleepily to listen more closely to see if she could identify the barely audible noise. While she'd only slipped her gun and holster onto the side table next to the couch, so it was just a couple feet away and well within reaching distance, Olivia felt no need to pick it up; she didn't feel as though she were in danger at all. Olivia strained to hear whatever she could, but as time passed, her tired body once again began to win the war for sleep as her head drooped down to hang rather uncomfortably over her chest._

_Before she could slip into anything other than a light doze, Olivia felt a pair of hands slide over her shoulders and gently begin to massage the muscles of her upper back and neck. The seemingly unexpected contact with this mystery person did not startle Olivia in the least, even though she'd been under the impression that she was alone in her apartment – she knew she should have been alone in her apartment. It was as though the identity of the mystery masseuse was telegraphed through those magical fingertips and directly into Olivia's brain, making the detective relax all the more._

_Olivia groaned as those talented fingers moved from the base of her neck, where it connected to her muscular shoulders, up the sensitive column. They were careful not to pull at the fine hairs at the nape of Olivia's neck, and got more involved in caressing and less into massaging the closer those fingers got to the soft, silky strands on Olivia's head. Olivia was purring with delight by the time her guest was running those wonderful fingers unabashedly through Olivia's thick hair, nails lightly scraping against the detective's scalp._

_Resting her head back on top of the couch so she could finally see Alex, Olivia looked up into twinkling blue eyes. She closed her eyes slowly and immersed herself in the pleasure as Alex brushed a few unruly locks across her forehead; it was so soft and gentle, and Olivia couldn't help but imagine that Alex was actually there, that Alex was actually hers. But even as she wished for it to be real, Olivia knew it couldn't because Alex was too good for her, too light to be forced to deal with the darkness inside of her._

_Olivia couldn't resist when she felt Alex's soft lips brush across her own. She was too drained from everything else that had happened today to tell Alex to stop – too needy from wanting the beautiful blonde for so long to warn Alex away. Olivia had no idea why Alex was here, or even how the attorney had gotten into her apartment, but she was too weak to send her away and too selfish to sidetrack the plans that were obvious even from Alex's first gentle kiss._

_Alex continued to place soft, lingering kisses all across Olivia's face, only occasionally going back to the detective's mouth, while she slowly unbuttoned the work shirt that Olivia had been too tired to divest herself of when she'd arrived home earlier. Olivia kept her hands at her sides, neither helping nor hindering Alex's slow progression down the center of her torso – just letting the blonde do whatever she liked. Still, not a word was spoken between them, but Alex could read the detective's body language well enough to know that Olivia didn't want her to stop._

_Unlike most days when Olivia wore an undershirt beneath her top layer, today she had forgone such attire and the only thing underneath her comfortable button down shirt was her bra. So as Alex slowly worked the buttons of Olivia's shirt loose, the attorney was careful not to drag her fingers along the thin line of exposed toned flesh it revealed; that pleasure would come soon enough. It was surprisingly hard not to touch, not just because Alex's fingers itched to caress Olivia's beautiful olive-toned skin, but because the detective's increasingly rapid breathing only drove Alex's own arousal higher, which made it more difficult to keep her fingers from shaking._

_When the task was finally done, Alex planted a real kiss on Olivia's lips. This one held not a trace of the soft, teasing intention of the previous ones, but was all barely controlled need and suppressed desire. Olivia gasped at the power of it, and Alex took the opportunity to plunge her tongue into the detective's mouth. It was not gentle, and Olivia felt as though she was being devoured, but she wouldn't have it any other way – didn't want it any other way. Olivia had never had anyone claim her so completely or efficiently, but then Alex was the first person she'd wanted to actually let claim her._

_Alex only pulled back when they were both out of breath, and she left one last lingering caress of her fingers across Olivia's neck before making her way around the couch and kneeling on the floor in front of Olivia. She hooked her hands behind Olivia's knees and spread the detective's legs far enough apart that she could fit between them and press up against the bottom of the couch. Alex wanted as much access to Olivia's body as she could possibly get and this was the best position in which to accomplish that end._

_There was no resistance in Olivia's body as Alex knelt before her, but a shudder of arousal passed through her as she imagined all the things that Alex could do from her current position. Olivia looked down as Alex's hands teased their way up her cloth-covered thighs before latching onto either side of Olivia's unbuttoned shirt. Alex's flashing blue eyes met Olivia's liquid brown ones before she pulled the two halves apart to expose Olivia's clenching, quivering abdomen._

_Olivia could feel the fine tremors of her stomach muscles increase as Alex drew those beautiful blue eyes from her abdomen up to her eyes so Olivia could read the raw, achingly beautiful hunger in them. It was so heady, so potent, to know that someone desired her that much, and it was only made better by the fact that Alex had no intention of hiding how much she wanted her. That look guaranteed that Olivia would give Alex whatever she wanted because there was an underlying current of true affection in that breathtakingly hungry gaze._

_Alex leaned up and folded both sides of Olivia's shirt at the shoulder so that it would stay open without her having to hold it. Then Alex drew her hands downward, just skimming over the surface of Olivia's hot skin as she caressed down the detective's sides. She barely touched Olivia's functional cotton bra, but had the thought that it was just unfair how Olivia could make such a utilitarian garment look that sexy. If Alex didn't bypass those beautiful breasts now, she didn't know if she'd get to anything else tonight, and there were just so many other parts of Olivia's gorgeous body that she wanted to explore._

_As Alex massaged the firm sinew and supple skin on Olivia's lower back with her fingertips, she could see the interplay of muscles ripple across the brunette's abdomen. The human body was an amazing construction of interconnected pieces and Alex was awed by the fact that one specifically placed touch could cause a reaction throughout the rest of the body. It was even more awesome when the body in question that she was touching was that of the detective she had been lusting after since their first meeting._

_Olivia found it surprisingly easy to let Alex do whatever she wanted. It wasn't that it was easy to stay still while the attorney caressed her and made her skin come alive like no other ever had, but that she needed this. Olivia needed someone else to take care of her right now, needed someone else to bear the responsibility of making any decisions, and Alex was probably the only person with whom Olivia felt comfortable enough to actually let herself even admit that, much less allow someone else to see that vulnerability in her. Sometimes, the thing she needed most was to relinquish the control that she usually prized above all else in her life._

_The detective watched as Alex lightly traced the slight definition of her abdominals, the muscles standing out all the more because of the pleasurable tension lancing through Olivia's body. She mostly kept herself in shape because of the job, but Olivia would be lying if she said she wasn't a little proud of her hard-won toned body. It was certainly nice to have the confidence to be naked with any of her lovers without being self-conscious, but right now she was only proud of it in so much as it pleased Alex – and Olivia could tell that Alex definitely appreciated it._

_Alex continued to caress Olivia's abdomen, mesmerized by the way the muscles quivered and twitched beneath her fingertips. It was almost as if they had a life of their own as they rippled and almost seemed to strain towards Alex's touch. Alex had never appreciated the human body as much as she did right now, with the body beneath her belonging to the one woman she'd never been able to successfully get out of her head._

_When just touching turned out not to be enough, Alex lowered her head and brushed her lips across the firm pack of muscles, feeling them quiver in a whole new way. Alex made her way down Olivia's abdomen, keeping her touch light for fear that she would lose control if she showed any more intent. As she drifted just below Olivia's naval, noticing the way the detective's breathing increased the lower she travelled, Alex couldn't resist poking her tongue out and just barely gliding it over Olivia's sleek flesh._

_Olivia wasn't ready for the feel of Alex's hot, wet tongue on her skin and she couldn't stop her body from arching into the touch. The only thing that kept her from burying her fingers in Alex's hair and pressing the blonde closer was the fact that she was already gripping the edge of the couch like her life depended on it. She could feel her heart rioting in her chest and she couldn't imagine how she was going to take it if Alex continued to progress things along the lines they were currently exploring; Olivia had never been so aroused from such simple caress before._

_Even as Olivia writhed under her exploring tongue, Alex wasn't going to stop; she just took Olivia's hips in her hands to control some of the detective's movements. Alex couldn't help herself as she nipped gently at Olivia's smooth flesh, leaving behind pale red marks that faded quickly. She wanted to leave more permanent marks, but didn't allow herself that pleasure until it became clear that Olivia enjoyed the aggressive treatment. Alex was still careful to keep control of herself though, not wanting to cross that line where the pleasure took on a hard edge of pain as well._

_By the time Alex was satisfied that she'd sufficiently laid claim to Olivia, the detective felt like a whimpering bundle of exposed nerves, her desire for Alex making few other thoughts possible. The blonde looked up into her eyes and Olivia could see how clear they were, how focused Alex was on giving her the pleasure that her body so desperately needed, the intimacy that her soul craved. If Alex had wanted something in return, anything, Olivia would have agreed to it in a heartbeat, but what made Olivia know this was so right was that Alex didn't._

_Alex braced her arms on either side of Olivia's hips, watching as the detective tried to get her breathing under control once more. She was acutely aware of Olivia's sides rubbing against her sensitive forearms with every breath the beautiful, laid-out brunette took. Alex finally levered herself up so she could press her T-shirt clad torso against Olivia's nearly naked one and latch her mouth onto the wonderful, throbbing pulse in Olivia's neck that was tempting Alex to distraction. This time, she wasn't satisfied until a nice sized bruise was already beginning to form and Olivia's hands were clasping her hips as the detective leaned her head back to expose more of her neck for Alex to ravish._

_Olivia welcomed Alex's mouth when it migrated to her own, reveling in the assertive way Alex kissed her. She couldn't help but gasp when Alex reached up and cupped her still bound breast, which also gave Alex the opportunity to slip her tongue into Olivia's mouth. Olivia moaned as Alex gently squeezed her, loving how it felt but still thinking they could be closer – that Alex could just push her bra aside so she could feel that wonderful hand over her flesh without any barriers between them._

_As though reading Olivia's mind, Alex pulled back and deftly unhooked the detective's front clasp bra, making Olivia insanely thankful that she'd worn such convenient attire today. Olivia couldn't help but feel good about herself as Alex looked at her with obvious appreciation and blazing desire in her gaze, not feeling the least bit uncomfortable that she was so physically vulnerable while Alex still had all of her clothing in place. It wasn't too difficult to feel comfortable with her body when Alex was looking at her like she wanted to eat her up, and Olivia could only hope that Alex would follow through with the promise in those blazing blue eyes._

_Olivia lost track of time as Alex paid homage to her breasts – time seemed to stand still even while the moments passed far too quickly for Olivia's liking. Alex quickly learned what actions drew moans from Olivia, which ones drew deep groans, and how confident, slightly rough treatment coaxed such beautiful sounds of agonizing desire from Olivia's body. No one had ever so expertly handled her before and Olivia never wanted the exquisite pleasure to end._

_With one last gentle bite to Olivia's hard nipple, Alex pulled away with a soft pop. While her mouth was reluctant to let go of its bounty, there was other territory to explore, and one particular place that Alex so desperately wanted to taste. And if the way Olivia had been rolling her hips into Alex for the last seemingly endless minutes was any indication, then the detective was more than ready for Alex to take things to the next level. It was a very potent feeling to know that Olivia was as eager for this as she was._

_Olivia could no longer control the motion of her hips, and she knew that if she didn't still have her pants on then she'd be painting that small strip of Alex's abdomen exposed by their activities with her wetness. She whimpered in protest when Alex forced her hands back to her sides, but understood the move when the attorney quickly shoved her shirt and bra straps down off her shoulders. Olivia helped when she realized what Alex was doing, pulling her arms free of both garments so they lay bunched up behind her on the couch while Alex began the journey down her torso once again._

_This time, Alex had no hesitation as she slipped her hand over Olivia's dark pants, not willing to put this off any longer. She traced the seam between Olivia's legs, smiling seductively when the detective whined in pleasure and lifted into the touch. Alex's hand didn't stay between Olivia's thighs for more than a few moments, no matter how much they both wanted it to, but instead moved down until Alex could successfully take Olivia's shoes off. While she was eager enough for a taste of Olivia to just pull down the detective's pants and have at her, Alex wouldn't have nearly as much maneuverability that way, so she wanted Olivia completely naked and exposed to her._

_In short order, Olivia's feet were bare and Alex once again had her eyes focused between her soon-to-be lover's legs. Unable to resist, Alex smoothed her hand once more over Olivia's beautiful stomach before making quick work of the detective's belt, not even bothering to pull it from Olivia's pants after it was open in her haste to get Olivia naked. As soon as Alex had the button undone and the zipper down, she pulled Olivia's slacks down her legs, leaving the detective in a surprisingly sexy pair of dark blue briefs._

_Alex groaned softly at the wet spot already apparent on Olivia's underwear and couldn't resist touching her finger to the physical evidence of her lover's arousal. A barely audible growl left Alex's throat as she brushed against the hard prominence of Olivia's erect clitoris and the detective immediately jerked into her hand, unable to stop the involuntary reaction. They were both more than ready for this and Alex had no intention of making either of them wait any longer, so she quickly divested Olivia of her last piece of clothing before settling herself between the detective's already trembling thighs._

_Olivia couldn't look away from Alex as the blonde knelt before her, making eye contact before she pulled Olivia to the very edge of the sofa so she would have better access. There was nothing Olivia could do to stop the racing of her heartbeat, or the ragged breaths that never seemed to get her enough oxygen, and she most certainly couldn't stop the wetness that gathered unerringly in her sex as Alex looked at her; Olivia's reaction to Alex was beyond obvious. The detective kept a death grip on the cushion beneath her, wanting Alex to take the last step herself, without Olivia's fingers fisting insistently in the blonde's hair._

_As Alex lowered her head to teasingly run her tongue along Olivia's labia, the detective groaned and threw her head back onto the couch. Her body arched into the heavenly sensation and Olivia had to grit her teeth to keep from crying out, the sound even harder to suppress when Alex hummed her pleasure because it really turned Olivia on to know that Alex was enjoying this too. It humbled Olivia that Alex knew just what she need and had no qualms about giving it to her, even though Alex had to put off her own pleasure to focus on Olivia's._

_Proceeding from the teasing caress of her tongue to Olivia's outer labia, Alex used one hand to spread her lover's beautifully swollen and wonderfully sensitive folds apart. Alex took one long lick over Olivia's slit, savoring the unique flavor of Olivia even as she inhaled that arousing, musky scent. It was the only direct taste of Olivia's essence that Alex allowed herself as she read the detective's body and was determined to give her exactly what she needed, even if it wasn't how Alex would have chosen to continue otherwise._

_Olivia finally did cry out, her hips bucking up into Alex's mouth even as her weak hands fumbled into that golden hair, when Alex wrapped her lips around Olivia's clitoris and pushed two fingers deep into Olivia's slick opening. It was so insanely perfect and exactly what Olivia needed – her body more than ready for the unexpectedly sudden but completely welcome penetration. And as much as Olivia wished she could prove herself to be a stud that didn't come at first contact, her primed body coupled with the knowledge that it was Alex who was playing her so perfectly, made that impossible…_

Olivia awoke at the peak of her orgasm, her body twitching and her sex clenching at emptiness even as it released and bathed her thighs in wetness. She was in awe of her body as her hips pumped hard into the air, wishing that someone was there to press against. No, that wasn't true, she wished that Alex was here to share in her powerful orgasm – no one else would do, especially since it was Alex who had made her come this hard.

Even as she quieted, Olivia's body jerked against her phantom lover, the tendrils of pleasure not dissipating with the passage of time. Olivia actually feared – as well as desperately wanting to know – what it would feel like to truly make love to Alex or how she would respond when Alex touched her back. There were just no words to express how Alex made her feel, both physically and emotionally, in either dreams or reality.


	16. Apology

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 16 – Apology<strong>

Olivia was just walking back to her desk with a mug of coffee, loaded with cream and a little bit of sugar to cut down on its toxicity, when she heard Elliot slam down his phone and start griping under his breath. "What's up, El?" Olivia asked as her partner started scribbling furiously – and therefore illegibly – on a standard report form that they all had strewn about their desks and dreaded having to fill out. She took a sip of her coffee after blowing on the hot liquid and cringed at the taste; maybe there really was something to the idea of using this crap as motor oil.

"Cabot just called, bitching about how she needs my reports on the Morgan case. I told her I've got all my notes and I'll get around to it when I have the time. But the bitchy, dragon lady wants it now. And God knows, we all work for her," Elliot spat as he continued to write. "If she calls back in an hour like she threatened to, I don't know if I'm going to be able to hold my tongue. I do my job, and she acts like I'm just sitting on my ass all day doing nothing."

Olivia tried not to let his words get to her. She knew that Alex could act a little anal retentive sometimes and be a stickler for procedure, but she also knew that a lot of the time they deserved her ire when it was directed at them. And now that Olivia was tentatively dating the ADA, she felt protective of Alex and wanted to defend her. The only thing that kept Olivia from going off on Elliot was the fact that she knew his bad mood had more to do with his ever more stressful home life than his actually having a problem with Alex.

"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh, El?" she asked her partner quietly. Normally, she would have stayed silent and just let him rant about it, but it just didn't feel right anymore.

Elliot looked up into Olivia's eyes and saw how concerned his partner was, and how sincere her words were. "You're right, I'm sorry," he said after exhaling a long breath. Even if he wasn't directing his anger at her, Olivia still had to listen to it and he shouldn't be causing his partner any more disturbances than what they already dealt with. He knew that he slacked off on his paperwork sometimes, much preferring to chase the perpetrators down rather than filling out all the redundant, exhaustive paperwork that each case required; justice came with a lot of bullshit bureaucracy.

"Why don't I bring her my report on the case and hopefully buy you some more time?" Olivia said, knowing that the idea wouldn't just help Elliot out, but herself as well. It was as good an excuse as any to see Alex and she really needed to explain herself after the silence she'd treated the attorney to the rest of the weekend after Saturday night. As unused to having a girlfriend as Olivia was, she knew that her behavior after their kiss had been less than ideal.

"You sure you want to risk it? You know she hates it when we drop by unannounced. It's like she's always expecting us to spring something else on her that will make her case harder to prosecute if it goes to trial."

"I'll take my chances," Olivia said with a cocky smile that she knew Elliot would interpret as her putting on a brave face. She still couldn't quite bring herself to tell him that she was actually looking forward to seeing the ADA. It would be hard to tell Elliot how much she really liked Alex without revealing that they were dating – at least she hoped they were still dating – and Olivia somehow doubted that Alex would be comfortable with their private business becoming public just yet. And one of the things that Olivia really didn't want to do was scare Alex off right now, not when they were just starting out and things were still so precarious and unsure between them – when they were still feeling each other out.

So, Olivia gathered up her finished report and dug out her notes, wondering if maybe it was fate that she'd forgotten to turn them in to the DA's office sooner. Even with it being most people's lunch hour and the roads being packed, it wouldn't take Olivia long to get over to Alex's office, so the detective knew she should use every second to think about what she would say. She wasn't nearly as smooth and confident around Alex as she had been with all of the other women in her past – the ones that didn't matter – and Alex was the one woman she didn't want to fuck it up with.

When Olivia reached Alex's open door, she couldn't help but stand there in awe for a few minutes as the blonde's striking beauty took her breath away. Just looking at Alex made her heart constrict in a mostly, though not entirely, pleasing way, and Olivia wondered just when she had started falling in love with the ADA. She didn't have anything to compare it to, but Olivia knew that she wanted Alex so much more than just physically, although she eagerly awaited that aspect of their new relationship to start as well.

Thankfully, Alex was engrossed in her work and didn't look up, which gave Olivia the time she needed to compose herself, at least as well as she could when she was around Alex. So when she figured she could talk to Alex in a somewhat intelligent manner, and without drooling unattractively on herself, Olivia knocked lightly on the doorjamb to get Alex's attention.

Alex looked up from her work and saw Olivia standing in her doorway with an adorably uncertain and tentative smile on her face. It was only years of practice at not showing any response in the courtroom that kept the neutral expression on her own face. But it became easier to push down an answering smile when Alex thought about the doubts that had plagued her all weekend long. She hadn't been able to get any work done on Sunday because she'd been too distracted thinking about their date on Saturday, and specifically about how their date had ended – going from undoubtedly one of the best nights of her life to a night that she was now uncertain about, but still wouldn't trade for the world.

But then Alex had to wonder if her anger towards Olivia for not calling was even fair because she could have just as easily – or not so easily, but just as plausibly – called the detective. Just because Olivia had been the one to initially ask her out did not mean that Olivia always had to be the aggressor, even though she was definitely more comfortable in the traditionally more feminine roll of reacting rather than acting. There were no rules, written or otherwise, that said Olivia should be the only one putting forth effort on that front. Olivia had even explicitly said that Alex could ask her out on a date some time, and Alex had to admit that the idea held some appeal.

"Detective," Alex said with a cool nod of her head, wincing on the inside at how impersonal she sounded. Why was it so difficult to speak to someone that she wanted to know a whole lot more intimately before their relationship was over? And why the hell did Alex have to find a colleague so damn attractive when all it did was complicate an already unfamiliar and difficult situation for her? Alex hated being of two opposing mindsets about anything, and that's all she seemed to be where Olivia was concerned.

Olivia crossed the threshold and slowly closed the door behind her, forgetting all about the paperwork still clutched in her hands and instead focused intently on making her apology. When she turned back around to face Alex, the blonde had a perfectly sculpted eyebrow arched in question, and Olivia had to shake off the urge to cross over to Alex and kiss her senseless. They were both professionals and Olivia was absolutely certain that Alex wouldn't take too kindly to their professional and personal lives overlapping in that way.

"Something on your mind, detective?" Alex asked, again kicking herself for the high-handed attitude that she couldn't seem to curb right now; even knowing that it was a defense mechanism did not soothe Alex. What she really wanted to do was offer up an olive branch, or at least not piss Olivia off while she bolstered the courage to ask for either another date or an explanation for why Olivia had left on Saturday night without saying anything after that amazing, mind-numbing kiss.

"I want to apologize for leaving you hanging the rest of the weekend after Saturday night," Olivia said adamantly, needing to get the most pressing matter off her chest first. Olivia could try to offer the excuse that she wasn't used to operating like this, that she didn't usually call her dates back until she needed another sexual release, but such a reminder of her past relationship history was not going to bring up anything she wanted to discuss. The detective wanted to distance herself from that past, and knew that as long as she was involved with Alex, she would be successful in that endeavor because with Alex she wasn't looking for a quick screw.

Olivia ran a hand roughly through her hair, wishing that she'd been able to think of what to say on her way over here like she'd planned to instead of getting lost in all the electrical memories she had of Saturday night. The detective knew that Alex was too good – too special – to deserve anything less than the absolute truth, even if that truth scared her a little bit and she didn't completely understand it herself.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I should have called," she said sincerely while trying to gauge Alex's reaction. "In my defense, you pretty much fried my brain with that kiss and it took me until this morning to start thinking coherently again," Olivia finished. It was absolutely true, and her dreams hadn't helped her regain that ability to think clearly any too quickly, not that Olivia could complain about the visceral realness of her dreams when they were about Alex.

"You were the one who kissed me," Alex said before she could give in to the urge to get up and trace her fingers over Olivia's hopefully quirked lips. She'd only ever seen the detective so uncertain and cautious when they were alone together and Alex couldn't deny that she found it both adorable and frustrating. Alex loved that she affected Olivia like no one else, but was a little worried that Olivia thought she had to modify her behavior around the attorney because Alex wanted Olivia to be comfortable around her – to just be herself.

Olivia knew it wasn't an accusation and she relaxed a little, her smile becoming freer and more unreserved. "But you kissed me back," she said happily. And now Olivia had to remind herself where they were because she wanted to kiss Alex again – wanted to regain the easy familiarity that they'd had together at dinner on Saturday night.

"Can I take you to lunch?" the detective asked, completely forgetting that she had an actual work related reason for being there and wanting nothing more than to spend as much time with Alex as she could. It was still in the back of her mind that she could get a call at any time with a new lead on one of her cases, but until then she was entitled to a lunch break, which Olivia was more than eager to take if it meant spending that time with Alex.

"Wow, two days later and I'm downgraded to a lunch date. That's harsh," Alex teased, finally feeling that answering smile spread across her own face. When she thought about it, Alex was amazed that she felt so comfortable with Olivia this quickly. Alex wasn't used to having very many lighthearted conversations, what with the often sickening cases she handled at work and her almost total lack of a social life, but with Olivia it just occurred naturally. That it took Olivia to introduce some much needed cheerfulness into her life was very telling about how special the detective really was, and how important Olivia already was to Alex.

"Believe me, sweetheart, I'd take you out every night if I thought I could be trusted to keep my hands off you," Olivia said, her voice taking on a low, husky quality that she couldn't control. "I think I'll need to get you a chastity belt or something before you can totally trust me. Just something besides my own questionable will that should protect you virtue." Olivia wasn't sure if it was the best idea to be so honest about the fact that she wanted Alex that much – that she thought about sex with Alex that much – but she didn't want to be anything less than honest with Alex.

Alex felt herself quicken at Olivia's confession and warmed when the detective so casually called her sweetheart. She could too easily get used to the term of endearment, or any other that Olivia felt compelled to call her, but couldn't ignore her ingrained nature to be skeptical of the affectionate way Olivia said it. But the other thing that she couldn't ignore was the truth ringing in Olivia's words when the detective said she had a hard time keeping her hands to herself. It was a new experience for Alex to know that someone wanted her that much, and amazed that she actually reciprocated those feelings. And it left her feeling strangely empowered to know that such a strong woman like Olivia desired her.

Before she could think better of it, Alex stood up and made her way around her desk towards Olivia, who stood stock still in the middle of Alex's office. Alex smiled and lifted her hand to Olivia's cheek, not letting herself think about how uncharacteristic it was for her and instead focusing on how nice it felt to touch Olivia so familiarly, and have her touch be welcomed. She gave free rein to her instincts and quickly kissed Olivia on the lips, making sure not to linger and tempt either of them into anything that would be completely inappropriate for their current surroundings.

"I can take care of myself, Liv," Alex said softly even as she stroked her fingers along Olivia's cheek, subconsciously shadowing how Olivia had touched her at the end of their date when the detective had kissed her. She could sense that Olivia actually seemed worried about how much she wanted her, but Alex knew without a doubt that Olivia would never do anything that she wasn't ready for. Even though Olivia didn't know about Alex's level of inexperience, she would always respect Alex's boundaries, whether explicitly stated or just hinted at.

"And I would love to have lunch with you," the attorney finally said as she took her hand away and stepped back. Alex usually just grabbed something from her favorite local deli and brought it back to her office so she could work through lunch, but it most definitely appealed to her to finally take a non-working lunch hour if she could do so with Olivia.

Olivia felt a shiver go through her as Alex put some more space between them, organizing her desk before they headed out to lunch. She knew it was a good idea to put some physical distance between them before she completely forgot herself, and her resolve to take things slow, and bent Alex over her desk. _Oh, that'd be good_, Olivia couldn't help but think before she slammed the door shut on that kind of thinking and tried to focus on anything that couldn't be construed as remotely sexual.

Her past lovers had commented that she was creative in bed, and Olivia now believed them because she couldn't grasp onto any thoughts right now that didn't immediately transform into an idea of how she could pleasure Alex. She couldn't wait to have the opportunity to put those thoughts into action, but it was a bad idea to think those thoughts when they were going out in public.

"Something wrong, Liv," Alex asked in concern when she heard Olivia groan softly behind her. She quickly gave Olivia a quick once over, wondering if she'd missed it earlier and the detective had been hurting when Olivia had first entered her office. Alex couldn't spot any physical injuries, but the expression on Olivia's face was most definitely bordering on pain. "If you aren't feeling well, we could just go some other time," the ADA offered, disappointed but not wanting Olivia to push herself if she was really feeling poorly; they could have lunch almost any time.

"No, I'm fine," Olivia said as she made an even greater effort to push her arousal aside and focus on sharing a nice platonic lunch with Alex. She'd already admitted to Alex how much she wanted her and thought about her, in the abstract at least, and decided that those types of confessions were over for the day. Alex didn't need to know how she'd just imagined fucking her on her desk, or that the simple thought of that act had gotten her so painfully aroused that she wasn't sure she'd be able to walk properly, and certainly wouldn't be able to move without some discomfort. Oh well, if that was the price she had to pay for being around Alex, then she could gladly pay it.

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><p>"You must have been successful. I haven't heard from Cabot since you've been gone," Elliot said when Olivia slipped back into the squad room nearly two hours later. "Where'd you go, anyway?" he asked curiously, knowing that Olivia wasn't prone to disappearing during the day.<p>

This was the question that Olivia knew she couldn't avoid, especially since she'd been gone so long. Neither she nor Alex were used to taking long lunch breaks, so they hadn't been watching the clock when they'd gone out, and the next time either of them had looked at their watches, it was well past time to be getting back. They were just lucky that Alex hadn't been scheduled for court that afternoon and that Cragen was pretty lenient with Olivia since she rarely took extended lunches.

It had seemed like the most natural thing in the world when Olivia had dropped Alex off at the office and the attorney had turned to peck her on the lips before getting out of the car. Olivia couldn't deny that she had been stunned by the move, but she'd also been ecstatically happy in a way that she'd never been with any of her past lovers, and that was just the result of one little kiss.

That brief, throw away kiss had been on her mind the entire drive back to the precinct and she barely remembered the short journey. She'd loved that surprised expression on Alex's face after the blonde had pulled back that had told her that Alex hadn't consciously meant to kiss her, and felt hope grow within her that just maybe Alex was falling in love with her.

"I was actually having lunch with Alex," Olivia finally said when she could pull herself away from her inner thoughts. "We got caught up. Sorry I was gone so long." Again, it almost felt like a lie to omit how important Alex had become to her and that they were dating, but Olivia wasn't comfortable with rocking the boat right now when everything with Alex was back on track and going so well.

Elliot looked at her, studying her hard, and Olivia knew that he sensed she was only telling him a half truth. In the grand scheme of things, they hadn't really been partners all that long, but they knew each other very well – had connected instantly – and he could read her almost perfectly. The thing about their silent communication that helped her now was that he also knew when to leave it alone, when she wasn't ready to share whatever was on her mind, which was the read he was getting on her now.

So when Elliot lowered his head back to his work, letting the conversation drop, Olivia was relieved. She picked up a pen and pulled a file full of witness statements towards her to run through them again, hoping to catch something that seemed like a promising lead and fit with what they already knew about the case. Olivia had to consciously compartmentalize her happiness that was associated with Alex and focus on her work, something that she'd never had a problem with before. But her drive to seek justice and put everything she had into helping victims won out and Olivia was able to focus one hundred percent on the case.

Later, as a reward for a good day's work, Olivia would think back over the day and revel in the moments that she'd spent with Alex – every single one of them. She would hope that they could both find the time in their somewhat unpredictable schedules to have lunch again this week, maybe more than once. And Olivia would smile and fret, swinging back and forth from confident lover to nervous first-time-in-love woman, as she thought about the second official date they had set up for this Friday night.


	17. Trust

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long to update. I'm really hoping things will be a little calmer soon so I can get back to my Sunday postings with no problems. I hope you find this chapter enjoyable and worth the wait.

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><p><strong>Chapter 17 – Trust<strong>

It wasn't lost on the squad that Olivia was noticeably happier around the precinct, keeping everybody's spirits up even when they dealt with the tough cases, not that they all weren't heartbreaking in some way. She was still tight-lipped about why she was always in a good mood, and would only say that her private life was going in the direction that she'd always dreamed it would. It was a favorite pastime of the detectives to make up wild stories about her life when they needed to unwind, but it was also done in an attempt to get Olivia to confess what was really going on.

Alex and Olivia had been on seven official dates now, and a multitude of lunch dates that worked to tide them over until their schedules freed up and they both had a night off. They'd gone out to eat every time they had a date, but a couple of times it was paired with going to the movies – a classic and wholly unoriginal combination but still acceptable. The last time they'd gone to the movies, Olivia couldn't even remember what they'd seen because she spent most of her time just relishing the fact that she was holding Alex's hand.

The last date they'd been on, Olivia had gotten tickets to a Broadway show that Alex had mentioned wanting to see while they were out on one of their lunch dates. It had been well worth the price of the tickets to see the joy shining in Alex's eyes, and Olivia had felt warm and happy the entire night as she watched Alex enjoy the show more than she actually watched the stage. Alex's unfiltered reactions only made Olivia want to put that look of utter surprise and enjoyment on the attorney's face at every possible opportunity. Olivia got the impression that Alex wasn't used to receiving nice surprises, and she hoped that she could at least continue to give Alex that.

Olivia would be lying if she said that she didn't think about taking their relationship to the next level physically because there wasn't a single night when she said goodbye to Alex that she didn't want to make love with her. But when they were out together, Olivia was focused solely on making sure that Alex had a great time since she gleaned all of her pleasure from seeing Alex happy. Olivia didn't feel the need to rush into a physical relationship with Alex, although that wasn't to say that she didn't spend a little extra time at the gym these days working out all of her pent up sexual energy, or that her dreams about the attorney had become any less visceral or intense the longer they dated without sleeping together.

It was something that Olivia couldn't help but think about, but it was no longer the primary reason that she was in a relationship – and it had never been the reason why she'd started dating Alex. Olivia loved getting to know Alex, and was finding it surprisingly easy to open up about her own life and the things that drove her. No one knew her as well as Alex now did, and while that made her feel slightly vulnerable, it also made her happier and lighter than she'd ever felt before. And Olivia cherished every scrap of information that the still self-protective Alex shared with her.

But while things had been going great and Olivia was happy with where they were going in their new relationship, she had sensed Alex pulling back a little this past week. Alex had evaded committing to another date when they'd last talked about it and the attorney had been conveniently too busy to go out on even one lunch date these past five days. There was no doubt that Olivia was disappointed by the development, but she knew that the only way to get through it was to keep gently pushing Alex to commit to something and show her that she wasn't going anywhere.

Finally, it was Friday and they had actually closed two cases today, so Olivia was looking forward to a non-working weekend and would hopefully be able to talk Alex into spending some of it, or ideally all of it, together. She was about to make her escape, and was considering stopping by Alex's office just to see the attorney, when the captain called her into his office. Olivia was hoping that this wasn't about another investigation, but knew that she would take it even though she'd been looking forward to a leisurely weekend.

"What's up, captain?" Olivia asked, trying to read the tight expression on Cragen's face. When he didn't immediately launch into the details of another case, Olivia began to search her brain to determine if she'd done anything recently that would have warranted disciplinary action. Cragen didn't enjoy disciplining them, but he would when they were way out of line, or he feared that they were putting their careers in danger.

He looked up at her from a spot on his desk that he'd been studying intently. "I received a call from the DA's office today. Apparently, Malik Harris has made some threats against ADA Cabot and they'd like some help watching over her. Before they were just vague threats, but now he's gotten more specific in what he plans to do to her and the DA's office just wants to take more precautions. They'd feel better if we provided additional protection for her until they can investigate how serious his threats are. Alex is refusing protection, but I was hoping that you'd agree to talk to her about changing her mind."

At the opening line when Cragen had said he'd gotten a call from the DA's office, Olivia had been sure that she was going to get reprimanded for not having disclosed her personal relationship with Alex. That thought had quickly fled her mind when she heard that Alex had been threatened. Had she not been standing in front of her captain, Olivia would have raced out of the room and tracked Alex down immediately. She was unhappy that Alex hadn't told her about this sooner, but even more worried that something would happen to the attorney.

"I'll find her and talk her into accepting protection," Olivia stated firmly. As soon as Olivia tracked her girlfriend down, there was no way she was letting the attorney out of her sight until they'd talked about this. Actually, with how she felt right now, Olivia didn't know that she'd ever be willing to let Alex out of her sight again. While she was mad that Alex had been pulling away, her more dominant instinct was to forget about her anger and just protect Alex.

That was all Olivia had to say, and Cragen could hear the steel in her voice that almost made him feel sorry for Alex whenever his detective caught up with the attorney. But it was a relief to him that the job would get done, and he didn't doubt that Olivia would either convince Alex to accept protection or camp out in front of the attorney's door until Alex acquiesced to her request. Olivia had always been protective of her team members and Alex was definitely part of their team, even if she wasn't around as consistently as the detectives were since Alex worked out of a different building.

Her first stop was Alex's office, which was locked up tight with the lights turned off for the weekend. She'd been hoping that it wouldn't take long to catch up with Alex, because Olivia knew that as time passed her anger would only become deeper and more irrational as she worried about Alex's safety. Olivia knew that she was mostly angry with Alex's ingrained instincts to draw in on herself rather than let someone else help her, but she'd hoped that she had been showing Alex these past couple of months that she was worthy of her trust. It was just so frustrating that Alex would put distance between them at the first opportunity when all Olivia wanted to do was offer comfort.

Since Alex wasn't in her office, Olivia hoped she was locked away at home, because if Alex had gone out to Sapphire to meet up with her friends, Olivia would have to kick all of their asses for putting Alex in a vulnerable position. She dearly wished that Alex was worried enough for her own safety to stay in the controlled environment that her apartment provided. Knowing Alex as she did, Olivia doubted that the attorney had gone out for the simple reason that just being around her might put her friends in danger.

Olivia talked to herself to keep calm as she drove over to Alex's apartment, but she couldn't stop the anger from taking hold in a small part of her mind. When she'd finally parked the car, Olivia nearly jumped from the vehicle, her body full of twitchy, misplaced energy that she knew wouldn't dissipate until she saw for herself that Alex was okay.

It was just luck that another tenant was leaving the building as she jogged up to the front door. She showed him her badge when he started to protest about her pushing past him into the lobby and he only let her pass after a thorough examination of her shield. Even though she was antsy with wanting to get to Alex as quickly as possible, Olivia appreciated the fact that this guy cared who was in his building and it made her feel even better that Alex's neighbors looked out for one another.

Olivia took the elevator up to Alex's floor, the confined space doing nothing to help her already jumpy nerves. She thought that she had her emotions pretty much under control, but was proven wrong when she stood in front of Alex's door and pounded on it much harder than was necessary. "Open up, Alex. I know you're in there," she called through the door, her voice taking on the affect of a growl without her meaning for it to. It crossed her mind that anger really wasn't going to help the situation, but she was scared and it was better to let anger reign than fear.

Alex opened the door a couple of inches and looked out at the detective, having no trouble recognizing the dark mood that surrounded Olivia. "Liv, what are you doing here?" she asked a little breathlessly. If she hadn't been worried that Olivia might have beaten her door down, Alex would have acted as though she weren't home. Or, she would have liked to have done that, but somehow doubted that she could have, because no matter how hard Alex had tried to keep Olivia at a distance, the detective had fast become one of the very few important people in her life.

Olivia pushed the door open and walked past Alex into the apartment, not willing to have this conversation with a door between them, even if it was a partially open door. Then she waited for Alex to close the door and turn towards her before launching into a tirade that was more of an attack than she'd planned for it to be. "Did you think I wouldn't find out, Lex? Did you think that your office wouldn't contact Cragen when a threat was made against _our_ ADA? You should have told me yourself." She paused for a short second before saying more softly, "You don't need to protect me."

Alex let out a harsh, mirthless laugh. "You think I was protecting you? I'm not nearly as noble as you are, Olivia. It's just easier to deal with this on my own," she said. What she didn't say was that she was used to depending on herself, and even though she knew Olivia was an honorable and dedicated woman, it was too much to ask for Alex to push aside decades of conditioning and go running into the arms of her girlfriend, no matter how much that idea appealed to her right now.

"Damn it, Alex," Olivia said before crossing the distance between them and invading the attorney's personal space. "Let me be here for you," she said softly as she raised her hand to cup Alex's cheek. "I wish you could trust that I _want_ to be here. I'm not going to abandon you or give up on you, no matter how much you try to push me away." Olivia leaned in and brushed her lips fleetingly over Alex's, hoping that the blonde could read the depth of her affection in that simple kiss.

It wasn't the first time that Olivia had admitted to herself that she was in love with Alex and every time she thought it, she knew how absolutely true it was. The blonde made her so happy and she wished that Alex was ready to hear her say those three all important words, but knew that the attorney wasn't ready to believe her. This newest attempt to put distance between them and deal with all of her problems on her own only solidified that knowledge in Olivia's mind, but she hoped that Alex would soon realize that she was here to stay – for as long as Alex would have her.

As Olivia was about to pull back, Alex grabbed onto her jacket and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss at the same time. She ran a hand up Olivia's chest and around to the back of the detective's neck, slipping her fingers into short, silky hair and holding Olivia in place while she took what she needed. It wasn't done in an attempt to distract Olivia, or even in an attempt to placate her, but an irresistible desire that Alex couldn't fight even if she'd wanted to.

Olivia was more than happy to return the affection, but the hungrier the kiss became, the more urgent it was that Olivia extract herself from it. She tore her lips away and crushed Alex to her in a tight hug, unable to bring herself to break their physical connection, but needing more oxygen if she expected her mental facilities to remain operational. And what she really needed to remember was that this could not lead to sex, but more importantly, that Alex was not ready for this to evolve into sex.

"Wait, baby, wait," she finally gasped out into Alex's hair. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and every breath she took only pulled more of Alex's intoxicating scent into her lungs. Olivia could feel Alex in every cell of her body and she hoped that Alex was feeling something comparable because it would just be too cruel if she were the only one who felt like this. "There's no rush. I'm staying here tonight, so everything will be fine."

Alex pulled away quickly and gave Olivia a quizzical look that the detective could tell was edged with discomfort, and maybe even a slight tinge of fear. She thought back on what she'd just said and realized how Alex must have interpreted it. "Don't worry," she said with a reassuring smile, "this isn't an attempt to get into your bed. I'll be perfectly fine out here on the couch. And I don't sleepwalk, so you won't wake up to find that I've accidently found my way between your sheets in the middle of the night," Olivia couldn't help but joke, trying to lighten the mood.

_Too bad_, Alex thought before she could sensor herself. It was more than frustrating that while she physically wanted to have sex – her body actually craved it if it was going to be with Olivia – she didn't know if she was emotionally ready for it. This was the sort of problem one was supposed to have when they were a teenager contemplating having sex for the first time, not a fully grown woman; although she was contemplating the same thing. Alex would have liked to think that she'd outgrown the idea of wanting to give her virginity to someone special – she thought of sex as just another basic need like food or shelter – but the fact that she was still inexperienced belied that belief.

"You don't have to stay," she said, wishing that instead, she could have brought herself to say that Olivia didn't have to sleep on the couch. It would be nice to sleep next to Olivia, but completely unfair to the detective because that was all they would be doing if they got into bed together.

"I'm staying, Alex. It won't do any good to try to kick me out. I'd only sit out in the hallway all night, and to be perfectly honest, I'd rather spend that time with you than with my ass on the hard floor out there." Olivia wasn't joking when she said she was staying one way or another. She wouldn't subject Alex to her presence if the attorney wanted her gone, but she was still going to stay as close to Alex as possible, even if it meant spending a thoroughly un-enjoyable night sitting pressed against the wall outside of Alex's door.

Knowing that Olivia wouldn't be swayed by anything she had to say – a well rehearsed speech that could sway a jury had no effect on Olivia Benson once she'd made up her mind – Alex just decided to go with it. Having Olivia here would be no hardship, except maybe to her libido, as she loved spending time with the detective. And if she were being honest, she loved having Olivia around no matter what had brought her here. "Okay, I won't argue with you," Alex said as she headed towards her bedroom, planning to change out of the suit she'd worn to work. She stopped as she was about to leave the room, needing to say one more thing. "Thank you, Olivia. For being here with me. For caring."

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><p>The night was turning out even better than Olivia had hoped when she'd rushed her way over to Alex's apartment. Alex had changed into loose yoga pants and a T-shirt while Olivia had stripped down to her undershirt and taken off her belt, gun holster and all, in her own attempt to get more comfortable. It was a new experience to see Alex dressed so casually and looking so at home in her apartment, and Olivia found that she wished she could see it every day – that she could come home to Alex at the end of each day and just enjoy being together.<p>

Alex had said she was going to make turkey tacos and there would be plenty for Olivia if she wanted to join her. It had sounded like a good idea to Olivia, who actually preferred turkey tacos to beef tacos because the taco seasoning was absorbed better by ground turkey – at least that was her opinion. But with all the prep work that went into getting the meal ready, Olivia couldn't just sit back and relax while Alex did all the work. So they ended up working side by side, Olivia browning the meat and trusted to use just the right amount of seasoning, while Alex cut up some tomatoes and shredded some lettuce before putting all of the fixings out on her small table.

After dinner, they sat on the couch pretending to watch television but instead just talked. Olivia had never before felt the urge to tell anyone about even the most mundane details of her day, but with Alex she did. It was like she wanted Alex to know every little thing about her, even the insignificant stuff that the attorney would probably never think of again after today. And it was nice that Alex seemed to be paying attention to every sentence that made its way out of her mouth; the attorney never acted anything other than one hundred percent interested.

But Olivia's favorite part of the night was when Alex became too tired to keep her eyes open. The blonde had tried to curl up on her side of the couch to just take a light nap, not wanting to go to bed quite yet. Olivia didn't think the position Alex had finally settled into looked very comfortable, so she maneuvered the attorney to rest against her side, perhaps taking advantage of Alex's tired state to cuddle with the blonde. Alex protested weakly, but gave up quickly when it became apparent that Olivia wanted this and that she was much more comfortable leaning up against the detective.

The television still droned on softly in the background, but Olivia couldn't have said what was playing. She was too busy looking at Alex and reveling in the feel of having her so close. Alex was well and truly asleep, her breathing deep and even, and Olivia couldn't imagine anyone being more beautiful. She had taken the attorney's glasses off a couple of minutes ago, thinking they looked absolutely adorable all askew as they were, but not wanting Alex to break them.

Olivia had moved slightly when she'd placed the glasses on the side table beside the couch, the same surface the she'd placed her gun on earlier, and Alex must have sensed the movement in her sleep because the blonde burrowed even deeper into Olivia's embrace, making a soft murmur of contentment. Needing to focus on something other than her body's instant and volatile reaction to that move, Olivia concentrated on the smoothness of Alex's forearm under her fingertips and the light, sweet scent of Alex's hair just under her nose instead of how those things made her body feel. She could get lost in Alex forever and Olivia just hoped that one day Alex wouldn't be afraid of that.

Both Alex and Olivia were startled to full alertness when there was a banging on Alex's door at just past 12:30 that night. Alex shot up on the couch, alarmed but feeling surprisingly secure when she saw Olivia such a short distance away. Olivia immediately reached for her gun, also making a grab for Alex's glasses at the same time. The detective handed Alex her glasses before pulling her firearm from its holster, not yet thumbing the safety off but preparing to do so if necessary.

There was an even louder banging that rattled the door in its frame. That was followed by an angry male voice shouting, "God damn it, Alex. Open this fucking door."


	18. Family Matters

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**A/N:** Sorry again for the delay in getting this chapter posted. It's a combination of me just being downright lazy and thinking I have enough time to write something when apparently I don't. This chapter does get a slight warning for language. I hope you all enjoy.

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><p><strong>Chapter 18 – Family Matters<strong>

It took a moment for Alex to get her bearings; one minute she was happy and warm, pressed against Olivia's side while taking a nice nap, and the next she was rudely awakened by that annoying banging on her door. She automatically took her glasses when Olivia handed them to her and rubbed her eyes free of any lingering tiredness before slipping the frames on. Whoever was at the door had better have a damn good reason for cutting short her cuddle session with Olivia; it didn't matter that she'd been asleep for most of it because even in her unconscious state, she'd known Olivia was there.

The pounding came again, followed by an even more disgruntled shouting to be let in. Alex felt dread seep into her veins as she recognized that voice, wondering what deity she'd pissed off that one of her family members had finally decided to find her after ignoring her existence for so many blissfully uneventful years. With the money that the Cabot family possessed, Alex held no delusions that either her family already knew where she lived – keeping tabs on her like Big Brother – or could find her at a moment's notice if they ever wanted to.

Alex watched as Olivia stood up, gun in hand, and finally remembered why the detective was over here tonight. "Wait, Liv, it's my brother," she said as she stood up and laid a hand on Olivia's arm before the detective could stalk protectively towards the door. As much as Michael wasn't on her favorite persons list right now, Alex didn't really want Olivia to shoot him either, but that was also because she didn't want her girlfriend to come under internal investigation, especially for one of her problems.

Olivia lowered her weapon but didn't put it down. She used her free hand to cup Alex's cheek, making sure to maintain eye contact with the attorney. "The same one who hit you a couple of months ago," Olivia said softly, not really asking. She didn't care if it was Alex's brother, father, uncle, or even priest on the other side of that door, because she would protect Alex against any or all of them if they became a threat. And Olivia couldn't put out of her mind the situation that had brought her over here tonight. It was doubtful that Harris would use Alex's estranged family to get to her, but Olivia still wasn't willing to take any chances.

Alex was only mildly surprised that Olivia had figure out that Michael was the one who'd hit her that day. They'd never discussed it before, and Alex had been pleased that she hadn't had to talk about her disappointing family situation before now. "Yes, he's the one who slapped me," Alex said, seeing no point in lying now and not really wanting to be anything less than completely truthful with Olivia. "But I told you it wouldn't happen again and I meant it." Alex could only hope that Olivia believed in her enough to know that she was telling the unequivocal truth now.

The pounding on the door had only gotten louder, and Michael more obnoxious, as they stood in the living room deciding what their best option was. They needed to at least talk to him to convince him to keep it down, but Olivia wanted to be between him and Alex just in case he decided to become violent again. "Just let me put this away, then I'll let him in, okay?" Olivia said as she stepped back and put her gun back in its holster. She put it in the drawer of the stand by the couch, not wanting the weapon to be visible when Alex's brother entered since he'd already proven that he was prone to fits of anger and violence.

Alex knew what Olivia was doing, as the detective's first instinct was always to protect, and she would have protested, but she actually found Olivia both sexy and adorable when she got like this around her. Plus, it was easier not to argue right now, especially since her brain was still partly asleep, and she wanted to get back to that activity as soon as possible if it meant snuggling up against Olivia again. But before there was any possibility of that happening, Alex had to find out what the hell Michael needed that was so important that he'd sought her out at home.

The attorney let Olivia walk to the door and open it, but was just behind her – Alex's nature of taking her problems head on not allowing her to just sit back while Olivia dealt with Michael. She really wasn't looking forward to letting Michael into her home, but he was her brother and she didn't want to subject her neighbors to his inconsiderate rudeness all night. When he got an idea in his head, he wouldn't let it go and he was annoying enough to stay outside her apartment all night until she gave him whatever he'd come for.

Olivia peeked out the safety eyehole in the door to make sure there was only one person out in the hallway; she trusted Alex to properly identify her brother's voice but didn't trust the jackass on the other side of the door not to bring unwelcome company with him. She didn't see anything suspicious, but still made sure Alex was behind her as she opened the door to get a better look out into the hallway. Olivia held the door firm as Michael immediately tried to push his way inside, which caused the man to lift his head and finally take a look at who was in the doorway.

The immediate belligerent put down died on Michael's lips as he squinted in confusion at the woman blocking his path. "Who the fuck are you?" he demanded to know as though it were an affront to him to have to talk to someone who was so obviously below his own station.

Before Olivia could answer the snide son of a bitch, Alex spoke up from over the detective's shoulder. "This is my girlfriend, Olivia." Once the statement slipped easily off her tongue, Alex wasn't sure which one of them was the most surprised, her or Olivia. Alex had no problem saying that she was a lesbian if asked directly, and she certainly didn't hide the fact that she preferred women, but she was also a very private person who didn't volunteer a lot of information about herself, and certainly not to her estranged family.

Olivia only allowed herself to spare a quick glance towards Alex because she wanted to keep an eye on Michael, but she wished she could gauge how Alex felt about revealing their relationship, or the reason that Alex had done it in the first place. She still blocked the door, but took a tentative step back when Alex put a hand on her shoulder and gently tugged her backwards. Olivia wasn't thrilled about the idea of letting him in but knew that Alex would rather have whatever conversation/argument that was brewing inside.

Michael pushed passed Olivia like he was shouldering his way inside, needing to believe that she was bending to his will instead of acquiescing to Alex's wishes. "Guess mother was right and you are just a disgusting dyke," the man said as he brushed past Alex as well. It was like it was second nature for him to put Alex down, and while he liked to make anyone and everyone feel inferior to him, Michael got some sort of extra special depraved pleasure from it when he could make Alex feel that way.

Olivia had to stop herself from smacking the immature man on the back of the head as he walked by. She would have liked to have done even more than that, but knew that Alex wouldn't appreciate it if she assaulted her brother, and Olivia didn't trust the little prick not to press charges at the slightest show of physical force. So instead, Olivia held her tongue, letting Alex deal with her brother for now, and refrained from assaulting him by tightening her grip on the door while closing it with controlled precision when what she really wanted to do was slam it after she'd thrown him out on his rich, entitled ass.

Alex ignored the verbal barb, giving no outward sign that the hateful words bothered her. She'd grown up needing thick skin, but it had always, and probably always would, hurt that her little brother just inherently hated her. Alex couldn't completely cut herself off from feeling those painful emotions, but she had learned a long time ago not to show how much they affected her. Hopefully she could figure out what Michael wanted and send him on his way before he could land any more direct hits to her already weakened defenses.

Having Olivia here with her was both a bolster to her confidence and another thing she had to worry about. The detective was a master at silently sharing her strength with Alex, for which the attorney would forever be grateful. But Alex had also purposely kept the details of her family life and childhood to herself, not wanting Olivia's opinion of her to be clouded by the past that she knew still affected her. It was doubtful that Olivia would make it through the next few however many minutes it took to get rid of Michael, without getting a glimpse at the Cabot family dynamic; Olivia was too good of a detective to not read something in their interaction.

"What do you want, Michael?" Alex asked, not wanting to beat around the bush and certainly not wanting her brother to get the impression that he was welcome here. The sad fact was that Alex wanted her apartment to go back to being the safe haven that it had been before tonight. A place where her disinterested family never came and she could be who she truly was without any fear of being judged.

"I need a place to stay tonight, so I decided to look you up," Michael said as he carelessly plopped down on the couch and immediately threw his feet up on the coffee table like he owned the place. His sister's rather tiny apartment was not the five-star accommodations he was accustomed to living in, but it would have to do until he could think clearly once again and come up with a way to avoid his parole officer that wouldn't land him back in jail.

Alex narrowed her eyes and studied Michael thoroughly for a few minutes. While she knew that he actually enjoyed making her life as miserable as possible, at least that's how it seemed most of the time, Alex also knew that it would not be Michael's first choice to spend any prolonged period of time with her. But as she catalogued every detail of Michael's appearance, Alex noticed the dilated eyes, the sweat that bathed Michael's skin even though it was cool both outside and in her apartment, and the fine trembling of her brother's hands.

"Jesus Christ, Michael, you're high. You know your parole officer is going to have you take a drug test. How stupid can you be, Michael," Alex said, exasperated. Although she hadn't involved herself in his case, preferring to keep herself clear of any possible allegations that she was using her position to influence his sentencing, Alex had kept herself apprised of the case. Her father had been able to keep him out of prison, but he was on parole for the next year and he wasn't allowed to go anywhere near Lauren Sanderson.

Michael launched himself off the couch and towards Alex. He didn't need his holier than thou big sister telling him what he already knew, and he was just sick of her ever superior attitude – like she never fucked up. She'd always thought she was so much better, so much smarter, than him, but he would show her. Alex may have been their father's firstborn, but he was the firstborn son, the one who would carry on the Cabot name and keep the line going.

Before he could make it to Alex, however, Michael was flat on his back and quickly trying to be rolled over onto his stomach as Olivia got to him first. "What the fuck? Get off me, dyke," Michael raged as he struggled with Olivia. He'd been so focused on Alex that he'd completely forgotten that her lover was even in the room – not that he had the attention span to focus on more than one thing at a time right now.

"Assaulting an officer of the courts is not the smartest idea," Olivia hissed as she tried to control Michael's flailing arms, indescribably pissed that he'd even attempted to go after Alex. At least this time she was here to prevent him from hurting her girlfriend. "And we can add assaulting a police officer to those charges, too, if you don't settle down," the detective growled as Michael gave her even more trouble and came very close to hitting her.

Almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Michael got his hand on her face and managed to scratch a couple of deep gouges down Olivia's jaw and into her neck. The anger she felt at the pain came with enough of an adrenaline rush that she was finally able to flip him over onto his stomach and center her knee, none too comfortably or gently, into his back while jerking his arms backwards. But even from her now dominating position, Olivia was having trouble controlling Michael and wondered if it was an effect of whatever drug he'd taken or if the weasel was just deceptively strong.

Seeing the blood begin to seep out of the scratch marks on Olivia's face and neck, Alex didn't think twice about grabbing the detective's cuffs off the side table and handing them to Olivia. She had no desire to see her brother in shackles, but she had even less desire to see Michael hurt Olivia anymore, so she just went with her first instinct to help Olivia. Alex still couldn't help but feel a little guilty as Olivia looked up at her with grateful eyes as a trickle of blood dripped down that beautiful tanned throat.

Once Olivia had securely fastened the metal restraints, she pushed herself off of Michael, a little worried that she might take an inadvisable shot at him in her anger. She did not need to upset Alex any more by unnecessarily hitting her brother, or get an excessive force complaint filed against her by a member of the Cabot family. It was also running through her mind that she wanted to touch Alex, needed to reassure herself that Michael hadn't touched the attorney.

Olivia gently placed a hand on Alex's forearm and maneuvered her so they were facing away from Michael. "Do you want to call the police?" she asked, knowing that she would prefer if Michael was behind bars for the night, but ultimately believing that it was Alex's decision since he was her brother. Olivia would only give her opinion if asked, and she would go along with whatever Alex decided was best without protest.

Alex looked back over her shoulder at her trussed up brother, the consequences – both positive and negative – of all her possible options racing through her mind. She could tell just by Olivia's tone of voice and body language that the detective wanted to press charges against him, but loved that Olivia was letting her make the choice. At first it was difficult because Michael was her brother, but she was also a big believer in taking responsibility for one's own actions, which obviously included facing the consequences when one broke the law. She was always angry with her father for making it too easy for Michael to get away with whatever he wanted, but this would just be the same thing if she let it go.

But in the end, all Alex had to do was look at the scratches on Olivia's face and her decision was made oh so easily. "I'll call them," Alex finally said, the decision eating at her less because of the damage he'd done to Olivia. "And I'll get a washcloth and some bandages while I'm doing that," she finished, running her fingertips gently across the uninjured side of Olivia's jaw.

If being high had been Michael's only offense, Alex would have sent Michael on his way without contacting the authorities, but she couldn't overlook the fact that Michael continued to use his fists whenever he was angry. He needed to learn to control that behavior and realize that it was unacceptable to react violently when things didn't go the way he wanted them to.

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><p>It was hours later by the time the police had come, taken Michael away, written down Alex and Olivia's statements, and they were finally alone again. Olivia had insisted on both of them being thorough questioned while it was still fresh in their minds and had sat still while the officers took pictures of the scratch marks on her jaw and neck. She doubted that Michael had any diseases to worry about since she hadn't spilt a single drop of his blood, but Olivia promised to go to the hospital tomorrow to update all of her shots and get the marks looked at; tonight she just didn't want to leave Alex.<p>

When the police had gotten everything they'd needed, Olivia had walked them to the door. Then she'd gone back to Alex, who was sitting on the couch with her head resting tiredly on the back of it, her eyes closed. Olivia sat down next to Alex and was happier than she'd been in hours when Alex automatically leaned against her and sighed heavily. The detective loved that Alex came to her for comfort, loved that Alex trusted her enough to let her see Alex this vulnerable.

Olivia wrapped her arm around Alex and kissed the blonde on the forehead. "You're tired, you should go to bed," she murmured against Alex's temple, loathe to release her girlfriend even though she knew they both needed some sleep.

Alex burrowed deeper into Olivia, not wanting to leave the warmth that her girlfriend provided. She loved it when Olivia just held onto her tighter instead of insisting that she go to bed. To be perfectly honest, she was tired, both physically and emotionally, but there was something else that the attorney felt compelled to do before they officially called it a night. So she pulled away from Olivia a little until she could look into those deep brown eyes and said, "I think tonight warrants you learning a little bit more about my family."

"Don't feel like you have to tell me," Olivia said back softly. As much as she wanted to know about Alex's family, feeling that her past had a lot to do with Alex's current hang ups about their relationship, Olivia wanted it to be because Alex trusted her, not as compensation for sticking it out with her brother tonight. She would much rather that Alex decide to share her obviously difficult family dynamics out of a sense that their relationship was progressing – becoming deeper and more committed.

Alex sat up and turned so that she was facing Olivia, needing the brunette to believe what she was about to say. "I don't feel like I _have_ to tell you, but I do _want_ to tell you, if you're still interested," the blonde said softly as she stroked Olivia's uninjured cheek. She knew that she was finally ready to risk opening up to Olivia; was confident that Olivia wouldn't take one look at her disappointing childhood and discredit her feelings as those of a spoiled rich brat who should have just been grateful for a roof of her head and enough money to take care of her, which was sadly more than a lot of children had.

"Everything about you interests me," Olivia said softly before leaning forward and lightly brushing her lips against Alex's. She would be happy to listen to whatever Alex had to say, and hoped that she could lend Alex the strength that she seemed to need to get through this. Alex had given no indication as to what her childhood had been like, but after meeting her father and her brother, Olivia could guess that it probably hadn't been a particularly loving or supportive environment.

Taking a deep breath, Alex decided to just get out the most pertinent facts in as succinct a manner as possible. "Michael is my half brother, and he's only ten months younger than I am. My mother died from complications in childbirth when she was having me, but not even her death, or the fact that he had a newborn baby at home, could stop his philandering ways. Obviously, he was already out fucking another woman before my mother was even cold in her grave," Alex spat vehemently. She had never really considered that her perception of her father as sexually indiscriminant might actually have been one of the major reasons she herself was at the very opposite end of the spectrum; Alex wanted to be as different from her father as possible.

"I hate him for it," Alex said unapologetically. "I don't think he should have waited forever to take another wife, but jumping into an affair so soon after his first wife's death was disrespectful to my mother's memory. The only decent thing he did was put my mother's money into a trust in my name so his new money-grubbing wife couldn't get her greedy paws on it. But even that was probably done at my mother's parents' insistence.

"My mother's name was Emily Carter-Cabot, and she came from old money. When my grandfather was still alive, he loved to tell me stories about our heritage. Those are the best childhood memories I have," Alex said with a sad smile that had Olivia reaching for her hand and intertwining their fingers.

Alex picked up two pictures that were proudly displayed on a nearby table and handed them to Olivia. One held the black and white image of a smiling young woman whom Olivia guessed to be Emily Carter-Cabot, and the other was a colored photograph of an older couple that looked as though it had been taken while they were out hiking. They were an athletic looking pair and had to be Alex's grandparents on her mother's side. Olivia studied the picture before lifting her head and realizing that these were the only two pictures in the entirety of Alex's apartment that she could see.

"That's the only picture I have left of my mother," Alex said quietly. "My grandparents said that as soon as Lola, my step-mother, moved into the house, she purged the place of every memory of my mother. The worst thing was that my father didn't object. But then maybe he didn't care since he was never home anyway. This picture came from my grandparents and I only still have it now because I hid it from my step-mother. All of the other ones they gave me mysteriously disappeared while I was at school or out of the house running an errand.

"Growing up, I was always treated differently than Michael by my step-mother. It wasn't until I was older that I really understood it was because I wasn't really considered to be a part of the family. My father worked all the time and sometimes I wouldn't see him for several weeks or even a month or two at a time because he was only ever home when I was asleep. When I finally did see him, we barely spoke two words to each other. He left me in the care of my step-mother and never bothered to check if she was actually taking care of me.

"Michal was obviously her favorite child, not that I can blame her for that since she did give birth to him and I was just a necessary pre-packaged deal that came with my father. But I do blame her for the fact that she raised Michael to be a spoiled, entitled brat who knew he could get away with anything and can't even begin to understand what real responsibility is. And she taught him to hate me. I know now that it was probably some sort of misplaced defense mechanism because she knew that I was/am my father's first child and she's still worried that he'll leave the vast amount of his wealth to me. But when I was a child, all I knew was that the people I live with, my family, hated me. And when my grandparents died in a boating accident, there was no one left to counteract that horrible feeling of being despised by everyone around you."

There had been a lot of nasty things that Alex's stop-mother had done to her over the years, both physically and emotionally damaging, when she'd had no choice but to continue living at home. While Alex was opening up about those painful things in her life with Olivia right now, she wasn't ready to pick through and describe the multitude of still vivid bad memories – not yet. But it was important to Alex that Olivia know she'd finally gotten herself out of that situation.

"I left on my seventeenth birthday. My biggest accomplishment was that I was graduating high school a year and a half early and had already been accepted to my top three colleges. I had celebrated by staying out at my favorite little bookstore until it closed at nine. When I got home, my step-mother slapped me and yelled at me for staying out so late, even though I knew that Michael was still out partying and drinking with his friends. I guess that was the final push I needed because I packed up whatever I thought I'd need, called a cab, and left for good that night. I think I always expected by father to at least come after me to check that I wasn't dead or anything, but it never happened, and I try my hardest not to look back."

Alex could tell Olivia was pissed that her stop-mother had dared to touch her, and knew that she'd make the right choice in not mentioning any of the other times that woman had touched her in anger – because that slap her last night at home had not been anywhere near the worst physical assault that Lola had confronted her with. Even back then, Alex had understood how physical pain faded with time, but emotional pain was actually more likely to fester and grow as time passed. Alex didn't regret cutting herself off from her only living family, knowing that her relationship with them would only have gotten more fucked up the longer she'd stayed with nothing changing between them.

Olivia didn't know what to say, but she knew what her body wanted to do more than anything, so she gave in to the urge and pulled Alex into a tight embrace. Truthfully, it was as much, or maybe more, for Olivia's own comfort than it was for Alex's. Olivia didn't need a degree in child psychology to know that Alex's lack of emotional connection as a child could have easily contributed to her skittishness around emotional relationships at this stage in her life.

"Thank you, Alex. Thank you for sharing with me, for trusting me," Olivia whispered adamantly in the blonde's ear. She was grateful when she felt Alex hugging her back, needing to know that Alex felt comfortable with her even after talking about what had been a painful childhood for Alex. Again, she wanted to let Alex know how much she loved her, but could only hope that the attorney somehow sensed it in her actions because Alex wasn't in the mental state to accept it if Olivia verbally stated it.

"Thank you for listening," Alex murmured. She was emotionally drained from unexpectedly having to deal with her brother tonight and talking about a past that she usually just tried to forget. It felt surprisingly liberating to have told Olivia about her childhood though, and Alex knew that it had been the right decision to do so.

Olivia felt Alex go slack in her arms and knew how tired her girlfriend must be by now. "It's time for bed, sweetheart," she said before kissing Alex's neck and reluctantly pulling back. Olivia stood amidst Alex's protest and helped pull the attorney to her feet. She put her arm around Alex's waist and let her girlfriend lean on her as they walked back to Alex's bedroom.

Once there, Olivia had to squash her inappropriate excitement at being in that room, knowing that she had to get Alex to bed and nothing more. So she drew the covers back before helping Alex recline under the sheets and then pulled the comforter up over Alex's chest. It was actually a bit of a relief when Alex immediately passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow because Olivia was very aware of where they were.

Kneeling by the bed, Olivia tempted fate, and her always primed body, by gently pushing Alex's hair off of her face. She couldn't help but smile softly at how beautiful and peaceful Alex looked in sleep, and she cherished the fact that she was able to see Alex this way. It was only when she started to notice the pain in her knees that Olivia leaned forward to place one last goodnight kiss on Alex's forehead before pushing back up to her feet and heading out to the couch once again. She'd said earlier that she would sleep on the couch and Olivia wasn't going to go back on her word now.


	19. Dinner In

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 19 – Dinner In<strong>

As Olivia had promised the night before, she went to get her minor injuries looked at on Saturday. It wasn't until later in the morning, however, because both she and Alex slept late and then when Olivia did wake up, she went to her favorite bakery first and picked up some bagels along with a wide selection of different fixings for Alex and herself. She had no idea what Alex liked as they'd never had the opportunity to eat breakfast together, but Olivia figured she had to hit with something that she'd brought home.

Olivia was glad that Alex had woken up while she was laying out the food because while the idea of bringing the blonde breakfast in bed was really very appealing, she would rather save that for a special occasion. She turned and shot Alex a beaming smile when the attorney walked into the kitchen, proud of the spread she'd set out. Alex looked absolutely beautiful first thing in the morning, Olivia decided, with her tousled, finger-combed hair and make-up free face.

Returning Olivia's smile with a shy one of her own, Alex's first thought was that she could get used to seeing Olivia first thing in the morning, every morning. "You didn't have to do this," Alex said as she sat down in the chair that Olivia was holding out for her. She wondered briefly how Olivia had gotten back into her apartment because there was no way she had all of this wonderful food just lying around her admittedly sparse apartment. It was even more of an unexpected surprise when she felt the heat coming off the bagel that was already halved on her plate.

"Good morning," Olivia said cheerfully as she pushed Alex's chair in and dropped a quick kiss to the top of her girlfriend's head before sitting in the unoccupied chair opposite Alex. "And I know I didn't have to, but you've mentioned how you never have the time or inclination to eat a substantial breakfast, so I thought I'd help you out today since you don't have to rush off to work. I hope you don't mind, I took your keys to let myself back in. I put them back on the counter as soon as I got home though. Don't want to lose those for you."

For how simple breakfast was, it was the best that Alex had ever experienced, but that had everything to do with the company she was keeping and little to do with the actual food, although it was delicious. It was perfect, except for the few seconds when an evil, subversive thought trickled into Alex's mind. She briefly wondered if all of Olivia's flattering attention would disappear once the detective became tired of getting nowhere with her. Alex knew from past experience that it happened, but she put it out of her mind, hoping she was right when she thought that Olivia wasn't like that – that Olivia was different from anyone she'd ever known.

After helping Olivia clean the table once they were finished, Alex insisted on taking a look at the scratches her brother had inflicted last night. Alex sat Olivia down and took off the bandages, cleaning the mostly scabbed over injuries again before dabbing on a liberal amount of anti-bacterial ointment. The last thing Alex wanted was for Olivia to get an infection, or for the scratches to leave scars whey they healed. "You still have to go to the hospital. I'm not a doctor," Alex said as she tilted Olivia's chin up to take a look at her handy work, slowly caressing the detective's uninjured cheek with her thumb.

Olivia reveled in the sweet touch for a few long moments before answering. "Okay, I'll go, but only if you say you'll have dinner with me tonight." Truthfully, Olivia would go either way just because she knew how much Alex wanted her to get checked out, but it certainly didn't hurt to ask Alex to dinner while she knew the attorney couldn't deny her.

"Of course I'll have dinner with you. But are you sure you don't want me to ask you? I do believe I recall you saying that I could ask you out and treat _you_ like a lady," Alex said, the idea strangely appealing even though she absolutely loved how Liv treated her when the detective was the one calling the shots. Alex had always been more comfortable in her current role, but she'd be happy to step outside of it if Olivia wanted a switch.

"As nice as that sounds, I'll have to take a rain check. Tonight, I have something special in mind. I'll pick you up at six, but we probably won't be eating until around seven, so remember to have lunch." Olivia gave Alex a playfully stern look, knowing that the attorney often skipped the midday meal at work unless she was taking it with her. "Dress casually, whatever you feel most comfortable in." With her instructions given, Olivia gave Alex a quick kiss goodbye, not trusting herself if she were to linger any longer.

"Call me when you're done at the hospital. I don't care if there's nothing to report, just call me," Alex said to Olivia's retreating back as the detective walked down the hallway towards the elevator. Olivia turned back and waved in acknowledgment of Alex's request, but Alex still watched until the elevator doors closed, blocking her view of her girlfriend.

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><p>Alex wasn't sure what to do with herself for the rest of the day until six o'clock rolled around. Instead of puttering around her apartment, which would have driven her mad in a matter of minutes, Alex decided to change into jogging clothes and go for a run. She'd considered going to the gym, but knew she'd have to leave her cell phone in her locker, and she didn't want to chance missing Olivia's call. A run would allow her to work out all of her nervous energy and she could comfortably carry her phone so she'd have it with her if Olivia called.<p>

The attorney had almost finished with her cool down, over two hours later, when Olivia called. They talked about Olivia's exceptionally long wait, something that even her badge had been unable to expedite, and what the doctor had done. She'd been given a round of intravenous antibiotics, just in case Michael had been a carrier of any harmful bacteria, and they'd drawn some blood samples to run tests on. Olivia would be called with the results once they came back from the lab, but was given a clean bill of health in the meantime, which she was thankful for since it meant she could keep her date with Alex that evening.

They killed a few hours just talking on the phone even though they'd only parted ways a couple of hours before and were going to be seeing each other later that night. Finally, Olivia bowed out of the conversation, saying that she had some things to prepare if she was going to be ready on time tonight. So they reluctantly said their goodbyes and Alex found that she missed Olivia's voice just minutes after their conversation had ended. _How sad is that?_ Alex thought.

Alex tried to take her mind off whatever the night might bring and read a book. Unfortunately, she found herself reading the same passage over and over again, and even when she got through a paragraph, she couldn't for the life of her remember what it had been about. Needless to say, her mind was grossly unable to focus on the task at hand, so she put the book aside and looked for something else to occupy her time and mind.

She was just about ready to go for another run so she could focus on something other than how slowly time seemed to be crawling along, when she was saved by Sapphire. Such a statement would probably never be made again, but in this case, Sapph really did save Alex by calling to ask about her personal life. Alex truly did love her friends, even when they were being exceptionally nosy, like Sapphire had a habit of being.

In this case, however, Sapphire was actually calling to see if Alex wanted to come out with them tonight, or if she wanted to bring her new girlfriend out so they could all get together. Alex had no choice but to tell Sapph that they already had plans tonight, but said she would ask Olivia if the detective wanted to subject herself to an invasive interrogation anytime soon. Sapphire took the teasing comment in stride and before Alex knew it, was successfully extracting all the details from last night's adventure out of her. And from there, it didn't take much for Sapphire to devolve into a spirited rant about how Alex's family was just a group of ill-mannered assholes and it was absolutely amazing that Alex had turned out so different.

Sapphire did seem rather happy that Alex had opened up to Olivia about her family a little bit. Alex was actually really proud of Sapphire when her friend kept to the topic at hand instead of asking if she'd also revealed her sexual inexperience to Olivia, as Alex knew Sapph was dying to know. It wasn't something she wanted to talk about with Sapphire right now, especially when she felt like she was so close to being ready to tell Olivia; although she did freak out a little when she thought about how the hell she could segue into that conversation.

After her phone conversation with Sapphire, Alex took her time getting ready for her date with Olivia, wondering where her girlfriend was taking her that was strictly casual. She took a shower, all the while trying to decide what to wear and wondering if she'd ever been as concerned with how she dressed as when Olivia asked her out. As far as she could recall, Alex had never particularly cared if she'd been dressed to her date's liking, but with Olivia she found that she wanted to please the detective in any way possible. But it wasn't just about Olivia, it was about that look of pleasure in her brown eyes that always made Alex feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world.

In the end, Alex settled on a pair of well-worn jeans that she felt comfortable in and a solid dark blue T-shirt. She pulled out her favorite hooded sweatshirt from her alma mater and placed it next to her purse to put on when Olivia arrived to pick her up. If Olivia wanted casual, then that was what she was going to get because this was as casual as Alex dressed when she knew she'd be leaving her apartment. Alex was not the type of person who wore sweatpants to the corner store even to just to buy some milk; she would at least throw on a pair of jeans for that.

Olivia rang the buzzer at exactly six o'clock and Alex responded that she would be down in a second before grabbing her stuff and heading out the door. Alex would dare say that there was almost a skip in her step as she took the stairs down to the lobby, feeling too energetic to take the elevator. And when she finally saw Olivia through the lobby door, looking as delicious as ever in dark blue jeans and her leather jacket, with her hair all dark and disheveled like she'd lost track of time and rushed right from the shower to pick Alex up, the blonde couldn't fight the ecstatically happy smile that pulled across her face.

"Hello," Alex said in an embarrassingly breathy voice as she stepped outside to meet Olivia. She immediately drew Olivia into a kiss, both in an attempt to hide her giddiness and because she just couldn't seem to help it whenever she was around the detective. Alex kept the kiss as chaste as she could, aware that they were out on the street for anyone who was passing by to see, but still welcomed Olivia's tongue when it stroked against the seam of her lips.

Olivia quickly maneuvered them so they were no longer blocking the door, pressing Alex gently back into the side of the building as she tried to remember why they should stop. She caged Alex between her outstretched arms but managed to keep her hands off Alex's body, which she hoped would help her stop in the long run. However, it didn't help her control any when Alex eagerly gave back as good as she got and ran her hands along Olivia's side, beneath the detective's leather jacket.

By the time Olivia pulled back for air, she was trembling with the effort to control her desire. "Hello to you, too," she finally said in a voice husky with arousal, hoping that talking would keep her from kissing Alex again because she didn't trust her fragmented control. "I think we should get going before we both get arrested for public indecency. I wouldn't want to have to explain those charges to either of our bosses," Olivia said, resisting the urge to press one last kiss to the pulse pounding in Alex's neck before pushing back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to get so out of hand," Alex finally said, resting her head back against the wall until her breathing had calmed and the riotous emotions inside her were more manageable.

"You don't have to apologize, Alex. It's nice to know that you want me," Olivia said softly, wanting to touch Alex to reassure her, but still not totally in control yet. "I had planned to make dinner for you at my place, but if you'd rather we use the safety net being out in public would provide, we can go to a restaurant instead." To be perfectly honest, Olivia didn't know which option would be better. She knew that she'd like the night to progress as she'd originally planned, with them having a nice dinner at her place, but was beginning to doubt her ability to do that without jumping Alex.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, Alex answered, "We're both adults. I think we should be able to behave ourselves for a few hours." It might not have been the smartest decision Alex had ever made to be alone with Olivia right now, at least if she planned to keep her virtue intact, but she wanted to see what Olivia had gone through all the trouble to prepare. Olivia had said she had something special planned, and Alex didn't want to be the one to put the brakes on those plans. "But maybe we should walk to your place to get some fresh air beforehand," Alex suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Olivia said, taking another step away from the blonde but holding her hand out for Alex to take hold of. "Just tell me if you change your mind," she said as she pulled them both away from the building and headed in the direction of her apartment. While she certainly didn't want to change their plans, she could understand how Alex would feel less pressure going out to dinner in a public place. Either way, it was better than nice to walk hand in hand with Alex. But Olivia tried to focus less on how good it felt and more on not allowing herself to lose control again; tonight was about making Alex comfortable in her home, not attacking the poor woman at every opportunity.

They walked leisurely to Olivia's apartment, neither of them eager for the night to go by quickly and both of them needing time to compose themselves. Alex couldn't help but be amazed at how explosively they reacted to each other; she'd never wanted anyone like she wanted Olivia. The attorney would admit to herself that as the years had passed, her virginity had become more of a burden, and a couple of times she'd considered just losing it to some random woman she met when she was out. Such thoughts were usually fleeting and certainly fled her mind before she even came close to acting on them, but that was mostly due to the fact that Alex didn't have an overactive libido.

Most of the beliefs that Alex had held about her sex drive were being called into question now that she was with Olivia though. In no way did she consider herself to be disinterested in sex anymore, especially since she doubted that a teenage boy thought more about sex than she did lately. But the other thing that was so different was that she finally wanted a specific person, not some abstract idea or specific list of qualities. Alex wanted Olivia, with all the multitude of strengths and whatever potential weaknesses the detective came with.

Olivia was eager and somewhat nervous about showing off her home to Alex, but it was past time that she shared her personal space with her girlfriend. It was actually a little bit bigger than Alex's apartment and Olivia had spent much of the afternoon cleaning it spotless. She was happy to let Alex explore on her own while she got started on their already delayed dinner.

Once she'd started on things in the kitchen and could leave the pots safely to their own devices for a few minutes, Olivia uncorked a bottle of chilled white wine and poured two glasses. She found Alex looking around her living room and brought her one of the glasses. "I'm not really sure if red or white goes with pasta, but I know I like this kind so I hope you don't find it too offensive," Olivia said as she watched Alex take a preliminary taste.

Alex smiled and laughed at Olivia's concern. "As long as it tastes good, that's all that matters to me as well," she said, approving of Olivia's wine choice. "What kind of pasta are we having?" Alex asked curiously. If truth be told, Alex wasn't a fan of spaghetti, but that was mostly because she wasn't really fond of tomato-based sauces. She had nothing against tomatoes, but she preferred them in their natural state instead of broken down. Alex even preferred white pizza, both because it was free of tomato sauce and because of its delicious abundance of garlic.

"I told you I'd make you mushroom ravioli sometime. I tried it a couple of times and I think I've finally hit on the perfect preparation," Olivia said, her smile growing when she saw pleasure light up Alex's eyes. She had, in fact, practiced making this dish about four times in the past couple of months and was finally satisfied that she'd gotten the perfect mix of ingredients, and that both the mushroom-stuffed ravioli itself and the creamy mushroom sauce were perfectly balanced. Olivia had asked for a few tips from her friend's mother, but had mostly experimented with the dish until it had come out perfectly and she thought she could impress Alex.

The detective made sure that Alex was situated comfortably in the living room while she finished preparing dinner and orchestrated a more romantic ambience. When she finally escorted Alex to her cozy kitchen table, the lights were dimmed with two candlesticks lit in the center of the table, perfectly illuminating two shallow bowls filled with ravioli. Olivia had tried to make sure the presentation was flawless, not wanting an unappealing plate to distract Alex from how good she hoped the food actually tasted.

Alex made all of the appropriate comments about Olivia's deliciously prepared meal, not for a second having to lie or stretch the truth. No one had ever taken such time just to prepare a meal they knew she would love, especially not from scratch when they could have driven to the grocery store and bought premade ravioli and sauce. By the time the meal was over, Olivia was fairly blushing with all the praise Alex kept heaping upon her and Alex found it so endearing that Olivia was embarrassed by the compliments.

After dinner, they found themselves relaxing on the couch, still slowly making their way through the first bottle of wine. Although they hadn't been able to keep their hands to themselves, enjoying the freedom to cuddle all they wanted, neither of them were anywhere near losing control as they had been earlier. Alex was curled up against Olivia, her back pressed against the detective's side as they talked and just generally enjoyed each other's company.

It was getting late and Alex was dozing peacefully against Olivia's side when she heard the softly spoken words that stopped her heart. Her eyes flew open and she was instantly alert, her breath frozen in her lungs as the words reverberated through her entire being. But as Olivia continued to hold her close, Alex felt her initial fear dissipate quickly. The difference between Olivia saying the words versus anyone else was that Alex believed her, and not only that, but she wanted to believe her; Alex wasn't about to give in to her usual instincts to run away.

"I love you," Olivia whispered softly against the top of Alex's head. As she felt Alex stiffen, Olivia worried that she shouldn't have said anything, but knew that there was only so long the she could keep it inside. Olivia consciously kept her hold on Alex loose, giving her girlfriend the opportunity to pull away if she wanted to. It would hurt agonizingly if she did, but Olivia would deal with it because even if she could take the words back, she wouldn't.

Alex took a moment to just really enjoy being in Olivia's embrace, the contact feeling somehow deeper now, after Olivia had said those three heartfelt words. Then she took Olivia's hand and kept a hold of it while she resituated herself so that she was facing her girlfriend on the couch. "I, um, I have something I want to tell you," she finally forced out as she frantically searched Olivia's eyes for any sign of disappointment that she wasn't immediately reciprocating Olivia's words. Alex knew that she felt them, more deeply than she'd thought possible, but she still wasn't quite able to bring herself to say them, as if that act would somehow make her more vulnerable.

Olivia looked at Alex, trying to gauge what the attorney was so worried about telling her right after she'd declared her feelings. A multitude of possibilities ran through Olivia's mind, unfortunately, pretty much all of them were not desirable outcomes. The only positive that Olivia could find was that Alex hadn't completely pulled away, but she could just be maintaining minimum contact so that Olivia's feelings weren't hurt. "Okay, say what you need to say," Olivia finally said softly, knowing that thinking about it wouldn't help and that it would just be better to be put out of her misery if that's what Alex had in mind.

"I've only ever had one other serious girlfriend in my life and that was years ago, when I was an undergraduate," Alex began, needing to work up to what she really wanted to say. "Her name was Josephine, but her butch sensibilities demanded that everyone call her Jo. It was one of the things that I originally found rather adorable about her, but eventually got on my nerves. If I'd wanted to be treated like just another piece of ass then I had the whole male population on campus to choose from.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get so bitchy. But as you can probably guess, things didn't end particularly well between us. She roomed with her best friend, and I think I purposely ignored the obvious connection between them because I was young, naïve, and in love with the idea of being in love. I was very cruelly forced to open my eyes to it when I walked in on them fucking in their dorm room." While at the time Alex had been heartbroken, or at least she'd thought she'd been heartbroken, now she was just pissed that Josephine had cheated on her.

"The most painful part was that when I confronted her about it, she put all the blame on me. She said I was frigid and that she wouldn't have had to look elsewhere if I would have taken care of her needs." It was when Josephine had said that, that Alex realized her ex-girlfriend channeled all of the bad qualities of an adolescent boy and couldn't believe that she'd ever found Josephine to be charming. Alex didn't want to be attached to anyone who thought of their girlfriend as just a convenient and surefire way to get laid; she had no intention of taking care of anyone's 'needs' just because it was expected of her. Sadly, her huge misjudgment when it came to her ex-girlfriend had also damaged Alex's belief in her ability to handle her love life.

"She was a bitch, Alex," Olivia said adamantly, believing it with all of her heart. "No one can stop a cheater from cheating, it's as simple as that, and your actions in no way affected hers in that regard. I hope you don't think I would ever do that to you. Above all else, I believe in being honest with my partner, and if I say you're the only one then it's the truth. And believe me, Alex, you are most definitely the only one in my life right now," she said with so much conviction that no one would have doubted her words.

Alex reached out a hand to cup Olivia's jaw, her eyes softening as she read the passion and surety in Olivia's words. "Of course I believe you, Liv. I'm the one trying to be honest with you here." She took another deep breath and looked unwaveringly into Olivia's eyes as she continued. "I never slept with Josephine. I've never had sex with anyone."

Olivia's eyes were unreadable and just the slightest bit confused. When it became apparent that Alex wasn't going to say anything else, Olivia realized she would have to say something. "I'm not really sure what you're expecting me to say. I'm a little surprised, stunned actually, but I'm glad you told me because I know it was hard for you. I'm still at a little bit of a loss as to what you want me to say though."

"Well, you didn't storm away, all pissed off that I'd kept it from you, or look at me with a creepy, smug 'I'm-gonna-get-there-before-anyone-else' look, so you've stayed away from my two worst case scenario outcomes," Alex said with a weak smile.

"Alex, I hope you know I didn't tell you I love you just so you'd sleep with me. Those feelings aren't going to change based on our sexual relationship. And while I really, really want you, I also don't mind waiting if you're not ready. As awkward and unbelievably clumsy as it was, I still remember my first time as a teenager, and when we do make love, I want it to be memorable for you for all the right reasons."

"I know that's not why you told me, but I thought I should tell you and let you know that I have most definitely thought about it with you. You are one amazing woman, Olivia, and much more patient than your track record at work would indicate," Alex ended with a tease, wanting to lighten the mood and end what was an uncomfortable conversation for her.

"Hey," Olivia exclaimed as she wrestled playfully with Alex until the attorney was once again leaning contentedly against her side, "I'm patient when it matters." She leaned down and placed a soft but thorough kiss on Alex's all too willing lips. "And I'm glad to hear that you're thought about it," she murmured against her love's lips before initiating another heavenly kiss.

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><p><strong>Thanks to all you readers out there who have been kind enough to stick with me through my recent issues with posting on time. And an extra thanks to those of you who are gracious enough to review. It really does make my day, so thank you all so much.<strong>


	20. I'll Take Care of You

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.**  
><strong>

**A/N:** First, let me say thank you so much to the great response I got from all you readers out there on my last chapter, I forever appreciate the time you guys take to read and review my stories. Second, sorry I had to take a break from this for a week. I didn't have writer's block exactly because I knew what I wanted to write, but I just couldn't actually sit down and make myself write it. So thanks for bearing with me as I sporadically update lately. Lastly, I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

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><p><strong>Chapter 20 – I'll Take Care of You<strong>

Alex and Olivia spent nearly the entire weekend together, mostly because Alex made the mistake of telling Olivia that she'd gone for a run while Olivia had been at the hospital. As far as either of them knew, the threat that Malik Harris presented was still applicable and Olivia especially beat herself up over the fact that she'd pushed that to the back of her mind when Michael had made his unexpected visit. Olivia felt like she should have put off going to see a doctor until she'd at least called in backup to watch over Alex while she was away.

The only defense Alex was able to present was that she was perfectly fine and she had trained in how to take care of herself. While Alex knew that even her vast knowledge of self-defense was no guarantee that she'd be able to fight back successfully if attacked, she hadn't gone anywhere that would have made her an easy target and she was always vigilant – a trait that her career had drummed into her as being very important. But even Alex's reassurances couldn't convince Olivia that everything was fine with no extra precautions.

Olivia had insisted on walking Alex home after dinner and cuddling at her place, something that she would have done even if there'd been no threat against Alex. It was nearly one in the morning by the time Alex was ready to go home and there was no way Olivia was willing to let Alex go anywhere alone that late at night, not unless she was driving herself home, which she wasn't. Olivia would have invited Alex to stay at her place, but that offer coming so close on the heels of Alex's confession and their conversation afterwards just made the idea seem too suggestive.

When Olivia insisted on walking Alex to her apartment door and not just to her building, the attorney only put up a half-hearted fight. Truthfully, she was happy to stay with Olivia for as long as possible, but her ingrained sense of independence still required that she defend her ability to take care of herself. Besides, even though she was tired enough to just drop into bed and immediately fall asleep, Alex wanted her goodnight kiss; any excuse to get her hands, and lips, on her girlfriend.

The kiss was sweet and surprisingly controlled; very different from the hungry, devouring kiss they'd shared just outside the building earlier in the evening. Olivia consciously kept the kiss slow, sensing that Alex was tired and feeling the need to protect her girlfriend from her raging hormones. It had been a long time since Olivia had felt like a perpetually horny teenager, but Alex certainly did things to her libido that no one else ever had.

"I'll call Elliot and we'll be outside tonight if you need us," Olivia said when she broke the kiss, needing to focus her mind on work and keeping Alex safe rather than how wonderful her girlfriend felt against her.

"Liv, my doors lock. You don't need to stay outside all night, and you certainly don't need to call Elliot out here. I promise I won't go for any unexpected walks, and I'll call you before I leave the apartment in the morning," Alex said. She would concede that Olivia didn't want her out in public alone where she could potentially be an easy target, but Alex felt that she was completely safe while in her apartment.

While Alex's argument sounded logical, Olivia too often dealt with break-ins that ended badly. If someone really wanted to get into Alex's apartment, they would probably be successful and the only thing Olivia could control was her response time, which would obviously be more favorable the closer she was to Alex. "I understand that you don't want to be treated like some damsel in distress," Olivia said softly while stroking Alex's arm, "but either I'm staying nearby, or someone I trust is staying nearby until your office has figured out how much of a threat Harris really presents."

Alex finally accepted that the only decision she would be allowed to make tonight was how many people would have to disrupt their lives because of her. She knew that Olivia wouldn't just let Elliot relieve her if he was called. No, Olivia was too protective and too dedicated to actually go home and sleep in her own bed; she'd be out in that uncomfortable car all night long. So Alex made the decision that she would certainly enjoy the most and turned to unlock her door.

"Come on in then," she said when Olivia just stared at her through the open door. There was nothing Alex could do to control an answering smile from spreading across her face when Olivia showed obvious pleasure at her decision. "I'll get you some clothes. And you are not spending another night on my sofa," Alex said, reaffirming her statement with a stern look when she saw Olivia open her mouth to protest.

As it turned out, Alex fell asleep before she could enforce her sleeping arrangement decree, which worked right into Olivia's hands. There was a mild argument about it in the morning, which mostly consisted of Alex admonishing Olivia for taking the couch again when she had a perfectly functional and rather comfortable large bed. Olivia could only apologize, knowing there was no way to defend her actions without sounding like an embarrassingly horny teenager.

Not trusting Olivia to find some way out of sharing a bed again, Alex sent her home on Sunday night so she'd at least get one good night's rest before the start of the week. Olivia had gotten Elliot to watch Alex's apartment building overnight, but was back bright and early Monday morning to take over for him once again. Alex was resigned to having an armed escort into work, but looking on the bright side, she did get to see her girlfriend first thing in the morning for the third straight day.

Even though Olivia knew she just had to drop Alex off at work since the courthouse had enough security to handle anything other than the unlikely event of an all out assault, they arrived early enough that Olivia had the time to walk Alex to her office. It gave the detective great pleasure to watch her girlfriend set up for the day – Olivia wanted to be a part of every facet of Alex's life. And Olivia loved how she felt just watching Alex do the most mundane things, completely at peace and happy for no reason at all.

They were having a playful conversation, Alex sitting behind her desk and Olivia completely relaxed in one of the visitors' chairs opposite Alex's, when a bold knock sounded on Alex's doorframe. Olivia shot to her feet and whipped around, hand automatically moving to her holster as she went on high alert, while Alex just looked up from her desk curiously. At the sight of her bureau chief, Alex sat a little straighter and felt the easy smile drop off her face, making a mental note that she really needed to let Donnelly know about her relationship with Olivia sooner rather than later. It wouldn't be good for either her or Olivia if their bosses thought they were hiding their relationship, but Alex needed to talk to Olivia first about how she wanted to go about disclosing that personal information.

"I'm glad you're here, Detective. It will save me a call over to your captain. I came by to let Alex know we've finished our investigation into Malik Harris and found that no threats were actually made. Your short-lived police detail is no longer necessary," Liz Donnelly said as she looked back and forth between the two women. "Our information was wrong and we're sorry for any disruption this may have caused in your life."

"God, spare me the company line bullshit apology, Liz," Alex said, hating that she was being treated like just another potential victim by her boss. "I work here, remember. I don't need you treating me like some skittish witness." She knew that she was overreacting a little bit, especially when she should really just be happy that her co-workers around the office would stop giving her those concerned, sympathetic stares, but she hated the idea of having her life invaded, even though it had been by Olivia.

"Who did the information come from?" Olivia asked curiously. She'd been under the impression that it had been Harris himself who'd made the threats directly, but apparently not.

"A cellmate he spent a couple of days with before being moved to Rikers. He wanted to trade information for a lighter sentence and it took a while to wade through all the bullshit, but we're confident that all of his information was fabricated," Donnelly explained.

Alex could see that Olivia was close to going off on her bureau chief for taking the word of another inmate, a practice that they both knew was actually quite common, so she spoke first, not wanting Olivia to get herself into trouble for defending her. "Thank you, Liz, I appreciate the update," the ADA said, looking at Olivia the entire time and trying to silently convey her wish that Olivia keep quiet. It was only after Olivia gave a barely noticeable but defiantly begrudged nod that Alex finally moved her gaze to her boss.

Liz looked curiously back and forth between her ADA and one of their best SVU detectives, knowing that something was up with the two of them but not entirely sure what it was. It was well known around the courthouse that Cabot and Benson got into some seriously heated arguments, and they'd likely just had an entire weekend to get on each others' nerves, but Liz wasn't getting that sort of disgruntled vibe from them at the moment. She almost wanted to stick around to find out what was going on between the two of them, but had other things she needed to attend to.

Alex was grateful when Liz backed out of her office, astutely closing the door behind her. As soon as the door closed, Alex stood up and rounded her desk until she could casually but intimately rest her arms on Olivia's shoulders, bringing their torsos into contact. "Liv, you don't need to be mad on my account," she said softly as she ran her fingers through the short hairs at the back of Olivia's neck, having learned over the past couple of months how much her girlfriend liked it. "Besides, I think the weekend turned out to be rather wonderful."

Olivia had closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of Alex messaging her scalp and occasionally lightly scratching her with trimmed nails, but opened them again when she heard the teasing in Alex's voice. She felt what she was sure was a goofy grin cross her face when she saw Alex's own smile. "It most certainly was," Olivia replied, eager to spend another weekend with Alex whenever the opportunity arose.

Alex couldn't resist leaning forward and brushing her lips across Olivia's, careful to keep it short because her door wasn't locked and anyone could walk in at any moment. At least she didn't have to worry about Jeremy walking in on them since he'd finally gotten his own office two weeks ago. When she pulled back she gently pushed Olivia towards the door. "Now go before we both get into trouble," she said playfully.

Olivia stumbled back exaggeratedly and gave Alex sad puppy dog eyes, but knew that her girlfriend was right. "Fine. I'll call you later about lunch, okay," she said, waiting until Alex acknowledged her before walking out of the office.

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><p>Alex and Olivia did not get the opportunity to have lunch that day or even see each other, except for a couple of face to faces in the duties of their jobs, until later in the week. The SVU had caught a missing child case after a body had been unearthed at a construction site. Their team had been working around the clock and sleeping in the crib for a couple hours at a time whenever they threatened to drop from exhaustion. Olivia had been totally focused on the case and Alex hadn't wanted to break that concentration, even though she definitely missed Olivia's company.<p>

It was almost eleven o'clock that Thursday night and Alex was curled up on her couch, surrounded by files and law tomes and legal pads, when she was startled out of her groove by her apartment buzzer. She waited for it to ring again, just to make certain whoever it was had called the right apartment, before putting her work aside and going to the speaker box. There were a couple of seconds where Alex was deathly afraid that it was someone from the police department, there to tell her that Olivia had been hurt or worse, but that was an unlikely possibility since no one at work even knew about their personal relationship.

"Lex, I know it's late, but can I come up. Please," Olivia's strained and tired sounding voice came through the communications system.

Alex didn't even take the time to answer Olivia, instead immediately buzzing the lobby door open. She'd never heard Olivia sound so lackluster and emotionless, and she hoped that it was just a bad connection because Alex didn't want to see Olivia feeling as bad as the detective sounded. Although she wasn't eager to see Olivia in pain, Alex still wanted to see her girlfriend no matter what kind of mood Olivia might be in, so she waited anxiously at the door for the detective to knock.

At the conclusion of any hard, painful case, Olivia usually wanted to go off and be by herself, almost as though she didn't believe that she deserved human comfort when, in many instances, the victim(s) would never get that opportunity again either. Tonight, however, after they'd arrested a child rapist and murderer, and failed to capture him in time to save his latest victim, Olivia's first instinct had been to find Alex – find the only person in her universe who could heal some of her hurt. As soon as the thought had occurred to her, Olivia had tried to talk herself out of it, not wanting to burden Alex with her guilt; but she found herself at Alex's door anyway.

Even as she slowly trudged down the hall towards Alex's door, Olivia tried to rally the strength to turn around and walk away – at least to take a shower at her own place to make herself feel more human before running back to Alex. Too bad that the thing she lacked most right now was any kind of strength since this case had emotionally devastated her, which had only caused her physical strength to wan substantially as well. Olivia had to accept the fact that now that she was here, she wouldn't stop until she had seen Alex – the pull was too powerful for her to resist.

It took an exhausting amount of physical effort to even lift her hand to be able to knock on Alex's apartment door, her knuckles falling heavily onto the sturdy barrier. The door was wrenched open before a second rap could follow and Olivia was just so happy and relieved to see Alex that she ignored the fact that the blonde couldn't possibly have had the time look to through the eyehole and make sure it was her on the other side of the door instead of some unknown assailant before she'd opened the door.

Olivia stumbled the two steps it took to fall into Alex's arms, and the blonde eagerly brought her hands up to steady Olivia when the detective weakly crushed their bodies together. If it were possible, Olivia was actually in worse shape than how she'd sounded over the intercom. Alex just held on tight as Olivia buried her face in the blonde's neck, grounding herself in the feel and smell of Alex, and letting her love for the ADA begin to warm her numb body.

After seemingly endless minutes of silence, where Alex was happy to offer whatever comfort she could but was still afraid of what had devastated Olivia this much, Alex couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" she asked softly. If she hadn't felt Olivia's breath fan lightly across her neck or the steady beat of Olivia's heart, Alex would have worried that Olivia was dead for how still the detective stood.

Taking one last moment to surround herself in Alex's comforting presence, Olivia finally pulled back, immediately missing her connection with Alex. "I'm sorry. I should have gone home first. I need a shower," Olivia mumbled disjointedly, her mind slowly moving from one topic to another; the only cohesive thread being that she wished Alex wasn't seeing her like this. "I'm gonna go. I'll be back after I clean up," she said as she turned towards the door.

"Liv, stop," Alex said as she pulled Olivia back around. Even if Olivia had driven herself over here, she was most certainly in no condition to drive herself home, and right now Alex was even worried that she wouldn't be able to relay her address to a cabbie. "You can shower here and you're not leaving until you get some sleep." There was just the slightest hint of steel in Alex's tone as she said those words, not wanting to give the impression that she was angry with Olivia, but also making it clear that the subject was not up for discussion.

If Alex had any questions about how tired Olivia was, they were answered when her usually stubborn and oh-so-independent girlfriend didn't even put up a cursory fight when Alex led her towards the bathroom. Once there, she started the shower and told Olivia she would be right back with a towel and some clothes for her to sleep in for the night. Alex was torn about leaving Olivia alone, worried about how heavily the detective was leaning against the sink as if she was too exhausted to hold herself up, but also wanting to give Olivia some privacy to get undressed and climb in the shower on her own.

After knocking on the door and getting no answer, Alex slowly eased the bathroom door open, mentally berating herself for her subconscious desire to hope to see Olivia naked, even when her girlfriend was so obviously in pain. Alex was concerned to see that Olivia was still leaning against the sink, exactly as she'd left her, with steam billowing around her. She walked over to Olivia and pushed back a couple of damp locks of hair that had fallen limply across the detective's forehead, getting Olivia to look at her. "Liv, sweetheart, would you like some help? Or do you just want to forego the shower now and wait until tomorrow when you're feeling better?" Alex asked gently.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex, feeling better and more herself after just a few seconds of that soothing contact. She was so grateful that Alex automatically hugged her back, the simple act giving her strength to finally follow through on her desire for a shower. "No, I can handle it. Thank you, Alex, for letting me be here," Olivia murmured against Alex's neck before leaning back and kissing Alex sweetly.

"You never have to thank me, Liv. I love having you here," Alex said once Olivia had taken a step back. "I'll be right outside, so call if you need me for anything." Alex only left the bathroom after Olivia had acknowledged her words.

Still afraid that Olivia wasn't up to doing everything herself, Alex actually did stay right outside the bathroom, leaning up against the wall. Olivia still hadn't said what was wrong, but Alex could hazard a pretty good guess since she knew about the case the entire SVU squad had been working this past week. She knew that everyone, but particularly Olivia, took cases involving children hard. And while Alex could guess that the outcome of this case was not very good, she would wait until Olivia was ready to talk about it; she didn't want to exhaust Olivia even more than her girlfriend already was.

It was nearly a half an hour later when Olivia emerged from the bathroom in a pair of Superman boxers and a light grey T-shirt. The boxers had been a gag gift from Sapphire two years ago for Alex's birthday that had come with a note suggesting that Alex find her 'woman of steel'. They'd been too large for her to wear, but she'd kept them in one of her little-used drawers just in case they ever came in handy for anything. Alex almost felt guilty thinking they looked adorable on Olivia when her girlfriend was having such a bad week, but she had nothing else that would fit Olivia's wider and very womanly hips.

"Come on, sweetheart, time for bed," Alex said as she put her arm around Olivia's waist and directed them towards her bedroom.

Olivia balked when they crossed the threshold into Alex's room, having docilely gone with Alex up until that point. "Wait, no, I can sleep on the couch," she objected with as much energy as she could muster, which admittedly wasn't much.

It didn't take much strength to keep Olivia from pulling back from her and Alex wouldn't allow Olivia to break away. "Sweetheart, you're so exhausted a day old kitten could fight you off right now," she soothed as she ran her fingers through Olivia's damp hair, a move that she knew would make Olivia more likely to comply with her wishes. Alex knew that Olivia was concerned about her ability to control herself, but Alex doubted that Olivia could go through with having sex even if she had the urge, which Alex seriously doubted Olivia was thinking about right now.

Olivia conceded to Alex's wishes, both because Alex was probably right and because she didn't want to see that look of disappointment cross Alex's face again if she resisted. Besides, it would be nice to go to sleep next to Alex, although Olivia was so tired that she doubted very much that she'd get to really enjoy the intimacy.

Alex pulled back the covers and waited until Olivia crawled under the sheets before pulling them up over her chest. She walked around the bed and slipped in on the opposite side, loving when Olivia automatically curled into her. Alex happily cushioned Olivia's head against her breast and held her girlfriend close as Olivia wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Goodnight, Alex," Olivia mumbled softly, already half asleep. "I love you."

Alex's breath still caught in her throat at the words that Olivia said so causally and she couldn't deny how they warmed her heart. "I love you, too, Liv," she breathed against the top of Olivia's head. Olivia was already asleep and didn't hear the words, but it was as important for Alex to know that she could say them as it would be for Olivia when the detective was finally conscious to hear them.


	21. The Package

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**Warning/Rating:** This chapter is rated MA for mature content involving a sexual relationship between two women. Don't read it if you don't like it.

**A/N:** So I am posting this chapter and sadly neglecting all of the insane multitude of forms I must fill out before I start my new job tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to concentrate on that now instead of feeling guilty that I haven't posted for this story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this most recent installment.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21 – The Package<strong>

_Olivia stood over the sleeping form of her girlfriend and thought how peaceful Alex looked in repose. She was loathe to wake Alex up, but the attorney had been napping for nearly three hours, ever since they'd arrived back at their apartment from having lunch out. Alex had sacked out on the couch nearly as soon as they'd walked through the door and Olivia had been more than happy to let her lover sleep uninterrupted, even if Alex hadn't necessarily meant to waste away the rest of the afternoon._

_After a nap of her own – one where she hadn't really slept for more than a couple minutes at a time since she'd been so excited about what had arrived in the mail today – Olivia had occupied her mind by doing word puzzles. She couldn't concentrate enough to actually attempt to read a book, or even a short magazine article, and although she probably would have liked to go to the gym to work off some of her over-abundant supply of energy, Olivia couldn't bring herself to leave Alex when they finally had a day off together, even if Alex wasn't exactly conscious company at the moment._

_When she couldn't even concentrate on the simple puzzles anymore, Olivia took her time preparing for what she hoped would be happening later tonight. She'd stripped their bed and changed the sheets, cleaning up a little bit in their bedroom. Although she and Alex didn't need any help in the romance department – their relationship was still exciting for the both of them – Olivia didn't see how it could hurt to set the mood with low lighting and a little soft jazz playing barely audibly in the background._

_With the groundwork set, Olivia went out to the living room to awaken her beautiful girlfriend. She braced one hand on the back of the couch and the other on the sofa arm that was supporting Alex's hand. As she lowered her head to within inches of Alex's, Olivia couldn't help but think about how lucky she was that Alex was in her life – that Alex loved her. She prayed that she would never have to live another day without Alex by her side, and hoped that she would forever remain worthy of Alex's love and trust._

_Olivia lowered her lips to Alex's, lightly brushing them against each other before pressing them softly together. She was surprised, but not unpleasantly so, when Alex responded before coming to full wakefulness. Olivia tried to pull back when she sensed that Alex was surfacing from sleep, but was kept in place when Alex's hands came up around her; the right hand snaking around Olivia's waist while the left one burrowed into the short hairs at the back of Olivia's head, effectively preventing the detective from moving away. The brunette had no choice but to give in to the demands of Alex's hungry mouth, which she was more than happy to do.._

"_Mmm, now that's the way to wake a girl up," Alex whispered huskily when she finally let Olivia back up a couple of inches. She wasn't sure if her voice was affected by the desire coursing through her veins, or if it was just rusty from her nap, but she guessed it was probably a combination of the two with a heavy emphasis on the former. It was amazing that just one little kiss from Olivia, something they had done hundreds of times before, could have her libido revving from zero to sixty in no time flat, even from a dead sleep where she hadn't been dreaming a single sexual thought. Olivia was one incredible woman._

"_Glad you like it," Olivia breathed before swooping in for one more quick kiss. She then extracted herself from Alex's embrace, getting the blonde to release her hair only after a weak fight but not succeeding in convincing Alex to let go of her waist. It was fine; Olivia liked the way Alex's hand rested possessively on her hip, fingers lightly stroking across her sensitive abdomen underneath her T-shirt._

"_How long was I asleep anyway?" Alex asked as she stretched languidly, perhaps enjoying it more than she should have as she purposely arced against Olivia's body. She hadn't really meant to fall asleep in the first place since her days off with Olivia were few and far between, and as such very precious to the both of them. Now that she was awake though, she was rested and ready to make the most of the rest of the day._

"_About three hours," Olivia said, her own voice dropping to a lower register as her body automatically reacted to being pressed against by Alex's lithe form. "Hey, I thought you needed to rest up for tonight," the detective defended suggestively when she saw Alex's look of disbelief that she'd allowed her to rest for so long. The cocky suggestion wasn't completely true since Olivia had really just wanted to let Alex sleep because the ADA worked so hard and days off were meant for relaxation, but it had become more true when she'd come home and found the package waiting for them._

"_Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" Alex teased in reply. She loved Olivia's confidence; it was just a sliver shy of being arrogant, but Olivia rarely crossed that line into acting like a complete asshole. And Olivia had a very potent sex drive that Alex considered herself lucky to be able to witness firsthand, and she certainly felt as though she benefitted from Olivia's adventurous and nearly inexhaustible bedroom appetites._

_Smiling back at Alex's teasing smirk, Olivia leaned back in to give Alex a quick, hard kiss. "I thought you might be excited to try something new tonight." After a slight pause, which Olivia used to nuzzle against Alex's neck and impart a few gentle love bites, the detective continued. "We got a package in the mail today," she whispered against the shell of Alex's ear before nibbling on her earlobe._

_Alex was too distracted by Olivia's attentions to comprehend what her lover was trying to imply for several long minutes. But Olivia knew the exact moment when Alex did understand because the blonde went rigid and stone still for a second before melting back into the couch and giving herself over into Olivia's capable hands once again. Olivia had been hoping that Alex would get it herself without Olivia having to explain it because she'd had a hard enough time discussing it explicitly with Alex when they'd been ordering their purchase online._

"The_ package?" Alex asked, putting emphasis on the article. She'd tried to put it out of her mind ever since she'd watched Olivia click the button to confirm their order, but it always seemed to linger there and pop up in her thoughts at the most inopportune moments, making her blush furiously if she happened to be in the company of others. It wasn't as if anyone would know what she was thinking, but she always felt just a little bit naughty whenever the thought popped into her head._

"_Yes, _the_ package," Olivia confirmed, not in any rush to move things to their bedroom quite yet. This was new territory for Alex, and although Olivia had done it before, she was nervous because it was Alex's first time. No matter many times Alex assured her that they both wanted this, and they were both ready for it, there was always that niggling fear in the back of her mind that she was imposing her wants and desires upon Alex and that Alex was just too considerate a girlfriend to tell her no._

_Alex finally moved her hand from Olivia's waist, slipping it down to cup Olivia between the legs. Before the detective could guess what her goal was. "You're not wearing it?" she asked with faux innocence over Olivia's gasp of surprise at her boldness. Alex already knew that Olivia didn't have it on because it would have pressed against her when she'd stretched just a little while ago, but Alex was excited and feeling a little frisky right now, and she would never get tired of teasing her girlfriend._

_Olivia groaned into the cradle created by Alex's neck and shoulder when her lover proceeded to lightly squeeze her before rubbing sensuously against the crotch of her jeans, pushing the seam up into her fast awakening clit. It took her a couple of seconds before she could find the willpower to push herself up off the couch and out of Alex's reach. She was afraid that Alex might get a little overzealous, not realizing how close she was to the edge._

_Alex had the cutest pout on her face when Olivia looked back down at her and couldn't help but chuckle at Alex's antics. The detective quickly pulled Alex to her feet and gave her a short peck on the lips. "Don't look so disappointed, baby. I just don't want to make love to you on the couch tonight." When those words didn't wipe the adorable but disappointed look off Alex's face, Olivia knew what would hopefully perk Alex up. "Besides, I thought you wanted to see your package, and I left it in the bedroom," she said, hoping to entice Alex to move in that direction._

"_I think you mean _your_ package, sweetheart," Alex teased, immediately cheering up and resting her outstretched arms on Olivia's shoulders. She looked into Olivia's sparkling brown eyes, drowning in the love and excitement she found there._

"_You are right again, my love," Olivia replied, closing her eyes in pleasure as Alex began to run distracting fingers through her hair. "But I'm hoping that you'll think of it as _ours_ by the end of the night," she finished only when Alex stopped caressing her scalp and she could remember what she'd been trying to say._

"_I'm sure I will, sweetheart, I'm sure I will."_

_They stood in the center of the living room, holding each other as though they were slow dancing, but not moving. Olivia was content to just hold Alex close for the moment, loving every second that they were together, until she sensed that Alex was trying to figure out how to say something. "What is it, Lex?"_

"_I feel so juvenile saying this, but I want to see it," Alex said, unable to meet Olivia's eyes for any longer than a couple of fleeting seconds at a time. She felt like a curious teenage girl asking her first serious boyfriend to show her his penis, but she was not a teenager and Olivia was most definitely not a boy. That still didn't change the fact that she was curious and excited, kind of like it was Christmas or her birthday and she was about to get a really awesome present that she'd been asking for forever._

_Instead of answering, Olivia just stepped back and took Alex by the hand, keeping a soft, reassuring smile on her face. She understood how Alex felt since she'd also been eager to see their new toy as soon as she'd seen the plain, nondescript shipping box, even though she knew what it looked like from the pictures they'd come across while comparing models on the internet. But seeing a picture or two would never compare to seeing it right before them where they could reach out and touch it. And Olivia knew for a fact that it would certainly feel awesome when it was strapped around her waist and buried inside Alex._

"_You already opened it," Alex said, stating the obvious because she needed to say something to break the silence, but not having anything of substance to talk about. The blue, double-sided dildo was lying at the foot of their bed on top of a towel, which Alex could guess that Olivia had put there to let the toy dry on after cleaning it._

_This model had been marketed as the 'slim' version, which had been a selling point for them since Alex was new to this and Olivia was already worried that she would hurt her lover. They'd toyed around with the idea of getting the flesh-toned one, but since Olivia would be the one wearing it and she had a darker skin tone than what had been pictured, they'd ultimately decided to go with an unnaturally colored one – not that the medium blue dildo was a totally wacky color as color schemes went for toys like these._

_Olivia had also insisted on getting a harness even though the double-sided toy could be worn without one. She hadn't ever used one like this before and wasn't sure she'd have the greatest stability until she was more accustomed to it, so hopefully the harness would help prevent the toy from slipping out at any inopportune moments. For her part, Alex had happily deferred to Olivia's expertise, wanting both of them to be as comfortable as possible, and if Olivia thought a harness would give her more control than Alex was all for it._

"_I wanted to get it ready so it would be safe to use whenever you felt it was time. We tend to get lost in the moment sometimes," Olivia said, thinking back on all the times they hadn't been able to wait and had ended up ripping something off each other, which was only sexy in the moment and led to them having to replace some expensive pieces of clothing and/or lingerie. "Do you mind?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around Alex's waist from behind and wondered for the second time tonight if she should have waited for Alex so they could've opened the package together._

"_No, I don't mind," Alex said as she placed her hands over Olivia's around her waist and leaned back into the strong body behind her. She was content to savor the desire slowly pulsing through her system and found it endearing that Olivia was letting her set the pace, like her lover almost always did unless Olivia was especially needy. Truthfully, Alex loved when Olivia shed her sweet, gentlemanly persona and gave in to the need that sometimes just demanded to be fulfilled, and Alex was always happy to oblige her lover._

_Not entirely convinced that Alex wasn't hesitating because she was unsure, Olivia held Alex tighter and rested her chin on the blonde's shoulder. "You know, just because it arrived today doesn't mean that we have to use it today. It's okay if you just want to make love like we usually do. Or if you don't want to do it at all tonight." Olivia wouldn't deny that she was eager to test out their new toy, but for her, it was all about what Alex was comfortable with, so she could wait until Alex was really ready._

_Alex turned around within Olivia's embrace and threw her arms around Olivia's neck. "You aren't getting out of this that easily," she said before capturing Olivia's lips with her own. Alex could tell just by Olivia's tone and the way she held herself that her lover was more concerned about her, not that she didn't want to test drive their new toy. "Sweetheart, you don't need to treat me like I'm made of glass," she said as she pulled her lips just a breath away from Olivia's. "I want this, and I'll tell you if I become uncomfortable at any point. I love you."_

"_I love you, too, Lex," Olivia was able to respond before Alex covered her lips once again. Olivia could kiss Alex for hours, she enjoyed it so much, but she knew that wasn't in the cards tonight. Alex was already being aggressive in her desire, which Olivia actually loved, especially when Alex did it because Olivia was holding back – either because she was afraid of hurting Alex or because she was worried about the tenuous hold she had over her control._

"_Now, I want your clothes off," Alex demanded when she felt that she'd kissed any remaining fight out of Olivia. It wasn't as if she really expected Olivia to protest, but just to be sure, Alex slid her hands down to the hem of Olivia's T-shirt and burrowed her hands underneath to caress her girlfriend's firm abdomen. She loved how the fine muscles fluttered under her fingertips – it made her feel so powerful that she could cause such an immediate and potent reaction in her strong lover – and she loved even more how much pleasure Olivia got out of the simple touch._

_Olivia let out a sound which resembled that of a purring cat, fully reveling in the attention Alex lavished upon her. She released a rather pathetic whimper when Alex stopped and opened her eyes to see why Alex had pulled back. What she found was that Alex was now sitting on the end of the bed and leaning back on her hands in a relaxed pose with a rather smug grin on her face. It took Olivia a few long moments to realize that Alex was waiting for her to strip off her clothes._

_She started pulling off her garments quickly and when Alex protested at the fast pace because it didn't allow her to savor the view, Olivia said, "Hey, if you'd wanted slow, you should have done it yourself." It was only when Alex started to push herself up off the bed that Olivia realized Alex had taken her words as an invitation. "Oh no, baby, you sit right back down there and enjoy what little show you're going to get," she said while backing up a few steps to put some more distance between them._

_Olivia was soon after standing in front of Alex without a stitch of clothing on, taking Alex at her word that she really wanted the detective naked. The appreciative, hungry look in Alex's burning blue gaze made it so easy for Olivia to physically expose herself like this. She was sure it was the same look that crossed over her face whenever she saw Alex naked, and it felt wonderful to be desired so much by the one person whom she loved so deeply._

"_Now you," Olivia said when she found her voice again, gravelly as it was from banked desire. She didn't mind letting Alex look all she wanted, but it was her hope that things would progress past just looking in the not too distant future._

_Alex looked at the dildo sitting right next to her and couldn't resist reaching out to lightly run her fingers across it. She started at the longer shaft and finished at the shorter end, which she knew would fit inside Olivia. "I want to watch you put it in," Alex said as she looked back up into Olivia's eyes, her voice low and husky again as she thought about what she was requesting and welcomed the mental images that came with it._

_Olivia walked up to Alex until she was right in front of her and let her fingertips caress Alex's cheek. "When I do, you can watch, but we're not ready for that yet," she said softly, hoping that Alex wouldn't take her words as a rejection. She wanted Alex as open and ready as possible before they tried out their new toy because Olivia knew that her concentration, and probably her good intentions, would fly out the window as soon as she slipped the smaller end of their toy inside of herself. This was about their pleasure together, but Olivia was damn sure going to make certain of Alex's pleasure first._

_Alex conceded to Olivia's wishes, trusting that her lover would keep to her word. It wasn't as though it was a hardship to sit through Olivia's expert foreplay, just difficult to stay still while her lover lavished her with every ounce of attention she had. Olivia was a tireless and very giving lover, taking pride in finding all of Alex's erogenous zones and using them to driver Alex crazy, in a good way of course. Alex could only wish that every woman had a lover as talented as Olivia, as long as she was the only one to have Olivia herself._

_Olivia took her time arousing Alex, not because she wanted to make Alex wait, but because she wanted to be extra thorough tonight. But she did finally make her way down Alex's torso and set herself up between Alex's trembling thighs. Olivia gently parted Alex's folds, groaning at the wet, swollen flesh before her that made her yearn for a taste. She dipped a finger into Alex's wetness and brought it up to paint her lover's clit, feeling Alex jerk beneath her at the light touch._

_Once again holding Alex's labia open, Olivia blew a slow stream of air onto the blonde's clit, keeping Alex's hips connected to the bed as the attorney's thighs jumped at the sensation. When Alex begged for Olivia to use her mouth, the detective couldn't think of a single reason to deny her, so she quickly lowered her mouth and sucked Alex's clit into its warmth. Olivia loved it when Alex cried out and slid a hand into her hair just to have something to hold on to._

_Having a very clear idea of what she wanted to do, Olivia focused on Alex's clit until her lover was seconds away from climax, then she backed off, amidst Alex's begging protest. "Shh, love," Olivia soothed as she pushed herself up Alex's tension-filled body to lie by her side. She gently probed Alex's entrance with her fingers, testing how ready Alex was._

_A single digit slid effortlessly into Alex's tight channel and had Alex moaning for more, which Olivia readily gave. The detective gently thrust in and out with two fingers for a time, occasionally grazing Alex's sweet spot, before adding a third finger. "How's that feel, love?" Olivia asked, knowing that it felt fucking fantastic on her end and that while Alex was tight, she had seemed to take the fullness painlessly._

"_So good, so good," Alex murmured, surprised that she could even comprehend Olivia's question much less answer with how amazing her body felt right now. She clutched at Olivia's shoulders as her lover moved faster and harder within her, hitting her g-spot with regular consistency now._

"_God, Liv, gonna come," Alex cried out the warning right before the powerful spasms ripped through her body. She could feel Olivia's fingers inside of her, working her through the gripping contractions until she was completely depleted. If she'd had the energy, she would have admonished Olivia for destroying her before they'd even gotten to the main event of the evening, but couldn't even bring herself to talk right now._

_When Alex's inner muscles had stopped their rhythmic clenching, only occasionally fluttering around Olivia's fingers now, Olivia started up a slow, steady thrust and retreat once again. She was pleased when Alex responded almost immediately, and it remained easy to stroke in and out. So with a couple of final pumps of her hand, Olivia removed her fingers and took a second to lick them clean, unable to deny herself that small taste._

_Olivia quickly rolled off the bed and walked to the dresser to get the harness before going back to pick up the dildo. Alex was suddenly less tired when she saw what Olivia was doing and watched in fascination, and a little bit of awe, as Olivia manipulated the harness and slowly eased the shorter end of their toy into herself. Blue eyes darted back and forth between Olivia's face and where the toy was gradually being seated between the detective's legs, not sure which was the sexier sight._

_When it was in place, Olivia lowered herself until she was holding her body up over Alex's supine form. She slicked her fingers once again through Alex's wet heat, both to reaffirm that Alex was still open for her and so that she could slick some of that silky fluid onto the shaft of the toy to make her entry easier._

"_I want you to tell me what you need. We'll stop if you want to stop, just don't let me hurt you," Olivia said as she looked into Alex's wide eyes. Only after Alex nodded in agreement did Olivia place the tip of the toy at Alex's entrance. "We'll go slow. Just tell me how you feel." Olivia was so afraid that she would hurt Alex, but she felt so good with the piece inside of her and because the idea of being inside of Alex made her nearly crazy with lust._

_At Alex's encouragement, Olivia moved steadily forward, concentrating on any gasps Alex released to try to determine if they were from pain, and trying to figure out if Alex was clutching her shoulders harder from pain or the pleasure of their joining. There were a couple of instances where Alex had Olivia stop, but the blonde was steadfast in her refusal to let Olivia retreat. And when Olivia reached as deep as she could go, she was certain that the cry Alex let out was one of pure pleasure._

_Olivia started a slow, easy rhythm, groaning right alongside Alex as the piece within her moved pleasantly. She only grew more confident as Alex tightened her hold and cupped her cheek, all the while releasing little gasps of pleasure._

_/-/-/  
><em>

As Alex softly cried out Olivia's name, the detective realized that she was no longer dreaming. Her eyes snapped open, and in the pale light that seeped through the windows in the bedroom, Olivia could read the confusion filling Alex's gorgeous blue eyes. It was that look that had Olivia taking stock of what was really happening.

She was on top of Alex, her pelvis fitted perfectly between Alex's thighs as though she were really fucking her girlfriend with a strap-on cock. And while she hadn't magically equipped herself during the night so she could actually do that – thank God – the lack of a dick certainly hadn't stopped her from enthusiastically grinding into Alex.

_Fuck, what the hell am I doing?_


	22. Blurring Reality

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.**  
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**Rating/Warning:** This chapter does have a light M warning for sex, which happens to occur between two women. Don't like, don't read.

**A/N:** I know I've been bad about updating this story recently and I'm sorry. My writing mojo has pretty much deserted me recently, but I'm trying to push through it. I am going to a wedding this upcoming weekend, so I will warn that there likely will not be another update posted next Sunday, but we shall see. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this installment. Thanks for reading.

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><p><strong>Chapter 22 – Blurring Reality<strong>

Alex had finally drifted off into a contented slumber after she was certain that Olivia was sleeping peacefully. She'd stayed awake for a time, enjoying the feel of finally having Olivia in her bed and ruminating on what she'd said as Olivia had fallen asleep. There were no longer any doubts in her mind that she loved Olivia, but it was still somewhat scary to admit that fact out loud. But now that she had, Alex wished that Olivia had been awake and coherent enough to hear and understand her words. And she was almost tempted to wake her girlfriend up so she could overcome that obstacle, but Olivia was so exhausted that Alex couldn't bear to wake her.

At least Alex had been feeling good about herself and very peaceful, as though a burden had been lifted off her chest, when she'd allowed herself to nod off. She'd thought about staying awake, knowing that she would never tire of feeling Olivia next to her, or hearing her girlfriend's deep, steady, rhythmic breathing, but Alex didn't want to be tired when Olivia finally did wake up and wanted to talk, so she eventually quieted her mind enough to fall asleep.

Alex had been dreaming pleasantly about Olivia, but before the dream could get too far, which Alex was a little sad about since it was promising to be a very happy ending indeed, she'd felt Olivia stirring next to her. She was only partially awake when Olivia began kissing her neck and insinuated a thigh between her own. That woke Alex up immediately and her hands flew to Olivia's shoulders, although Alex was a little surprised when her first instinct was to pull Olivia closer instead of pushing her away, which was a substantial change for someone who'd always shied away from physical contact.

In between kisses, Olivia was mumbling unintelligible words against Alex's neck and it took the attorney a few minutes before she realized that her detective wasn't actually awake. _Was it wrong that she found it kind of sexy that Olivia wanted her even while she was asleep?_ It was a heady feeling and Alex was more amused by Olivia's actions than anything else, already making plans to tease Olivia about it when the detective finally woke up. But that playful attitude changed quickly when Olivia maneuvered so that her hips were between Alex's thighs.

Alex could only clutch Olivia's shoulders tighter when the detective started grinding against her, slowly at first but gradually moving harder and faster. It was becoming more difficult for Alex to think any logical or rational thoughts, so she needed to decide if she was going to wake Olivia up or not. If things continued on their current progression, she doubted it would be very long before the decision was taken out of her hands because she was fast approaching the edge, and if the tension in Olivia's body were any indication, so was her girlfriend.

Ever since Alex had told Olivia that she was a virgin, Alex had been thinking about sex a lot, and more specifically about having sex with Olivia. Truthfully, she'd been more than entertaining the idea before she'd brought it up to Olivia, but after it was almost like she couldn't think of anything else. Unfortunately for her seriously active libido, Olivia had been better-behaved than anyone had a right to be. Alex could still see the desire that burned in Olivia's eyes whenever they were together, but if Olivia didn't start making a move soon, Alex was going to start begin the confidence that Olivia had helped her build.

Ultimately, Alex decided that she couldn't in good conscience let their current situation continue as it was. If she was going to have her first orgasm with another woman than that other woman was damn sure going to be awake and aware enough to remember it. And it wouldn't be fair to Olivia to let her sleep through something that had been so very long in coming, even if she would get the pleasure of climaxing as well.

So, before Alex lost every shred of willpower she had left, which was fast deserting her, Alex cupped Olivia's cheek and tried to gently wake her. "Liv," she said, the name coming out on more of a moan as Olivia continued to thrust between her legs. Alex had never imagined it could feel this good with two layers of clothing between them, and she was a little afraid that she might orgasm instantaneously when they finally got around to doing this while they were both naked.

The only thing Alex could think to do was to continue saying Olivia's name because she just couldn't bring herself to push her beautiful girlfriend off of her. But it obviously eventually worked because one second she was nearly panting Olivia's name and the next, Olivia had frozen in mid-motion and was looking down at Alex with glazed over eyes. Alex heard Olivia croak out a heartbreaking and shattered 'Lex' right before the detective violently threw herself off of her to lie panting and ashamed next to her.

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><p><em>What did I do? What did I do?<em> Olivia screamed over and over at herself in her head as she lay on her back beside Alex with her hands covering her face as she was unable to look at her girlfriend. All she could focus on for the next few seemingly endless minutes were the vicious thoughts circling around in her head about how she had just fucked up the best thing going in her life. And it only made her feel guiltier when she still couldn't immediately control her raging hormones or calm her body.

This had never happened before. Sure, she'd been prone to having erotic dreams from time to time, and she was well aware that the occurrence of those dreams had increased since she'd been dating Alex, but never had she jumped a bed partner while she was still asleep and dreaming. Olivia knew that Alex affected her like no one else ever had and that she constantly had to work not to let her desire get the best of her, but she'd been in agreement with Alex when her girlfriend had said that she was too tired to get frisky. Apparently, all she'd needed were a few solid hours of uninterrupted sleep to cause her desires to get their strength back.

Ever since Alex had told her that she was completely inexperienced when it came to the physical side of relationships, Olivia had been extra careful not to rush Alex or let Alex see how scarily out of control she sometimes felt around the blonde. To that end, Olivia had tried to reduce the amount of physical contact that they shared and constantly reminded herself that they needed to go at Alex's pace. Olivia was deathly afraid of scaring Alex off if the ADA saw how strongly she wanted her – how much she wanted to be over her, under her, or any other way she could think of to have her, and there were many.

It had been a while since Olivia had been a partner's first lesbian experience, not since her sophomore year in college, and she had never been someone's very first lover. In the past, she probably would have been cocky enough to think she could do an unparalleled job at introducing her lover to the wonders of sex, but that wasn't the case now. Olivia knew she was a good lover – she'd been told enough times by multiple different women that she believed it – but she wanted Alex's first time to be perfect, and for the first time in her life, she wasn't sure she could deliver.

Alex was so incredibly important to her and she loved Alex so much that she'd never been this terrified, or this desperate, to have sex with someone in her life. Who would have thought that a confident woman like herself would be completely freaked out just because she wanted to make love with her girlfriend? There was a distinction here that Olivia had never really thought about when she was seeing anyone else, but this was her first relationship where she really wanted her lover to touch her back. In the past, Olivia had been satisfied when she'd pleasured her sex partner, and in fact had usually chosen women who were somewhat selfish and unlikely to want to reciprocate.

Olivia had always been of the opinion that all of the synonyms for sex were totally interchangeable, that sex, fucking, or even making love all meant the exact same thing. She'd never felt the need to correct a lover when one said that they were making love because Olivia always tried to pick partners who accepted the fact that she wasn't looking for forever. But now Olivia was keenly aware of her change of heart on the subject as she knew without a doubt that she wanted to make love with Alex. What she wanted with Alex was to share more than her body even while she let Alex take whatever the blonde desired.

The problem was not with all of her well-intentioned thoughts, but with her questionable control to actually follow through with them. Olivia had never had such a hard time controlling her sexual desires; she'd long since passed the days where she felt as though she would come at the first touch of her lover. It was a double-edged sword that Alex could make her feel like an inexperienced teenager again. All of the experience and confidence she'd built up over the years about her sexual prowess made no difference if she didn't have the self-control to hold back enough to use it.

With two sets of conflicting emotions ruling her right now – self-recrimination and fear pounding through her head while desire and need throbbed through the rest of her body – Olivia desperately needed to focus on just one. And there really was no choice because Olivia would do anything to save what she had with Alex; she would willingly exile herself to sexual Siberia for the rest of her life if it would keep Alex in her life. God, she wanted to kick her own ass for betraying Alex's trust like this.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I'm so sorry," Olivia was finally able to rasp out as emotion made her voice crack. "I'm sorry."

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><p>Alex felt a keen sense of loss when Olivia rolled away from her, immediately missing the heat and strength of Olivia's body even though it had been driving her crazy, in a good way, when her girlfriend had been moving on top of her. She took a few minutes to catch her breath and calm her body as much as she could, which admittedly wasn't much, before turning to look at Olivia. What she saw wasn't very hard for her to read, and it squeezed painfully at her heart.<p>

Liv may have been stretched out, but she'd made herself as small as possible while doing it. Alex could see her legs trembling, and while some of it was certainly caused by how tightly Olivia was clenching her thighs, Alex figured that much of it was also caused by how hard her girlfriend was trying to suppress her desire. As she looked closely, Alex could also see Olivia's arms tremble as her normally so totally in control detective held her hands over her face, as though trying to hide herself away from Alex.

There were two conclusions that Alex could have come to after Olivia's withdrawal, and she berated herself for thinking one of them for even just a second. She knew that it was her former insecurities creeping up on her that had her thinking that Olivia didn't really want her. Before Olivia, that would have been the only thought to cross her mind, and she probably would have been relieved to have her former would-be lover feel that way. Now, however, Alex would admit that she'd be crushed if she thought that Olivia was turning away because the detective didn't find her desirable.

Fortunately, Alex had come to know Olivia quite well over the past few months, and she knew that her detective was above all chivalrous. It was a trait that Alex found both adorably endearing and often frustrating because she'd been waiting for Olivia to make the first move. Her guess right now was that Olivia was mad at herself for molesting Alex while they slept. Alex just had to figure out a way to convince Olivia that it was okay and that she wasn't a terrible person for occasionally not being able to control herself.

Besides wanting to put Olivia at ease for the detective's peace of mind, Alex wanted to do it for more selfish reasons. Alex wasn't sure what the normal time frame was nowadays between when two people started dating and when they usually started sleeping together – she had no experience in the matter so could only speculate – but from what she knew about popular culture, Olivia had held off longer than most people would. And from what Alex knew about Olivia's previous sex life, which she tried really hard not to think about most of the time, Olivia wasn't used to waiting for her partners to be ready.

When they'd started dating, Olivia had made it beyond clear that she was treating their relationship as something more than just a convenient way to get laid. Alex had originally met Olivia's determination to treat her differently with some speculation, but Olivia had been very attentive while still keeping her hands to herself most of the time. Unfortunately, Olivia had become even more careful around her in the past week, and Alex knew that Olivia was now beating herself up over nothing because Alex actually wanted Olivia to touch her – a lot.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong," Alex said as her need to comfort Olivia outweighed her desire to wait until she had her own body firmly under control. She rolled over onto her side and before she could think any better of it, Alex had slid her hand across Olivia's abdomen, trying to soothe her unhappy girlfriend. It didn't occur to her until Olivia actually flinched under her touch that such an action probably wasn't helping Olivia's self-control.

Alex's initial reaction was to pull her hand back because the contact only seemed to make Olivia shake more, but before she did, Alex thought better of it. She didn't really want to cause Olivia any more mental agony than what she was already feeling, but this was the perfect opportunity to show Olivia that she didn't need to be treated like glass. Alex knew that the idea that had just flashed through her mind was rather selfish, or at least it seemed that way to her, but now that it was there she couldn't not think about it.

The one thing she wouldn't compromise on, now that she just needed to keep up the courage to follow through with her plan, was that she wanted to see Olivia's eyes. So Alex reluctantly removed her hand from Olivia's stomach and brought it up to grasp her trembling girlfriend's wrist. "Put your hands down, Liv," she said softly, not yet tugging at the offending limbs. "I want you to look at me, Olivia," Alex tried again, but made sure to keep any possible hint of censure out of her tone for fear that Olivia would only suspect the worst.

It might have been the slightly desperate and pleading tone of Alex's voice that finally convinced Olivia to comply, but Alex didn't much care as long as she could look into those beautiful brown eyes. "There you are," Alex said softly with a smile gently pulling across her lips when Olivia lowered her hands and made eye contact. She could read the fear and self-loathing in Olivia's eyes and couldn't stop herself from cupping her detective's cheek and bringing their lips together.

"You did nothing wrong, sweetheart," Alex said while her lips were still close enough to brush against Olivia's when she spoke. She pulled back a little farther so that she could meet Olivia's gaze and smiled. "It was a very nice way to wake up," Alex said, unable to keep the huskiness from her voice but okay with it as she hoped that Olivia could tell how perfectly fine she really was with the way they'd woken up together.

Her kiss seemed to calm Olivia a little, but Alex could still feel the brunette trembling beneath her and knew that Olivia was still feeling the effects of the dream she'd had. The memory of waking up with Olivia between her thighs was still so fresh in Alex's mind that she could more than understand the tension that was vibrating through her girlfriend's limbs. And to be honest, Alex actually felt pretty confident with the way that Olivia still wanted her even while the detective tried not to desire her so much.

Alex slid her hand down the center of Olivia's chest until she reached the thin strip of exposed skin between Olivia's T-shirt and boxers. As she'd passed through the valley between Olivia's breasts, Alex had been sorely tempted to make a little detour and fondle those amazing attributes, but had thought better of it. Alex was more interested in getting bare flesh beneath her fingertips than anything else, and she also didn't want to give Olivia the opportunity to talk her out of giving them what they both wanted – what they both needed – which Alex was certain Olivia would try to do if the detective knew what she had planned.

As Alex began to burrow under Olivia's shirt, the blonde lowered her head and kissed her girlfriend once again. She did it to satisfy her need for intimacy as much as to hopefully distract Olivia from her soon to be clear intentions, not that she actually thought she could get away with distracting Olivia for very long.

Alex was amazed at how soft yet firm Olivia's flesh was and couldn't believe she'd waited this long to really touch Olivia; she couldn't believe it had taken waking up with Olivia on top of her to get her to take this initiative. The blonde smoothed her hand over Olivia's abdomen from the top of her superhero boxers to just below the detective's temptingly full breasts. Alex couldn't resist brushing just the very tips of her fingers against the underside of one beautifully formed mound and eagerly took Olivia's surprised moan into her open mouth.

If it were possible, Olivia's body tautened even more, and Alex couldn't deny that she was proud of the fact that she could affect Olivia so effortlessly. It only fed her confidence and made her want to touch Olivia even more intimately. So Alex rode the wave of her burgeoning confidence and trailed her fingers down Olivia's abdomen once again, this time not stopping at the waistband of the boxers and instead dipping her fingers beneath the cloth.

Before Alex could slip too far beneath the material covering Olivia's sex, the detective's hand shot out to grab her wrist. "What are you doing?" Olivia asked brokenly with an odd mixture of trepidation and need coming through in her voice. The grip on Alex's wrist tightened and loosened, as though Olivia couldn't decide whether to let Alex put her out of her misery or not.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Alex asked as she stretched out her fingers and ran them through the short hairs at the apex of Olivia's thighs. She'd meant for the touch to be a taste of things to come, a way to convince Olivia to let her do this for the both of them, but Alex was much more affected by the touch than she'd expected to be. A jolt of electricity shot through her as though Olivia was touching her back and Alex wondered if that was a normal reaction.

"You don't have to do that," Olivia whispered so softly that Alex could barely hear her.

"But I want to," Alex responded, hoping that Olivia could read how much she wanted this in her eyes. "Will you let me? Please," she implored while still running her fingers through the soft curls protecting Olivia's sex. If Olivia was going to shoot her down, then Alex was determined to take whatever she could get before that happened.

Olivia was silent for a couple of minutes, but she eventually released Alex's wrist without saying another word and immediately tangled her fingers in the bedspread. Alex took it to mean that she could proceed, so she reached further down into Olivia's boxers until her fingers ran through slick, silky heat. They both groaned at that first touch and Alex felt even more excitement flood through her when Olivia's legs fell open even wider.

It did momentarily cross Alex's mind that she would have better access, and be able to see what she was doing, if she at least pushed Olivia's underwear down, or took them completely off. The fleeting thought was almost instantly tossed aside, however, because now that her hand was gliding through Olivia's heat, Alex couldn't bring herself to stop for even the short amount of time such an action would have taken.

At the first graze of Alex's fingertips across Olivia's clitoris, the detective's eyes shot open and she cried out. Alex could read the pleading in Olivia's nearly black eyes and could feel how close her girlfriend was even before Olivia told her. It was a warning that was probably meant to get Alex to ease back a little, but that was not the effect it had on Alex, who wanted so badly to give Olivia the pleasure her body so obviously craved.

And as Alex felt Olivia stiffen beneath her, moments before her detective cried out and came in her hand, all Alex could think was _I love you_.


	23. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: **Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.**  
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><p><strong>Chapter 23 – The Aftermath<strong>

"Lex? Lexie? Earth to Cabot!" Sapphire said, getting progressively louder as she tried to get Alex's attention. Alex had been distracted since she'd shown up at the club that Friday afternoon, and while Sapphire would never turn her best friend away from their favorite place, the dark-haired dynamo wished that Alex would just spit out whatever was occupying her mind. If there was anything that really irritated Sapphire it was not being in the loop, whether she was purposely being kept out of it or not.

Before Sapphire could get really annoyed and probably end up pushing Alex off her chair since the attorney didn't seem to be aware of her surroundings and Sapph was often overzealous when she wanted answers, Meg made her way around from behind the bar. Even she'd noticed how distracted Alex had been since she'd arrived to help them set up this afternoon and that really wasn't like the often too focused Alex that they both knew and loved. But since Alex was in a rather oblivious state, Meg was going to have a little fun with her.

Meg walked up behind Alex, who was seated on her usual stool at the end of the bar and supposed to be cutting lemons and limes into wedges but was instead just staring off into space. Careful to watch Alex's knife hand and ready to grab it if Alex was really startled by her, Meg leaned over her friend's shoulder until she had access to whisper in Alex's ear. "What's it like where you are, Lexie?" Meg asked, finally succeeding in getting Alex to come back to them.

Alex jerked in surprise as she was startled and was grateful when Meg firmly grasped her wrist, preventing her from inadvertently cutting herself, which would have stung something fierce with all of the citric acid on her hands from cutting the fruits. She had the good grace to at least blush in embarrassment when she turned to look at her friends as she realized that she'd completely zoned out on them. "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to ignore you," she said.

"What were you thinking about that was so totally consuming your thoughts?" Sapphire asked. Meg skirted around Alex and came up behind Sapphire, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman seated on a stool next to Alex and resting her chin on familiar sweet-scented hair. Sapphire relaxed back into her lover's strong body, not once taking her eyes off of Alex.

Alex considered sidestepping the question, but doubted that she would be able to get away with it since her obvious lack of presence had been noticed by both of her friends. It wasn't so much that she felt that she owed them an explanation, but she did usually tell them pretty much everything that happened in her personal life, which had been nothing up until recently. The problem was that Alex was torn between wanting to keep this to herself while she processed it some more and wanting to share something that was very important to her with her best friends.

"Olivia spent the night last night," Alex finally said, deciding that was all she was going to freely offer. As inquisitive as Sapphire was, Alex knew it wouldn't be long before the dark-haired woman started firing questions at her that she expected to have answered. And if there was anything that Alex took to heart as a steadfast rule as a lawyer, it was to answer all questions directly and succinctly, only elaborating on her answer if she was willing to face the consequences of revealing something she hadn't meant to; Sapph could pick up on anything if she thought juicy gossip would follow.

Sapphire thought on Alex's answer for a moment, wondering why that would distract her friend so much since Olivia had already spent several nights over at Alex's place. But she also knew that Olivia had spent all of those previous nights on the couch, so maybe this time Alex's sexy butch had talked her way into the attorney's bed. The prospect elated Sapphire but alternately also made her want to kick Olivia's ass if Alex gave any indication that she hadn't been ready for that. "So she slept in your bed this time?" Sapphire guessed, just wanting confirmation on her working theory.

Alex had already told Sapphire that she wished Olivia would share her bed, even if it was just to keep Olivia off the couch. Sapphire thought it was cute that Alex was so concerned about Olivia getting a sore back from sleeping on the uncomfortable piece of furniture. It had sounded to Sapphire like Alex was ready to share more intimacy with her detective, even if Alex wasn't prepared to actually have sex with Olivia just yet.

"So, did she behave herself?" Meg asked, grinning happily when her tease caused Alex to blush. She may have been the less gossipy one between her and Sapphire, but that didn't mean she preferred to be completely out of the loop with whatever was going on in their friend's life. Meg thought that she and Sapphire made a good team that way since she could be the one to offer occasional sage advice while Sapphire just kept prodding away and jumping from one idea to another as she gathered more information.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Sapphire asked excitedly as she watched Alex blush deeper than she'd ever seen before. She was ready to support Alex with anger if Olivia had overstepped somewhere or encouragement if Alex was happy about whatever had happened. Sapphire did think for a moment that for how transparent Alex's discomfort was now, she certainly remained stoic and unflappable in the courtroom, but maybe that was because it wasn't her life that was the topic of discussion when she was in court.

"She had a dream," Alex said, and with those words knew that she was going to tell them the whole story. It was actually surprisingly cathartic to explain the situation to her friends since it allowed Alex to put words to her emotions instead of just feeling them in the abstract; it forced her to put some order to her scattered thoughts and emotions. The pleasant but unfortunate side effect of telling her friends the story was that she couldn't help but get a little excited once again, which she was slightly embarrassed about and couldn't fully enjoy since she wasn't alone.

"So what happened next?" Sapphire asked when Alex stopped after describing how Olivia had thrown herself off of the attorney. She had been so engrossed in the story and the way Alex had described how she felt that she couldn't stand not to know how it ended, and if Sapphire were honest, it was kind of hot. "That can't be it," Sapphire argued emphatically, her hands tightening around Meg's as she unconsciously sought more contact with her lover as Alex had continued to talk.

"Well, she was beating herself up about something that she'd had no control over, so I tried to reassure her that it was okay." Alex got a far-away look in her eyes for the next few moments as she was drawn back to last night with Olivia. "She was so sexy and still trembling with pent up desire and I just couldn't shake the urge to touch her. I didn't want to suppress the urge to touch her. I love her." Alex said the last softly but felt the truth of them to the very depths of her soul.

While Meg's first instinct was to excitedly congratulate Alex on finding a woman that she loved, and one that she suspected was actually worthy of Alex's feelings, Sapphire fixated instead on Alex's comment about not being able to resist touching Olivia. "Did you guys have sex?" Sapphire all but blurted out, too excited about such a prospect to use any of the little tact she did possess to get the answers she wanted with finesse.

"Thank you," Alex said to Meg, still amused after all the years they'd been friends that Meg was the more sensitive of her two friends. She felt happier, warmer inside, now that she'd admitted her feelings to someone other than herself, someone who was awake and could actually understand the importance of those words to her.

"Yeah, yeah, that's really great for you, Alex," Sapphire said, and even though it seemed as though she was blowing it off, she really meant it. And if she hadn't been sure that something else had happened last night, she would have let it go, but she just had to know. "But did you finally… you know?" Sapphire was not usually one to be shy about stating exactly what she wanted to know, but she was too excited to even finish a sentence properly; and she wasn't sure if Alex preferred a particular term.

Alex debated with herself for a few seconds before finally giving in and answering the question, at least to the best of her ability. "Sort of," the attorney said with a shy lilt to her words. While there were certain things that she wanted to talk to her friends about, Alex wasn't too keen on going into detail about what she'd done with Olivia last night, or more accurately, what she'd done to Olivia last night.

"Really, Alex? Sort of? Even if you haven't ever done it before, I'd think you'd know the basics of sex, hopefully even lesbian sex," Sapphire said. To be honest, Sapphire had been hoping that Alex would say it was a transformative experience, but that was probably the romantic in her. Although she at least expected Alex to say that she'd enjoyed herself because if Sapphire had read Olivia correctly – and Sapphire considered herself an excellent judge – than that gorgeous looking butch knew how to pleasure a woman.

Alex shot Sapphire a piercing look, but was actually glad for the tone her friend had taken because it brought her confidence back out and banished her uncertainty. "I am well aware of what sex is, Sapph. Thank you very much. The answer is still 'sort of' because she never touched me, at least not in the way you're asking." Alex paused for a second before continuing in a quieter voice. "I, um, touched her instead," she said, unable to control the blush that instantly stained her cheeks even though she wasn't in the least bit ashamed of having touched Olivia.

"And she didn't return the favor?" Sapphire asked incredulously, unsure if she was just confused or if she should be pissed that Olivia didn't reciprocate for her best friend.

"She tried, but I, um, put her off until she fell asleep," Alex said a little guiltily. Olivia had been kind of slow to recover after her orgasm, but once she'd calmed down and gotten her breath back, she'd wanted to give Alex the same attention in return. Alex had said she just wanted to cuddle first – bask in the afterglow – and after a little bit of convincing Olivia had conceded. And when Olivia had fallen asleep not too long after that, Alex had been relieved to have the time to think about it and process this new step in their relationship.

"Lexie, sweetheart, it's so much better when you share the experience, when you both enjoy it," Sapphire said, unconsciously leaning back into Meg even more. "And somehow I don't see your handsome butch just lying down and taking it. No offense, but she seems the type who like to participate. I'm surprised you got away with it even this once."

"You say that, but look at you two," Alex said as she gestured emphatically at her friends. "As talented as Meg is, I don't think that she gave herself those blatantly obvious hickies. And look at you, not a mark on you."

A slow and undeniably lecherous smile spread across Sapphire's face before she spoke. "Well, yeah, but everyone knows that my sexy butch bottoms for me," she said happily before leaning her head back and placing a playful but possessive bite over one of the marks she'd left last night before soothing it with a tender kiss. Sapphire felt the embers of desire spark to life inside her once again when she felt Meg shiver at her display. Nothing was a more potent aphrodisiac than knowing that her lover always wanted her.

When she was finally able to drag her attention back to Alex, Sapphire said, "Your's doesn't seem the type to bottom. I'm sure you could talk her into just about anything, but I'd guess that she naturally prefers to lead rather than follow." What Sapphire didn't say was that she also thought that Alex would do better with a woman who knew how to lead and that she was incredibly surprised that Alex seemed to have been the one to make the first move.

Meg rolled her eyes at Sapphire's words, after she'd suppressed the lightning bolt of desire that had shot through her at Sapph's teasing bite over her already sensitized skin, but held her lover tighter just the same. She didn't care for specific roles whether inside or out of the bedroom, but Meg knew how she looked with her androgynous frame so she was more than used to being labeled a butch. And in the bedroom she would be and do whatever Sapph wanted, which usually entailed letting her lover control the situation, but not always.

When Alex didn't retort in any way, Sapphire couldn't help but ask one more question. "So how was it?" While Sapphire would unashamedly admit that she'd prefer a detailed play by play, she knew she wasn't going to get one, so she would settle for a more general answer.

"I am not the kind of girl who kisses and tells," Alex said as she arched an aristocratic eyebrow. It was probably unfair that she soaked it up whenever Sapphire bragged about her sex life – and it was most definitely bragging that she did – while only willing to share a few scarce details about her own, but that was just the way things were. "But I will say that it was amazing. She was so incredibly amazing."

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><p>After helping Meg and Sapphire for another hour or so, and skillfully avoiding all of Sapphire's deceptively probing inquiries about her night with Olivia, Alex took her leave. Olivia hadn't exactly been avoiding her all day, but the detective had found a convenient excuse to quickly end their conversations every time they'd talked that day. Alex had tried to convince herself that Olivia was just busy with work, which was what she should have been focused on, but an inkling of her former insecurity had found its way into her subconscious. That insecurity had been one of the reasons that Alex had left work right on time today and immediately gone to visit her friends.<p>

Now that Alex was feeling a little more emotionally stable, all she wanted to do was see Olivia. So Alex hailed a cab and gave the driver Olivia's address, calling her girlfriend on the way to make sure the detective wasn't still at work. And when Olivia reluctantly confirmed that she was at home, Alex informed her that she was on her way, not giving Olivia the option to invite her or tell her to stay away.

Olivia opened her door to Alex almost tentatively, but Alex just gave her a lingering, heartfelt kiss on the lips before gliding into the apartment past her. Alex had decided on the way over that she wasn't going to immediately push a discussion that Olivia obviously didn't want onto her girlfriend. She had some patience and what mattered the most to her right now was getting back to the comfort level that they'd shared together before this little bump.

While the start of their evening was a little slow as they both seemed to be extra cautious around each other, Olivia because she was embarrassed about her behavior the night before and Alex because she didn't want to seem too pushy, it wasn't too long before they started to relax. Alex was only too happy to find them cuddling on the couch as they watched an old movie on TV, realizing that she craved the contact even more now, after what had happened last night.

Olivia was leaning back on the couch, propped up sideways by the arm of the sofa while Alex was relaxing in front of her. It was nice to be so close to Alex again after Olivia had been deathly afraid of fucking things up, which she was still worried about, but this seemed like a good sign. At first Olivia had been unsure of where to place her hands, but Alex had helped by finally wrapping one of Olivia's arms around her waist; Olivia had been so happy that Alex still welcomed her touch.

Alex could feel how rigidly Olivia was holding herself when she'd first settled next to her and cuddled up into her. She was happy to feel Olivia's body relax as the night progressed, but finally had to say something when Olivia's hand accidently slipped down to just below her hipbone and the detective immediately and emphatically snatched it back as though she'd been burned. So Alex sat up and turned to face Olivia, watching as her girlfriend also struggled to sit up.

"Liv, listen to me," Alex said as she reached out and took hold of Olivia's hand. "I need you to tell me why you keep pulling back." It wasn't like she didn't already know, but Alex wanted to hear it in Olivia's own words. She could make an educated guess as to why Olivia was so afraid to touch her, but if she was wrong then there was no way she could fix the situation.

"You shouldn't have to worry about me molesting you again," Olivia mumbled, trying very hard not to look away from Alex's steady gaze but failing a couple of times. "I want you to be able to trust that I can keep my hands to myself. I'm really not just a horny woman always looking to get laid. I guess I just feel like I fucked up and I don't know how to make it up to you," Olivia said as she raked a hand roughly through her hair, tousling the strands in a devastatingly sexy way.

"And I certainly never imagined our first time together would ever be so one sided," Olivia said, owing it to Alex to be as honest as she could, even if she was slightly embarrassed about how it had taken place. "You shouldn't have felt obligated to do that for me." Olivia had certainly given a lot of thought to how their first time would go and all the things she could do to give Alex the best experience possible. Not once had Olivia imagined that Alex would be the only one to touch. And while she wasn't completely against one-sided loving, Olivia had really felt kind of horrible all day, thinking about how selfish she'd been.

"First off, sweetheart, I didn't feel obligated to do anything. You were amazing and I loved touching you," Alex said. "I love you, Olivia. I love your protectiveness, I love your sense of honor and justice; I love everything about you. Sometimes, I even love your possessiveness, especially when you fight against it so hard but still can't completely squash it," Alex said with a smile. There had been a few times when they'd been out that Alex had caught Olivia scowling at someone who'd been looking at her with interest and Alex had always found it cute when Olivia had subtly pulled her closer or reached out to touch her, staking her claim to the other person without acting like a complete asshole.

"And last night I found out that I really, really, _really_ love touching you," Alex said in a sexy purr. "Although next time, I'm hoping I'll have a little longer to play," she said longingly, thinking back on how incredible it had felt to slide her fingers through Olivia's silky wet heat.

"Um, sorry about that," Olivia apologized with a blush staining her cheeks. "I usually have a lot more control than that and don't shoot off at a single touch. You just seem to be able to make my control crumble with barely a look." She would probably have been even more embarrassed about her instantaneous climax last night, but Olivia was still stuck on Alex saying that she loved her, and the soundtrack was playing over and over again in Olivia's mind; those three words were something she would never get tired of hearing.

"So, I've kind of been dying to know, what exactly did you dream last night?" Alex asked. She was very interested in what Olivia's answer would be, very interested in what had turned Olivia on so much that she'd been driven to seek relief even in her unconscious state. And it couldn't hurt to get an idea of what turned Olivia on since there was no doubt that sex was in their very near future, which was enough to send a shiver of awareness trickling down Alex's spine.

It was a question that Olivia knew she couldn't sidestep, and she didn't want there to be any lies between them so she wasn't going to tell Alex anything but the truth. "I dreamt about something that I would never ask you to do if you were uncomfortable with it," Olivia said. She didn't want Alex to think that strap-on sex was something that she needed, or wanted every time she had sex. "I, ah, dreamt about using a strap-on with you," she finally managed to say softly, forcing herself to maintain eye contact throughout so that she could gauge Alex's reaction.

A soft, indulgent smile found its way onto Alex's lips as she saw the uncertainty in Olivia's eyes. "You don't need to be shy about it, sweetheart. There are a lot of things that I'd love to try with you, and that's most definitely on the list," Alex said as she skimmed her fingers up and down Olivia's arm in a soothing gesture. "It's nice to know you've thought about the same thing. And I think we should talk more about what we're comfortable with. I would love to know what turns you on."

"You do," Olivia said without the slightest hesitation. She could honestly say that no one had ever turned her on like Alex did. "And I would love to talk about what you're comfortable with. Just know that my control already hasn't been the best around you, so I'm sorry in advance if I jump you again," Olivia said, only half joking. She was hoping that Alex wouldn't get too descriptive with positions and such right now because there was only so much she could take, but Olivia really did want to know what Alex wanted to try and what her girlfriend was both comfortable and uncomfortable with.

"Oh, I hope to test that control of yours on many occasions, sweetheart," Alex said with a smirk and a peck to Olivia's lips before getting up off the couch to stretch. She couldn't help but feel a smug sense of happiness warm her when she caught Olivia staring rather hungrily at the strip of flesh exposed by the gap between her clothes. "And next time, Liv, you can most definitely touch as well."

Alex quickly sidestepped Olivia's hands as they reached out desperately to bring her back down on the couch, and probably onto Olivia's lap. "But until then," she said as she danced nimbly away and tried not to be swayed by the adorable pout on Olivia's lips, "I'm going home and I'll see you tomorrow." With that, Alex walked towards the door, but wasn't about to leave until Olivia got up and gave her a final goodbye kiss.

After a short but intense make out session at the door, Alex didn't want to leave, but knew that it was now or never. She pulled her lips away but kept her arms looped loosely around Olivia's neck. "How about we go out tomorrow night to Sapphire? You can meet my best friends. And probably get interrogated by at least one of them," Alex said with a hopeful smile.

"Anything you want, baby, anything you want. And I think I can handle your friends. I'm a big girl, and hopefully anything stupid I say can be smoothed over when I tell them that I'm crazy about you." Olivia was actually looking forward to meeting Alex's friends, to becoming more immersed in Alex's closely guarded private world. "I'll call you when I get out of work. And don't worry, I'll make sure to leave on time."

Olivia grabbed her coat off the rack by the door and stuffed her keys and wallet in her pocket, ready to walk Alex out. They'd had enough arguments over Olivia always giving Alex an escort home that Alex rarely objected to it anymore, even though she'd been getting around fine on her own before she'd started dating Olivia. Besides, Olivia's chivalrous nature was one of the things that Alex loved so much about her, so she just accepted it and moved on. It was also nice to have Olivia be the last person she spoke to at night, and Alex often daydreamed about a time when Olivia would be the last person she saw _every_ night.


	24. Intentions

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 24 – Intentions<strong>

That night, Alex's dreams were filled with scenes starring Olivia in varying states of undress, not that it was an uncommon occurrence anymore, but it certainly made for a restless night. When Olivia had walked her to her door last night, Alex had anticipated another goodnight kiss, but she hadn't thought her good intentions would so easily be swept aside or that it would be so hard to put an end to the kiss. She'd been on the brink of just giving in to her carnal desires and inviting Olivia inside to finish what they'd started the night before, when Olivia had pulled back, kissed her sweetly on the forehead, and wished her a goodnight.

Olivia's departure certainly hadn't satisfied her body any, but Alex was still appreciative of her girlfriend's decision to leave. Alex had spent the rest of the night feeling happy and warm inside as she got ready for bed. That didn't mean that her arousal had instantly abandoned her, but it was the tiniest bit easier to deal with when Olivia had been so sweet in leaving her; and she couldn't be angry since it had originally been her decision not to sleep together tonight.

Alex didn't really know what to do with herself on Saturday. The only thing she used to do on the weekend was put some extra work in on the cases she was handling and sometimes go out for a run or to the gym. Ever since she'd started dating Olivia, however, Alex usually had plans for her weekends that had nothing to do with work. She still wasn't used to being so excited about spending time with Olivia that she couldn't focus for long on any task. So, since she couldn't focus, Alex didn't even try to put her mind to her work, instead, she went for a long run, which tired her out enough that she was able to take an afternoon nap.

Olivia called a little after five and woke Alex from her surprisingly deep sleep, although she wasn't about to complain since it was the first time all day that she'd heard her girlfriend's voice. Unfortunately, Olivia was calling to say that she wasn't getting out of work on time, but she did assure Alex that she'd be free in time to rendezvous with Meg and Sapphire at the agreed upon time of ten o'clock that night. Alex was disappointed that they wouldn't get to spend any time alone before going out, but she felt a little better when she heard the same unhappiness come through in Olivia's voice.

It was just before nine-thirty when Olivia knocked on Alex's door and the attorney opened it to see her harried-looking girlfriend standing nervously in the hall. Alex took a full minute to just study Olivia and wrap her mind around how sexy she looked. Olivia had obviously only had time to take a quick shower before rushing over and Alex found Olivia to be incredibly sexy as she ran her hand through her still wet hair, succeeding only in adding to her disheveled look. She looked delectable with her worn-in jeans and black button-down shirt with enough buttons undone to reveal a tantalizing view of her tight white tank top underneath. Olivia's casual look was completed by comfortable black boots, a simple black leather belt with silver buckle, and her trademark leather jacket.

"I am so sorry, Lex," Olivia said, obviously unhappy with herself, as she raked her fingers roughly through her already messy hair. She'd been looking forward to seeing Alex all day, and then when she should have been gathering her things together to go home, she and Elliot had managed to get an interview with someone who claimed they had information on their current case. While she'd wanted desperately to get home to see Alex, Olivia could never ignore her duties as a detective. "We had a last minute interview and I know I said I'd be sure to leave on time, but I couldn't let Elliot do it alone, and –"

Alex reached out and pulled Olivia to her, immediately capturing her girlfriend's lips in a silencing kiss. Olivia resisted for a fraction of a second before her desire for Alex trumped her need to continue her apology, and Alex was more than happy to feel the change in her lover. Even when she felt Olivia give in and melt into the kiss, knowing she'd succeeded in distracting Olivia, Alex couldn't bring herself to end it, not when it felt so damn good.

"You don't have to apologize," Alex finally said, giving Olivia short but heartfelt kisses after almost every word. If she couldn't physically speak while kissing Olivia, then this was the next best thing because she _wasn't_ giving up the feel of Olivia's lips pressed against hers just yet. "I understand the demands of your job quite well, and I know you did your best to get out earlier." Alex was finally able to pull her lips away and rested her forehead against Olivia's while running her fingers through her detective's short, damp hair.

A potent flash of arousal shivered through her body as an unexpected image of Olivia holding herself above her invaded Alex's mind. And while Alex now had firsthand knowledge of how that felt, she'd yet to see Olivia naked, but apparently her mind was more than willing to make that part up from what she'd felt whenever Olivia was pressed close to her.

"Oh, God, we need to go, right now," Alex said as she took an unsteady step backwards and reached for her coat hanging just inside the door. She didn't mean to sound nearly as harsh as the statement came out, but Alex needed to get them out of her apartment and as far away from her bed as possible. "Sorry, sweetheart, I didn't mean that how it sounded."

"No, I'm sorry for being late and putting us behind schedule," Olivia insisted. She'd wanted to take Alex out to dinner before meeting up with the ADA's friends, but had rushed home with just enough time for a quick shower and to make herself halfway presentable. Alex had every reason to be a little snappish with her since they still might be late for their date, depending on how much traffic they hit on their way to the club.

Seeing the self-recriminating expression on Olivia's face, Alex hurriedly shrugged into her light jacket before stepping back up to Olivia and cupping her girlfriend's cheek, chancing one last quick kiss on the lips. "I'm really not mad about you being late, sweetheart. We just need to leave before I drag you to bed," Alex said, deciding that honesty was the best way to go, even if it let Olivia know that Alex found her ridiculously sexy when she was nervously apologizing, not that it was much of a secret that Alex found Olivia sexy pretty much all the time.

A slow, sexy smile spread across Olivia's face. "Would that be such a bad thing?" she asked as she dropped her hands to Alex's hips and pulled the blonde into the cradle of her own hips, her voice dropping to an unbelievably seductive level. While Olivia did want to meet Alex's friends, if it was a choice between that and having Alex all to herself, then she would gladly forego the night on the town. But as with most things, Olivia would defer to Alex's wishes.

"As tempting as that is," Alex said as she gently pushed Olivia back and followed her across the threshold, closing and locking her apartment door behind them, "I don't think either of us would enjoy the consequences of standing Sapph up. Trust me when I tell you that she would show up sometime later tonight and interrupt. Probably at the most inopportune time since she's got some kind of sick sixth sense about that sort of thing. And she wouldn't go away until we let her in, which would totally kill the mood."

Alex pushed the down button to call the elevator before turning back to Olivia, noting how her detective looked slightly disappointed but still happy to be with her. "Besides, I do not want the first time you meet my friends to be right after sex. I don't want you equating our sex life with the probing interrogation that would definitely follow if Sapphire found us like that." Alex kept her tone teasing, but she was serious about Sapphire just showing up out of the blue if they didn't show up for their date at the club.

"Don't worry. There will be plenty of time for you to show me your stud credentials some other time," Alex said with a playful smile as she tugged Olivia into the elevator after her. She kind of loved it when Olivia flushed a little at her words, and made sure to stay on the opposite side of the elevator to Olivia so she wouldn't change her mind and let Olivia show her now instead of later. Had it been anyone else they had plans to meet up with, Alex would have called to cancel and instead spent the night reveling in Olivia's body.

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><p>If they had been required to actually wait in the short line of people hoping to get into club Sapphire, Alex and Olivia would probably have been later than was acceptable, but Alex was connected. While Alex wasn't a fan of using her friendship with the owners to push her way to the front of the line, in this case she did in the hopes of avoiding a punctuality lecture from Sapph. Truthfully, Alex would rather present a case in front of Petrovsky every day than get on Sapphire's bad side; the little dynamo could be a vicious, cutthroat opponent when she put her mind to it.<p>

As soon as they got close enough for Ryan to spot them, the bouncer waved them to the front of the line. "Oh, this must be your new squeeze I've been hearing so much about," Ryan said, nearly clapping his hands with glee and totally ruining his badass bouncer persona. Alex could only laugh at his uncharacteristic giddiness, never having seen Ryan act quite so gay as he was at this moment.

Seeing Olivia's curious expression, Alex took it upon herself to introduce the two; she also doubted that Ryan would have let them pass without officially meeting her first real girlfriend since knowing him. Alex could see that Olivia was trying to reconcile Ryan's rather macho appearance with the girly squeal of delight he'd expelled at meeting her, and probably trying to figure out how she and Ryan fit together in the scheme of friendship.

Ryan stood back and surveyed Olivia for a moment, another smile breaking over his face when the brunette slid an arm around Alex's waist, clearly stating that Alex was with her. "Mmm, beautiful butch you've got there, Alex. Can't say as I'm surprised. I always thought you'd go for the confident ones with some swagger, but this one fits the bill even more perfectly than I'd imagined," Ryan said good-naturedly, finding it amusing that Olivia never took her eyes off of him while Alex kept looking back and forth between them.

Alex watched the non-verbal exchange between Olivia and Ryan with interest, chuckling on the inside when Olivia placed an arm around her waist. Ryan was harmless, and while he was fun to chat with whenever she hung out with Meg and Sapphire at the club, he wasn't someone that she ever met with outside of that situation. He was more of a friendly acquaintance than someone Alex would consider a true friend.

Making the excuse that they needed to get inside before Sapphire sent out a search party, which wasn't entirely a bullshit excuse because Alex knew it wouldn't be long before Sapph started bombarding her with texts asking where the hell they were, they passed Ryan into the club. Olivia only pulled her in closer as they walked through the crowded club and Alex happily leaned into her girlfriend, making it clear to anyone who was watching either of them with any interest that they weren't looking for other company tonight. Alex was surprised at the feeling of pride that swelled in her chest as she knew she was with the most amazing person in the club.

The ADA led the way to her usual spot at the bar and was surprised to see it already occupied by another customer with no sign of Sapphire anywhere in sight. She was just getting out her phone to text Sapph when one of the regular bartenders, Brianna, caught her eye and yelled at a couple of the patrons over the music to step aside so she could hand Alex a note. Sapphire must have figured that it would be too busy and too noisy to talk during peak hours at the bar, because the note said that she and Meg would be waiting on the upper level that could be closed off as a VIP section if the need ever occurred.

The club was a little less crowded upstairs because it was further from the drinks and the dance floor, but both were still easily accessible. Alex rarely went up here, but hoped that Meg and Sapphire had picked a table in the back, away from the groups of raucous partiers that were sometimes difficult to talk over. She towed Olivia along, happy to have continuous contact with her girlfriend and glaring at any of the clubbers that showed even a passing interest in Olivia.

Alex located her two friends at a table that offered an excellent overhead view of the dance floor and bar and yet was still far enough from the other tables to offer a little bit of privacy. It was a change from the last time Alex had been up here and she suspected that Meg and Sapphire had rearranged things so that she would feel more comfortable. One of the reasons she loved her friends so much was that they would do something like this, because it certainly didn't benefit their business to take out the tables that had once surrounded the prime spot they now claimed as they waited for her and Olivia.

As they walked up, Alex rolled her eyes but couldn't stop smiling at the picture her friends made. While there were four rather comfortable chairs set up around the table, Sapphire was sitting sideways on Meg's lap, her arms looped around the spiky-haired blonde's neck while Meg's arms were wrapped securely around Sapphire's waist. They were an incredibly adorable-looking couple and Alex envied how devoted they were to each other; and Alex knew it wasn't an act since they were just as affectionate with each other when they were in private.

"You two just never give it a rest, do you?" Alex said teasingly as she walked up to the table with Olivia by her side. Meg glanced up briefly at the newly arrived couple, but was quickly distracted by whatever Sapphire was whispering in her ear. Alex looked on, amused that Sapphire completely ignored them until after she had taken Meg's lips in such a scorchingly hot kiss that Alex could feel the heat from across the table. The only thing Alex could do was press closer to Olivia and wait for Sapph to be done.

In a graceful move that could only have been perfected from repeated practice, Sapphire slid seamlessly off Meg's lap without compromising her modesty. She moved forward and embraced Alex in a warm, excited hug. "If you had a beautiful woman like Meg at your disposal, you wouldn't let her go unless you had to either," Sapphire said as she pulled back. "And no, I'm not loaning her out, so you'll just have to make do with your own butch."

After hugging Alex, Sapphire passed their friend along to Meg while surveying the woman before her who she'd only noticed once before, and that had been when Olivia's presence at the club had depressed Alex. She looked good, Sapphire would give her that, but no one could ever compare to Meg in her eyes. Sapphire just hoped that this time when Alex left the club after talking with Olivia that her friend would be in better spirits, or maybe Olivia should be praying for that outcome because Sapphire would put the dark-haired butch in her place if she hurt Alex like that again.

Meg engulfed Alex in a warm hug, having also stood up to greet the other two members of their party. "You look good, Lexie," she said, not only referring to Alex's casual look, which was a little more revealing than anything Meg had ever seen her wear. Alex looked really good in jeans and a dark green V-neck shirt that showed just a hint of cleavage. Meg had never seen Alex wear anything more revealing than a button-down blouse with the first two buttons undone and she couldn't help smiling at the fact that Alex obviously wanted to tempt her new girlfriend, even just the little bit that the attorney was comfortable with.

After thanking Meg, Alex stepped back over to Olivia's side and introduced her girlfriend to her two best friends. "Meg, Sapph, this is Olivia," Alex said eagerly, surprised by how excited she was to see the people she loved the most interact. It would be difficult for her if Meg and/or Sapphire didn't like Olivia, or vice versa, but Alex knew she wouldn't give up either relationship if that happened; she'd really like everyone to get along but it wasn't absolutely necessary.

It was in Olivia's nature to observe people and she did so now with interest. The short, dark-haired one that Alex introduced as Sapphire was staring intently back at Olivia and not even trying to mask the distrust in her dark blue eyes. Olivia quickly took Sapphire in, from her impressive heels that added at least three inches to her diminutive height, up bare legs that held a healthy tan, to a short black skirt that screamed confident rather than slut. Sapphire's blood red sleeveless blouse spoke of a woman who knew how hot the club could get with so many bodies filling the energized space. And Olivia would guess that for how simple the clothes looked, they were actually rather expensive.

Seeing a look that was just a shade shy of hostile in Sapphire's eyes and knowing it might take some work to get the woman to like her, Olivia moved on to Meg. The taller and paler of the two, Meg wore scuffed but comfortable-looking boots and a pair of leather pants that tied closed in the front; a bold choice, but it somehow fit perfectly with the image that Meg projected. Olivia would have considered the tight black tank top that Meg wore to be a size too small, but again, it seemed to be the look that Meg was going for and showed off the top half of the interesting tattoo designs that snaked down into her pants, and exposed a short expanse of some impressively defined abdominals.

It was nice that when Olivia met Meg's clear green eyes she saw curiosity there instead of instant hostility. Alex had said that Meg was the more level-headed of the two women and Olivia was grateful that at least one of them seemed to be willing to give her a chance with no prejudices already stacked against her. And Olivia was pleasantly surprised when Meg took a half step forward and offered her hand for Olivia for a shake.

The handshake broke the ice and they all sat down after the introductions. It took a few minutes for them to decide on drinks, Meg and Olivia knowing exactly what kind of beer they wanted but waiting for their girlfriends to pick out what they felt like drinking. When Sapph and Alex had finally decided, Sapphire innocently suggested that Alex take their drink order up to the bar. Alex wasn't fooled for a second that this was anything but a ploy to leave Olivia alone and unprotected with her cutthroat friend.

As Alex was about to protest, and berate Sapphire for coming up with such a transparent plan to get Olivia alone, Olivia slid a hand onto her thigh under the table. When Alex looked over at her, Olivia's eyes said that she could handle being alone with her friends for a few minutes. So Alex placed a quick kiss on Olivia's lips and whispered good luck in her ear before pushing to her feet. "Play nice," Alex said sternly, staring directly at Sapphire the whole time since Alex knew that was where any trouble would come from, before walking away towards the bar.

Olivia watched Alex walk away, unable to tear her eyes away from how good Alex's ass looked in those jeans, even if it made a bad impression on Alex's friends. It was only after Alex had been swallowed up by the crowd that Olivia turned her attention back to her other two companions, ready to take them on. She'd known that at some point this evening she would have to answer to Alex's friends, and Olivia was of the opinion that the sooner the better.

Sapphire looked hard at Olivia, waiting for the other woman to flinch under her scrutiny, but Olivia was a detective who didn't scare easily. It wasn't that Sapphire had any particular dislike for Olivia, except that she already knew this woman had the power to hurt Alex – and that had been before they'd become intimately involved – but Sapphire wanted to make sure that Olivia knew how precious Alex was. There was really only one question that she absolutely needed an answer to and Sapphire wasn't shy about asking. "So, what are your intentions towards Alex?" she asked, feeling kind of like a parent interrogating her teenage daughter's first date.

"You certainly don't start with the easy questions, do you?" Olivia said, rather glad to get right to the point instead of answering a few insignificant questions about what she did for a living or the kind of family she came from first. The question felt a little old school, kind of like Alex's guardian had caught them sleeping together and was asking if she would be marrying her now. Marriage was something that Olivia wouldn't hesitate to propose, but not until they were both ready, and Olivia knew that Alex would take longer to be comfortable with the idea than she would.

"My intentions towards Alex are to make her happy," Olivia said simply. "As long as I make her happy and she still wants me around, I'll be here." Olivia was well aware that at some point she would probably want more of a commitment from Alex, but for now she was pretty much satisfied with whatever the attorney was willing to give her.

Even Sapphire had to begrudgingly admit that it was a good answer, and she couldn't detect even the smallest amount of placating bullshit in the answer either; Olivia really did just want to make Alex happy. But just because Olivia passed the most important test question with a stellar answer didn't mean that Sapphire was ready to welcome the detective into their fold, or concede that she was the right choice for Alex.

There were very few limited minutes in which Sapphire could get away with asking pretty much anything since Alex would get quick service at the bar with all of their employees knowing about their friendship. Sapphire enjoyed pushing the envelope in reference to what she was supposed to ask and know about, and she wanted to see how Olivia would react to more intrusive questions. So even when Meg lightly pinched her under the table to warn her about going too far, Sapphire didn't back down from asking Olivia about her previous relationships, and even more intrusively about her previous sexual relationships.

Olivia didn't get defensive at the personal questions but she did answered in very general terms, not willing to go into detail about intimate things that she'd shared with other women. If Alex had asked then she would have answered in as much gory detail as either of them could take, but it wasn't, so she didn't. Olivia was completely honest about the fact that she hadn't had a relationship that wasn't based solely on sex until Alex, but that didn't mean she was incapable of being in a meaningful, forever kind of relationship.

As Alex came back to the table, balancing a tray of drinks and thinking that it was probably a good thing she'd been so good at law because she had absolutely no waitressing skills to fall back on, she caught the tail end of Sapphire's questions about her sex life with Olivia. She was about to tell Sapph to mind her own damn business and save Olivia from answering when Olivia did if for her. Alex felt a warm sensation fill her chest as she heard Olivia say that the intimate nature of their relationship was not for the public forum.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Alex admonished Sapphire as she placed the tray on the table and slid into her seat. "And you are amazing," she said to Olivia as she leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to her girlfriend's lips. "And if you play your cards right," Alex said right next to Olivia's ear as she kissed the sensitive spot just beneath the lobe, "it might help you get lucky tonight."

It was as much the husky quality of Alex's voice as it was the images those words invoked that sent a shudder of arousal spiraling down Olivia's spine. When Alex would have pulled away, Olivia stopped her retreat and brought their lips together in a hot, hungry kiss. "And if you play your cards right," Olivia retorted, her warm breath tickling Alex's ear and causing the same arousing effects in the blonde's body, "I'll let you touch for as long as you'd like."

"Break it up there, girly," Sapphire said loud enough to get through the haze of desire surrounding Alex and Olivia. While Sapphire wasn't usually one to censor some hot PDA, Olivia looked about ready to throw Alex on the table and take her right there in the middle of the crowded club, and Alex didn't look as though she would object. "Don't make me break out the hose, Lexie. You have the rest of the weekend to jump your girlfriend's bones, but tonight you're out with us."

Properly chastised and slightly embarrassed by the more than obvious effect that Olivia had on her, Alex chanced one last peck to Olivia's lips before turning to face her friends and taking a large sip of her drink. She would prefer to keep her private moments with Olivia just that – private – but Alex would be lying if she said she didn't feel a slight flutter of excitement at the thought of everyone knowing, in no uncertain times, that she was Olivia's.

"Don't worry, love. You'll have me all to yourself soon enough," Olivia said before reaching for her beer and taking a swig of her own drink. They were doing this on Alex's timetable, but Olivia was willing to leave whenever her girlfriend gave the word. It was nice to go out and prove that they could conduct themselves properly in public, but Olivia still looked forward to any time that she got to spend alone with Alex.


	25. Home

**Disclaimer:** Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.

**Rating/Warning:** MA+ This chapter contains mature content, which means sexually explicit material that just happens to include two women. Feel free to skip the chapter if you find such material offensive.

**A/N:** I know I've waited an inexcusably long time to update and I'm very sorry. Life has gotten in the way and I've been working on a bunch of other stuff so I've been neglecting this story. Anyway, I hope this chapter has been worth the long wait.

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><p><strong>Chapter 25 – Home<strong>

"I like her," Meg said when Olivia walked away from the table after offering to grab their next round of drinks. Olivia seemed solid and down to earth to Meg, and the detective would understand the dedication that Alex had to her job. If she had met Olivia under different circumstances, Meg could see them becoming friends naturally. But the thing that made Meg like Olivia the most was the way that she looked at Alex like her friend was the only woman in the world; and it didn't hurt that Alex returned that affection whenever she looked at Olivia.

"I think you have a winner there, Alex," Sapphire agreed. She knew she'd been a little hostile towards Olivia for most of the night so far, and her positive vote probably came as a surprise, but she'd taken it upon herself to test Olivia. And now that the totals had been tallied, the detective had passed Sapphire's personal test with surprising ease. Alex had never been particularly comfortable with public displays of affection, but that seemed to have changed with Olivia by her side, and Sapphire was excited to see her friend so happy.

Before Alex could congratulate Sapphire on finally saying something nice, her friend just had to go and ruin her half minute of good behavior. "So, did you go home last night and jump her again?" Sapphire asked with a devilish grin and suggestive quirk to her dark eyebrows. "Or at least entice her to jump you?"

Meg rolled her eyes and tugged Sapphire into her side, as though the contact might transfer some of her restraint to her nosy girlfriend. "You can just ignore her, Alex. Apparently, I sex her up too much since that's all she can ever think about. I'm thinking maybe I should cut her off for a little while, and then perhaps she'll learn some manners," Meg said, threatening what she knew would be a real punishment to Sapphire. Even after being together for years, she and Sapphire had a very active sex life, and they were currently in one of their 'bunny' phases where hardly a day passed without one of them jumping the other.

Alex almost burst out laughing when Sapphire turned to look at Meg so fast that she could have given herself whiplash. "You don't mean that, baby," she pouted with a look of fear in her eyes. Even though she doubted that Meg would, or could, deny her for even twenty-four hours, it was a horrible enough punishment that Sapphire needed reassurances that it really was just an empty threat. "You know you'd miss it just as much as me," she said huskily while nuzzling enticingly into Meg's warm neck.

Meg made a valiant effort to hold out, but knew all along that she'd give in. Sapphire was right in that Meg would miss it just as much even though she definitely had better self-control. The problem was that Sapphire wasn't above using every dirty, tempting trick in her arsenal to get Meg to cave, and she knew exactly how to make Meg crumble. Meg was still able to hold on and make Sapphire sweat it out for a few minutes, at least until the dark-haired dynamo scraped her teeth just rough enough over the pulse pounding at her lover's throat to send a powerful shudder running through Meg.

Alex had seen Meg and Sapphire kiss and tease before, sometimes getting a little carried away before remembering they had an audience and were able to rein themselves in, but she had always felt a little envious of them in those moments and slightly uncomfortable, as though she were intruding upon a private moment. Now, however, Alex felt uncomfortable for a completely different reason as she imagined herself in the same position with Olivia. She could easily picture herself sitting in Olivia's lap like she belonged there, arms looped around the detective's strong shoulders, and feeling her girlfriend tense beneath her as she teased the brunette.

Needing to look away from the adorable yet undeniably sexual display before her, Alex turned to observe the dancers out on the floor below. She wasn't one for dancing in public, much preferring to just go with it when the sudden urge overtook her at home, but she'd been known to occasionally dance at the club when Meg and Sapphire – mostly Sapphire – forced her into it. However, Alex usually danced within the protection of her two friends, rarely finding her own partner to have all to herself. Only when Alex had felt particularly adventurous – or particularly horny – had she danced with a woman who'd caught her eye, but she'd never felt really comfortable doing it, and so had never allowed it to progress to anything beyond dancing.

Looking down at the packed dance floor now though, Alex was finally beginning to understand the draw of dancing out there with someone she was interested in. Before, she'd always been weary of being pressed up against someone she hardly knew while surrounded by a throng of sweaty people that all damn near dripped with sexual desires. Now, however, Alex wouldn't mind being in that position with Olivia – pressed together as close as they could get with the barrier of clothing still between them. Alex still wasn't too fond of the idea of other people being pressed that close to her girlfriend, but felt better when she knew that Olivia would only be paying attention to her.

It was as though just the thought of her girlfriend made the detective appear because Alex saw Olivia walking back to the table balancing their drinks – and feeling the slightest bit guilty since Olivia was having the hardest time juggling the mixed drinks that she and Sapphire had ordered. Alex felt even guiltier when she stood up as soon as Olivia had successfully maneuvered her load of two martini glasses and two beer bottles down onto the table and pulled the detective off towards the dance floor. "Dance with me?" Alex requested, even as she was already headed that way and tugging her turned around girlfriend after her.

Alex had heard that some women seemed to equate how a potential partner danced to how they would be in bed, but Alex had certainly never been polled in that study. Right now, though, Alex had a hard time thinking about anything other than sex and feeling Olivia move against her wasn't helping to divert that train of thought. Alex liked the way Olivia held her loosely yet possessively, somehow warning all other interested women away with just the subtle vibes she gave off.

With so many bodies pressed close together – not tight enough that the couples were squashed together, but close enough that there was a lot of incidental contact between dancers – it didn't take long for Alex to build up a light sweat. She was glad when the beat slowed down a little, or maybe it just seemed that way as Olivia slowed them down, because it allowed her to press full length against her girlfriend. The music seemed to pulse heavily through her, and being so close to Olivia only made the throbbing low in her pelvis more prevalent.

It was Olivia's official opinion that Alex was trying to torment her, and that thought solidified in her mind when the blonde insinuated a leg between hers and 'accidentally' bumped against her every few seconds. Olivia would give just about anything to have Alex in her arms, but if her girlfriend wasn't careful then Olivia would be forced to end their night prematurely. Her usually reliable control crumbled in the face of Alex's innocent seduction.

Alex couldn't help but smile into Olivia's neck when she felt her soon-to-be lover shudder against her. It was time to encourage Olivia to take her home because Alex couldn't wait to hear her detective's cry of ecstasy once again, but this time she wouldn't allow Olivia to feel bad about taking her pleasure. She traced slow, wet kisses and light nips up Olivia's neck, along the strong jaw she loved so much, and to Olivia's waiting mouth. When Alex finally made it to Olivia's lips, the detective took command with a voracious kiss that couldn't hide the want and need that consumed Olivia.

"God, Lex," Olivia panted as she pulled their mouths apart but still leaned her forehead against Alex's because she couldn't stand to break their connection. "Do you have any idea what you do to me? I want you so much." She pulled Alex closer, as if that was possible, hugging her tighter as though apologizing for her need.

"Liv," Alex said as she ran a comforting hand through Olivia's hair, knowing it would soothe the detective as well as herself because she loved combing her fingers through Olivia's soft locks. She pulled their upper bodies apart enough so that she could look into Olivia's expressive brown eyes. "I don't want you to apologize, Liv. I want you to bring me home and take me to bed." Alex silenced what was going to be a weak protest with a meaningful glare. "I want you as much as you want me, and I'm not nearly as patient as you, so take me home and make love to me."

All Olivia could do was nod her head and trail behind Alex as the blonde led the way through the crowd and out the door. She almost felt guilty about how much she wanted Alex since the ADA was about to gift her with something so special. At least she was sure that no one could love Alex as much as she did, and Alex definitely wanted to do this if her eagerness was any indication. It also made Olivia feel better that Alex had said she loved her back.

While Alex certainly wasn't regretting her decision to drag Olivia back to her place as soon as possible, she was quiet on the cab ride to her apartment. She was unquestionably nervous, knowing what was going to happen once they got home, but Alex still wanted it like crazy – Alex wanted _Olivia_ like crazy. And while Alex knew she would love it since she loved Olivia, she was distinctly aware of the fact that she had no experience seducing a woman, or reading the signs of a foreign body that she wanted to please above all else.

When they got to Alex's apartment, Alex's hands were steady but she was slow to let them inside. Noticing the delay, perhaps more than she would have with anyone else since she still didn't completely believe she was worthy of Alex, Olivia interpreted it as maybe Alex wasn't ready. "Alex," Olivia said softly after they'd entered the apartment and she'd closed the door behind them, "we don't have to do this tonight if you're not ready. I'm not going to hold it against you if you ask me to leave. I'll still come back tomorrow and the day after that until you don't have any more doubts left."

Alex carefully took off her jacket, not rushing as she hung it up and brushed out a few of the creases before turning around to face Olivia. "Liv, I want you more than I ever could have imagined," she said truthfully. "I don't need any more time to know that this is right. But if _you_ need more time, I promise I won't be offended." While Alex had been speaking, she'd stepped forward and had taken Olivia's hands in hers, keeping eye contact with her uncertain girlfriend.

Olivia felt a moment of calm wash over her before she leaned in and brushed her lips against Alex's in a soft kiss. She had never been into self-denial before, but with Alex everything was different and she would have waited forever. But hearing Alex say that she wanted her, and seeing the truth of those words in deep blue eyes, had the fire Olivia had been carefully controlling flare up. All it took was for Alex to gently push at the seam of her lips, asking for entrance into her mouth, to dissolve Olivia's last shred of doubt about the rest of the night.

It wasn't long before Olivia was consumed with her need for Alex and she nearly forgot that this would be Alex's first time. She took Alex's mouth like she needed to possess her, but Alex most definitely didn't mind, instead reveling in the obvious desire Olivia had for her. Olivia tried to steer them towards the bedroom, but Alex's eager, hungry response to her kisses wasn't helping her to keep her head and she paused frequently to push Alex up against whatever piece of furniture or open wall space was available.

"Sweetheart," Alex gasped when she was able to tear her lips away from Olivia's consuming kiss. "Bed, we need to get to a bed," she finished when Olivia looked at her with desire-glazed eyes. Alex loved that needy look Olivia was giving her, and while she'd fantasized plenty of times about Olivia taking her against a wall when the detective couldn't wait to have her, she didn't want this time to be just a quick fuck. She wasn't sure how long she'd actually be able to last, but Alex wanted to at least give herself a chance of not going off at Olivia's first touch.

"Sorry, Alex," Olivia said, her voice breaking over the words as she tried to bring her desire to heel. For the past few months she'd exercised admirable control, and she'd been the one to put a halt to things before they went too far most of the time, but that resolution to take things slow seemed to have deserted her in the past half hour or so. This nearly unbearable hunger for Alex wasn't new, but apparently her reserve of patience was gone.

"Never be sorry for wanting me," Alex whispered as she brought her hand up to cup Olivia's cheek. "I love that you want me. And some other time, I will gladly let you fuck me against the wall. In fact, I look forward to it. But tonight, I think a bed would be more appropriate." Alex didn't miss how Olivia's eyes seemed to glow brighter at her mention of another time before the detective hid it again, and Alex filed away that Olivia liked a little dirty talk, knowing that it would certainly come in handy for their future liaisons.

Olivia nodded her agreement and brushed her lips across Alex's once again, giving in to the compulsive need she seemed to have to stay physically connected to her girlfriend. They made their way to Alex's bedroom without running into any more objects and paused at the foot of the bed. Olivia was about to ask Alex once again if she was sure, but the blonde must have know that she was still a little unsure and kissed her instead. It was the kind of kiss that made every other thought in Olivia's mind vanish and she couldn't resist kissing Alex back.

When her girlfriend was once again pliable under her hands and not thinking about asking her one last time if she was really ready, Alex slid her hands under Olivia's familiar leather jacket and pushed it off the detective's shoulders. Almost before it had pooled on the floor, Alex's hands were already working on the buttons of Olivia's shirt. It had taken so long for her to get to this point in her life and while she didn't want to rush it, Alex couldn't wait to feel Olivia's flesh beneath her fingertips with nothing between them.

For her part, Olivia didn't start to object until her button-down shirt had joined her jacket on the floor and Alex's hands had worked their way under her tank top. Olivia grasped Alex's wandering hands as they were trying to push that shirt off as well, and reluctantly broke their kiss so she could speak. "Why am I the only one losing clothes here?" she asked playfully, but couldn't help the shudder that ran through her while Alex's fingertips continued to caress her skin.

"Don't wreck my fun, Liv," Alex admonished, smiling at the shudder she'd felt go through Olivia's body. She leaned in and kissed the detective, feeling happiness wash through her when Olivia couldn't help but return the affection.

Alex rejoiced inside when Olivia relented and let go of her wrist, letting her push the tank top up and over the brunette's head. She'd known that Olivia was fit, and Alex had always had a weakness for firm muscles, but she was more than impressed by her lover's physique. And when she reached out to touch the beckoning muscles, Alex was seduced once again by the smooth skin beneath her fingertips. It amazed Alex that such strength and beauty could cohabitate so flawlessly within the same body.

To be honest, Alex had always been physically attracted to women like Meg who were more androgynous, but she was finding Olivia's very womanly curves mouth watering. The way Olivia's dark blue bra cupped her breasts made Alex rather envious, and she realized that the detective was quickly turning her into a breast woman. She couldn't wait to see what those breasts looked like bare, so Alex reached behind her lover's back and rather clumsily unhooked the garment. The errant though ran through her mind that maybe she should have practiced that move somehow because even though she took her own bra off every day, it was a bit more complicated trying to take someone else's off.

Seeing the whole of Olivia's torso exposed to her, Alex knew she wanted to see this sight again and again. She reached out and gently cupped Olivia in her hand, reveling in the soft moan that fell from her lover's lips and proud of the way she made Olivia's nipple tighten noticeably. Olivia's flesh was soft and supple and Alex was amazed to feel her own breasts ache with an answering desire. She knew that she would have to make time to taste those beautiful dark peaks sometime tonight, but first she wanted Olivia naked.

Olivia released a very soft whimper when Alex's hand left her chest to trail lower, but she knew it was probably for the best. At least she thought she was getting a reprieve until Alex's nails scraped enticingly down her abdomen on their way to the top of her pants. Her abdominals quivered and jumped under Alex's ministrations, with a similar reaction occurring between her thighs. She grabbed the blonde's hand before it could dip under the waistband of her jeans and pulled Alex into a hungry kiss.

"Hey, why'd you stop me?" Alex asked with an adorable pout when their kiss finally ended.

"Because you were going to make me come," Olivia answered as she pulled Alex into a hug. She realized her mistake when her painfully hard nipples chaffed against the shirt Alex was still wearing and drew an aroused gasp from her. It did, however, remind her that she needed to get Alex naked, and fast.

"And that would be a bad thing?" Alex asked exasperatedly, her mood slightly soured by the fact that she apparently wasn't allowed to play anymore.

"You've already made me come once, Thursday night, so now I want to return the favor. Besides, I can be useless after I come, so I want to feel you first. I've waited so long to hold you like this and I don't want to miss a second of it," Olivia said, kissing Alex between every couple of words and somehow managing to distract Alex enough that the blonde barely noticed her shirt being summarily discarded.

Had Alex not been so distracted by Olivia's wonderfully talented mouth and tongue, she would have grumbled something about a butch always needing to even the score, but she couldn't even comprehend that Olivia was slowly but efficiently disrobing her right now. That fact didn't really sink in until Olivia went to her knees in front of Alex and carefully helped her out of her shoes and socks before starting in on her jeans. Olivia had let her keep her bra on, probably in some unnecessary but considerate attempt to make sure Alex was comfortable and not unbearably shy.

Alex found that she liked having Olivia lavish attention upon her – really liked it – not that she expected anything different. As Olivia held her hips and kissed and licked her abdomen, Alex combed her fingers through Olivia's hair, hoping to encourage whatever the detective had in mind. Even though she was still mostly clothed and Olivia hadn't touched her most intimate parts yet, Alex found the image of her lover on her knees to be extremely arousing. Alex forgot all about how Olivia had turned the tables on her and just enjoyed the pleasure she was receiving.

Feeling Alex's fingers burrow lovingly through her hair, Olivia purred with contentment and nuzzled into her warm lover's lower abdomen. She flicked her tongue into Alex's belly button and grinned as she was rewarded with a slight jerk of Alex's hips. Olivia would gladly spend the rest of her life learning and exploiting Alex's pleasure points, but tonight she was walking a fine line between wanting to go slow with Alex and knowing there was only so long she could wait to have the blonde.

Although she felt like she could go on exploring Alex's soft yet firm stomach forever, Olivia knew it was time to move on when little mewling noises started to spill out of Alex's mouth. Olivia flicked open the button at the top of Alex's jeans and pulled down the zipper, needing to get the pants off her lover. The jeans were tight enough that they gave Olivia trouble, and it was only after Alex sat on the edge of the bed to stabilize herself that the brunette was finally able to get them off. Olivia lost her balance a little and fell backward in a completely unsmooth move as the pants suddenly released their hold on Alex's legs.

In the short time it took Olivia to drop the stubborn jeans on the floor – not that she could blame them because she would stick to Alex as long as possible as well – Alex had pushed herself back on the bed until she lay propped up on her elbows in the middle of the mattress. Olivia slowly rose to her feet and thoroughly perused her girlfriend's incredible body. Even before Alex had given her the time of day, Olivia had spent a lot of time studying the blonde, but the detective had never been allowed as wonderful a view as this.

Alex had a trim, lithe body that Olivia thought was damn near perfect. Her shapely calves and toned thigh muscles gave away that Alex's favorite form of exercise was most definitely running, and Olivia was eager to feel those legs wrapped around her waist as she rocked against Alex. But while Alex's muscle tone certainly drew Olivia's attention as the attorney was undeniably visually appealing, right now she was focused on the two areas that were still covered in scraps of flattering emerald green satin.

Olivia was of the opinion that Alex's breasts were absolutely perfect for her slight frame and she couldn't wait to cup that bare flesh in her palms. She could clearly see Alex's erect nipples pushing out the shimmery material of the bra and her mouth yearned to taste each peak. Moving her gaze down from those beautiful mounds, Olivia's breath deserted her when she noticed the damp spot between Alex's legs. An uncontrollable whimper escaped from Olivia's throat and her eyes turned even darker when the wetness seemed to expand right before her eyes.

"Liv, if you keep staring at me like that, I might spontaneously combust," Alex said, surprised that she could still tease when just Olivia's expression made her feel like she was burning up. She could feel her pulse pounding between her thighs and knew that her panties must be soaked. And since Olivia couldn't seem to do anything but stare at her, which made her feel exceptionally good about herself, Alex started to take off her own underwear, starting with her bra.

"God, Lex," Olivia groaned when Alex kicked her panties off the end of her foot and shyly spread her thighs a few more inches apart. She could feel herself shaking as she looked at her love, seeing Alex's trimmed blond curls darkened with wetness for the first time and knowing that she was the cause. Alex's nipples were a dusky rose that Olivia couldn't help but think would look even better when they'd been attended to by her mouth for twenty minutes or so. "You are so beautiful," she finally breathed reverently when she had the oxygen to spare.

"Don't just stand there and stare," Alex berated softly, a little embarrassed by the sincerity in Olivia's voice, and loving that she appealed to Olivia enough that the detective could barely move. The look in Olivia's eyes did wonders for Alex's confidence, so now she didn't want to wait one moment longer to feel her detective against her. "Get naked and join me, sweetheart." She waited for a few minutes, but when Olivia just continued to stand there looking at her with that hungry expression, Alex tried again. "Naked. Now, Olivia," she said with as much command as she could muster when she was trembling with need, too.

Olivia didn't think she'd ever been as eager to get into bed as she was right now when Alex's demand finally snapped her out of her dazed state. Unfortunately, haste was not her friend and she stumbled more than once as she first forgot to take off her boots before her pants and then didn't successfully step out of one pant leg completely before trying to get out of the other. This had to be the clumsiest she'd been with a potential sex partner since her first time back in high school, and she was just grateful that Alex seemed to find it amusing instead of off putting.

It took a great deal of restraint, but when Olivia was finally naked, she stood at the end of the bed and let Alex's eyes roam over her body. She didn't have a problem with letting her lovers watch her, but this time it was hard since all she wanted was to press into Alex's gorgeous body and feel that soft skin against her own. Olivia felt warmth flood her body when she recognized the desire and appreciation in Alex's impossibly dark blue eyes.

Surprisingly, Alex's eyes were first drawn to the curve of Olivia's hips, appreciating the fact that Olivia was all woman and looked it. Still, Alex was only human and it wasn't long before her gaze was drawn to the delta between Olivia's legs. Never having been one to give much thought to how she'd like her lover to be groomed, Alex was surprised when she found the triangle of short, dark hair above Olivia's sex to be indescribably sexy. Of course, the obvious wetness at the apex of her detective's thighs didn't detract from Olivia's appeal either.

"Come here," Alex said huskily when her need to hold Olivia outweighed her desire to look. She doubted she would ever tire of seeing Olivia naked, but right now she needed physical contact to ease her aching body.

Alex could see the slight hesitancy in Olivia's eyes when she opened her arms and invited the detective into them. She instinctively knew it was because Olivia was worried about resting on top of her, so Alex tried to allay those fears. "Please, sweetheart, I need to feel you," Alex implored, letting Olivia see the need in her eyes.

Watching Olivia closely, Alex could see the moment that her lover made the decision to concede, and she smiled happily as Olivia crawled onto the bed and between her parted legs. They both groaned when Olivia settled down on top of Alex, taking most of her weight on her elbows. Pressed together from groin to chest, they each marveled at how perfectly they fit one another and neither was eager for it to end.

Alex had dreamed many times of the comforting weight of a lover settling over her, but it couldn't compare to how it really felt to have Olivia on top of her. Her hands immediately wrapped around the detective's back and smoothed across the soft skin, relishing her first feel of a completely naked Olivia. It wasn't long before Alex's hands migrated to her favorite place in Olivia's hair as she drew the brunette's head down for another kiss.

As her mouth occupied Alex's, their tongues stroking slowly against each other sensuously, Olivia gave a gentle testing thrust of her hips. She was rewarded with a gasp from Alex as the attorney clutched tightly at her shoulders. Olivia instantly decided that she could easily get accustomed to Alex clinging to her like this and she gave another jog of her hips. She groaned when Alex's wetness slicked low across her abdomen and gritted her teeth as she attempted to keep control of herself when all she really wanted to do was fuck Alex until they both came in an exquisite explosion of pleasure.

"Please, Liv," Alex begged as she realized that her hips were no longer under her control, that they were helpless to do anything other than respond to Olivia. She'd never believed she could feel this out of control while trusting explicitly that her lover would take care of her – give her exactly what she needed. Alex just wished that Olivia would give her what she needed now because she was dying for release.

It was as much Alex's pleading as it was Olivia's overwhelming need to touch Alex that had the detective slipping her hand between their bodies and down towards the blonde's waiting desire. She ran her fingers through the damp, blond curls protecting Alex's sex, but didn't immediately try to dip inside. "Lex, I need you to tell me if I do something you don't like. Or if there's something you want that I'm not giving you," Olivia said. She knew she was good at reading her lovers' bodies, but Olivia wasn't about to take any chances with Alex.

Alex nodded and spread her legs wider, inviting Olivia to touch her without the words that she wanted to say but just didn't have the capacity to form right now. She felt a split second of intense relief when Olivia's fingers moved lower before she couldn't feel anything except pleasure and excitement, and love for the woman holding her.

Olivia's deep groan nearly drowned out Alex's joyful sob when she lightly traced Alex's distended clit. Alex was so beautifully wet and ready for her, and Olivia couldn't believe how hard Alex was already. Olivia had only planned to take a teasing pass over her lover's clit before exploring further so she could learn the secrets of the incredible woman beneath her, but Alex was already so close that Olivia knew she wouldn't be able to tease for long.

Knowing that they had all night, and hopefully the rest of the weekend, Olivia was willing to adjust her plan to give Alex what she needed now instead of drawing it out. She easily captured Alex's clit between her thumb and forefinger, giving it a testing stroke and knowing the pressure was perfect when Alex cried out as her hips jerked hard. Olivia couldn't have hoped for a sexier reaction, and she did it again, knowing that it wouldn't be long before Alex climaxed if she continued.

Alex was mumbling unintelligible words interspersed with 'please' and 'Liv', but it didn't matter as Olivia seemed to understand exactly what she needed. It took a tremendous amount of effort for her to keep her eyes open, but Alex didn't want to miss a second of the connection she felt with Olivia when she could see every emotion in her lover's expressive brown eyes. Even when she was trembling so hard that she could barely hang onto Olivia anymore because her orgasm was so close, Alex kept her eyes locked onto those beautiful brown orbs.

"Come on, baby, let go," Olivia encouraged, giving a slighter harder tug on Alex's clit.

That was all it took for Alex to shout Olivia's name and convulse in ecstasy. Olivia softened her touch, but continued to milk Alex until the blonde went limp beneath her. Only then did Olivia completely release the sensitive nerve bundle and gently stroke her fingers down Alex's slit. She nearly came herself when her fingers pressed against Alex's opening and the clenching muscles tried to draw her in; they would have if Olivia hadn't held back.

Olivia felt Alex's body relax completely beneath her and a swelling pride settled in her chest. She had never taken so much pleasure from her partner's release before, but then she'd never been in love with any of them either. There was nothing that could wipe the satisfied smile from her face as she gazed down at a peaceful and slightly disheveled Alex. All Olivia could think was that she'd finally found where she belonged, who she belonged to; Olivia was home.


End file.
